Celebrating Life in Recovery

Lost Innocence

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Alta Austin


Series Code: CLR

Program Code: CLR000047B

00:13 Welcome back!
00:14 I again wanted to say, that I am proud of God,
00:18 that I am proud of the journey I am on, I hope
00:20 that you feel the same and if you don't e-mail us
00:23 and we will pray for you.
00:25 This journey I think recovery and getting to know who
00:29 God is getting to know who we are and stepping away from
00:31 our junk just, it really is absolutely incredible.
00:35 God is really kind.
00:37 I think that He doesn't show us all our stuff right
00:40 away, it is like He does it in stages I think so we
00:43 just don't jump in front of a train, and I don't want
00:46 to say that, but I think it is for that.
00:48 So we just don't get discouraged.
00:50 I want to introduce you to a friend of mine that is
00:54 going to share her journey with us and I just want you
00:57 to listen up because it is incredible.
00:59 I think Alta, I want to thank you for coming.
01:04 So Alta Austin you're from Grants Pass Oregon, - yes.
01:09 I know that this is not going to be an
01:13 easy trip for you.
01:14 No - so tell us a little bit about that.
01:17 Two days ago, I was in my car driving, and I watch your show
01:23 all the time, my husband and I are just like Cheri is on,
01:26 we need to hurry home.
01:28 We're worse than the soap operas, it's now like Cheri's on
01:30 I love that -We don't watch soap operas, we watch Cheri
01:33 and we run home and it is so neat because we
01:37 really enjoy your show.
01:39 I see all these people that are on your show and they
01:41 all have these unique stories and stuff.
01:43 I know you ask me to come be on your program in Grants Pass
01:48 during your seminar there in January, earlier this year.
01:52 It was so cool and I thought oh wow how fun to go
01:55 and be with Cheri.
01:56 Then as I sitting there going wow - I was just going
01:59 to say when everybody says that it just cracks me up,
02:00 I'm a heroine addict in recovery and I'm thinking you
02:04 know Alta, you should have better role models.
02:07 But I want to thank you for that - it's true.
02:10 It was like we just had so much fun together.
02:13 But I'm standing there and saying Lord, all these people
02:17 have real problems you know and it's real life and what
02:21 do I have two bring to the table? What do I have?.
02:24 The Lord just says, I want you to tell your story.
02:28 I said my story, and He goes yeah.
02:31 He said it will help others, and I said okay, I can do
02:35 that for You, because it is for Him.
02:39 It's for him to bring honor and glory it's not fun for
02:42 me to come and share what I am going to share.
02:44 It is not going to bring any pride to my life.
02:48 Exactly- but what I want to say is that when I met your
02:51 husband and you I saw, which is incredible to when I get to
02:54 travel, what I saw was two people that were in love
02:58 and were really kind of solid in their relationship.
03:02 Then your testimony, or story unfolds and
03:05 I'm thinking you have to tell someone that.
03:06 It's really tough because I feel when I ask
03:11 somebody, it's a personal thing that may not be received
03:14 easily, and the person looks at me like, are you nuts?
03:19 Are you kidding, did you hear what I just told you?
03:22 The reason I say please tell it is because I travel and
03:25 I get to hear a number of peoples stories throughout the,
03:28 you know I travel 2 or 3 times a month now, I'm at different
03:32 states, at different church's, different events, I'm in
03:36 different countries and our stories are the same.
03:39 We struggle with the same things, but I think when God
03:42 steps in our life and gives us victory some where, then
03:46 we just thank you for the victory, and we sit down
03:48 just like I'm never speaking on this again.
03:51 There is a story in the Bible about the demoniac and
03:56 rage, filled with a thousand demons and he was, and
03:59 Christ came and literally healed him, pulled all the
04:02 demons out and this guy was beating people up,
04:04 cutting on himself with stones.
04:06 Christ said to him when he was clean in his right mind,
04:09 please go tell someone because there are people filled
04:13 with demons, filled with rage, with everything, and they
04:15 will find that God is faithful to bring us out of that.
04:19 So what I heard your story I wanted to say Alta please
04:23 tell someone and I'm glad you're here.
04:25 I want to say thank you for coming.
04:27 Well I have to show you two this morning that as I
04:29 was having my devotional time I go through the promises
04:34 on a daily basis in my Bible.
04:36 You know I have them marked and stuff, I just happen
04:39 to be on this page, this morning at 3ABN.
