Celebrating Life in Recovery

A Hardened Heart

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Max Rivera


Series Code: CLR

Program Code: CLR000049A

00:10 Welcome to Celebrating Life In Recovery
00:12 I'm Cheri your host.
00:13 If you want to see recovery looks like with skin on it,
00:16 this is the program for you.
00:18 You are going to be blessed, come in and join us!
00:48 Welcome back, you know we are going to talk about
00:50 something we talked about in the first season.
00:52 We were talking about the stages of recovery.
00:55 I love learning about addiction, I love learning
00:58 about what happens when somebody finally decides they
01:01 are going to step into recovery, that they are going
01:04 to stop using drugs.
01:06 One of the reasons I love so much is that when I
01:10 first came in to recovery, when I first met Christ,
01:14 when I first realized it was God that said,
01:16 you know what Cheri, I love you and I can help
01:18 you walk through all this.
01:19 When I first realized that I'm like yeah Hoo,
01:22 how fun is that?
01:23 Everything in me was thrilled.
01:26 I was loved for the first time my life and
01:28 somebody had plans for me.
01:29 For the first time in my life somebody was going to
01:32 show me how to live a healthy life.
01:33 But I was told pretty quickly that all you have
01:39 to do is stop using heroine, not by God, because
01:45 God said all you have to do is love Me and
01:47 everything else will fall away.
01:48 His whole recovery program was different but all you have
01:51 to do is stop using heroine, so I stopped and I'm thinking,
01:55 I am still like such a mess.
01:58 I thought ok, well I'm still lying, and sleeping around,
02:04 and messing up, and I manipulate, and I want to steal
02:07 the money out of the offering plate, and it was like
02:10 there was nothing right about that.
02:12 So I'm going to go through the stages recovery,
02:14 for one for people who need to know about that, for
02:17 addicts, for other people out there that somebody lied
02:20 you, said all you had to do is stop.
02:22 If you just stop and never do anything else, your
02:25 life can be so incredibly painful, that you will be
02:28 using in a short period of time just to deal with it.
02:33 So recovery is more than just stopping, and one of the
02:37 books I adore is called, Passages to Recovery, and the
02:42 author says stopping sobriety, abstinence and all that stuff,
02:48 is just the ticket into the movie.
02:51 So if I stop, just like the ticket into the movie,
02:54 it's definitely not the movie you're going to see,
02:56 it's just the ticket to get you in the door.
02:58 Stopping your addiction is just what gets
03:01 you in the door.
03:02 If you stop going online and looking up porn,
03:05 it is going to help you, but it is not what you need
03:07 as far as recovery, there is a lot of character
03:09 stuff that needs recovery.
03:11 So we are going to start with the first stage,
03:13 the transition stage and it's really called transition.
03:17 I'm going to transaction from my addiction whatever it is.
03:21 Whether it is stealing, workaholism, religious
03:23 addictions, I think that is a funny one,
03:25 but they are out there.
03:27 Religious addictions, gambling, drugs, alcohol,
03:30 and chemicals are not the only addictions.
03:32 I mean addictions come in all kinds of
03:34 eating disorders, cutting so I going to
03:37 transition from that into recovery, right?
03:40 But the first stage, I step in, and I tell myself
03:45 I am a prescription drug abuser and I like pain
03:50 medications, but instead of taking ten because I'm going
03:54 into recovery I'm only going to take two.
03:55 That's not recovery, it is that first transition
04:00 stage is saying that I can kind of control it.
04:04 If I am a gambler, I'm only going to gamble on Fridays.
04:08 right? I'm only going to gamble once a month,
04:11 so I have control.
04:12 I'm not going to loose the entire mortgage payment,
04:16 I may lose some of it, but not all of it.
04:19 If I may have an eating disorder, I'm only going to
04:23 over-eat at dinner time, I'm going to control some of it.
04:27 So that transition stage, that first page is saying that
04:32 I have somehow control, which is such a lie.
04:36 It is such a lie, you have no control over addictions.
04:40 Addictions will grab you every time, in every way.
04:43 For a lot of us we don't believe that, every time every way.
04:47 The next stage is stabilization, and I love that because
04:51 just imagine that you are like so, I can't even find balance
04:56 and that is that stage.
04:58 The next stage is an I'm out of control, and I can't
05:01 find balance, and I don't know who I am, and I don't
05:04 know what I'm doing, and I can't control these drugs
05:07 or the sexual addiction, this eating disorder,
05:09 this cutting I can't control anything.
05:11 And that is that stage where you start to admit to
05:16 yourself, and hopefully somebody else, that I can't
05:20 control this I am out of control.
05:22 And if you don't have anyone to admit that to, for one
05:26 admit it to God, because He so knows.
05:29 He knows you are not fooling Him with anything,
05:32 but if you have somebody, a friend, a church.
05:36 A church that you have never even walked into, walk
05:39 into it now and just tell some one I am out of control
05:43 and I need some help.
05:44 So it is just being enabled at the that point just
05:47 stabilizing, just realizing that there is nothing
05:49 I can do to actually deal with this addiction.
