Participants: Cheri Peters & C. A. Murray (Host)
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR000097A
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues
00:03 related to addictive behavior. 00:05 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:06 may be too candid for younger children. 00:10 Welcome to "Celebrating Life in Recovery." 00:12 You know C. A., I get emails about this program 00:15 because whenever they see you, they know it's a new season. 00:18 And so we're going into our eighth season, 00:20 this is an incredible amount of stuff to celebrate 00:23 and so I can't wait to share all of that with you. 00:25 So come join us, I am looking forward 00:28 to every single guest this season, it's amazing. 00:58 Welcome to "Celebrating Life in Recovery," 01:01 season number eight and I can hardly believe it, Cheri, 01:04 we're talking about season number eight. 01:08 This is a very special season, 01:09 a number of milestones will take place 01:12 during the course of this season 01:14 and I'm excited because this is, I think, the first full season, 01:18 if not the second, that you've had your husband, 01:21 sort of, with you in ministry 01:22 and we've seen kind of a little change in you, 01:25 you know, over the time 01:26 that he sort of joined you on this road 01:28 and it's been good for you, hasn't it? 01:29 Well, you know what's really hard about 01:31 having your husband with you? 01:32 As far as-- because I'm pretty strong, 01:33 I'm pretty loud, whatever and people see that. 01:35 But when I'm at home, I'm not. 01:37 You know, when I'm at home, 01:39 I really do submit to him and I think that 01:41 people when they come to our house are surprised at that, 01:44 but when they see us together they're surprised at that too. 01:47 And so as we're stepping out in ministry together 01:49 even when he shares some time with me here, 01:52 you could see the change. 01:53 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 01:55 There where two people that I always wanted to know. 01:57 I want to know what the husband is like 01:58 who married that person. One was Ellen White. 02:01 So I read the biography of James White, 02:03 he was a strong guy in his own way 02:05 and the other one was, 02:06 I want to meet your husband of Cheri Peters. 02:09 So we got to meet him, what a wonderful guy. Thank you. 02:12 Who has joined you in ministry and really complements you well. 02:16 Thank you. A classy guy. 02:17 Yeah, new christain--yeah. And you like him a lot. 02:18 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 02:20 So he does one of the shows with you? 02:22 You know, what was really fun is, we come on. 02:24 I had no idea, other than it's another season 02:26 and we're excited and we're lining people up 02:28 and I walk in and somebody said, 02:30 "This is your 100th program." Yeah. 02:32 And I'm like "Shut up, 100?" 02:35 And, you know, when I thought about that is 02:37 when we started this, what we had in mind 02:40 was that we wanted to help change the lives of people. 02:43 You know, people struggling with addictions, 02:44 especially quietly, you know, 02:46 you don't know what step to make, 02:49 what you're gonna do, all that kind stuff 02:50 and we really wanted to speak into that. 02:52 We wanted to kind of, you know, like in addictives homes 02:56 where nobody talks about the addiction or whatever, 02:58 we wanted to kind of break that out, 02:59 especially in Christianity, especially in the churches. 03:02 And so, but a 100th season. 03:04 I didn't know if we thought we were gonna-- 03:07 I don't know what we thought. 03:08 Yeah, we didn't know if we were gonna get through 03:09 the first season, let alone a 100 shows, 03:11 but a number of things. 03:12 I think the first time we talked about sexual addiction, 03:14 I thought somebody was gonna like, 03:16 "I'm sorry, you're out of here." 03:17 We can't do that. 03:18 But everybody was incredible and what I want to say to, 03:23 definitely, people that are watching is that, 03:27 we are here because of you. 03:29 This program is, you know, it started out, 03:33 you know, talking to those in addiction and those that, 03:37 that were struggling. 03:38 I really had-- my heart's cry 03:41 is to say out loud that God is bigger than our issues, 03:43 my heart's cry is to say that there's nothing 03:46 that He can't change or heal. 03:48 And so we were here for that. 03:50 And then the first season we got emails, 03:54 lives being changed, 03:56 everything exactly what we thought, 03:57 people coming out of sexual addictions. 03:59 I gotta say too, 04:01 you know, there's a girl named Tina in Washington, 04:03 incredible meth addict. 04:06 She really was in and out of meth, 04:08 able to hold a job for a while, 04:09 then lost that, teeth falling out, 04:11 all that kind of stuff. 04:13 And we meet her, she starts watching the program, 04:16 she not only jumps into recovery 04:18 but the church falls in love with her, 04:21 raises money, fixes her teeth, 04:23 she runs our recovery program in her church, 04:25 changes this whole little church, this meth addict, 04:28 because of what she sees here. 04:30 So I want to say that this program 04:32 would not even be successful 04:34 if it wasn't for the fact of every person 04:38 that is gaining life that are watching. 04:40 Every person that is sharing this journey with us. 04:42 So in our celebration, I just want to say, 04:45 thank you. Praise the Lord. 04:47 You know, when we began this program, 04:49 a number of things. 04:50 We didn't know really where we were going. 04:53 You came with an idea. 04:55 We didn't know how much control we could exercise over you 05:01 and then we didn't know how much control we should exercise, 05:05 you know, we didn't know where to pull in the reins 05:09 or where to let you go 05:10 and just let you go and be Cheri. 05:12 And I think it developed over the first year 05:16 we saw that God was in control of you, 05:18 so we didn't have to be. Thank you. 05:20 We could relax and sort of breathe 05:22 because the Lord had the reins. 05:24 And the things that should be said were being said. 05:27 And the things that should be touched on lightly 05:28 were being touched on lightly 05:30 and the things that really needed to be promoted 05:31 were being promoted. 05:33 So we saw early on that God was in control 05:35 and that we could trust you with this 05:37 because your experience and the Holy Spirit was guiding 05:41 what was gonna be said and what was gonna be done 05:44 and the kinds of people that came through. 05:45 You think about the 100 shows, 05:47 we've had some wild and crazy people. We did. 05:49 We've had strippers, we've had pastors, 05:52 we've had, you know, we've had just across the board, 05:56 we have people strung out on heroin, 05:58 we have had perfectionist, we've had religious addictions, 06:00 we've had all of that kind of stuff, 06:02 and being able to look at all of those addictions 06:05 and knowing that one thing in common, 06:07 is it separates them from God and from having joy. 06:10 And how do you bridge that separation? Yeah. 06:13 Yeah, yeah and the Lord used you in a powerful way. 06:15 I need to say something to you early on, Cheri, 06:17 because we spent some time together 06:19 in Australia last year ministering. That was a blast. 06:21 And it was really, really powerful. 06:22 And I saw you in a different light. 06:23 We've seen you the manic Cheri, 06:26 you know, there's just the person in control 06:28 and just doing it. 06:30 But I saw you in more of a teaching-- 06:33 I want to use the term "professorial," 06:34 kind of like last year in Australia, where you-- 06:37 You're not gonna call me out, are you? No, I'm not. 06:39 There people are like "What? We did what?" 06:42 No, well, you were, you were little more buttoned down, 06:44 you were little more pedagogical, can I say? 06:47 You were educating, you were professorial, 06:50 you know, you just you were teaching young people 06:52 and older ones too, I mean, 06:53 we had big crowds. About addiction. 