04:43 It was just like yeah a coincidence.
04:46 2 Corinthians 1:4, "he comforts us in our afflictions
04:53 so that we may be able to comfort those who are in
04:56 any kind of affliction through the comfort we
04:59 ourselves received from God. "
05:02 I mean tears just came to my eyes, I just sat there
05:05 and thought God - explain to someone why tears would
05:07 come to your eyes?
05:09 Because of what I have come out of it's not a pretty
05:12 thing and yet God can still use somebody damaged like
05:16 myself to bring comfort, and to be a support and show
05:22 another person the way out.
05:24 I want to, because you forgot the first part of that
05:26 text, He comforted you - yes.
05:29 He held you, He, with all our junk, to me when He held
05:35 me up and said, you are lovely to Me, I felt that 100%.
05:39 I was like basking in that and realized,
05:42 wait I have teeth missing, I'm strung out on heroine,
05:44 there was nothing lovely about me except God said,
05:48 you just don't see it yet.
05:49 You just haven't experienced that yet, but when God
05:52 does that, when He comforts us it is incredible because
05:54 everything in us is broken, yet we feel so together.
05:57 My story goes back to shortly after I was married the
06:03 first time, I'm in my second marriage now, but shortly
06:06 after I was married the first time I felt un-loved.
06:10 Five months into the marriage and already involved with
06:14 somebody else - so how did that happen?
06:18 You know I hear that, how did that happen for you?
06:21 It was somebody I worked with and it just, my husband
06:25 was gone a lot and I just was attracted to this other
06:30 guy and he showed me attention.
06:32 My husband wasn't showing me as much attention as I thought
06:36 I needed and all that, I'm just high maintenance person.
06:39 I'm a high maintenace person.
06:40 So I ended up separating and he actually filed for
06:47 divorce, but we ended up getting back together.
06:49 In the process of that I gave my heart to the Lord.
06:53 I was almost 22 years old and one day I just said Lord,
06:57 I just do want to do this anymore.
07:00 I want to have a life, I had such a miserable existence
07:04 until then and so I just gave my heart to the Lord.
07:07 Thinking that was it, I was through with my past life.
07:09 Unfortunately that kept coming into my life and then
07:15 there was another affair and eventually we ended up
07:19 divorcing and here I am a Christian, I love the Lord and
07:27 I want to do what is right.
07:29 I keep getting drawn down to the same road.
07:31 You know when the Bible says that we are like a dog
07:34 returning to its vomit, in the first time I read that I
07:38 thought that was pretty harsh until I realize we really
07:41 are, until we deal with our stuff we will keep getting
07:45 pulled in the same direction.
07:47 I think that is why God pleads with us, let Me show you
07:50 where that comes from so you can be done with it.
07:54 You know it is so much easier if I came to you and said,
07:56 and I'm not trying to say against somebody that has an
08:02 alcohol problem but it would be much easier for me to
08:04 say that I have an addiction to alcohol.
08:05 But to come and say I have an addiction to men, I've
08:09 committed adultery, that's not pretty.
08:13 Not that the other is either, its people don't
08:17 stereotype you either, like all wow I don't want her
08:22 too close to my husband type thing.
08:24 So anyway my husband and I divorced - I want to joke,
08:27 I left my husband home just in case, no I'm kidding.
08:31 You know we do have that hierarchy of things and we
08:36 don't see, we see the alcoholic is more stumbling
08:40 around in the their pain or past issues and that
08:43 something is wrong, but we don't see that person
08:44 as in relationship addictions in the same way.
08:48 But as we get into your story we are going to find out
08:52 there was damage that fueled that, there were smoldering
08:56 underneath all the stuff.
08:57 Then like I said I got married again, married
09:01 a wonderful Christian man - and knowing that
09:03 I'm done with this now.
09:04 Yeah done with this, I was so in love with him and we
09:06 had been married 9 years and he again was not showing
09:11 the attention that I felt I needed.
09:14 You know he was more than willing to say that he wasn't.
09:17 My husband never threw it up in my face and said, oh
09:21 well she did this, you know he tells people?
09:24 If I had been there for Alta this wouldn't have happened.
09:27 Well it probably would have but it is neat that he
09:31 accepts that part of the situation himself and that
09:35 draws me even closer to him.
09:37 I was involved in the church and there was a man at
09:42 church, again affirmed me, showed attention to me,
09:47 we were best friends, his family and
09:49 my family are best of friends.