05:52 The next part of recovery is the early part of recovery.
05:56 And in the early part of recovery it's like this
05:58 internal change.
06:00 The internal change, let me go back to stabilization
06:05 because here is where a lot of people miss the mark, is
06:09 stabilization, not only am I stabilizing some things in
06:13 my life, not only am I trying to find some balance, I
06:17 may even drink water rather than tequila.
06:20 Shut up, what a concept!
06:21 Do you know what I mean?
06:23 When somebody tells me, well I can't stomach water, I'm
06:27 like you can down any kind of alcohol on the planet, but
06:31 don't give me water, because you will acquire a taste for it.
06:34 That it is like during that time, during that time there
06:38 is always a neuro chemical stabilization that happens,
06:42 that I have been tweaked, my serotonin, melatonin my
06:47 neuro chemistry is out of whack.
06:49 I have pathways in my brain that will lead me to places
06:54 that are so awful that I have to have my brain rewired.
06:58 I hate to even say this out loud, for non-addicts it
07:01 just kills them to hear this, especially family members,
07:04 especially somebody's mom.
07:05 It usually takes from 8 to 18 months to stabilize
07:09 neuro chemically, to get your mind back, to get
07:13 out of that kind of chemical fog, because we
07:16 have tweaked everything.
07:18 The reason I want to say that out loud is somebody
07:21 around you, the people around you, the church
07:23 around us wants us to step in, come up to the altar
07:27 accept Christ and then be good.
07:29 I want too but it doesn't happen and you know we
07:32 can be better, we can have our hearts changed, we can
07:35 desire this more than anything, but there is a time
07:38 factor in recovery.
07:40 There is that internal stuff that literally starts
07:44 changing, and you know I've seen God do miracles in
07:48 somebody has just got poof right away.
07:51 I want to kick that person, no I'm sorry,
07:54 but it doesn't happen, that doesn't happen every time.
07:58 For most of us, God allows us in His mercy to walk out
08:01 of recovery and I think that is so we can get spiritual
08:04 legs underneath us, and we can love on somebody that
08:07 has to walk out their recovery.
08:08 Because we have some empathy for them.
08:10 So that stabilization period, there is more to it
08:14 than just a behavioral stabilization, we are getting
08:19 our body back, we are getting our liver back,
08:20 We're getting our spleen back, our arteries and everything are
08:25 clogged up, we haven't been eating right, thinking right,
08:29 drinking water, we haven't done any of that.
08:31 During that stage hopefully you have somebody that
08:34 is really good around you, mentoring you, they are going
08:37 to tell you take care to yourself during this stage.
08:40 Eat and Apple, well you know I don't like apples,
08:43 Krispy Kremes, eat an Apple!
08:47 you know what I mean and this is like,
08:49 so that stage is just like that.
08:52 The next stage is mental recovery and this is
08:54 external change, this is the recovery that
08:56 everybody on the planet is waiting for.
08:58 Where we walk up to somebody and say you know,
09:00 I'm sorry for stealing your car, you know what I mean?
09:04 It's that stage and it may not be stealing your car,
09:07 I'm sorry for having an affair, I'm sorry for the way
09:10 I have been manipulated and lied to you your whole life.
09:13 I'm sorry from stealing from you, I'm sorry I blamed
09:17 you my whole life, that I always thought we your fault.
09:20 And I'm sorry for that, it's a stage where in a recovery
09:23 program they call it making amends.
09:25 It's that place where you come up in just realize that,
09:29 man I think it was me.
09:31 It is such a healthy place to be, and it doesn't
09:34 feel good at first.
09:35 I mean for an addict when we get to a stage where we
09:37 realize it might have been me, we want to use.
09:39 I want to do something to make that pain go away when
09:43 I realize that every single thing I put on you,
09:47 I think it was me and I'm so sorry.
09:50 That external thing is where I'm going to start
09:53 coming out, and I'm going to start on the outside
09:56 trying to make it right.
09:58 On the outside trying, where I can, and don't
10:01 do it everywhere.
10:02 If it is going to hurt somebody for you to make it
10:06 right, if you have, I met somebody that stabbed and
10:10 raped a woman and in their amends they wanted to go
10:13 back and deal with this person's family, don't do that,
10:16 Because you know they have struggled, and been in pain
10:19 and have dealt with this their whole life and it may not
10:22 be appropriate for you to do that.
10:24 If the Holy Spirit leads you in that way go in that
10:27 direction, but if He doesn't, don't do that, just
10:30 make amends where you can and leave it with God in
10:33 places where you can't.
10:34 But it is really a place to look at the external
10:36 relationships, it's a place to also even developed some
10:40 of that, it is so fun to be able to say, you know what
10:44 I'm sorry and I love you.
10:46 I love you and you are saying that not only to your
10:49 spouse's you are saying that to your mom, your dad,
10:52 your sisters, your friends, the person at the corner
10:55 store that you use to rip off every week,
10:57 you are saying that to them.
10:59 You are kind of going around and doing that and
11:01 somebody says why do I have to do that?
