Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Brad Peters
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR000112A
00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues
00:03 related to addictive behavior.
00:05 Parents are cautioned that some material
00:06 may be too candid for younger children.
00:11 Welcome to Celebrating Life in Recovery
00:12 and my name is Cheri, your host.
00:14 So today I'm gonna interview my husband
00:16 and you're gonna talk about that, aren't you?
00:18 I am.
00:19 You know what, God can use the craziest thing
00:22 to get at you and change your life.
00:24 Come join us.
00:55 You know, we're on-- I got to say we're on season 9,
00:58 which is amazing.
00:59 We just celebrated our 100th episode
01:02 and for a lot of you,
01:03 you know that when we started
01:04 this people were saying,
01:05 nobody's gonna want to hear about addictions,
01:07 nobody's want to hear about all that junk
01:09 but people are healing by the thousands.
01:12 I can't even tell you the emails I get,
01:14 somebody saying, you know what,
01:16 I didn't think I was gonna make it
01:17 and I miss it in the each and every guest
01:19 and I got something from that
01:20 and it gave me strength to find God
01:22 and hold on and to step out of you know,
01:25 whatever the addiction it was,
01:26 whatever the junk was and reconnect
01:29 with those who they loving the people around me.
01:31 And it was just been amazing,
01:32 this season we're looking at celebrations,
01:35 we're looking at the health message
01:37 and don't turn the channel,
01:39 the health message is a good thing.
01:41 And I always, I ran from that forever,
01:43 I just thought, you know what,
01:45 I just need to stop heroin and I'm gonna be fine
01:47 but God in the last 30 years of my recovery--
01:51 somebody say, amen.
01:54 Thirty years of my recovery, all of a sudden He says,
01:56 you know what I want you to look at,
01:58 you know, the joy of the Lord is your strength an optimism
02:02 and rest and exercise and all that kind of stuff,
02:06 social networking, how I connect with everybody
02:09 all that stuff.
02:10 And so right now, on this week
02:12 we're looking at exercise
02:14 and exercise is really crazy because you know,
02:17 sometimes we're getting in front of the computer
02:19 and well, we'll be going on and on about
02:21 whatever would join a group
02:23 we'll do a Bible study but we're not moving our body,
02:26 we're not doing what we need to do in order to...
02:29 kind of bring in the complete health in our lives.
02:31 Exercise is more than just physical movement,
02:34 exercise in your choices,
02:36 what you do in your life all of that kind of stuff.
02:39 And I want to introduce you this week
02:41 to the man of my life, my husband.
02:46 Brad, thank you so much for being on the program again.
02:48 Hey, love.
02:50 Okay, it's really cool to have you on the program.
02:52 But you know, for you and I,
02:55 I get diagnose with cancer a while back,
02:59 and so I get diagnose with cancer,
03:01 I'm freaked out and you know,
03:03 I'm so freaked about that, that I just think I want wine.
03:06 I mean, I got off for-- our home was,
03:08 for 10 years I'm on the streets,
03:10 my family have dealt with addictions our whole life
03:13 and I finally find Christ, everything comes together
03:15 and the doctor says, hey, you got Leukemia.
03:17 And I'm like, shut up, there's no way.
03:20 You know, and I call people,
03:24 I talk to people that all have this really sad thing.
03:27 Like one person decided to fly up.
03:30 I'm doing a gig, a teen retreat
03:34 with David Asscherick and you know,
03:35 Leo Schreven and you know, high energy folks
03:39 and I just got cut in, cut open
03:42 and diagnosed with cancer and I'm trying to figure out
03:45 what I feel about that
03:46 and all of a sudden this person flies in
03:48 with the same cancer I have but they are close to dead
03:52 and they say, you know what,
03:53 I just wanted you to know what's coming.
03:55 And I'm like, well, thank you.
03:57 You know, and I'm just like,
03:58 'cause I'm hearing all this stuff
04:00 and finally I call a group
04:01 from the Leukemia Society that says,
04:05 we do marathons and cycle 100 mile century
04:11 rides on bike and we do all that kind of stuff, triathlons
04:15 and why don't you just come join us,
04:16 'cause here's the fun way of dealing with cancer.
