Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Asheley Woodruff
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR000101A
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues
00:03 related to addictive behavior. 00:05 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:06 may be too candid for younger children. 00:10 Welcome to "Celebrating Life in Recovery." 00:12 I'm Cheri, your host, 00:13 and today we're gonna talk about 00:15 where does our dysfunction start from 00:17 and its surprising to me 00:19 some of it starts from right in the home. 00:20 Come join us in the cafe. 00:49 Welcome back, you know, I always work with folks 00:53 that have incredible issues all over the world. 00:55 You know, whether its drugs, alcohol, 00:57 sexual issues, addictions. 01:00 They're pretty intense. 01:01 But I know, when I meet somebody that it didn't start there. 01:04 It didn't start with them all the sudden 01:06 slamming a bottle of tequila. 01:09 It started long before that. 01:11 So we're gonna talk a little bit about what starts addictions? 01:14 May--what is the foundations of some of our additions 01:17 and what hijacks us. 01:19 You know, because we really are hijacked by that stuff 01:22 and so I want to just say welcome for everybody here. 01:25 Welcome to the cafe I'm so glad you're here. 01:28 Actually we're gonna get to hear your story today 01:30 and I love you and... 01:32 but this part is really kind of important stuff. 01:36 One of the things that I know about kids is that 01:41 they learn a ton of stuff 01:42 between ages zero and three or zero and five. 01:47 I mean, they just learn a ton of stuff. 01:49 Now put a normal child the baby in a really dysfunctional home. 01:53 So you put a child in a home 01:55 that none of the rules are the same. 01:57 Nobody is doing the right thing. 01:58 Mom and dad may be dealing with their own addictions, 02:02 whether it's alcohol or some of their more hidden addictions 02:05 where they're dealing with all that kind of stuff. 02:07 And you have this kid that tries to grow up 02:10 and tries to decide for the rules. 02:12 What are the rules in this house? 02:14 And it's weird because sometimes, 02:16 now I grew up with my folks been into drugs and alcohol. 02:21 And so I could run in the house and one time I'd run in 02:24 and everybody wants to throw you up in the air and they're happy 02:27 and they're kissing you all over the face 02:28 and the next minute it's a disaster. 02:31 The next minute something happens 02:33 and everybody's at each other or you know whatever. 02:35 So in an addictive home 02:38 the cycles are just all over the place 02:40 and really nothing can be trusted. 02:42 And kids know right away that this may not be safe. 02:47 And what's really dreadful for a child from an alcoholic home 02:52 or drug addict home or even sexual addictions 02:54 because sometimes we think our hidden addictions 02:56 don't effect our kids, oh, man, 03:00 they do because you are not present. 03:01 You know, so anyhow even those kind of homes is this child-- 03:06 even those things start to look good 03:08 and the child should be able to relax, 03:10 when things are going well but they don't. 03:12 They have a sense of doom, like I know, 03:17 I know something is gonna happen any minute. 03:19 And so they kind of wait 03:20 so they really can get involved 03:23 and whatever is happening and its safe right now, 03:25 nobody's yelling or whatever. 03:27 But underneath all that as I know 03:28 that something is gonna happen. 03:30 And something develops in them that says I need, 03:35 I need to kind of escape or to distract myself I... 03:38 you know, I need something this kind of normal 03:40 and because they desperately want that. 03:43 And so what a child from an alcoholichome 03:45 or an addictive home 03:47 starts to look for what suits them, you know. 03:50 Now what, if it's a video game, you know, 03:53 I can get on this video game and I can have a great time. 03:57 I'm not thinking about anything, I could care less everything 04:00 could be falling apart all around me and that's okay 04:03 'cause I'm fine and I'm playing the game, and I'm. 04:06 And so what happens is an addiction start. 04:08 Not all video games are addictive 04:10 but when you have dysfunction 04:12 and this game actually comforts me in someway, 04:17 that's the seed of an addiction. 04:20 Because I get comforted emotionally, 04:22 I get safe if I-- it feels good to me, 04:25 I somehow get out of the chaos 04:27 and it could be some kids reach for food, you know. 04:30 I start slamming some stuff and I feel better 04:33 and food addiction started. 04:35 And then that whole cycle for them start 04:37 or the first time you take drugs, 04:38 I'm in this crazy home and somebody gives me 04:41 some weed and I laugh and I could care less. 04:45 Yet that seeds starts for a normal child 04:47 that may not be that intense but when you have somebody 04:50 that's been in this crazy home, those things really set us up. 04:55 There is something that happens in the crazy home too 04:57 that's call addictive logic. 05:02 Dad comes home and let's say your dad is alcoholic, 05:05 a gambler and he comes home 05:07 and he's angry and he puts on the T.V. 05:09 and every interaction is intense. 05:11 And the kid says to mom, what's dad angry about? 