Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), James Moon
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR000113A
00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues
00:03 related to addictive behavior.
00:04 Parents are cautioned that some material
00:06 may be too candid for young children.
00:10 Welcome to Celebrating Life in Recovery.
00:12 I'm Cheri your host and today I'm gonna introduce you to
00:15 good friend of mine Pastor Jim Moon.
00:17 Got an incredible story journey that
00:20 you're gonna be blessed by but also is gifted in music.
00:23 So he is gonna play a couple songs for us.
00:55 You know, there are times that I get to introduce you
00:58 to some really good friends of mine
01:00 and today is one of those times.
01:02 I'm gonna introduce you to Pastor Jim.
01:04 I've loved him from the time that I've met him,
01:06 his entire family is just incredible.
01:09 But before we get there, we have to talk about
01:11 what we're doing as far as the health message
01:13 on this segment and maintenance.
01:14 And it was really weird
01:16 that I'm looking at Celebrations and the acronym
01:19 and all of the things that come with that
01:20 and, you know, choices being the first part of the "C"
01:23 on Celebrations and exercise and environment and belief
01:27 and optimism and all that kind of stuff.
01:29 And I've got some leftover that are just really tough ones
01:32 like this one.
01:33 Today is on liquids and I wanted--
01:36 I wanted to do liquids.
01:37 It's simple that we drink water.
01:38 I mean, if we didn't drink water
01:39 we would die, we would dehydrate.
01:41 A lot of our illnesses-- when you go into the hospital,
01:44 most of the time anybody that goes in the hospital
01:47 the first thing they do is they set you up on IVs
01:49 because most of us are dehydrated.
01:51 So water is really important but I want to look at that
01:54 on a spiritual sense because Jesus says, like He says,
01:58 "Come, if you're thirsty drink from Me"
02:01 it says in John.
02:02 It says in Isaiah 58 that we're like "watered gardens."
02:06 I mean, there is all kinds of stuff in there--
02:08 in the Bible that talks about water
02:10 and spiritual thirst and the fact that God is
02:13 so ready to pour into us and meet that thirst within us.
02:16 So I want you to think about thirst in
02:18 that we got to drink more
02:20 and if you are out there I'm not saying soda,
02:22 Dr Pepper or tequila.
02:24 I'm saying water, drink more water.
02:27 And it's in my own recovery.
02:29 You know, I'm heroin addict in recovery.
02:30 I've got all kinds of stuff I'm trying to walk from.
02:33 I actually do want to be healthy and a woman of God,
02:36 I want to spiritually be able to use my mind in every way.
02:39 And most of the time, if you see me drink anything,
02:43 it's gonna be water.
02:44 I very seldom even drink anything else.
02:47 I mean that's juice, sodas whatever.
02:49 If I'm thirsty, I'll grab water now
02:51 because it's good for me.
02:53 That's the only reason and I finally get it
02:55 after 30 years of recovery.
02:57 So I'm not really fast
02:59 but when I get something I get it.
03:00 So I'm asking you if you can just drink water
03:04 and if you want to take that to a spiritual sense,
03:08 God says, "If you are thirsty, come to Him"
03:10 and literally He will pour into you
03:12 everything that you need in order to live.
03:15 And now I want to introduce you to my friend Jim.
03:18 I can't even believe you are on the program.
03:19 Give me a handshake.
03:21 I love you. I know it's studio.
03:22 All right.
03:23 But Pastor Jim Moon, we've known each other
03:27 for how long?
03:30 At least since 2002 is when you came to Wyoming.
03:34 And I think you were there around 2000, the fall of 2000
03:37 and then I started year in 2001
03:39 at so called camp meeting.
03:40 So long time we worked together at women's retreats,
03:43 we worked together at teen retreats,
03:46 we've talked on the phone a ton,
03:49 you're wife Ingrid is just amazing.
03:51 You have three kids. Yeah.
03:53 What are you doing now?
03:54 I pastor in Southern Colorado
03:56 and so I'm involved in prayer ministry as well.
