Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Dave Casey
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR000103A
00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues
00:03 related to addictive behavior.
00:05 Parents are cautioned that some material
00:06 may be too candid for younger children.
00:11 Welcome to "Celebrating Life in Recovery."
00:12 Today, I'm gonna introduce you to my friend Casey.
00:14 He spent 24 years of his life in prison
00:17 and he is a big guy, full of anger.
00:21 And now he is working for God. It's a cool story.
00:53 So welcome back.
00:55 We're talking about, on this program,
00:58 a part of recovery that a lot of people don't cover
01:00 'cause, you know, and I've said this before,
01:02 I get off heroin and somebody said, "You stop doing drugs
01:05 and your life is gonna be perfect."
01:08 And so I stopped. And I was crazy.
01:11 You know I--you know, I'm crazy. I don't know how to act.
01:14 I don't know how to be in relationship
01:16 and I watched that time and time and time again.
01:19 You have people that-- you know, this whole series,
01:22 this whole season is about what hijacks you.
01:26 And you have people that have been hijacked
01:28 with various addictions from the time they were little kids,
01:31 you know, some pre-teens, some even,
01:35 you know, in dysfunctional homes and crazy environments.
01:38 They've just learned,
01:39 you know, distorted thinking and addictive thinking,
01:42 and they can't really trust anything.
01:44 And so when they start their addictions, it's really early.
01:46 It might just be television.
01:48 It might be that they escape into books.
01:51 It might be that, you know, they get into high risk,
01:53 you know, skateboarding or video games
01:56 or entertainment and then its drugs.
01:58 Or may be it's just power stuff.
02:00 You get into a gang and you pull a gun the first time
02:02 and you realize how much power that gives you.
02:04 The adrenaline's up and it's seductive
02:07 and so all of that kind of stuff
02:09 happens early on in someone's life.
02:12 But then, somebody convinces you,
02:15 hopefully, God himself.
02:16 You know, the Holy Spirit convinces you,
02:18 "You know, this isn't life and you can do recovery."
02:21 And you step in and your expectations of stepping in
02:24 is, "Once I get rid of a few of these things,
02:28 everything's good."
02:29 I don't know even how to communicate,
02:32 how to socialize, how to be with a group of normal people.
02:35 You know, I don't know how to sit there
02:37 and have a friendship without,
02:40 you know, let's go smoke some weed or,
02:42 you know, let's go do some of that kind stuff.
02:43 And so this first part of recovery
02:46 or the-- kind of the first part of recovery
02:49 and we've said about even in the first season
02:51 I talked about stopping a drug
02:53 or an addiction is like buying a ticket to a movie.
02:59 It's not the movie, it's just the ticket.
03:02 Do you know what I mean?
03:03 So when we stop, it is just the ticket.
03:05 When I step into the movie, I'm gonna see the whole thing.
03:07 When I step into my life, I'm going to experience
03:10 what this means to actually change.
03:12 And so the first thing is that we realize is
03:14 that we don't know how to do relationships.
03:16 We don't know how to do the day.
03:18 I don't know how to time manage.
03:20 I don't know how to, you know, I don't know how to eat right.
03:22 I don't know how to even go to bed on time.
03:24 "What do you mean I have to go to bed now?"
03:25 The rebel in me wakes up
03:27 and says I go to bed when I want to go to bed.
03:29 Well, if you don't go to bed, you're gonna be exhausted.
03:32 Then you're gonna want to do a lot of caffeine.
03:33 Then you notice that your whole addiction starts over again.
03:36 So in recovery, one of the things
03:39 that is really important is to find out what hijacked you.
03:42 What addictions you literally got lost in,
03:47 what gave you a lot of pleasure, what told you, you were okay,
03:50 what comforted you 'cause you got to get rid of those.
03:54 And then there's that part of your brain that brings comfort,
03:57 it's really exhausted.
03:59 And you got to start teaching it.
04:01 You got to start teaching yourself,
04:03 how to find pleasure or comfort with normal things.
04:08 You know, sometimes, you know, we forget
04:11 when you walk out and sit outside,
04:13 you can start listening to the sounds around you
04:16 and it's really cool, you know.
04:19 I'm sitting there and I'm not thinking about
04:21 everything that happened in the last 10 years.
04:23 I'm not thinking about how afraid I am
04:26 'cause I can't do this recovery.
04:27 I am listening to a bird in the distance.
04:30 I am feeling the sun on my skin.
04:33 And that part of my brain
04:34 that gives me pleasure starts to heal
04:37 and starts to say, "Hey, this is really cool," you know.