09:51 We used to do a lot of things together and one
09:53 thing led to the other and we ended up involved
09:55 in a relationship together.
09:57 I left my husband for a short time, 3 weeks, emotionally
10:03 I had left for a lot longer than that.
10:05 We got back together, he actually had prayer groups at
10:09 our church praying me home.
10:11 I knew it was the power of God, my husband did that, it
10:14 was the power of God bringing me home.
10:16 You would think he would be just furious - oh yeah!
10:18 Because what we are talking about affairs and stepping
10:21 out in those relationships everyone is damaged.
10:24 we're talking about spouse's damaged, church families
10:27 damage, extended families damage.
10:29 I mean it really does when children are involved because
10:32 I don't know if kids, if there's children involved
10:34 through all that get damaged and it immediately pulls
10:39 everybody into some painful areas.
10:44 Oh yeah and the whole church was affected by what I did.
10:47 I went through church discipline and all this kind of
10:50 stuff and I came back but continue to have problems in
10:54 relationships, problems some husband would be talking
10:57 about splitting up, staying together, splitting up and
10:59 staying together, getting counseling, we done that.
11:02 We went through all that and it all had helped, it
11:05 helped, it all had its purpose.
11:06 Can you share with us, and I don't mean to get too
11:08 personal but can you share with us.
11:10 It must of been torture at times, thinking God
11:12 what is wrong with me?
11:14 You know I mean am I converted or not converted.
11:17 Am I ever going to be in a saving relationship.
11:20 I felt like the person that had the big scarlet
11:24 letter sewn on my blouse.
11:26 Am I like an emotional leper, I think that we forget that
11:31 we see the activities but we don't see the times that
11:34 you are just pleading with God, like what is wrong?
11:37 What is wrong?
11:38 My best friend Rosie, it was really neat when I was
11:41 gone with this man from the church, I was gone 3 weeks,
11:45 and she would call me 2 or 3 times a day and you know
11:50 what she told me Cheri?
11:51 She would say Alta I know you love Jesus,
11:54 I know you love Jesus.
11:56 And that's all she'd say I know you love Jesus and you
11:59 will do the right thing, I know you love Jesus.
12:01 She was never condemning me saying come home and
12:04 we'll get your head on straight, or nothing.
12:05 It was always I know you love Jesus and that
12:07 really hit me, I do love Jesus, and I do want
12:10 to do the right thing.
12:11 I do want to serve God as a whole person, not as the
12:16 person that keeps - so needy and so empty - right!
12:19 - Can I just say that it reminds me at one point when I
12:26 thought I would never get well.
12:27 I would never, I would always be so pulled by this junk
12:32 that I had learned.
12:34 I had read in the Bible where Paul made the statement
12:37 like I want to do what is right and I don't.
12:40 It's like every time I'm even trying to do what is
12:44 right I do what's wrong and I'm thinking I'm so
12:46 wretched and he really starts to plead with God and
12:49 said, wretched man that I am who is going to save me?
12:52 And luckily he goes right into this thing well Christ
12:55 you're going to save me, because it's not like I'm even
12:58 doing the right thing, I am stumbling around failing
13:01 miserably and the only hope I have is if You are real.
13:06 What you are saying right now is that your heart said
13:08 God, Jesus I know that I love you.
13:10 I know that my heart is crying to get out of all this
13:13 kind of stuff, but you were so stuck.
13:16 So what happened, I mean.
13:19 Well you know things got better but there was still
13:23 something, but I didn't know that.
13:26 It was watching your program last fall and you had
13:31 Misty Bracken on your show.
13:35 She was telling you about a problem she had, and I want
13:38 you to know we were paying attention, and she was telling
13:42 about this problem she was
13:43 having and she wanted sympathy from you.
13:47 Instead you said, well that sounds like your stuff you
13:52 need to deal with, what is in your past that is causing
13:56 you to react this way?
13:58 And she's going what, like no know you're supposed to be
14:02 on my side here, not telling me go search things out.
14:05 So she said finally through the Holy Spirit, as you
14:09 kept nagging at her, pray and ask the Holy Spirit to
14:11 reveal what it is.
14:12 So I thought immediately I knew, it was like,
14:17 Oh I need to do that.
14:19 I thought I had some, but I thought no there is still
14:23 something and so the next morning I'm like a little kid
14:26 that can't wait, going to a candy store I can't wait
14:28 to get into my devotional time.