04:00 I'm gonna-- you know, I'm gonna tell a story,
04:03 you just said it that--
04:04 I'm gonna tell a story about the funniest thing
04:07 I've ever seen as far as you in ministry
04:10 and I was working with this guy that was just a wreck.
04:15 Tattoo Jim a mess, angry,
04:19 I don't even know why God stuck him with us
04:21 because he was so inappropriate.
04:22 My friend, her child died and she buried him.
04:27 Died of methamphetamine overdose.
04:30 Not overdose but his heart explodes, he ends up dying
04:33 and she is crying about that
04:35 and this Tattoo Jim looks at me and says,
04:37 "Is she gonna whine about this the whole time."
04:40 And I'm like really, you're gonna say
04:42 she gonna whine about this
04:43 and we are driving down the freeway
04:44 and I'm supposed to be an evangelist
04:46 and I want to open up the truck
04:48 and just kick him right out of the road.
04:50 Like you know what, and I wanted to see him
04:52 bounced down the freeway.
04:53 I wanted to see him.
04:54 I'm like you are so mean
04:56 and I'm thinking as a woman of God,
04:58 should I even have those thoughts?
05:00 You know, I was so mad at him
05:01 and I'm the whole time saying God,
05:03 why do we have this guy with us for?
05:05 Why is he with us?
05:06 He is rude, he is--
05:08 he says things that are just so insensitive
05:11 and he is drinking coffee and he is smoking his brains out
05:13 and he is not-- he is cursing them.
05:16 Why is he with us?
05:18 And God is just clearly saying because I love him.
05:21 Amen. Amen. I love him.
05:23 And I'm thinking but he is such a jerk, you know.
05:25 And I'm like-- so anyhow, so then we go and we do this
05:28 outreach in Wyoming.
05:30 We're staying at your house and he is just,
05:32 he is still a jerk, you know, but I hear him.
05:35 I'm in the kitchen with Ingrid and Tattoo Jim is with you.
05:40 And do you want to take the story from here?
05:43 Well, the first thing I remember about Jim is
05:45 he just had this dragon on his forehead.
05:48 A tattoo?
05:49 The first time I saw him I said,
05:50 "Hey, you've the mark of the beast."
05:54 In fact--
05:56 And he didn't punched you which was amazing.
05:58 Yeah, but that whole experience like
06:00 with you being there in Wyoming and Jim
06:03 and that was kind of the first time
06:06 I was starting to kind of become awaken
06:09 to the whole world of recovery and the whole world.
06:12 I in my teen years what had happened was
06:16 I don't remember it was before or after you came to visit,
06:19 but there was a young man that had called
06:22 an adult phone line from our church
06:25 and so when he called the phone line
06:28 like, oh, no, what do we do?
06:30 And I called you and you recommended a couple of books,
06:33 a book called An Affair of the Mind,
06:35 that's a story of the woman who had her husband
06:37 with a sex addiction.
06:39 And then another book called the Addictive Personality
06:42 and then you said maybe you want to talk to the church
06:44 and give a sermon describing what addiction is.
06:47 So I read those two books, I'm thinking about
06:50 I had a kind of an idea that it was this kid
06:52 but I didn't know for sure
06:54 and so I decided to preach the sermon.
06:58 And I started to inventory my life, do I have any--
07:01 what am I gonna get an illustration
07:03 or story about addiction
07:05 and what came to mind was my own struggle as a teen.
07:08 And I masturbated and kind of like the joke is that
07:16 99% of guys do it
07:18 and the 1% that say that they don't are lying.
07:21 And maybe not statically true but they are joke.
07:25 so I was 13 the first time that happened to me
07:29 and there was a lot of shame and guilt and I--
07:33 as I got older and it was from about 13 to 24
07:38 and as I got older, I felt like wow, is this,
07:44 you know, I want to be a pastor
07:46 and I've got this junk in my life
07:47 and so there was a lot of shame
07:49 and when I was--
07:50 You don't want to talk to? Yeah.
07:52 So I didn't feel like I could talk to anybody about it
07:55 because you know, I tried to hide it and whatever.
07:57 All right.
07:58 So finally I think God gave me the courage.
08:02 There were two things that started to change
08:04 my whole sense.