04:41 And those things really seem simple
04:43 but those simple things in recovery are life changing.
04:47 They mean everything.
04:48 When I am with a friend
04:50 and we're just sitting there talking,
04:51 I have to learn that I don't need that high,
04:56 that hyper intensity in a relationship.
04:59 I can actually just kind of hang out with friends
05:01 and talk about I can't even say normal things.
05:04 See the first part of recovery
05:05 I don't know what normal things are.
05:07 Somebody would be talking about their day
05:08 and I am talking about the first time I committed suicide.
05:11 Yeah, that changes the whole conversation.
05:13 So it's like being able to even learn those simple things.
05:16 And it is a process and what I love about God,
05:20 you know, 'cause we say in this program
05:22 that one of the first steps is to know you're powerless.
05:24 I mean, you are powerless. You cannot do this.
05:26 If you could do it, you would've done it.
05:28 So you are powerless. You turn it over to God.
05:30 And I have to know that God is big enough
05:34 that He can teach me to enjoy life on life's terms.
05:38 What's really crazy too
05:40 is that I am learning all this kind of thing.
05:42 I have to learn simpler things. Get out and walk.
05:44 That is the coolest thing. Get out and walk.
05:46 Don't think about your day or your life
05:49 or what you are trying to recover from.
05:51 Think about what's happening around you.
05:54 Listen to what's around you.
05:55 Listen to the car go by,
05:57 listen to the wind, listen to birds,
06:00 whatever but try to get right in the present.
06:02 And that's a really hard thing for somebody,
06:05 and addict of any kind to learn.
06:07 It's just try to be in your own skin
06:09 and enjoy where you're at.
06:10 In those pleasure centers
06:12 that part of your brain starts to heal itself.
06:14 There is-- and a thing
06:17 that happens in life for normal people,
06:19 they are really good at this, I hate that.
06:21 But there's a thing that happened in life
06:23 and life is kind of up and down.
06:25 I mean, you know, some days it's okay,
06:27 some days it's not.
06:29 You know, some days, everything
06:30 that could go wrong goes wrong, you know.
06:32 And some days, it's all right.
06:34 You know, the kids are behaving or, you know, my job is okay.
06:39 You know, the people that I need to talk to,
06:42 answer the phone and get back to me,
06:43 all those kind of things.
06:45 But that doesn't happen every day.
06:46 Some days none of that happens.
06:48 But for an addict, when that doesn't happen,
06:51 we think something is horribly wrong and we need to use.
06:55 You know, I need to drink again
06:56 or I need to get online and do some porn stuff
06:59 or I need to smoke some weed or,
07:02 you know, I start fantasizing about the old lifestyle
07:05 but I think of those normal life,
07:09 the normal things that come up that are a little harder,
07:11 I think about them as triggers for me to use.
07:15 And what I need to do in that part of recovery
07:17 after I stop the addiction is I need to learn that,
07:21 that's just everyday life.
07:22 Everybody deals with that stuff.
07:24 And I got to get tools to deal with that stuff.
07:27 When I can't pay the bill that month,
07:30 you know, that happens to a lot of people
07:32 and not everybody slams heroin because of that.
07:34 You know, I would do that. I would go and use.
07:37 And so now I have to learn what do you do
07:40 when you are stressed,
07:41 when it's a real issue and it hits me?
07:43 I have to have at least 5 to 10 things
07:46 that I learn to do so that I'm not going to use.
07:50 When somebody gets in my face, if I have a power addiction
07:53 and I'm trying to learn to be in a relationship
07:55 and give somebody the respect they need,
07:58 it's hard to do, 'cause I want them to shut up
08:01 and listen to me.
08:02 I just-- if you just shut up,
08:04 you will know what I'm saying.
08:06 Well, that's not how to communicate.
08:08 But I have to learn how to communicate.
08:11 And I have to learn that it might be
08:12 easier for me to know that, that person is not being heard
08:16 because they keep repeating themselves
08:17 so they're not feeling heard and I need to ask him,
08:21 "What are you saying exactly 'cause may be
08:23 I'm not understanding what you are saying?"
08:24 And that's really tough for somebody with a power addiction.
08:28 But I'm gonna learn all of those kind of things.
08:30 And I'm telling you God is just amazing
08:32 at the ability that He has to give us those tools.
08:36 And we get those tools either by joining a group.
08:39 That's the coolest place to get them.
08:41 'Cause if I'm in a group and I tell the group,
08:43 "You know what? I have a heard time with listening."
08:48 I think my husband would love me to join that group.