04:19 So I tell Brad I come home and I say, Brad--
04:22 We're running a marathon. And I weigh 247 pounds.
04:27 He was much bigger than you're now.
04:28 And I'm gone, does this look like a marathon in body.
04:32 I'm like, we're doing it, hon.
04:33 Yeah. We're doing it.
04:34 So we end up training for this marathon
04:36 which was ridiculous but we ran the half marathon,
04:40 I go to the doctor
04:41 'cause my leg hurts after that, you know.
04:44 And he says, you just got a total hip replacement.
04:46 Are you an idiot? You cannot run marathons.
04:49 And I'm thinking, can you call me an idiot
04:51 when I'm paying you, 'cause I'm just saying.
04:54 And so he just says, you can't run marathon.
04:56 So we went ahead and grabbed bikes.
04:59 And the first time I got on a bicycle,
05:02 you know, road bike,
05:03 I felt like a 12-year-old kid again.
05:04 It was so cool and but then I rode two miles
05:08 and I thought I was gonna die,
05:09 couldn't breath and, you know, all of that kind of stuff
05:12 but you and I went into training,
05:14 started riding bikes together, started playing more.
05:17 Yeah, yeah.
05:18 And now, the first ride we did, talk about that.
05:23 The first ride we did which was really fun,
05:24 through the Leukemia Society ride was...
05:26 a 100 miles around Lake Tahoe.
05:28 In California.
05:29 In California, and I don't know
05:31 if you're familiar with Tahoe or not
05:32 but this is a mountain lake ride,
05:34 there are mountains that go up to,
05:36 I think they go up to about 9,000 feet.
05:38 I mean, 8,000, 9,000 feet.
05:41 And so its 100 mile ride, there's a big climb 20 miles in
05:44 and you go into Truckee and then at mile 81, after--
05:48 What's called America's Most Beautiful Bike Riding
05:50 and it really is-- It really is beautiful.
05:52 Theirs is Emerald Bay, I mean, Lake Tahoe,
05:53 its gorgeous and so you'd seen this incredible scenery
05:57 on the right hand side the whole time.
05:58 I don't mean to interrupt but you're my husband so I can.
06:02 So we get, we're doing this bike ride
06:04 and we get into mile 81, I'm dying,
06:07 81 miles I just rode.
06:09 All at once. All in one day.
06:11 All at once and then I see this hill in front of me
06:14 and its seven miles long, just going up.
06:18 And I wanted to cry, I kind of looked at Brad,
06:21 like, Brad, I'm not gonna make it.
06:23 I mean, I just not gonna make it.
06:25 And he said, you're gonna make it.
06:27 And then and you're gonna tell this part of the story
06:29 'cause it was a ridiculously cool.
06:31 I wanted to kiss you on the face and say
06:33 that you are everything to me.
06:35 And to me, to me it's really fun about this
06:37 and looking back on it I believe
06:39 God was starting to let her know
06:41 of my involvement in the ministry,
06:43 actually symbolically.
06:44 And there's a connection here so stay with this.
06:47 You lost me, now go ahead.
06:49 We're 20 miles into the ride, right?
06:51 Twenty miles into the ride and we're going along
06:54 and I see a really large person on a bicycle
06:57 and a little tiny person on the bicycle ride next to him
07:00 and they're riding along
07:01 and the little tiny person has her hand
07:03 on the back of the large person.
07:05 And I'm looking at that of the corner of my eye
07:07 and you know, in big groups like this
07:09 you're by people for five miles at a time.
07:11 There were 4,800 riders.
07:13 Yeah, yeah, it was a big ride, big ride.
07:15 And so I just like, what are you doing?
07:17 And the small person says, oh, I'm pushing him.
07:21 Would you like me to show you how to do it?
07:23 'Cause there's a little technique involved,
07:25 it's not super complicated but when you're riding bicycles
07:27 you just try to push a person next to you.
07:29 You got to pay attention or there's gonna be trouble.