08:06 One was I started to open up to some people that I trusted.
08:10 I talked to my best friend,
08:12 a guy that I really looked up to spiritually.
08:14 You know, and I got to just say as I have to really say
08:17 was it Bernie?
08:20 Now, what I got to say is that as a pastor
08:22 it's really tough to say I've got to open up
08:24 and get accountability
08:25 with people that I trust and love.
08:27 Because Satan will try to get you shamed
08:30 and quieter and quieter
08:31 and you end up getting lost in that shame
08:34 and that's sad.
08:35 Because you are man of God called for a purpose
08:38 and Satan just knows, if I can keep you quiet
08:40 in any area you like.
08:41 So devil is the voice that was put in my head,
08:43 you can't-- how can you be a pastor
08:44 when you got this junk.
08:46 And so I started to open up to a friend.
08:50 I talked to a guy at the seminary,
08:53 one of my professors and he reassured me.
08:56 He says I know a guy, he is over 40
08:58 and went back to that and God still working with him
09:01 and then I talked to my dad.
09:02 So as I started to experience grace
09:05 from the people around me
09:06 and then there was one other experience
09:08 that really stands out in my mind.
09:09 Marshal Kelly was an African-American preacher
09:11 who was doing a week of prayer and he said one time--
09:15 he says, I was looking at my backyard
09:17 and I saw this tree out there and it was a winter time
09:20 and I said to the Lord loud,
09:21 Lord, why do you like the leaves hang,
09:23 the dead leaves hang on that tree?
09:26 And he says, the Lord spoke to me
09:28 and He said, Marshall, He says,
09:30 when the spring time comes
09:32 the new growth will force off the dead leaves.
09:36 And I started to weep because and my mind went to John 15
09:41 where Jesus says, "I'm the vine
09:43 and you are the branches.
09:44 If a man abides in Me and I in him
09:47 he will bear much fruit."
09:48 And I had this thing where even though
09:50 I had this cycle of acting out with masturbation,
09:55 feeling ashamed,
09:56 feeling I couldn't talk to God for a week
09:59 then finally kind of coming back
10:00 with my tail between my legs.
10:01 And, you know, I would said, you know,
10:05 if I'm lost I know that God loves me,
10:08 I know that-- I know about grace.
10:10 So if I'm lost, it's not gonna be
10:12 because of Him, that will be because of me
10:14 but I'm gonna just hold on to Him.
10:15 But regardless.
10:16 And so when Marshall said that
10:18 the new growth will force off the dead leaves
10:20 and I thought if John where he says, abide in me,
10:22 it was like, it was like God was saying through Marshall,
10:26 I've got you on this
10:27 and I will bring transformation and change.
10:31 So then when this kid calls a porn line
10:35 and I read these books, I was like, okay,
10:37 so that was my kind of experience
10:38 with the whole addiction cycle
10:41 and I read different stuff about it
10:42 and some people say it's a sin,
10:44 others say no that's what young man go through
10:46 and there's all the developmental stuff
10:47 and whatever.
10:48 I just knew for me that it felt like it wasn't right,
10:52 it didn't feel right to me.
10:54 And I'm now looking back
10:56 I see that God gave me that experience
10:58 to give me empathy for people who battled darker addictions
11:01 and things that man, I'm like if I'm a wimp
11:04 if I had to deal with some of the--
11:05 like what you dealt with I don't know if I'd make it.
11:08 But you know, what was really interesting to me
11:10 even with this kid is because
11:12 God has worked through that with you
11:15 and you decided to be honest with that with your own stuff,
11:19 you were able to talk to him so gently
11:22 and with so much grace, not to shame him.
11:24 Yeah. Yeah.
11:26 And so and there were others too
11:27 that God just opened the door
11:29 to be able to connect with and now, you know,
11:32 I'm doing a Bible study with a gal
11:35 whose mom like was an alcoholic
11:38 and she has to take medication
11:41 because she can't sleep in night
11:42 because she has posttraumatic stress from her mother
11:44 waking up her in the middle of the night,
11:46 beating on her and the other guy
11:47 who is a vet and I just--
11:50 all these crazy problems and I grew up in a home where,
11:53 you know, a loving Christian family.