08:51 But I've have a heard time with listening
08:52 and the group will hold me accountable.
08:54 If I get an accountability partner that I can call and say,
08:57 "You know what? I am afraid a lot of the time.
08:59 Or I am angry a lot of the time."
09:01 And so you kind of start to get people
09:04 that you can call or work with
09:05 or somebody that would give you some feedback
09:08 but all of that's important
09:09 because you have to pretend right now
09:11 that you are like a baby on a tricycle.
09:14 You can't even get a bike yet
09:16 because you don't know how to ride a bike.
09:17 And that's really tough for addicts
09:19 because we've bee taking care of ourselves a long time
09:22 but all in this addictive way.
09:24 And I want to say good on you that you survived that.
09:26 But now you got to learn some different things.
09:28 There's gonna be a day and I loved this part
09:31 'cause it was a day when all of the sudden
09:33 I realize that you know what?
09:35 I think I am over that,
09:38 having to operate in my life in this addictive thinking,
09:40 in this crisis mode or whatever.
09:42 And now I am actually enjoying relationships
09:46 and the sun and normal hobbies
09:49 and normal kind of crisis and I can deal with that.
09:53 And I have the tools to deal with all of that.
09:56 But all of that takes time.
09:58 It takes a lot, you know, well, I shouldn't say a lot of time.
10:01 For me it took a lot of time
10:02 just 'cause I had so many issues.
10:04 For you, it may not take as much
10:05 but give yourself the time
10:08 that you need in order to learn how to communicate.
10:11 Get books, get sponsors, jump in a group,
10:15 ask God daily, "Fill me up with Your Holy Spirit
10:17 and teach me today what I need to learn."
10:20 And He is so gracious to do that.
10:23 As you do that, the biggest thing
10:25 that you got to know is there's not that outward changes that,
10:29 you know, as soon as you get off the drug,
10:31 you get these huge changes in your life.
10:33 I mean, your body starts to kind of get reestablish.
10:38 Your health may come back.
10:39 People start trusting you. You're making amends.
10:41 You're doing all that kind of stuff
10:43 that you need to do as an addict.
10:44 And you're working on that.
10:46 But in this part of your recovery learning
10:48 how to be normal, the daily stuff.
10:51 What happens is stuff that you can't see.
10:54 Your neurochemistry starts to reestablish itself.
10:57 Your pleasure center starts to learn
11:00 how to find pleasure and comfort with normal things.
11:04 I don't have to over stimulate my brain.
11:06 I'm using my frontal lobes.
11:08 None of those kind of things you can see
11:10 but it all happens during this part.
11:13 You know, somebody asked me
11:15 and I hate to even tell you this
11:16 but they were having some real struggles with--
11:19 now how do you say this in a nice way?
11:21 Some kind of sexual stuff, I'll just say that way.
11:24 And so they asked me, "What do I do?
11:27 I'm really struggling."
11:28 And, you know, that guy is in ministry
11:30 and he's got this long history.
11:31 He's dealt with a lot of this stuff
11:33 and he still has this sexual issue.
11:35 And so I immediately prayed, "God,
11:36 what do I tell him?"
11:38 And a stupid thing came to my mind, it was just crazy.
11:41 God said, "Tell him to make his bed every day."
11:44 And I'm like, "What?"
11:46 You know, he's talking about his sexual addiction.
11:48 He's talking about, "You know, this has got me wrapped up.
11:51 I feel like a fraud. I don't even know what to do."
11:54 And God said, "Tell him to go to bed.
11:56 At the same time, get up every day and make his bed."
11:59 Any kind of disciplined behavior
12:01 where you start to get used to disciplining yourself,
12:05 don't try it with your major addictions
12:07 'cause you may not be successful there but make your bed.
12:10 I mean, that's a simple one to start
12:12 but it will teach you to be disciplined
12:15 and how ridiculous is that?
12:17 But I'm telling you, if you are out there watching
12:19 and you are struggling, make your bed.
12:22 Everything matters right now.
12:24 Everything matters at this stage and learn--
12:27 allow yourself to learn to do the little things.
12:31 And pretty soon, the little things
12:33 will bring you comfort and pleasure.
12:35 And you won't have to run to your addictions.
12:37 And it happens over time
12:39 and God is amazing as He allows that to happen.
12:43 And it feels good.
12:45 So when it starts to-- when you start to notice it
12:49 and you feel good in your own skin, man, it's awesome.
12:53 We're gonna take a break.
12:54 I'm gonna introduce you to our guest, unbelievable.
12:57 I thought I saw a lot,
12:59 this guy, he's over the top. Stay with us.