07:31 And so she showed me at that point
07:34 the technique for pushing someone.
07:36 And in the back of my mind
07:37 I'm also thinking there's a hill at mile 81.
07:40 You were thinking that then?
07:41 I'm that then.
07:42 And I just have a fuming,
07:44 someone might need a little boost.
07:46 And so what was really amazing--
07:47 How could you not let him? Oh, sorry.
07:49 He was at mile 81,
07:51 I knew we were at a place like that
07:52 and so I just said to her,
07:53 okay, baby, we're gonna do this.
07:55 And I'm gonna push you up to the hill.
07:57 And so I put my hand on her back
07:59 and you grip the handle bar certainly
08:00 and do what you did and we went to seven mile hill.
08:03 And he pushed me the entire way up this hill
08:06 and women were going by saying, can I borrow him?
08:09 Can I have him? And I'm like, not right no.
08:11 After the or maybe.
08:13 And it was like, people were riding saying--
08:17 'cause it was so incredible, I wouldn't have made it,
08:19 how'd you not decided that I'm gonna push you.
08:22 And they were times that you were shaking
08:25 because it was not an easy thing to do
08:27 to push somebody up a hill.
08:28 And there were times he was shaking but man,
08:30 we made it, 100 miles,
08:32 that was our first kind of thing together
08:34 where we really went out and celebrated.
08:38 Celebrated something together and to me,
08:40 and we symbolically,
08:41 I just want you to know I have your back.
08:43 Okay. Because I did all the way up.
08:45 All right.
08:46 So it was really interesting as far as that side of it
08:48 but since then what's happened is
08:50 I've gotten involved weird schedule
08:52 I was so busy its very difficult for you too,
08:54 do the-- take the amount of time,
08:56 it takes to stay involved in a ride that large,
08:58 although you do still continue to ride regularly.
09:01 I've become actually a coach for the Leukemia Society
09:03 and for the team and I ride a few thousands miles
09:07 every year on my bicycle.
09:09 But what's really funny for men and women
09:10 they've decided to do this together
09:12 'cause we're talking out exercises,
09:13 find something that you love,
09:15 find something that you can do together
09:16 really be blessed 'cause it changes you,
09:18 it really, it brings and play and it brings and whatever
09:22 but I didn't know at first men ride different than women.
09:25 You know, men, they want to get on their bikes
09:27 and they want to do time trials,
09:29 you know, we want to go out
09:30 and we want to see how fast we can get
09:31 from point A to point B.
09:33 Women want to go out and talk about,
09:35 we want to chat.
09:36 We want to talk about, oh, I love you baby,
09:39 and we want to-- you know,
09:40 kind of talk about the sun and you know,
09:43 isn't that-- look at that tree,
09:44 have you noticed that tree before.
09:45 And guys were like, you know, what tree?
09:47 We're trying to get from point A to point B.
09:49 And so Brad and I actually have to tell each other
09:52 we're gonna go out for a casual ride
09:53 or we're gonna go out for time trials.
09:55 And if I know that I bless you,
09:57 if I say time trials I can see you go goose bumps.
10:00 I want her, she's amazing.
10:02 But if you know that I just need to chat
10:05 you can also bless me with that.
10:07 And as we figured that out,
10:08 it's been a blessing for both of us in a couple of ways.
10:11 One, I start to understand
10:13 what it is to meet your emotional means which,
10:16 okay, guys, I'm speaking to the guys for a second.
10:18 You need to take care of the emotional needs
10:21 of your wife, okay.
10:22 Can I write down that, hon?
10:23 'Cause I just want you to sign that.
10:24 I know that's really profound
10:26 but I'm just saying, I'm just saying.
10:29 But then the other side, two is--
10:30 But let me just finish that because one of the things
10:32 that I thought was interesting is as Brad,
10:35 'cause Brad wasn't a Christian and you guys know that
10:37 from the time that you did the program before,
10:40 is that he wasn't a Christian
10:42 for the first 14, 15 years of our marriage
10:45 and so when he became a Christian
10:47 and started to meet my emotional needs
10:49 I wanted to show him everything that a wife is.