06:55 And-- about addiction 06:57 and some of the more technical medical aspects 07:00 you drew on your nursing background, 07:02 your medical background, more than I'd seen you before. 07:05 So you kind of switched gears a little bit 07:07 and became a teacher, educator, lecturer more than a host. 07:13 And I saw them accept that from you 07:16 and really be blessed by that 07:17 and I heard the comments, you know kind of thing. 07:19 So God has used you 07:21 and has given you enough breadth and depth 07:24 so that you can come either way, 07:25 if you need to be street, you got that. 07:27 But if you need to be college professor, 07:29 you got that too, so we thank you for letting the Lord 07:31 use your life to touch so many. 07:32 So you know, can I say that 07:35 my dream from the very first moment of recovery? 07:39 I mean, this is in 1979, for a long time is that 07:44 if every single church 07:46 could know the kind of the struggles of the addiction-- 07:50 of the addict, know what to say, 07:52 how to welcome people in regardless of what it was? 07:55 And this last year we put together a program 07:58 and I have been teaching on that program 08:00 just because it has been my dream 08:02 and so can I show you what it is? Please do. 08:04 This is, this year we're talking about 08:08 not only "Celebrating Life in Recovery," 08:10 the television program, 08:11 but we also wrote up a program for the churches. 08:13 And the program for the churches is from our first season 08:18 when we went through "Steps to Christ" 08:19 and we went through what is the foundations of Christianity 08:22 and how does that relate to our sexual addictions 08:25 and drug addictions and our rage and our anger 08:27 and all of that kind of stuff? 08:28 And so we ended up putting a 14-week program together. 08:34 Fourteen weeks, and every week 08:36 you're gonna look at something else, but not so much. 08:39 A lot of recovery programs really believe 08:41 you gotta look at the addiction and keep looking at it. 08:45 And I really think that God told me early on is, 08:47 "I want to teach you to celebrate life, 08:49 I want to teach you 08:51 the step away from all of that kind of stuff 08:52 and let me show you, 08:54 if you haven't been born into that, 08:56 if you hadn't chose-- made the choice that you had, 08:58 how would do you laugh, how do you speak, 09:00 how would you do all that kind stuff?" 09:02 And that's what I'm gonna teach you. 09:03 So not that we don't talk about the issues, 09:05 we actually show a lot of the testimonies in that 09:07 week-to-week program 09:09 that we have interviewed on this program. 09:10 But we go through 09:13 the Steps to Christ as a foundation, 09:16 what is repentance? What is prayer? 09:18 What is forgiveness? 09:19 What is all that kind stuff? 09:21 And I don't know what you're gonna think about this, C.A., 09:23 but I was reading Steps to Christ 09:26 and I thought, you know, for some of the people I work with, 09:30 this is gonna be too-- the language is not current 09:34 and you know, Ellen White wrote it 09:36 and she's an amazing writer, but she wrote it years ago. Yeah. 09:39 And what's it got to do with recovery 09:40 and can I keep people here in this chapter? 09:44 And then I thought, 09:45 "I'll just put some recovery language in." 09:48 And I didn't realize, as soon as you say that, 09:50 people get nervous. 09:52 They get--yeah. Well, a little scared. 09:54 I called different publishing houses, 09:56 I called Ellen White estates 09:59 and I called n-number of different folks 10:01 and I said, you know, "Can I keep the anointing of it 10:05 and put it into recovery language?" 10:08 And they're like, "Well, it has no copyright on it." 10:12 So you really, you can do that, 10:15 but, ma'am, would you put it everywhere? 10:17 Like, would you write it all over? 10:20 This is Cheri's version of Steps to Christ. 10:22 So I want to say it is my version of Steps to Christ, 10:25 but I was changed by that book. 10:27 So I--you know, so what I did is 10:29 just put that in some recovery language 10:31 and the focus is Foundational Christianity. 10:34 And we've got the DVDs of the testimonies of our program, 10:38 leader's guide telling somebody how to run a group. 10:41 So this is a "How to" kind of manual? Yeah. 10:44 How you can take this into a--in your own church, 10:47 your own home, your own locality? 10:48 You know, they run it in prisons right now. 10:50 They ran it in New Zealand. 10:53 The New Zealand Christian foundation ran it three times. 10:55 And you know Joanne Davies, an amazing woman, 10:58 runs it three times and they had 100 baptisms. Wow. 11:00 She said over 100. 11:02 But you know, I'm just saying 100 11:03 because I like to exaggerate 11:05 and I'm trying to under exaggerate that one. 11:06 But she said over 100 baptisms 11:08 and she said what happened was she thought happened 11:10 what was amazing, is as people came in to the program, 11:14 got that foundational Christianity, 11:16 got to say out loud, 11:18 domestic violence is what we struggle with, 11:20 alcoholism is what we struggle with, 11:22 saying that loud with no shame, asking forgiveness, 11:25 walking through those initial steps, 11:27 she said by the time they came into the churches 11:29 they were healthy church members. Sure. 11:31 And they walked in the door and said, 11:32 "What can we do for you?" 11:34 Instead of "How can we lead the church?" 11:36 Because sometimes we're walking and we're such a mess. 11:38 These guys were not a mess and she said, 11:39 "That's what was so incredible about this program." 11:42 And I thought, you know what, every church should have that, 11:46 you know, instead of coming right into a Bible study, 11:49 let somebody kind of unpack their baggage first. 11:53 And this is a program that literally 11:55 unpacks your baggage first. Yeah. 11:57 In a way that you're not focused on the baggage, 11:59 you focus on foundational Christianity 12:01 but you're not ignoring the baggage either. 12:03 And so to me the 100th episode for the program 12:07 being able to add this resource for the churches, 12:10 I could die now. Yeah, this-- Not yet-- 12:14 You know, and I'm not going to but you know what, I could. 12:16 It's just-- it's a good year for me. 12:17 A couple of things, Cheri, that occurred to me, 12:19 one, this is part of the natural evolution of the ministry 12:23 or the program of the ministry. 12:24 I really want to read-- 12:26 I've read Steps of Christ any number of times. 12:27 I want to read it with a new language. 12:29 I read it when David Thomas rewrote Desire of Ages, 12:32 that great book and called it Messiah. Right. 12:33 And there were people who were a little leery 12:35 because you're gonna change this 300-year-old language, 12:39 but I think there are those who couldn't wade their way 12:43 because of whatever, couldn't wade their way 12:45 through the Steps of Christ. 12:46 But they will be able to wade their way 12:48 through something which is a little more contemporary, 12:49 which has the same anointing, carries the same thoughts, 12:53 but puts it in contemporary language 12:54 that someone can get through 12:56 and allow it to seep in and change their lives. 12:57 So I'm excited about it-- 12:59 And you know just like 13:00 Mr. Thomas that did "the Messiah" is I ended up-- 13:04 I'm not a writer in that sense, you know, 13:07 and so what I did is said "Who would I want to do it? 13:11 Who's the writer?" 13:12 And I called somebody that 13:13 I worked with at Pacific Press years ago. 13:15 And I said, "Would you do this for me?" 13:18 And she prayed and prayed and prayed. 