11:55 My mom and dad were married,
11:57 no real over the top dysfunction.
12:00 I though, I thought you were so perfect.
12:02 So now we got Tattoo Jim in his living room
12:05 and I'm in the kitchen and I'm with Ingrid
12:08 and now we say I was helping her make dinner.
12:10 I was actually talking, she was making dinner.
12:12 But I was in the kitchen
12:15 and I heard Pastor Jim say to Tattoo Jim,
12:20 you know, we all have problems, we all have issues
12:24 and Jim almost got in his space
12:26 like yeah, what's your issue?
12:29 And for a moment it was quiet,
12:31 but my ear was like so,
12:34 right there like, what is he gonna say?
12:36 Is he gonna honestly say something that's real
12:39 or is he gonna blow this guy off.
12:42 Because if he says something that's not real at this moment,
12:45 he will lose Jim spiritually and the respect
12:48 that he is gaining for you and he is already thinking
12:51 that you're vegan and you're weird
12:52 because he said you know, if I have to eat another salad,
12:55 I'm gonna go shoot myself.
12:56 I'm not a vegan by the way, I'm not even vegan so--
12:59 Oh? No. No. No.
13:00 No, but you know, what he felt?
13:01 He said he felt like a salad tutor.
13:03 He said always, all I was doing was eating vegetables.
13:06 Could anyhow, so I mean, that's what I'm here.
13:08 So what did you say to him?
13:10 Because what you said to him was life changing for him.
13:13 Well, I guess I said what I just told you.
13:15 I mean, I don't remember that part.
13:17 I've remembered telling that to other people.
13:19 You said to him, because I was right there
13:21 with my ear right there and he says to Jim,
13:24 he says I had a problem with masturbation
13:27 and Jim is like oh, dude, nobody wants to hear that.
13:31 And it was so funny
13:33 because you have this hardcore guy that's a mess
13:37 and he is thinking, you know,
13:39 that's it, that's what you're gonna say to me.
13:42 And he gets up and he walks outside to go smoke
13:44 but it changed his life.
13:46 He said that moment changed his life
13:48 because he just so thought about that
13:50 that he is so far over on this side
13:53 that even those kind of things seem minor to him
13:56 because he is raping people, he is angry all the time.
13:59 He is going out and using and doing
14:01 horrible malicious things to people
14:03 and you are saying that and he is just like,
14:05 what is the deal there.
14:06 And but slowly he changes.
14:10 Within the next few days he asks us to pray for him
14:13 to come to Christ, all because you were just brave enough
14:17 not to just say, you know, what,
14:19 maybe 10 years ago I lied.
14:22 Do you know what I mean?
14:23 Oh, and that's a funny thing because when I did the sermon
14:25 and I shared that whole thing usually when you preach
14:29 people say, oh, that was wonderful, or good job,
14:31 pastor, or whatever or they will say, you know,
14:34 you really shouldn't have said that.
14:35 They didn't say anything it was like,
14:36 it went over the head.
14:37 But-- But his wife did say something.
14:39 His wife was like, so don't say that.
14:42 About six months later and I was so sick,
14:46 I kind of go to the other side of district
14:48 which is 90 miles away and preach.
14:50 I was throwing out and so Ingrid goes
14:52 and she takes this girl Michelle with her.
14:54 And Michelle is deceased now, but she was like--
14:58 she was almost like the Mary Magdalene
15:00 of our congregation.
15:01 She was so in love with Jesus
15:03 but you know, was battling alcoholism,
15:06 had been married a couple of times and she--
15:12 she says to Ingrid when they were driving over
15:14 to the other side of the district
15:15 as Ingrid took her with her.
15:16 She says when Jim shared his junk with a church
15:20 that gave me courage to go and get help in recovery.
15:25 And so I was like, okay, God, and it started--
15:28 and also started, you know,
15:30 when you are living in that shame
15:32 and you are living in embarrassment
15:35 of whatever your issues are,
15:37 you sometimes feel like does this have any meaning,
15:42 it just seems so senseless.