05:16 Well he just had a bad day at work. 05:19 Well, does that mean he can hate you like that? 05:22 Does that mean he can yell at me like that? 05:24 And so the addictive logic is that child's knows in their mind 05:27 that's crazy, you know, what do you mean. 05:30 He just had a bad day at work so he comes in 05:32 and everything is just kind of the whole house is walking 05:36 on eggshells and everybody is fearful or whatever. 05:39 That sentence doesn't make sense 05:40 but they try to make it make sense, right. 05:43 And so addictive logic says, if somebody is saying 05:46 one thing, why did dad hit me. 05:48 Well, I didn't have the dishes done. 05:51 Why did dad did? What is that hit us. 05:53 Why does mom, why is mom in bed all day? 05:57 Instead of saying because she's an addict 05:59 and she is passed out, you just say 06:01 something like she's got she sick, 06:03 well she's been sick for three years. 06:05 You know, what I mean. 06:06 But a child tries to figure out how that makes sense. 06:08 And so that logic doesn't compute at all 06:12 and what most kids do in that environment 06:15 is they will try to distract themselves. 06:18 We've talked this season about 06:20 what hijacks your pleasure center. 06:23 And so we have a pleasure center 06:24 and the pleasure center in our brain is supposed to be there-- 06:27 we're supposed to love life. 06:29 You know, when I go swimming it feels good. 06:31 When I take a walk, it feels good. 06:33 When I'm laughing with friends, it feels good. 06:36 But when everything is trash 06:37 and I have this kind of crazy logic in my home, 06:40 it doesn't make sense. 06:41 That I'm gonna look for something to stimulate 06:44 that center and usually 06:46 with dysfunction is gonna be addictive. 06:48 And so children are setup really, really early 06:52 and they do behaviorally they're more at risk, 06:56 you know, they're gonna be the skateboard 06:57 that literally wants to skate on the side of seven story house, 07:01 you know, our building or they gonna want to go on rails 07:04 and they gonna want to do some high risk kind of activities. 07:07 And so those seeds that are planted in the homes 07:12 of alcoholics or addicts 07:14 even for their kids really setup the next generation. 07:17 And the reason I like to go over that is when you talk about 07:21 addicts, man, like I said at the beginning, 07:24 we don't just became addicts. 07:26 We really are kind of grown into that at some level 07:30 and when I do my recovery, lot of times people will say, 07:35 you know, when I do my recovery I'll just stop using, 07:37 I'll just stop drinking, I'll just get off on a line 07:40 and not do the sexual stuff anymore. 07:42 But it's more than that. 07:44 It's that a lot of times four people 07:46 that have learn this addictive logic for people 07:49 who have learn not to trust 07:51 their own environment to the world, 07:52 they don't even know kind of what is normal 07:54 and what's not because I never had that in my home 07:57 is that you get to. 07:59 You get to learn that now. 08:01 I just want to say that in the best way, 08:05 is some people say, 08:06 well, I don't want to learn that now, I know. 08:09 But baby you get to learn it now. 08:11 And when I got into recovery and I got that, 08:17 there is more hope in that, that you know 08:19 I have to admit to God 08:20 and someone else that I don't know how to act. 08:22 I don't know how to socialize. 08:24 I don't know how to do this, you know, 08:27 kind of assess my environment because my environment was never 08:29 trustworthy when I was growing up. 08:32 But I get to learn it now 08:34 and as you start to surrender to that, 08:37 as you let God direct you in that, 08:39 as you hook up with other people, 08:41 either in a recovery group or group of adult, 08:45 children of alcoholics or a group of people 08:47 that were on the same way you were going through. 08:48 It's so incredible to sit there and say I never knew 08:52 what's normal and the whole group laugh. 08:54 Because they never knew what's normal 08:56 and the fact that you get to learn now is incredible. 08:58 So don't think when you get into recovery 09:01 that you're just going to look at the addictive substance. 09:05 That is just like kind of the top of the iceberg. 09:08 You have all of the stuff that you get to look at to 09:11 and when you do, you get your life back. 09:14 You know, for the first time in my life, 09:17 I actually-- can I say I feel normal 09:19 and not feel like I'm lying. 09:21 I feel closer to normal. 09:23 And I may never get to be the person that says, 09:26 oh, yeah I'm normal now and--but I'm okay with that now. 09:31 You know, I have a husband that loves me 09:32 and I have a family that I love. 09:34 And I have humanity that I fit into 09:36 and for the first time I feel safe. 09:39 I have safe places all those kind of things 09:41 because I started to really look at all of the things 09:44 I didn't learn and decide to learn them now. 09:48 I'm gonna introduce you to a friend of mine 09:50 who's gonna be on the program. 09:52 And this friend really is going to look at her own life 09:56 and some of these kind of issues 09:58 and what did she do with people around her 10:00 now 'cause she kind of teaches people 10:02 how to confront those issues 10:04 and how to be normal, I love that. 10:09 We'll right back, stay with us. |
Revised 2014-12-17