13:20 Her name is Sophie Breeze and she put it together 13:22 and she would send it to us and I would write some stuff 13:24 and add some recovery stuff. 13:26 Then I would send it to a friend of mine, 13:27 Danielle Senate in Australia. 13:29 She would write some stuff, 13:30 Joanne Davies has already put something, you know. 13:32 And so it was a whole team that got together, 13:34 it wasn't one person that just sat down and did this. 13:37 And we did it just because it is time. 13:40 Yeah. It is time. 13:41 You know we can do all kinds of education 13:44 with all kinds of programs, 13:45 but if we're not allowing somebody to say out loud, 13:48 "I'm scared." Yeah. 13:49 "I don't know how to get through this," 13:52 we're in trouble. Yeah. 13:53 You know this season, I'm gonna do a little-- 13:56 I thought I was gonna do more teaching 13:59 because I really believe that you know, 14:01 we've talked about you know, coming into detox 14:03 and coming off of drugs 14:05 and doing those kind of first initial steps 14:07 and making sure you surround yourself with people 14:09 and you know, turn it over to God. 14:12 What's the Holy Spirit? 14:13 Where are you gonna find your power? 14:15 Getting into the word. 14:16 We did all that kind of stuff, 14:18 but I wanted this season to talk about, 14:19 you know, there's some core issues, 14:21 some underlying issues that happen to us in addiction, 14:24 that we get trashed. 14:25 And we get trashed really at such a deep level. 14:28 And one of the guys that I had 14:31 heard an interview 14:33 with was a guy named Dr. Archibald Hart out of LA. 14:36 I don't know if you know of him, 14:38 but he wrote a book called "Thrilled to Death." 14:40 Yes, yes, yes, I've got the book.-- 14:41 And he's powerful. He is powerful. 14:44 And his--he said there is an epidemic 14:47 right now in the US of people 14:50 that have trashed their pleasure centers in their brain. 14:53 You have a pleasure center and then you have fear 14:55 and love and other kind of-- there's a part of your brain 14:57 that has all that 14:59 and every part of your brain does something different. 15:00 But this pleasure center is a big deal. Yeah. 15:03 And we have, like the Bible says, 15:07 become seekers of pleasure rather than seekers of God 15:10 or lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God. 15:13 And so what he talked about 15:15 is that people have literally trashed this pleasure center 15:19 almost like a drug. 15:20 We've stimulated ourselves, 15:22 we've ratcheted things up more and more, 15:25 even sexually we kind of kicked things up. 15:28 All our entertainment, 15:30 our online stuff or socializing 24x7, we're doing gaming. 15:35 Our entertainment is just you know, 15:37 like I'm watching things get blown up, 15:39 and aliens and all that kind of stuff. 15:40 And you know just to-- we just don't know 15:42 how to kind of relax our workaholism where you know, 15:45 we get all these gadgets so we could work less 15:48 and now we're working more. 15:49 I mean, he really talks a lot about that. 15:51 And so this season I invited him to be on the program. 15:55 And he was almost on the plane and then he cancelled. 15:59 Stop, I thought no way. 16:02 So you know, I want to even set it up, 16:04 even though we had to change gears. 16:06 You'll see that throughout each of the programs this season is, 16:09 I wanted to look at, you know, how do you reestablish 16:13 just kind of a normal thing? 16:15 How do you kind of kick back in to a normal life? 16:20 How do I enjoy simple things and friendships 16:23 and getting outside and-- Yeah. 16:25 Very, very, very important. 16:26 One of the things that I saw in this year 16:29 and that I--you just sort of mentioned one of the things 16:31 we need to recover from really is our own inertia. 16:34 You know there's this physical law 16:36 that says the body that's at rest tends to stay at rest, 16:38 the body in motion tends to stay at motion. 16:39 We're all in motion and we need to tap the brakes a little bit. 16:43 You know, we need to recover from our own life. 16:45 And you have some people on this year 16:48 whose lives were spiraling out of control, 16:51 they were just-- their own inertia was just 16:53 pushing them along this path and the Lord had to get in 16:56 and tap the brakes for them in some instances. 16:58 So we see that, that's a very important part 17:02 of this whole recovery thing to stop 17:04 and just take a look at yourself, 17:06 where am I going, what am I doing? 17:07 And let God heal all of those things. Precisely. 17:10 We're gonna see a couple of the programs 17:13 that we did this season. 17:14 Starting with the 100th episode, 17:16 a couple of my friends came in from Australia 17:19 and from California and heard their story 17:21 so I'm hoping you'll enjoy this. 17:23 Especially the first one we celebrated a 100, yeah. 17:26 That is so cool. 17:29 So I want you to know that 17:30 when we come to the end of the program, 17:32 when we do the close like we typically do, 17:34 I'm gonna invite camera people, 17:36 I'm gonna invite the administration, 17:38 I'm gonna invite C.A. who's our producer, 17:40 I'm gonna invite everybody up 17:42 and we are really gonna close this program with a celebration. 17:45 But right now I just want to say thank you, 17:48 thank you, thank you, thank you. 17:50 And keep watching. We're gonna break. 17:53 I'm gonna come back with our guest. 17:54 Our guest today is my husband 17:57 and I love that because you know, 17:59 when we first got married, I thought I had all the issues 18:02 and I thought I was gonna be dealing with a lot of stuff, 18:04 but he's had his own journey 18:06 and he's gonna share some of that with you today. 18:08 He's also a musician. 18:10 He plays in the Philharmonic and I asked him for this program 18:13 where we are celebrating, 18:16 if he would play something for us. 18:17 And he chose a song "To god be the glory." 18:21 Like, how cool is that? 18:22 Because that's exactly the truth in recovery 18:25 as I can't take any glory. 18:26 I'm not smart enough to take the next step, 18:29 but God is faithful in every step I had to take. 18:31 So and they pulled the ultrasound out. 18:33 And I'd had an ultrasound at 12 weeks. 18:35 So I knew what was like to see this little 18:37 you know, funny looking alien thing. 18:40 You know, this little legs moving around and little heart, 18:42 you know, beating and there's no heart beat 18:45 and it was-- I could see the baby, 18:47 but it was just still and I knew, like I'm not stupid. 18:52 This, you know, what's happened but it was like that 18:55 you know, because I had failed a lot of things in my life 18:59 but I thought I would never ever fail at being a mom. 19:03 And--so in-- even though I mean, 19:06 I kind of know that time for you, 19:08 I can imagine what it would feel like 19:10 because you had so much hope. 19:12 Oh yeah, I just stored an old fashioned cradle 19:16 and you know, I was just gonna love this kid you know. 19:20 And I'm saying to the doctor, "Tell me, tell me, tell me." 19:24 And she just was silent and I'm like, "Just tell me!" 19:28 like I yelled at her and she said, 19:29 "I'm sorry, your baby's died." 19:31 Every year, every year first year school, 19:34 first day of school, 19:35 I was over on the smart side and I felt good. 19:37 I had my folder all ready 19:39 because you have to get your paper 19:40 and your folders and your tab, you know English reading, 19:43 spelling, all these little tabs. 19:44 And everything was perfect and beautiful 19:46 and I'm gonna be smart this year, you know. 19:49 And I would sit over on the smart side 19:53 and then by the end of the week 19:56 I was back over here on dumb side. 19:58 And I think some kids even said, 19:59 "You don't belong over here." I said, "yes I do." 20:01 because I knew I was gonna be smart this year. 20:03 And-- Because you had all the stuff. 