11:04 Because it is good for you, it's good for them too,
11:08 and I don't want to discount that part.
11:10 It is good for them for somebody to all the sudden
11:13 hear you say and acknowledge the fact that you know it
11:16 wasn't okay, but it is good for you to say it.
11:19 And when somebody responds to you, you get to feel that
11:22 gratitude, it is good for you to learn to receive that.
11:26 I mean there is something I think that God puts in our
11:29 recovery process that as we do it you can feel,
11:33 this is what health feels like.
11:36 All of a sudden you look at somebody that you have
11:40 apologized to, that you are, I don't have to prove
11:43 myself to you and that rebellion comes up and I say
11:47 do I have to prove myself to them?
11:48 Not really but you really have to kind of show them
11:51 that you are trustworthy now, and as you do that the
11:55 respect comes to you there is something that happens
11:58 to us when we learn how to receive respect,
12:01 or receive love.
12:02 A friend of mine had a prison, Maranatha Prisons
12:06 in California, his name is Terry Morlan.
12:07 Terry if you're out there you know I love you.
12:09 But he had this prison in California and one of the
12:12 first things he did, because he's a Christian Guy
12:15 an incredible guy, is he put the persons name,
12:18 every inmate had their name on there.
12:20 If the guard didn't call them Mr. Smith, Mr. Rodriguez,
12:26 Mr. whatever, if the guard called them inmates,
12:28 they would be fired.
12:30 This is a human being call them by their name.
12:34 It was, the theory was if I can teach you to receive
12:37 respect, and you feel what that feels like, you will
12:41 long to give it.
12:42 It is not that I am going to demand respect from you
12:45 because you don't know how to do that, I am going to
12:47 teach you to receive it.
12:48 So that is that stage and it is really an incredible stage.
12:52 Late recovery, I love this and at this point in recovery
12:57 I want to kiss God on the face.
12:58 I wanted to say, you know what, how cool are You?
13:01 Because you know what at first I thought recovery was
13:04 that I just get to walk away from all this junk.
13:07 I get to be free from the bondage of lying, and
13:10 manipulating, and depression, and generational junk that
13:13 has just been thrown at my family, I am free from that.
13:17 I'm thinking whew, thanks, but that is not it.
13:21 Late recovery God is going to show you who you are.
13:24 What life is about, how to laugh out loud, how to feel
13:28 good your own skin, and I'm thinking are you kidding me?
13:32 Are you kidding me I took piano lessons and drawing
13:35 lessons, I'm getting in a kayak this year.
13:38 I'm learning how to play golf, I learned how to
13:42 actually be present with my husband and be in a
13:45 relationship that is amazing.
13:47 I have gotten to be married 20 years and I know
13:50 what it feels like to be a healthy woman of God,
13:52 in love and enjoying life.
13:54 I wouldn't trade my life or anything,
13:56 but this is late recovery.
13:57 This is the recovery process where God just gets to
14:00 show you what happens if you were never damaged.
14:03 What happens if you never got involved in the
14:07 addictions, the dysfunctions in early childhood,
14:11 what happens if that was all gone for you.
14:13 What is really fun is that it is amazing, if you haven't
14:16 got there yet ask the Holy Spirit, take me there.
14:20 And if you still have work to do, if you still have
14:24 stuff to do in your recovery, spend ten minutes a day
14:28 on that and the rest of the time learning who you are,
14:32 because you know we spend all the time learning about
14:35 our addictions, looking at our junk, looking at molest,
14:38 and I think all of heaven just says, I can't wait till
14:41 we are done with this.
14:42 At least a little bit done what this because you know
14:45 what you had have the best laugh ever.
14:47 I love the way you think about things.
14:50 I love the talents I've given you.
14:52 I love who you are and I want to show you some of that
14:54 because you don't know.
14:55 So that is that part, maintenance is I am learning to
14:59 balance life, I am learning to live life day and day
15:02 without addictions, without all that kind of stuff.
15:05 I'm laughing out loud, I'm learning what I'm good at,
15:09 I'm also edifying and lifting people up around me,
15:12 because I want them to know what they're good
15:14 at and about life.
15:15 If I have people who are addicts in my life,
15:17 my heart breaks for them.
15:20 I used to want to use, I see someone smoking a
15:23 cigarette and I would think oh man I just wish they
15:25 give me one of those, but now I want to save their lungs,
15:29 to actually say you can do some things with those lungs
15:33 that are fun.
15:35 Or you can trash them either way.
15:37 But it's like you get to a point where you your
15:39 maintain all that.
15:40 I want to introduce you to some acquaintance, I want to
15:44 call them friends because I see the Holy Spirit in them
15:48 and God in them, but I want to introduce you to a friend
15:51 of mine that you will kind of see in his life, you will
15:55 see you will see this whole process.
15:58 We're not going to stop and go over the stages, we are
16:00 not go look at all that kind of stuff but you'll see
16:03 the process of recovery in his story and you will see
16:06 how God has just loved on him.
16:08 So stay with us because you are going to be blessed,
16:10 Blessed I'm telling you.


Revised 2014-12-17