15:44 I mean, why can't I just get rid of this junk?
15:48 And what I realized now is that God redeems everything
15:53 and if we give Him our stuff,
15:55 not only will He deliver us from it
15:57 but then He will use it
15:58 to make us a blessing to the people
16:00 who are struggling with some of the same issues.
16:02 What I love about the name of Moses,
16:04 Moshe is when pharaoh's daughter
16:06 named him Moses.
16:08 She named him Moses and it means
16:09 I drew you out of the water.
16:11 And so that name, his identity was in his deliverance,
16:16 but his destiny was to be a deliverer.
16:20 So he was drawn from the water but then--
16:23 God comes along 40 years later
16:25 when he is at the end of himself
16:26 and he is like you got the wrong guy.
16:28 And he says now I want to take you
16:30 and I want to draw a whole nation
16:32 out of the water.
16:33 That's incredible.
16:34 And but you know, Satan will just get us to
16:37 just be silent.
16:38 Satan will say you know, what, no, no, no, just be silent
16:40 and God says please, it vindicates me
16:43 when you talk about the grace
16:45 that I've offered you in your life
16:46 and the transformation,
16:48 the sanctification all of that kind of stuff.
16:50 And I saw that with you and Jim,
16:52 I saw that not only with you and Jim
16:54 but shortly after that with your churches
16:56 you opened up.
16:57 I went to a lunch at your church
17:00 where you opened up the building
17:01 to these high school kids across the street
17:04 that they could come and talk about those issues
17:06 that they were stuck in.
17:07 And all to do with any issues but even sexuality, even porn
17:12 and all that kind of stuff.
17:13 And so I'm thinking, how cool is that?
17:15 You know, you get out of hiding
17:17 and all of sudden you can be more real
17:19 even in the community.
17:20 And I really think that sometimes we don't get that.
17:23 As God says we're at the end of the great controversy.
17:25 Don't hide right now. Yeah.
17:27 The demoniac wasn't asked to hide.
17:29 Right. Right.
17:31 And one of those kids that came to that lunch,
17:33 he was battling with his identity sexually,
17:37 relating to homosexuality
17:39 and his pastor had ministered to him.
17:41 I shared my own struggle.
17:43 He came to camp meeting,
17:45 not an Adventist kid but he came
17:47 and he shared his testimony and he shared his struggles
17:50 and you could have heard a pin drop.
17:52 And kids start to open up.
17:54 Different kids were sharing their testimonies
17:56 of that camp meeting about real stuff
17:58 that they were struggling with.
17:59 And there was a girl that approached me on Friday night
18:02 and she said, Pastor Jim, she said, when I was at school
18:05 one of my friends approached me and said,
18:06 why do you believe this Christianity
18:08 and stuff anyways--
18:09 I mean how do you know that Jesus,
18:10 you know, wasn't gay and His disciples
18:12 were weird out and, you know,
18:15 how do you know it's even real at all.
18:16 This friend was saying to this girl
18:18 that's talking to me
18:20 and the lady I'll call here Suzy
18:24 and the girl that was talking to me was
18:27 Joanne not the real names.
18:29 But Suzy says to Joanne, I can give you a religion
18:31 that really has power.
18:32 You should check out this Wicca thing.
18:34 So Joanne starts to get involved with Wicca
18:38 and yet she is saying to me,
18:40 she says, but after I've heard the story of these kids here
18:43 this weekend she says, I want what they have.
18:46 This is real, Christianity isn't just some myth,
18:49 it is real, it is powerful as she heard their stories.
18:53 And so I was just-- I was still kind of just--
18:56 it's kind of so real to think that
18:59 that thing which in a way it seems so minor
19:02 when you are talking to somebody like Tattoo Jim
19:05 or Michelle is battling alcoholism.
19:07 I mean, I masturbated, what's the big deal with that?
19:10 I mean, it seems so minor and yet God allowed me
19:13 to go through that experience,
19:15 minister to me in my own brokenness
19:17 and then has given me an opportunity
19:20 to be vulnerable in a way that allows
19:22 other people to start sharing.
19:24 It's incredible.