20:05 Yeah, everything was organized 20:06 and this year was gonna be the year. And-- 20:09 You know, I even saw that you cheered up with that, 20:11 that pain is still part of you at times? 20:14 That I'm--I've always tried to fight that my whole life, 20:17 I don't want to be on that side 20:18 and I don't know how to get out of it. 20:22 You know in looking at that clip, 20:24 we were celebrating not so much ourselves, 20:27 we were celebrating the lives that were changed. 20:30 You know, we were celebrating 20:31 the fact that God used the program 20:34 over these past eight seasons to really touch 20:36 and impact lives in a powerful way. Exactly. 20:39 Didn't you get a sense on that day 20:40 that you wanted to like reach in the camera 20:42 and just bring everybody? 20:44 If you've been touched would you be here with us? 20:46 And in my mind I did think of a number of folks 20:49 that have over the years. 20:50 There's a guy named Jamie in Australia that was severe, 20:53 I mean, heroin addict and every time I met with him, 20:56 because we've been to Australia quite a bit 20:58 and they loved the program over there 21:00 and every time I met with him, 21:02 he got--was looking worse and worse and worse. 21:04 And the last time I saw him I just looked at him 21:06 and his wife and said, "You know what? 21:08 I think if I see you again 21:09 and you're not in recovery, you will be dead." 21:12 And he got it and got in recovery 21:14 and he's doing that and I just thought 21:16 "Jamie, you need to be here, you need to be standing here 21:19 and just saying, 'You know, what? 21:21 I may look horrible right now 21:22 but I've been clean for three months.'" 21:24 You know, what I mean? 21:26 How cool is that. It's so amazing. 21:28 So it was an incredible celebration. It really was. 21:31 I was so into it except the only thing complaint 21:35 I have is that incredibly large slice of cake you gave me. 21:38 I'm gonna be celebrating life 21:39 in recovery from sugar addiction. Yeah. 21:42 But it was really good. It was a great day. 21:44 And Brad got to play trumpet. Yeah. 21:46 You know that was fun for me because I just love him 21:49 and it was just a cool time. It was. 21:53 You know when we started this season with even Brad, 21:56 we talked about forgiveness 21:57 and we talked about that this whole thing, 22:00 the underlying theme of this season is that, 22:04 you know, what did you chose to comfort yourself? 22:07 You know, that pleasure center. What did I choose? 22:09 And early on, sometimes we choose our anger. 22:11 And our anger motivates us. 22:13 Sometimes we choose drugs, sometimes we choose sex, 22:16 sometimes its perfectionism, eating disorders, food 22:19 and we're gonna cover a little bit of all of that 22:22 in these different shows. 22:24 But what was amazing to me is being able to look at it is, 22:27 like pay attention to what you chose 22:29 because when you get away from that addiction, 22:32 that little thing that drove you initially is gonna jump up. 22:36 "Hey, did you forget about me? 22:38 I'm the fear that drove you, I'm the anger that drove you." 22:42 And so it's like if you don't address that, 22:45 you're gonna relapse. 22:46 And so being able to say, 22:48 "don't de afraid to address that, 22:49 don't be afraid to say out loud, 22:51 you know, I'm afraid or I'm angry 22:55 or I'm, you know, have all of this junk, 22:57 I've never belonged or whatever." 22:59 Because if you hide those things, 23:01 you will seek pleasure, you'll seek to comfort yourself, 23:04 you'll seek something and most of the time 23:08 we're not smart enough to seek things that are good. 23:10 You know give me a cake. 23:13 You know that's very powerful and we saw that, 23:15 you know, okay, I can see a drunk and say, 23:18 "That guy is a drunk." 23:20 You know, okay, that's his band-aid. Yeah. 23:22 But mine may be judgmentalism or working myself to death 23:24 or you know, so everybody's got a band-aid, 23:26 you need to kind of see what's under there. 23:28 You know, before you just slap a band-aid on it 23:30 see what's going on down there with that wound 23:32 and get some real healing for that. 23:33 And it's very, very important and very, very crucial 23:35 and we saw that in a number if instances this year. Mm-hmm. 23:38 And what's really interesting is if that's not true 23:40 then the Bible is not true. Correct. 23:41 Because Bible says "The best of the best of you 23:43 are like filthy rags" and what God says, 23:46 "But I know that and I delight in you." Yes. 23:49 "I want to show you what it feels 23:51 like to stand up without all the garbage." 23:53 And that's why I think that all of heaven says, 23:55 "Would you just trust me? 23:57 Would you see the heart of God? 23:59 Would you see that fact that I know you?" 24:02 You know, I could imagine, C. A. 24:04 that you know God delights in you. 24:05 I mean, I've seen you kind of ministering to people 24:08 and I think God must be up there and like, 24:10 "I like that guy," you know. 24:12 You know and I know that He feels that way about me 24:14 because He knows where I've come from 24:16 and I think sometimes He just smiles. 24:18 And I think that, that's what we got to know in our addiction. 24:20 The next roll in that we're gonna have 24:22 I think its hysterical because between these three programs, 24:27 I think these guys have done 150 years in prison 24:30 and now they're standing up and trying to figure out 24:34 what drove me initially? 24:36 How do I surrender that? 24:37 And will you help me? 24:41 But he had to stay in hospital for 7 days 24:44 and actually on his day coming home, 24:47 he was supposed to get released this day 24:49 and he was supposed to come home, 24:50 you know, she had a massive heart attack 24:52 and we lost her that day. 24:54 And you were in your early teens. 24:56 Yeah, I was 18 by this time. Wow. 24:59 Yeah, I was 18. 25:01 And so did things get worse for you, 25:06 because you said like in high school 25:07 "I started planning gangs, 25:08 I started doing all that kind of stuff?" 25:11 Then-- I will say it did get worse, 25:13 everything became real to me at that time 25:16 because you know my mother did so hard in taking care of us, 25:21 you know, it was kind of like-- 25:22 she was kind of like my refuge and my shelter. 25:25 So I would actually tell myself 25:27 that I didn't ever want to leave the house 25:29 so I didn't really want to take on too much responsibility. 25:32 So when we lost her, it was kind of reality hit 25:36 so hard that I will have to do something in order to, 25:39 you know, take where she left off. Right. 25:44 I got sanction for 5 years for the state of Kentucky. 25:48 I served about two of them before. 25:50 I'm a parole and you know all this emptiness inside 25:54 and I got to say that when I started selling 25:58 cocaine initially, it was because I was starving, 26:01 literaly lto death. 26:03 I would probably have starved on the streets 26:05 if I had not entered into that game at that time. 26:08 Because you were 16, left home, 26:10 didn't have a way to support yourself. Right. 26:12 And so you picked up what you knew. Right. 26:14 And so--but quickly it became something different. 26:19 You know, after the first 3 days of this out-of-town venture, 26:24 there was no longer a matter of doing it for my survival 26:28 because I needed to eat, but now there's-- 26:30 and this how quickly it happened. 26:31 It became this quest for to be that guy. Right. 26:36 You know, I saw the potential in it, people liked me, 26:37 I was good at it and overnight I wasn't hungry 26:40 and overnight instead of you know 26:41 trying to get something to eat, I was trying to, you know, 26:44 be the producer of things to eat or something, you know. 26:49 I needed him at that time. 26:50 I was there, didn't know nobody way away from home 26:54 and I was just-- I was at the end, 26:56 you know, I said, "Man, I got to do something." 