10:53 I wanted to be all of that for you
10:55 so it is a win-win situation.
10:58 That when I feel loved and cherished
10:59 and taking care of then I want to show you
11:01 all the respect that you deserve as a man of God
11:04 as a spiritual leader of the house
11:06 so really it does work.
11:07 Oh, it does, it does.
11:08 Everybody wins when that happens.
11:10 And then we'll spend fun too, it's have been a few times
11:12 when you've chose to take my challenges
11:14 I'll put it out that way.
11:16 She's always surprised
11:18 at how much stronger you are than I think you even realize,
11:21 you're incredibly strong and so to do something
11:23 and we'll finish and I said you realize
11:25 that it fastest you've ever ridden
11:26 we've a little ride we do all the time.
11:28 It's the fastest you ever done or broke 14 miles an hour,
11:31 you know, average and stuff like that.
11:33 And so that is really fun.
11:34 So now that I know you can do it,
11:36 I'm not gonna let you stay around.
11:39 There's no long backwards--
11:40 So I want to get into something that happened to you recently,
11:42 'cause it's not been an easy road even as you stood up,
11:46 but you know, we play golf together,
11:48 we go bike riding together,
11:50 we do a lot of things together now
11:51 and just for the exercise portion of it.
11:54 But within the last year or so you'd been hit
11:58 with some pretty hard things and we've talked about that
12:00 we just did British Columbia camp meeting
12:02 and you gave a concert and gave your testimony.
12:04 Can you go there for us? Sure.
12:06 This has been a hard couple of years for you.
12:09 Definitely a year and a half. Absolutely.
12:11 And so for those who've kind of had the opportunity
12:15 to see the appearances I've done here
12:17 which for me it been a tremendous blessing
12:19 but they've kind of been able to watch
12:20 my journey a little bit.
12:22 And I started out like I think the first show
12:24 I ever did here was about me
12:25 just standing up as a man of God
12:27 and what does mean and you know,
12:29 I did a whole weeble-wobble,
12:31 the little weeble toys that kids used to have
12:33 and the matter was the wobble but they won't fall down.
12:35 All right, every one know what I'm talking about?
12:37 Okay, well, that's me.
12:39 I still haven't fallen down
12:40 but I'm still wobbling around a little bit.
12:42 But so the question was just about standing up
12:44 than I think the next stage and we did a show on anger.
12:47 You know, and really my journey
12:49 was discovering the tremendous anger
12:50 that I had carried around.
12:52 And I've got rid of most of it who was interesting
12:54 and had a incident happened last week
12:56 and looking back on, it was oh, I got little angry,
12:59 not much but that the impact
13:01 it had on me was tremendously negative.
13:04 But so that show was on anger
13:05 and the fact that with God's grace
13:07 and tremendous healing--
13:08 For people that haven't seen the program
13:09 I just wanted to recount that you know,
13:11 my family are druggies and lost in addiction
13:15 through generation, I shouldn't say druggies,
13:16 I love my family but they've lost in addiction.
13:20 Your family, your dads an engineer,
13:22 your mom is a violinist,
13:23 she did an ambassadorship for Bangladesh.
13:26 We going in and helping
13:29 with the kind of rebuilding the country
13:31 after a civil war, I mean, all that kind of stuff,
13:33 so your family is way different than mine.
13:36 Educators, you had an incredible family.
13:39 Yeah, I had a very, very...
13:42 standard American middle class family.
13:44 You know, and we did tremendous things,
13:46 tremendous things.
13:47 But the issues in my family
13:49 as I found out later were anger,
13:53 definitely some addictive been towards alcoholism, arrogance.
13:56 Arrogance, oh, sorry, did I say that?
13:58 Yeah, arrogance.
14:00 You know, pride issues, being judgmental you know--
14:04 And even we add some points like
14:06 you've been coming from my family
14:07 I'm strung out and homeless
14:08 and all that kind of stuff
14:09 and as I learn to read, at 23 I was illiterate,
14:13 as I learned to read went back to school,
14:14 got in nursing his dad would say something,
14:16 he, not knowing my background his dad would say,
14:19 you know what, his talking about an addictive,
14:21 and he says, why don't they pick themselves up,
14:23 stop using and get on with your life.