19:25 You know, we are talking about the sexual stuff
19:29 but you've also struggled with anger
19:31 and other things that are--
19:34 isn't that finding more acceptable?
19:36 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They are just as damaging.
19:38 But, you know, its okay if you are angry,
19:39 but any of our sexual stuff we really have a hard time with
19:42 and we got to stop that.
19:43 I think right now when I--
19:46 I just got back from Canadian University,
19:48 I probably shouldn't say the university
19:50 but we did a three part series on recovery
19:55 and I just talked about my husband's Brad's issues
19:59 with his actually now sexually as a kid
20:02 and the stuff that happened to him.
20:04 And when the last meeting was over
20:06 at 4:30 in the afternoon
20:07 I said to the kids if you want to stay
20:10 I'll stay until the last one leaves
20:12 and at 4:30 in the morning they kicked us out.
20:14 So we stayed 12 hours talking about these
20:17 very real issues that had them in bondage and shame
20:21 and they weren't leaving the building.
20:22 Does God still love me?
20:25 But I think what if we don't talk about it.
20:27 Where are they gonna go for the answers
20:29 and either gonna go to places like Wicca
20:31 or gaming staff or the world to get the answers
20:34 when I really believed that God says, come to Me.
20:36 If you are thirsty come to Me
20:39 and I will give you the water of life.
20:41 You know, it's just like all of that stuff.
20:43 And there's that truism,
20:44 we're only as sick as our secrets.
20:47 And then I love the one in Psalm 90:8 where God says
20:51 Moses is writing and he says, "You set our secrets sins
20:55 in the life of your countenance."
20:57 Amen. That's powerful.
20:59 You know, I remember you saying one time
21:01 that we all have like threshold of what we can handle
21:05 in other people's lives.
21:06 God doesn't have a threshold.
21:08 There's nothing what I ever do that He doesn't go like this.
21:12 All the time He's just like, you know,
21:15 give me the best you got and I'll transform it
21:18 through My glory and power and make you a new creation.
21:21 We'll get through this. Yeah.
21:22 We'll get through this, buddy. I love that.
21:24 I love that.
21:25 So what about the anger stuff?
21:26 You know, when you even said that
21:29 you dealt with anger cracked me up
21:31 because I thought oh, shut up,
21:32 there is no way you are--
21:33 Oh, man, I still deal with it.
21:35 Okay, so what is it look like? What do you deal with?
21:37 And what does God say about it?
21:38 Well, I think what I've-- you know,
21:40 there is a Psalm that says, your gentleness makes me great.
21:44 In the Psalms there is another verse in Philippians,
21:48 you know, there's that one that says,
21:49 "Rejoice in the Lord always. And again I say, rejoice!"
21:51 And then there is-- and there is pray, you know,
21:55 "Don't be anxious for anything but in all things with prayer
21:58 and supplication with thanksgiving."
22:00 You know but coming straight in between that is this
22:03 Philippians 4:5 that says,
22:04 "Let your gentleness be made known to all.
22:06 The Lord is near."
22:08 And so Christ is inviting us to be gentle, not angry.
22:13 To respond when we have anger and gentleness
22:18 and it's like a lifelong battle for me,
22:21 but you know, I one time when my son was young,
22:25 it kind of came to ahead,
22:26 I had some like these prospectuses
22:29 you get for investment or whatever,
22:31 I mean they are kind of flimsy like this,
22:32 but they are about that thick.
22:34 And on the same week I smacked him on the head
22:37 with those things, furious raging inside
22:41 and in that same week I pound him by the arms
22:44 and I pinned him to the airborne and said,
22:45 kid, if you don't stay but and then I realized
22:48 now if I don't shape up my kid's
22:49 not gonna want to talkto me when he is a teen
22:52 and I'm gonna lose him.
22:54 And so-- and I just I started to cry out to God and say,
22:58 "You have to do something."
22:59 And the funny thing was
23:00 even before Jay Jay my eldest was born
23:03 is God gave me the song it was like,
23:05 A gentleman and all you raise
23:07 with gentle hands and a tender face,
23:08 compassionate eyes, and a loving heart.
23:10 Truly you're gentleman.