26:59 Because I could have kept going, but where was I gonna go? 27:02 How much further down can you go, you know? 27:05 I mean, I'll never make it home or I'll die. 27:07 People in there ODing and dying 27:09 and I'm thinking "Man, that's next for me." 27:11 Right. That is next and I knew it. 27:14 I love, you know, that particular segment with, 27:17 you know, those three programs, I thought it was so cool 27:20 because all of these men had been in and out of gangs, 27:24 in and out of the system. 27:25 And I wanted to just talk about Buddy. 27:27 Buddy was, you know, in and out of jail most of his life. 27:30 He was raised by a dad 27:32 that spent most of the time in prison, 27:35 escaped numerous times but couldn't some home 27:38 because of course, the police would go there first 27:40 and so that's kind of how he was raised. 27:43 If he saw his dad, he went into prison and saw his dad. 27:46 And so Buddy, when he gets in the prison, 27:48 the first thing he does is just look around and says 27:51 "How am I gonna get drugs in here? 27:52 How am I gonna deal? 27:53 And people running drugs for him on the street. 27:55 He cops a sentence in prison for like another 50 years. 28:00 And so they finally take him to a level 6 prison, 28:03 a new prison that is like in Tennessee 28:05 that is built against a mountain that he can't escape 28:09 and he's in solitary confinement 28:12 for probably the rest of his life 28:14 just about he's gonna be there and that's where he finds God. 28:18 How crazy is that? 28:19 And I'm thinking "God, how patient are you?" 28:22 And I know most of us don't have 28:23 that ridiculous journey like that. 28:26 But I think in some sense, we all have that journey 28:29 where God is just-- He's so kind of after us 28:33 and we run, and we hide and we're in these corners 28:36 and finally we just get tired and like, okay. Yeah. 28:39 I think particularly with these prison stories 28:41 and there are number of them. 28:43 And they're all very compelling. 28:45 One of the things I think it highlights is, 28:46 "If you're hard of hearing, 28:48 then the Lord will turn up the volume," you know. 28:50 And He'll increase the volume until you can hear. 28:53 And if you need a hearing aid He'll give you that too. 28:55 But sometimes the Lord has to take some 28:57 extraordinary measures just to get our attention. 29:00 And He did that in many of these cases. 29:02 You know, you're in level 6, you're in solitary, 29:04 you got a long stretch, that's where you find the Lord. 29:07 Well, the Lord's there too. 29:08 Can you hear me now? Yeah. 29:11 You know, can you hear me now? 29:13 And you know what's really interesting about even 29:17 because of this season what we're looking at is "now what?" 29:21 You know you're standing up, you're clean for the first time, 29:23 you're not running, you're not playing, 29:24 and you're not the guy anymore, now what? 29:27 What's that stuff that comes from your head 29:29 and from your heart that will not let you go 29:32 and can you surrender that to God? 29:34 And it was-- it's interesting 29:35 you can see that in these stories 29:37 that there's either fear 29:39 or abandonment or that sense of rage. 29:42 You know, life is not fair and all of those thing are 29:46 you know they really wrap around our soul 29:48 or wrap around our hearts and it's at that point 29:50 in recovery that God says, "That will kill you." 29:53 Forgive the people around you, let that go. 29:56 Even if you have to write down on a piece of paper, 29:59 "This is what I believe, 30:00 what does the devil want me to know or think about that?" 30:03 And the devil's strategy is to take you out 30:06 and then write next to it write what does God say? 30:09 And either look at in the word or shut your eyes and pray 30:12 and let the Holy Spirit say what I say 30:15 is you're my child. 30:17 This is a very important aspect 30:18 that you've touched on, you know. 30:20 Okay, what's been driving all these years is your rage, 30:23 your addiction, this get-over mentality 30:25 you know everybody you see as a mark or somebody get over. 30:29 Now you jettisoned all of that. 30:31 Now you're kind of this plain sheet of paper 30:34 with no writing on it, well, what do I do now? 30:36 You know, now I'm not trying to get over you, 30:39 I want to be honest with you. 30:40 Now I'm not trying to cheat you, I want to honest with you. 30:41 How do I run my life? 30:43 I'm out of prison, I've got a new start, 30:45 I got no skills or minimal skills. 30:47 All I got is Jesus, you know and I got to roll with that 30:49 because that's my reality now. 30:52 That's all I got, I don't have those tools, 30:54 those games I used to play. 30:55 None of that stuff anymore. I'm divested of all that stuff. 30:58 Now I got he Lord and so for prisoners or ex-prisoners 31:01 or those who will become ex-prisoners, 31:03 this season is important because it addresses that. 31:06 Exactly. You know, you see people who've come out. 31:08 I got to start all over again, how do I do that? 31:11 And, you know, what's really interesting about 31:14 a number of these guys or all of them in fact 31:16 that we saw on the roll in, 31:17 they're all doing ministry right now. 31:19 They're all reaching out to someone else. 31:21 Even there's two brothers that were in gangs 31:24 in most of their life and they lived in these areas 31:27 where you know there's crack houses 31:30 and a house would catch on fire, half of it burns 31:32 and you're in the lower income area, in Detroit 31:36 and you know they live where they walk by these houses, 31:38 nobody takes them down, nobody rents them, 31:40 people live in there and use drugs, 31:41 everybody knows that. 31:43 They're selling drugs on the street. 31:44 These kids jump into that, you know, as soon as 31:46 they're old enough to run anything 31:48 like sometimes 9, 10 years old. 31:50 And so they're going back to the hood and trying to say, 31:53 "Let's do a community garden" 31:55 and they're getting money from people like the mayor. 31:57 Let's write a grant 31:59 so that we can get these kids to do something. 32:01 Let's put a basketball court on that property 32:04 that had that burned out house. 32:06 And they're doing things that they knew that they needed 32:08 as a kid and I'm thinking good on you, for that. 32:11 How cool are you for that. Yeah. 32:12 And so it is that get up, surrender those deeper fears, 32:17 that stuff that drove you to seek after 32:20 whatever the comfort was and then ask God 32:22 "What are you gonna do with me?" Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 32:25 And you'll be surprised because He knows 32:27 what's on that blank sheet of paper. 32:29 He knows who you are. yeah. 32:30 He's known you since the foundations of the world. 32:33 He knows you the day after resurrection. 32:35 Don't define yourself about what happens here, 32:38 because He says, "Let me define you." 32:40 And that's the most incredible thing, 32:42 I think about this season is that 32:44 you know we're looking at is the core stuff. 32:47 How do I surrender that? How do I give that up? 32:50 That is very compelling and I need to say to you 32:52 because you spoke here recently and it was-- 32:55 you were really anointed, it was powerful, 32:57 very powerful Sabbath morning message. 33:00 And after that one of the 33:02 participants in your program was in the audience. 33:04 And I was saying to him, you needed to hear that 33:07 because he's at that point. 33:09 He's out of prison, he has this history that's pretty bad 33:13 and he's aware of his history. 33:15 He's trying to free himself 33:17 from the consequences of his history. 33:18 He's leaning on the Lord, but he's hesitant about 33:21 going forward because he doesn't know 33:22 where Christ wants him. 33:24 And I think at the back of his mind 33:26 he doesn't know if Christ wants him in ministry. 