14:30 Okay honey go on to work, goodbye!
14:31 I can't wait to get to my devotional time - because I
14:36 wanted that time alone with God.
14:37 I'm sitting there, I'm sitting there and nervous because
14:44 I know it is big, I know it is really big.
14:47 So I said God what is it - and just for somebody that
14:50 might miss what you mean by beg, that whatever is motivating this
14:54 behavior is huge and you had a sense of that.
14:57 You had a sense of that but she did not know what it is,
15:00 I know that I'm going to have to brace myself if I ask
15:02 Him to reveal this to me.
15:03 I have to read you a few verses and I wrote them down to
15:05 save time from looking them up.
15:07 I'm in my time with Him and I said okay Lord,
15:12 and He took me immediately, these verses came to me
15:16 just like bullets do.
15:18 The first one He said was, "and you shall know the
15:22 truth and the truth shall make you free. " John 8:32
15:25 Romans 6:14, "for sin shall not have dominion over you,
15:30 for you are not under the law but under grace and if God
15:35 shall therefore make you free you shall be free indeed. "
15:37 John 8:36, "howbeit when he the spirit of truth has come
15:41 he will guide you into all truth for he shall not speak
15:43 of himself but whatsoever he shall hear that shall he speak
15:47 and he will show you things to come. "
15:48 John 16:13, "I can do all things through Christ
15:52 which strengthens me. "
15:53 Philippians 4:13, "for I will restore health," I love
15:57 this one, "for I will restore health unto you and I will
15:59 heal you of your wounds says the Lord. "
16:02 Jeremiah 30:17. "And therefore if any man be in Christ
16:06 he is a new creature, old things are passed away,
16:08 behold all things are become new. "
16:11 2 Corinthians 5:17, "for the weapons of our warfare
16:15 are not Cardinal but mighty through God to the
16:18 pulling down of strongholds casting down imaginations
16:20 and every high thing that exalts itself against the
16:22 knowledge of God and bringing into captivity every
16:26 thought to the obedience of Christ. "
16:28 2 Corinthians 10: 4 & 5, - you know I have got to say
16:31 what is really interesting, it is the coolest thing and for
16:33 people who haven't done this yet.
16:35 You turn around and ask God and you start to just let
16:39 Him show you things, He will do that, He will
16:43 bring the Scripture text - and I'm writing them down
16:45 and reading them and crying and I love this one.
16:48 "Peace I leave with you My peace I give unto you,
16:50 not as the world gives, give I unto you. Let's not your
16:53 heart be troubled neither let it be afraid. " John 14:27
16:56 And the last one He brought me to was, "he brought them
16:59 out of darkness and the shadow of death and broke their
17:03 bands asunder. " Psalms 107:14
17:07 So I'm sitting there - He gives you all this
17:09 - He did - in preparation - He didn't give me any
17:12 thing other than that I knew that what He was going to
17:17 give me, He wasn't going to give me, you know He says He
17:19 won't give anything we can't handle - So
17:22 I knew that what He was going to give me was going to
17:24 be big, but He was right there, I felt His presence.
17:27 It was like loving arms around me, so the next thing I
17:32 just closed my eyes and there is this vision, you know
17:37 this memory that pops into my head.
17:38 Well I knew that memory because when somebody says
17:43 what your first memory, I always knew mine was I was
17:45 naked behind the house and I always said that.
17:48 I was 3 years old, naked behind the house and that was what
17:53 I always thought that I had gone back there and taken
17:56 all my clothes off or whatever.
17:58 My mom found me and laughed at me and never thought
18:01 - and not laughed at you in a bad way
18:03 - just like what you do in taking your clothes off
18:05 that kind of thing.
18:07 I thought well God I know that, I know that memory.
18:10 He gently said, Alta, you didn't take your clothes
18:17 off and then He showed me who did.
18:19 And I just, it was a male relative of mine who is
18:26 deceased now, but I mean, it was somebody I was
18:29 very close to, and I just sat there with tears
18:32 running down my face.
18:33 I didn't have any anger or bitterness,
18:38 I was saddened, but I also have my,
18:44 the Lord had put in my heart forgiveness.
18:46 I understood, I immediately understood.
18:51 Then the Lord took me back to some other memories I
18:54 had when I was 11 years old, I was molested by a
18:59 15 year old boy, I was molested.