14:25 And I'm thinking probably from the womb
14:27 they didn't have a father, from you know,
14:29 they've addictions all their life
14:31 and I want to strangle someone,
14:32 I want to say how arrogant is that,
14:34 you don't even know what you're saying.
14:35 Yeah, we came from such different places.
14:38 Yeah, exactly. Really different places.
14:40 So that show was about anger.
14:42 And then what was real interesting
14:45 is we did the show on forgiveness
14:50 and then following that it was a very--
14:53 I love that show, by the way.
14:54 That was really-- Where we really had to look at
14:57 some of the things that you even walked up
15:00 and said you know, that I had a very sexualized
15:03 early environment that I didn't know and forgive me
15:05 for all the act to now prior to even knowing you.
15:08 And I thought why would you say that
15:10 and I cried like a baby.
15:11 It was really, you know, it was really incredible
15:15 and I remember one thing on the forgiveness
15:17 that you said to me, is that, 'cause I've been molested
15:20 my whole life and you said, I know that those men
15:22 will never come back and say they're sorry
15:24 but for every person, every man that ever hurt you,
15:27 I want to you ask you on their behalf,
15:30 will you forgive us?
15:31 And I, it flawed me.
15:35 I couldn't believe you saying that
15:36 and I couldn't believe the look of love in your eyes
15:39 and how much healing that happened for me.
15:41 So I want to say, thank you for that again.
15:44 Wow, I love you so. I know.
15:46 I was honored to do that.
15:47 Awesome. I was honored to do that.
15:48 So we did that program.
15:49 So we did that program and then again
15:52 with tremendous blessings from all kinds of people
15:55 I had the opportunity to go on a 3ABN trip to Israel
15:59 and got baptized in the Jordan River
16:01 which was interesting for me
16:02 because I really feel like in some ways
16:05 that really was my baptism
16:06 into the ministry in a certain way.
16:09 Now it's curious because after that
16:12 I think the next thing that we did was, we did a live.
16:18 I don't want to go too fast past
16:20 the baptism in the Jordan.
16:22 Because you know, we went to Israel,
16:24 I was in a place where I mostly
16:26 couldn't even hardly be present because I just got in,
16:30 it was something pretty hard
16:32 but for you to walk where Christ walked,
16:35 to see all of that kind of stuff
16:37 to walk right into the Jordan
16:39 where He was baptized by John
16:41 and for you to have the privilege
16:42 to be baptized by J.D.
16:44 which is an incredible pastor here.
16:46 It was life changing for you, there was some huge changes.
16:50 Yes, that was, to me it was really interesting ones.
16:55 You took your mom and your sister.
16:56 I got to, my mom and sister were with me,
16:58 my mom, she was 87 at the time.
17:00 Excuse me, she's now 88.
17:02 And just to have that opportunity and my sister
17:05 who's been a woman after God for years,
17:07 her opportunity was just tremendous.
17:09 Both got baptized. Both got baptized.
17:11 To me what was interesting, that was,
17:13 the Jordon-- being baptized in the Jordan River,
17:18 being able to touch the corner stone
17:19 from the top of the temple.
17:21 That's the tour guide talked about,
17:22 when people talk about the highest part of the temple
17:24 doesn't necessarily mean physically the highest part
17:27 but the highest part in terms of what was spiritually
17:29 was the highest part of the temple
17:32 and it was real interesting because the corner
17:34 I'm looking in this direction you know
17:35 and his thoughts were this,
17:37 may very well have been the highest part.
17:39 And this was the corner stone from there
17:40 and the Bible talks about,
17:42 this is where when the Christ was tempted.
17:43 And they even said at one point to look up
17:46 and at times that's where the trumpeter stood
17:50 and for a lot of people know
17:52 that you are a trumpeter for living,
17:54 you play in the orchestra
17:55 and you have the principal trumpet.