33:29 Or if the church wants him. Precisely. 33:31 And I think listening to you said something to him 33:34 because it said-- it does say 33:36 "Regardless of what your history is 33:38 or where you've been or what you've done, 33:39 Jesus can use you. 33:41 And he can use that same history 33:42 to become a powerful testimony to his ability to reach down 33:47 and pluck people from the burning." 33:50 And if that is the only message that this season delivers, 33:54 then it is message enough because it's powerful. 33:56 Yeah, it is. That's enough. 33:57 And, you know, this guy that you're talking about 34:00 came up to me after the sermon. 34:01 He's in tears, he's trying to turn away from everybody 34:04 because he's like 6'6" and he's like a refrigerator. 34:07 I mean, that guy is huge and he has to say, 34:10 "But I'm afraid." Yeah. 34:12 And you know what? How do you say that? 34:13 And that's where I think the devil gets us, 34:16 is that we're so afraid to say what the core issues are 34:20 that we're gonna keep ourselves in bondage. 34:23 Don't do that. Yeah. 34:24 And even the program that we've put together for the churches 34:26 is being able to say is that "don't do that." 34:29 We're gonna look at the stuff, we're gonna surrender the stuff 34:31 and you are gonna be free. 34:32 And that's just cool. Yeah. 34:34 The next roll in we're gonna look at-- 34:35 let me think of who's on that. 34:37 Oh, you know, I love this one. 34:39 We're gonna look at Melody, Miracle Meadows, 34:43 which is a group of kids from an at-risk tratement center. 34:47 They always want to join us because they're just amazing. 34:50 And we're gonna look at G.A.P. 34:52 The G.A.P. program which is Grandparents As Parents. 34:55 And well you know we'll talk about that when we come back. 34:58 You'll enjoy this. 34:59 Melody lost like a 100 pounds, I love her. 35:01 Yeah, I love this program, Food Versus God. 35:04 In this corner we got food, in this corner we got God. 35:07 You know, and God's gonna win 35:08 and He surely won in Melody's life. 35:10 That's a great program. Exactly, enjoy this. 35:13 And I have to say, I married at 17 years old. 35:16 So I was a very, very young girl, very active, 35:19 I loved to run and play tennis and swim. 35:22 You know, I just didn't know how to stop. 35:24 And I never had a problem with eating too much food 35:27 when I was hungry. Right. 35:29 So then I get married at 17 years old 35:31 and that's when everything started to change. 35:33 You know your body is changing. 35:35 Here I am, you know, I got married 35:36 and I got pregnant right away after I was married. 35:39 And I went to this totally different life. 35:42 And you know I'm looking back on it now, 35:44 I didn't see it then, Cheri. 35:46 But here I am 17 years old, I'm married. 35:49 I didn't have access to my friends, 35:52 the people I went to school with-- 35:53 Everything changed for you. Everything changed for me. 35:56 I became a woman who sat at home, watched TV, 35:59 had nothing to do till my husband got home. 36:02 And ate. 36:04 And what else there was to do? Yeah. 36:06 I was adopted at the age of 4. 36:09 Beforehand I was with my birth mother who was single 36:13 and addicted to drugs and alcohol and everything. 36:16 And she wasn't taking care of me. 36:18 There'll be often times where she passed out, 36:21 you know she just leaved me. 36:22 So you kind of were taking care of her. 36:24 Yeah, as a little girl. 36:25 And I'd been in and out of the foster program. 36:27 And there was the time where, you know, she was told that 36:31 she needs to complete the rehab program or give up me. 36:35 And she gave up me. 36:38 You know when you're saying that 36:40 it sounds like it's an easy thing to say 36:41 but it can't have been that easy to feel. 36:44 No, this actually took me quite a long time to actually 36:49 accept the fact that it wasn't my fault for the adoption 36:52 and to realize that you know God's using me for a purpose 36:57 and that my past is my past and I've to step forward. 37:00 And not till this last year, well half year 37:03 that I started working with myself 37:05 and getting rid of that past hurt. 37:08 You would have to have a grandmother right now 37:12 whose daughter is on heroin. Yeah. 37:14 And she has-- this daughter walked away 37:18 early part of December and left this 4-month-old with her. 37:22 And because the grandmother--now, 37:24 she's taking the kid to the doctor. 37:25 So she's building a paper trail. 37:28 But right now the daughter continues to get the support. 37:32 And when the grandmother went to the family services 37:37 they said, "We haven't heard from your daughter. 37:39 We don't know that she doesn't have the child." 37:41 She's like, "But I have the child right here," you know. 37:45 So until she could build a case 37:49 to say that she actually is taking care of the child, 37:53 then she can't even get food stamps or work 37:57 or just some of those basic things to take care of the kid. 38:00 And so when the grandmother contacted us, 38:04 United Way had suggested they call us 38:05 and she was just looking for a baby bed for the child. 38:11 You know, I love the kids from Miracle Meadows. 38:15 But you know, when they come on the program, 38:17 they are so young and so damaged 38:19 and they really do want to come on and join us, 38:22 but you can see that in their testimonies 38:23 and you know that you are stepping in the-- 38:25 sometimes in the first part of their journey 38:28 and there's lot of people around them 38:30 trying to walk them into recovery. 38:32 And so when they tell the story, 38:34 sometimes you'll look at them and say, you know, 38:36 "Wow, there's so much damage, but man, they are being loved 38:39 and they're being brought to a place 38:41 where they can surrender that, they can talk about that, 38:44 they're finishing school, they're surrounded by people 38:47 that really adore them and know what that they're doing." 38:49 And I'm just crazy about these kids. 38:51 But the next program that we saw was 38:53 Grandparents as Parents 38:55 and a lot of these are adopted kids, 38:57 they're being raised by grandparents. 38:59 And so I put on Facebook, I just said 39:01 "You know, how big of an issue is that?" 39:03 You know and I couldn't believe that. 39:06 I think I got over a 100 people just saying, 39:09 I'm raising my kid's children or my daughter is in prison 39:14 or so and so is in rehab. 39:15 And so I went online and I just put the stats. 39:19 And two million kids plus are been raised by grandparents 39:23 in the United States because of addiction things. 39:26 And so when you say somebody is gonna grab 39:29 an addictive substance to deal with their pain, 39:33 a lot of these kids are gonna do that 39:35 because of the craziness in their home. 39:37 And so I asked, I call the program called GAP, 39:40 Grandparents as Parents. 39:41 I asked them, would you come on and talk to us about that. 39:44 And they came on and I just love them. 39:47 And I love what they're doing. 39:49 When I was pasturing, all my time in New York city, 39:53 I would dare say around 10% of my membership 39:56 was grandparents taking care or their children's children 40:00 for whatever reason. 40:01 Sometimes there was a divorce and there was, 40:04 you know, some acrimony there and the grandparents got them or 40:07 sometimes there was some incarceration issues. 40:10 All kinds of things like children 40:11 end up with their grandparents 40:13 and it's much bigger I think than people believe, 40:16 particularly in the cities and in the suburbs too 40:17 and in rural settings. 40:19 But there are some particular challenges when a person 40:22 who really should be kind of in the rocking chair 40:24 or a lazy boy, kind of taking it easy, 40:26 is actively raising a 10, a 12, a 15, a 17-year-old it's tough. 