19:01 I always thought that was my fault, I always thought
19:05 that was my fault.
19:06 Then when I was 16 I was date raped and again I always
19:09 thought that was my fault.
19:11 It is your fault, you shouldn't have let it go so far.
19:14 Even though I was saying no, it's your fault.
19:16 All these things and the Lord showed me at 3 years old
19:22 it wasn't my fault - Amen!
19:26 I didn't have a choice in it, and not when I was 11 or
19:30 16 was it my fault, but when I was 3 years old,
19:33 I was just a child, a little.
19:35 One thing that is amazing to me when you say that story
19:41 is that when the molest was over, whoever the relative
19:47 was walked away and left you naked behind the shed to
19:51 be found by someone else.
19:53 And to me I think in an emotional sense, in a spiritual
19:56 sense you were naked behind the shed until God says you're
19:59 okay and I love you and let Me dress you.
20:02 Let Me step in - and it just amazes me, what I saw
20:09 from that instance, was when He started bringing to
20:13 my mind was abandonment issues.
20:15 I was hurt and left alone by somebody that I trusted.
20:19 So I have abandonment issues, have relationship issues,
20:22 and I'm not trying to make, I don't want anybody to
20:25 hear this and think that she is just trying to make
20:28 excuses for the thing she has done.
20:30 Because that is not where I want this, I don't,
20:33 at 3 years old something was taken from me.
20:38 My innocence was taken from me and also I think
20:42 something in my brain, I don't know - to reason
20:47 - yeah something twisted that took away some of my
20:50 abilities to reason things out.
20:53 What is really interesting to me, is in my own healing
20:56 like we talked about, that as God brings us to a place
20:58 of healing is that for some of us, for a lot of us,
21:02 He has to show us what twisted.
21:04 What made this behavior okay, what made this draw okay,
21:08 this cavern, emotional pit that you have,
21:12 what developed that in you.
21:14 As soon as we see it through the Holy Spirit,
21:16 it's like the Holy Spirit says now let Me fill that up,
21:19 let that need not ever be a need that you have again.
21:22 I don't know how He does it, but He does it.
21:26 Alta: He does it is so cool.
21:28 I don't hear you make excuses, I want to tell you that
21:30 I am, I don't hear you make excuses what I hear
21:33 is a woman that is grateful, saying God thank you
21:37 for bringing me to this place where I can see this
21:41 and allow you to bring healing into my life.
21:44 And into the lives of everybody that was
21:47 damaged during that process.
21:48 You know one of the first things I had to do was I had
21:50 to tell my parents what had happened.
21:54 Because I felt they needed to know.
21:55 Cheri: what did they say?
21:57 You know I didn't want to cast blame on them, like why
22:00 did you leave me alone, I didn't want them to think that
22:02 at all because they certainly trusted this person too.
22:04 They cried, they were and yet you know my mom said that
22:12 made so much more sense now.
22:14 You were found a number of times without your
22:16 clothes on? - yes I was.
22:18 My mom she just said it made a lot more sense
22:22 to her way that had happened.
22:24 She said that it was funny because it happened
22:27 only when this person kept saying she keeps
22:29 taking her clothes off.
22:30 My mom didn't know why, she didn't put 2 and 2 together.
22:35 What was interesting with your mom is that even at that
22:40 time she didn't shame you with that she was just
22:42 curious, and later on she said this made a lot of sense.
22:46 Right now it makes more sense.
22:48 There was some real healing between us too,
22:51 because here I am, I'm having affairs.
22:54 I'm sure it is real what it's, your daughter
22:57 Alta doing today?
22:58 Ah well she's now having an affair with somebody else,
23:01 she ran off with this guy and she can't seem
23:04 to get her life together.
23:05 Well I'm sure she wasn't sharing all my brownie points.
23:08 When you first told me that I have to say that my heart
23:12 went out to this little girl that was behind the shed,
23:15 my heart went out to her.
23:16 I know that you wrote something, at home,
23:18 about that whole thing that God gave you these words,
23:22 I really believe that - definitely it was right after
23:25 He showed me, within a half hour, I was at my computer
23:29 and these words just flowed.
23:31 It's called LOST INNOCENCE.
23:33 She was so innocent this child of three,
23:36 her life was filled with wonder and care free.
23:39 Little did she know the danger that lurked near,
23:42 coming from one she had no reason to fear.
23:45 Through her short life he had held her
23:47 often in his arms.