23:12 So gentleman, take my life,
23:13 my heart and heart, my stubborn pride
23:15 and with one touch of your healing hand
23:17 make me a gentleman.
23:18 A gentleman in all my ways with gentle hands
23:21 and a tender face, compassionate eyes,
23:23 and a loving heart that my baby might be your gentleman.
23:27 So generationally that it will.
23:29 It's like God saved me from this anger
23:32 and if I don't have enough sleep
23:34 or if I'm running too hard,
23:37 I mean, the hardest thing for me now
23:39 is not to pastor, not to stand upfront, not to sing,
23:42 the hardest thing is to be present for my kids and my wife
23:45 and be the real deal at home.
23:47 True Christianity starts in the home.
23:50 And you got it.
23:51 You got it just even unfold that a little bit
23:53 because I think that that's what we lose in
23:55 is that God is saying
23:57 I'm not asking you for these big things,
23:59 the big things will come automatically
24:01 when you actually are present with the people you love.
24:04 Yeah. Yeah.
24:05 Present with me, with God.
24:07 Yeah. Yeah.
24:08 I mean, it's a constant battle
24:12 and all I don't have any great answers for it
24:16 other than just go to Jesus day by day.
24:18 I think it's the same thing
24:19 when I was dealing with masturbation
24:21 just going and saying Lord,
24:23 I'm amass with you just have your rain in my life.
24:26 And I love when you say that Pastor Jim,
24:29 because one of the things that that we try to do
24:33 is we get in inside and we think
24:34 we have to strive to now make it happen.
24:37 And you know, in the Bible God just says,
24:40 can an Ethiopian change the color of their skin,
24:42 you know, can a leopard change the spots on its body.
24:46 That you cannot in your best of the best reason
24:50 that you have you cannot bring yourself to a healthy place
24:53 but if you surrender to Me daily we'll get there.
24:57 So it is really a thing of saying being able to say God,
24:59 I'm powerless here.
25:01 No like any 12 set program that first recognizes
25:03 I can't do it.
25:04 I don't-- even my best thinking
25:06 I'm grabbing somebody by this road saying, stop,
25:10 you know we have to be nice.
25:12 You know, and God says
25:14 bring it to Me, surrender to Me.
25:16 That's really about dying daily
25:17 and Pavel Goia told us this great story recently
25:20 at gathering of prayer leaders.
25:21 He said, his dad took him out one time because he would--
25:23 he grew up in a communist country
25:25 and he is feeling like, you know, upset
25:28 because his friends were making fun of him
25:30 because of his Christianity.
25:32 And his dad takes him out to this graveyard he says,
25:35 I want you to kick the grave
25:36 and he says no that's disrespect.
25:37 He says, no kick it. So he kicked it.
25:39 And then he says now I want to say something
25:40 rude and ugly to the person there.
25:44 He says, well, that's disrespectful.
25:45 He says, no say it.
25:46 And so he's like, you stupid, you stupid.
25:48 And then his dad said, what if the person say back?
25:52 And he said, well nothing.
25:55 And he says the reason you're offended is
25:56 because you're not dead yet.
25:59 That person is an offendant, they are dead,
26:01 they don't say anything.
26:03 You get upset, you get irritated,
26:04 you lose your cool whatever
26:06 because you're not dead yet.
26:07 And that's my prayers.
26:08 Lord, let me die.
26:10 Let me be dead to that flesh,
26:11 to my ownself and alive to Christ.
26:14 Yes, when I get anger let me just be dead.
26:16 Even though I'm angry because anger is an emotion
26:18 it comes, it goes but what do we do
26:21 with our anger is a question.
26:23 We're gonna, we're gonna take a break
26:25 but Jim, when we come back,
26:26 you know, you wrote a song that is my favorite song
26:30 and could you open up the next segment
26:32 with that song?
26:33 Yeah, sure.
26:34 Jim is a songwriter, incredible stuff
26:36 and you know pastor, but one of the gifts he has is,
26:40 is putting his journey into music.
26:42 And so we're gonna come back with that song
26:44 and stay with us.
26:45 You're gonna love the rest of the story.