40:31 It's really tough, where you know, 40:33 one woman was on the program and she said, 40:36 "You know, I'm raising five of my grandchildren 40:39 from two different families." 40:40 One daughter is incarcerated with drugs, 40:43 the other one got murdered. 40:44 And, so, she's got these grandbabies 40:46 and she has some operations that she needs to have done 40:49 and she says, "I just can't stop to do those." 40:51 Mm-hmm. And so it is tough. 40:52 And as grandparents, they don't get financial aid 40:56 the same way as a parent would. 40:58 They are not recognized in a lot of different categories 41:01 and so they are raising them on like retirement funds 41:04 or those kind of things and so they're really-- 41:07 it was really cool to give that voice and just to say, 41:10 you know, we see you and God Bless You. 41:13 Okay. Who would think? 41:15 And I salute you for that. 41:18 And let me-- I'm just very happy 41:20 what God is doing with your life, you know, really. 41:23 I mean, just I don't get a chance to say that and, 41:24 you know, between, you know, our paths cross a lot 41:27 but not for long stretches of time. Yeah. 41:29 But who would think, you know, to put a program on 41:33 grandparent parenting in a Celebrating Life 41:38 and Recovery kind of format? 41:39 That's almost like I forgot, who's gonna address that issue? 41:42 Who's gonna talk about that? 41:43 And yet there are hundreds of thousands of grandparents 41:46 who are doing just that. 41:47 Where's their voice? Who's gonna speak to them? 41:49 And that's what we did this season, 41:50 we addressed that issue, well done. Thank you. 41:53 And you know, we've had grandparents 41:55 just in tears saying thank you. Yeah. 41:57 They, you know, they want to be seen. 41:58 "You know, we have our own recovery issues 42:01 because of this now." 42:02 It's huge. Yeah. 42:03 Thank you C.A. That was way cool. 42:05 I appreciate that, I'm a grandparent now. 42:07 And I--I must say I have limited capacity. 42:10 I'm not the prototypical grandparent. 42:13 My wife has, she is excellent, Erma is just great. 42:17 I--couple hours, 4 to 5 hours, maybe overnight 42:20 and then I kind of, I fatigue a little bit, 42:22 but she's got stamina. 42:24 So for all you grandparents out there, God Bless You. 42:26 Watch that show because you'll get some pointers, 42:28 you'll get some tips and you also know that you're not alone. 42:31 There are hundreds of thousands of people just like you 42:33 who have been called on an ongoing basis. 42:35 I get to send mine home, 42:37 you know, but on an ongoing basis 42:39 to raise their grandchildren. 42:40 It is not tough, our prayers are with you. 42:42 And even, you know, what was really interesting 42:44 before we go into the next roll in is 42:46 what I thought was incredible is just to be able to 42:49 look at the camera and say to the church, 42:51 if you see a grandparent with kids, 42:53 the lot of times they're not telling you that 42:54 they're raising these kids. 42:57 Love on them, invite them home, 43:00 you know, ask if you need any help, 43:02 that kind of stuff, be aware of the people around you. 43:05 Because we all kind of walk in and we look good. 43:09 And we look good. Yeah. 43:10 The kids look good. Right. 43:11 Everybody's hair is done. You know, what I mean? 43:13 But you don't know what trauma or drama preceded all of that. 43:15 Exactly, and so you know, my plead on this segment, 43:21 on this season is for us to look at each other. 43:25 Yeah. Look at each other. 43:26 Because the best of the best of us have issues, you know. 43:29 And we have issues that where lot of times 43:32 I'm not gonna tell you about and God-- 43:34 but God doesn't say that, because He says, 43:35 "Confess to one another, pray for each other, 43:37 love one another and kind of unpack all that stuff," 43:41 but we really haven't gotten that part of it. 43:43 So this season I'm praying that we get that part of it-- 43:45 Praise the Lord. With each other. 43:47 The next roll in that we're gonna see is Ashley David 43:52 and I got a cancellation on a program and I thought, 43:55 "What am I gonna do?" The cancellation was like the. 43:58 You know, we're setting up, people are behind the cameras, 44:01 the cancellation happened 44:03 and Shelley walks down the hallway, 44:04 you know, it was lucky it wasn't you. 44:07 It was Shelley walks down the hallway and I'm like, 44:09 "Shelley, would you be on the program?" 44:11 So we had Shelley Quinn come in and I was blessed by the honesty 44:17 of what she presented to us of her own journey. 44:19 So enjoy this. 44:22 And I was so broken, I walked out to-- 44:24 there was a bridge near the mall at where I'd been. 44:28 And I stood on the bridge and it was-- 44:30 I don't how far above the water it is, 44:32 but it's one of the New York City bridges 44:34 and I was gonna jump off. 44:35 Right then and there I had decided 44:38 and I started arguing with God, of all the things. 44:41 I'm arguing with God about "Why I'm gonna do this?" 44:43 And I'm telling Him, "God, it's not you it's me, really. 44:47 It's not your fault." I don't want you to feel 44:48 bad about this. Yes. 44:50 "It's not your fault that I'm gonna commit suicide. 44:51 You didn't do anything. This is on me. 44:53 I just can't make it work anymore." Yeah. 44:55 And I heard God in my head going, "Don't, don't do it." 45:00 And I'm like "You don't understand. 45:03 I can't do it anymore, I'm tired." 45:05 And I said, "God, I need a different life." 45:08 And He goes, "If you don't do it, 45:10 I'll give you a different life." 45:12 And I'm standing there going, "Well, what have I got to lose?" 45:17 You know, and I go "Okay, God, 45:19 you're gonna have to fix everything, 45:21 because I've just completely messed it up at this point." 45:24 No, I just-- You haven't killed anybody. 45:26 At that point, right. Yeah. 45:27 And it wasn't for the lack of not trying, 45:31 you know, what I mean? 45:32 If a car-- if somebody took off-- 45:33 And one thing you just say that, so casually. 45:37 It was--it is-- That was the lifestyle. 45:39 It is through that lifestyle you are somewhat desensitized 45:43 to the inhumanity of it, of what's going on. 45:46 So I mean I don't say it in a cavalier way, 45:48 but I did deal with it and it wasn't in my mind like 45:54 I know how people think today 45:56 what you were referring to normal people 45:58 because I've been around with lot of normal people now 46:01 and I know they think differently 46:02 because they don't understand how could you do that. 46:05 Right. So how could you even think that way? 46:07 If somebody was somewhat reluctant to give me 46:12 what I was taking, I would, you know, 46:14 you would attack him and assault him. 46:16 You know, I don't want to get too graphic, 46:18 but you would actually-- No, no, you're setting this out. 46:22 I'm not leaving without it. 46:24 And I must take everything I need to take to get it." 46:27 So if you want to, you know, how far do you want this to go? 46:32 And I've used a phrase before, 46:34 you know, when I would be doing robberies at time, 46:36 you know, telling people, you know, 46:38 "Let's not have this be a homicide. 46:40 You know, don't cause this to be a homicide. 46:43 Just get this stuff up." Just relax. 46:45 I just kept trying to be perfect and my mother would tell me, 46:49 you know, "You never needed me as a child. 46:52 You've always been perfect 46:53 and that's why I love your sister more. 46:56 So when she would have these episodes, 46:59 any animosity she felt toward my father came out to me 47:03 and it all ended up on me. 47:05 So you get this barrage of stuff that's like-- 47:08 Oh, yeah, Because I mean, you know, I'm, 47:10 I mean it doesn't, 47:12 I don't want to paint a horrible picture of my mother, 47:14 but I've been pulled around the house 47:16 by the hair on my head, 47:18 I've been pretty, you know, things would get very intense. 