17:57 And so when they even brought in that kind of stuff,
17:59 is here's where you know, they either
18:02 they play the trumpet and brought people here
18:04 to worship or they did the festival of the trumpets,
18:08 here's where they called out warnings.
18:10 Signal things, exactly, exactly.
18:12 And I just watched you cheer up and just stand there
18:14 not even able to speak at the time.
18:16 It was a powerful time for you.
18:18 It was an extremely powerful time
18:19 and I felt like I really had gotten a spiritual kick
18:23 that was needed you know, desired and needed.
18:26 So what was interesting was then the next thing
18:29 we had the opportunity to do here,
18:31 I think was another live and I'm not entirely sure why
18:35 because a sort of fear kept coming up
18:40 and sure some things starting to go on that
18:43 I really didn't have my,
18:44 I couldn't get my head wrapped around
18:46 what was taking place in my life
18:48 and the concept of fear and immense fear
18:49 and personal fear and stuff like that started to come up.
18:52 And again looking back I got it retrospect,
18:55 you know when someone starts to take a stand for God
18:59 and really say, I'm choosing
19:01 to really start to do the right thing
19:02 and I wanted to do this and stuff like that.
19:04 We all know that-- There's an enemy.
19:07 There's an enemy who's gonna start taking swings.
19:10 And what was really interesting looking at it
19:13 from my point of view as your wife
19:15 is that you were starting to deal
19:17 with major fear in your life.
19:19 Significant fear and what I didn't know
19:22 at the time was I was starting to head down, you know,
19:26 people say they tumble down the rabbit hole.
19:29 I was starting to head into a period of my life,
19:31 I had no idea it was coming
19:33 and I started having things happen.
19:35 In fact, it was the Messiah and the first Messiah
19:38 I played after being baptized in the Jordan,
19:41 all of a sudden I had something happened as a player physic
19:43 and I played the Messiah for years,
19:44 I've done it for 25 years.
19:46 You've been in orchestra since you were 14 years old.
19:48 Eighteen but yeah, pretty close.
19:51 And so its just one of those things
19:53 what we're doing it for years and all of a sudden physically
19:55 I'm having this thing happened and its like you know,
19:59 I mean, I got through the concert but it was like,
20:00 what was that?
20:01 Like just shaking.
20:02 Shaking and you know,
20:03 all of a sudden feeling like I can't do this.
20:06 And by the end of the symphony season
20:09 I'd gone to a place
20:10 where all of a sudden I'm going,
20:13 almost every time I picked the trumpet
20:14 it would start to shake and I would start to shake
20:17 and this wasn't about being nervous,
20:19 it's like there is something going on here and--
20:22 There was one concert I remember
20:24 that you did that somebody had to step in
20:27 and play for you because you're shaking with so intense.
20:32 That was an interesting point.
20:37 I was fortunate, I really wasn't sure
20:38 what was going on and its very fortune
20:40 I love how God puts people in your life
20:42 and evil though I don't know whether he's a believer or not.
20:46 My colleague, the guy who play second trumpet to me
20:48 and he sits right there
20:49 so he totally aware of what's going on,
20:50 you can't be sitting right next us
20:52 when you see guys turn to playing, that's going on.
20:55 And artistically I'm not able to do,
20:57 I think probably to the general public
20:59 they almost didn't know but to my colleagues
21:01 and the people right here
21:02 it's like okay something is going on
21:03 and its not up to the standard that--
21:05 And I have to ask you Brad,
21:07 because I didn't realize how significant this was
21:10 especially for men more so than women,
21:12 your identity is tied up and who you are
21:15 and what you do for a living?
21:17 So can you talk about that because you were being rocked
21:19 in every area of your life at that point?
21:22 I think that guys are probably are caught
21:24 in this more than women in generally
21:26 that what we do becomes a huge part of our identity.
21:30 And that, I mean it's such a lie but you know,
21:33 I did this or help build this or my job
21:35 has this kind of significance you know,
21:37 and you know, or I'm the manager
21:38 and I'm not the guy who mops the floor
21:40 and all these kinds of things is you know,
21:43 based upon you know, I built this or I made this
21:45 or I contributed to this project.