47:22 You know, Cheri, one of the themes 47:23 that have sort of weaved its way through 47:25 all of the programs this year was pulling off the patina, 47:28 taking off the mask, 47:29 not being afraid to say I'm afraid. 47:32 Not being afraid to say sometimes I cry, 47:34 sometimes I feel very alone in a crowed room, 47:38 I have this big bad persona, but under-- 47:43 there's a song "The Warrior is a Child," 47:45 you know, deep inside this armor 47:47 that I'm just a human being 47:48 who's gotten hurt and trying to heal. 47:50 And that's very, very real. 47:52 And I think that in what God says is 47:56 "I want you to know that you have to be that real." 48:00 And when we talk about emptying self, 48:02 you know, you empty that out, 48:04 I think that we are sometimes unclear about what that means, 48:07 but it's just get to the point 48:08 where the core issues are the core issues. 48:11 Because if I'm even going to a doctor 48:13 and I'm just telling him all the superficial stuff, 48:15 he can keep trying to get to heal me. 48:19 But eventually he's gonna have to know, 48:21 "Oh, it's my heart." 48:22 You know, and God says, you know, 48:24 these core issues are really a big deal." 48:26 You know, in that segment we're talking about, 48:29 Ashley is a friend of mine from church and, 48:31 you know, we were talking and she's, you know, 48:33 she's raised by her grandparents, you know, 48:35 she's in and out of different things, 48:37 she's got step family, she's doesn't fit in anywhere, 48:40 she gets so angry by the time she goes to school 48:44 that she's thinking nobody is gonna accept me that, 48:46 the people don't accept her. 48:48 Because you're angry and you're you know, 48:49 you act that way and you're mad at us 48:51 and we didn't do anything and so then she gets angrier 48:54 and she doesn't fit in and then starts doing drugs 48:57 and then she gets into this whole culture called vampirism. 49:02 Have you heard of that? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 49:04 And so you know, where literally 49:06 they are drinking each other's blood 49:08 and cutting each other and so now 49:10 not only does she not fit in, but she's getting 49:13 deeper and deeper and deeper into this kind of satanic 49:17 subculture and so you know, how does she come to a place 49:21 that she gets free of that? 49:24 And you know, God just says, you know, 49:26 we want to look at the behavioral stuff. 49:28 We really want to come in and say, 49:31 you know, well, you can't do drugs 49:33 and you can't drink someone's blood. 49:34 You know, there are clubs that you can go in and order blood. 49:39 I mean, it's just bizarre how big that culture is, 49:41 but you can't do that or you can't do drugs 49:44 or you can't beat your wife or you can't whatever. 49:47 But you know, for her, the bottom line as soon as 49:50 things started dropping away and she realized 49:53 that she was going to trust God, 49:55 is she was so afraid and so--feeling so unloved 49:59 and like I don't belong anywhere 50:01 and first of all God had to fill--fix that wound 50:04 and then she had to step into a church 50:06 and trust that the people around her 50:08 are going to help her with that wound. 50:10 You know, it's interesting because 50:12 in this particular segment, 50:14 you had two individuals who because of the lifestyle, 50:18 you know, you can look at some individuals and say, 50:19 you know, bad, Ashley, bad, bad, no drinking blood, you know. 50:22 You know, it's bad, bad, it's very bad. 50:25 Or we can say, what's driving this? 50:28 Where's the real pain? Because this is just a band-aid. 50:31 You know, this is Satan reaching out 50:33 and taking your dysfunction 50:34 and using it for your destruction. 50:37 Let's get to the real issue. 50:38 And she found that, 50:40 you know, she came in timid and she praised God, 50:44 came to a fellowship that accepted her as-- 50:47 people bring, you know, we've talked about this. 50:49 Well, people bring junk. People bring stuff. 50:51 Nobody comes in whole. yeah. 50:53 And we can't sit back and say, 50:54 "Oh my God, you bad, bad person." 50:56 We gotta say "How could Jesus 50:59 use me as an instrument to help you?" 51:02 And that's-- How can I speak life into her? 51:03 Precisely, yeah. 51:05 The next one is David Casey, you know, 51:06 and you talked about that and you know he's out of prison, 51:09 he's been in and out his whole life. 51:10 The longest he was out was couple weeks at a time 51:13 and he's got so much rage that his power is his rage. 51:16 And now the Bible says, "Don't be angry." Yeah. 51:20 What? What do you mean? 51:22 Because that's where I got my power. 51:23 That's why people respect me because I'm angry. 51:26 Right. I could take them out. 51:28 And, yeah, now God is saying, 51:29 "I want you to surrender that to me." 51:32 And now he has to say, 51:34 "But underneath that anger is fear. 51:37 Even though I'm a big guy, 51:39 people pay attention when I walk in the room, 51:40 but I've got this stuff" and that's the healing. 51:43 The deep healing is gonna be that. 51:46 Shelley, you know, I know her and I love her 51:50 and you know, she is just an 51:52 incredible woman of God in ministry 51:54 and but you know, she was raised with her mom 51:57 with mental illness, she dealt with perfectionism, 52:00 always had to be perfect and do the right thing 52:03 even to the point of having to look at God and say, 52:05 "God, do you expect that of me?" 52:08 And when I let go of that perfectionism, 52:12 what do I do? yeah. 52:14 Who am I? Right, yeah. 52:15 And you know, and we're thinking, 52:17 "No it's good that you're working so hard." 52:18 Well, it's not. It's not. 52:20 You know. Yeah, yeah. 52:21 It probably looks better than me slamming heroin, 52:24 but we're in the same bondage. 52:25 Yeah, but it's still dysfunction, it is. Yes. 52:27 You know, so go back to David, just a little bit. 52:32 In listening to your description of the show 52:36 and also in talking with him on a couple of occasions, 52:40 it's like Samson's strength was his hair 52:44 and when his hair was cut, he had no strength. 52:47 David's strength was his rage. Yeah. 52:49 And now, when you come to the Lord, 52:53 the Lord--that's the first thing He takes away. 52:54 He takes away that anger. 52:56 So now you don't have any strength. 52:57 You have no motivation. 52:59 And I thought about that, here's this really huge guy 53:02 who is intimidating just by his form, 53:05 but he said it "When I went on a prison yard, 53:07 nobody messed with me." Yeah. 53:08 Didn't say anything to me. 53:10 It was like this guy will just take you out. 53:11 He will kill you. 53:13 So now he didn't have that rage, 53:14 so now where does my life force come from? 53:17 Where does my energy to get up 53:19 and face the challenges each day, 53:20 because it's not rage anymore. 53:22 Now I'm surrendered, 53:23 so now I got to get a new motivating force. 53:26 And I've got a really tap into the power of Jesus Christ. 53:29 And that's where he finds himself, you know, 53:32 sort of making that connection-- Amen. 53:34 To tapping into the power of Jesus Christ and I told him, 53:37 when we talked on Sabbath, I said, 53:39 "God's got something good for you, man. 53:40 Just walk with Him, it's coming, it's coming. 53:43 Let the Lord use you." He's showing you who you are. 53:45 Yeah, he was showing, 53:46 because he doesn't know who he is now. 53:47 I've been a prisoner all my life, 53:49 I've been the big dog. 53:50 Not a big dog anymore, I'm just a servant of the Lord. 53:52 That's a different role for him. Child of God. 53:54 Child of God, yeah. 53:55 We'll be right back, stay with us. |
Revised 2014-12-17