21:47 If there's anybody in, since I've known Brad
21:50 if there's any musician that comes through,
21:52 any tour group that comes through
21:54 and if they're gonna call a trumpet player,
21:56 they're gonna call Brad.
21:57 And I mean anybody, I've watched you play
22:01 with really incredible musicians or vocalist
22:05 or people that are very well known.
22:07 You played in Carnegie Hall,
22:09 I mean you played in all kinds of places
22:11 and so being able to say is that for all those
22:14 and have those shakes and you are no longer the guy,
22:18 and it maybe pulled away from you totally
22:20 you're so trying to hide that from everyone,
22:22 it was to watch you, I almost watched you disappear.
22:26 And there's a part of that too that was contributing
22:29 and I will tie this into our spiritual journey's here
22:33 as well is by God's grace
22:36 I was given a tremendous amount of natural ability
22:38 and its not that I didn't work with that.
22:39 I practice a lot and all of that stuff
22:41 but I kind of didn't have to anything,
22:43 kind of other than, well, I'm gonna say
22:45 what was normally expected for that
22:47 and I was able to do my job.
22:48 Yeah, and do really well.
22:50 And do really well and now all of a sudden
22:52 I can't do it anymore.
22:54 I'm sitting and going I can't do it.
22:55 And I mean, I got to a place where I am starting to think,
22:59 Can am I gonna be able to play the trumpet again at all
23:03 and much less in a symphony orchestra
23:05 or anything along that lines?
23:07 What I am most thankful for was that--
23:09 again my colleague who sat next to me
23:11 was watching what's going on and he's a real curious guy
23:13 and he is a younger guy, online all that stuff.
23:15 And so he started mentioning a couple of things,
23:18 one of them is called focal dystonia
23:19 which is a neurological disorder
23:21 that you can get with repetitive use of muscles
23:23 which plainly you know,
23:24 it's like almost anything is that kind of thing.
23:27 The other thing that was in the back of my mind
23:29 is Parkinson's disease and some kind of--
23:32 We've just read through.
23:33 And we just went through Parkinson's with your dad.
23:35 My dad had it and my grandpa had some kind of shaking thing
23:38 my mom has something they call essential tremors
23:41 which you know, well, means they really know what it is,
23:44 that just actually shakes.
23:45 And so all of this stuff was sitting on me
23:48 and I had actually been fired from a job,
23:52 they restructured the job and I was no longer qualified
23:54 for it is what it was but you know,
23:56 that was had been four years since then
23:58 and without looking at it you know,
24:01 I realized I was heading in this one direction
24:03 and we're sitting on the couch one day
24:04 and you looked over me with all the love
24:06 in your eyes and said, you know,
24:08 I really love you but I think you're depressed.
24:11 You looked at me like I don't think so
24:13 and I'm thinking let me just read what depression is.
24:16 Yes, I got the little check list out.
24:17 Okay, well, check, check, check, check.
24:19 I don't have that one.
24:20 Check, check, check, check, check, check,
24:22 I don't have that one.
24:23 You know, and so that reality came in
24:24 and so I mean it was one of those things
24:25 as far as it been, I'm gonna, just gonna say
24:28 totally broken and feeling like you have nothing.
24:31 I was in sure for it's gonna be play and my identity was,
24:34 I'm the best trumpet player in the area.
24:36 We get-- I'd like to,
24:38 I'd literally like to break on that.
24:40 So 'cause I know where you were going
24:42 into what that healing journey is like for you
24:45 but I want to break here and come back to that.
24:48 But sometimes when you were overwhelmed with fear
24:51 when you are up here with a lot of things
24:53 sometimes its not emotional,
24:55 sometimes its that even spiritual,
24:57 sometimes its medical,
24:58 sometimes there's a physical things
25:00 that's happening and make sure you check that out.
25:03 But were gonna come back and find out
25:04 what happened with Brad and I'm telling you
25:06 I'm so glad that he held on to God.
25:09 We'll be right back.