23:48 She had no way of knowing that one day
23:51 he would do her harm.
23:52 But one day the opportunity he sought finally came
23:56 at first he made it seem like a childish game.
23:59 She laughed not knowing what he was doing,
24:01 but in his heart evil was brewing.
24:04 She was left upon the cold hard ground,
24:07 feeling abandoned with no one around.
24:10 She did not know that this is prearranged,
24:13 nor that her life was forever changed.
24:16 The one that she had trusted was no more,
24:20 he continued she treat her just as he did before.
24:23 Her mother found her naked behind the house,
24:27 and laughed thinking her little girl had taken off her blouse.
24:30 She scooped her up and her loving on arms,
24:33 having no reason to be alarmed.
24:36 Nearly 50 years has since gone by,
24:39 as she recalls what happened she softly cries.
24:43 But through the pain healing can now come,
24:46 for no longer does Satan's lies need she succumb.
24:50 Her values she now finds in the Lord,
24:52 as He tells her each day she is the one He adores.
24:56 The bitterness of her life He has taken away,
24:59 and into her heart comes the peace for which she did pray.
25:03 Behold He has promised to make all things new,
25:06 she has found that through His word
25:08 that to be true.
25:10 She now shares her story not to cast blame,
25:14 but others may find healing that will take away their shame.
25:18 Amen and you know just as you're sharing your life with
25:23 us today, I know that there has to be people watching,
25:26 even people in the café that are just saying thank you
25:29 so much because there is damage that happens to us that
25:34 causes us to act out.
25:35 God is saying, please trust Me and bring all
25:39 that to the cross.
25:40 Bring all that to Me and trust Me in your
25:43 recovery as I will step you right out of that.
25:46 I will show you where it came from, I will convince you
25:49 to let it go, and I will convince you that my love is
25:53 big enough to even put this wound to rest.
25:56 You know I think what has really touched me through
25:59 all this is the fact that it was an addiction.
26:01 It was something that I was drawn to and yet
26:07 we don't treat it that way.
26:09 We treat it, it is shameful, it is embarrassing thing.
26:14 Do I want to come up and say what did you do 10 years
26:16 ago, oh I had an affair.
26:17 That is not something you want to share, and you
26:21 especially do not want to share it in church.
26:23 They don't ask me to come up and do testimony time.
26:25 Only you do that - because I'm proud of God,
26:30 I'm proud of God because I have seen the joy in
26:33 your eyes and I see how He has set you free from
26:36 this abandonment stuff that you have dealt with from
26:39 the sexualized behavior that you have dealt with.
26:41 You know the first time I saw that in your eyes,
26:44 I saw that joy, I thought I so want you to come up and
26:47 you looked at me like frightened, are you kidding me?
26:51 And thinking know I am so serious.
26:53 I'm the church secretary remember - I know so you told
26:57 me and I'm like the secretary they are not going to
26:59 like this, and I thought please.
27:01 I would like to just open it up right now to questions
27:04 here because I know that Charlie you had a question.
27:07 Yes, Alta your story really touches me
27:10 in a personal way.
27:11 I looked at it from a child's perspective about
27:14 adultery and affairs because when I was 31 years
27:18 old I found out I was a product of an affair.
27:20 My mother was unhappily married and it was quite
27:26 a shock to find that out.
27:27 At 13 I found out my father was having an affair,
27:29 I had picked up the phone at the same time he did
27:31 and he was telling another woman he loved her.
27:33 I had to reveal that to the family and it was hard to
27:36 do, so from a child's perspective growing up and
27:39 seeing that, coming from an affair it was really tough.
27:42 It shook me up inside.
27:44 I went to my mother and I said why did you do this,
27:50 it was the same reasons she was molested by her
27:53 father growing up.
27:54 An alcoholic father, and wanted out of the home.
27:56 Rushed off and got married to someone right away
27:58 thinking that was her knight in shining armor
28:01 to fulfill her in some sense and went looking for love
28:03 afterwards and I am a product of that.
28:06 Praise God that I am here, and so even God in a bad
28:09 situation like that can make some good I hope.
28:11 My question is, what has God done inside your heart
28:16 personally, emotionally, psychologically;
28:18 what has He done inside to divert from that behavior
28:21 in those actions now.
28:22 Where has He touched you intimately inside that it is
28:26 not a longing anymore, or craving to be fulfilled and
28:28 try to fill it that way?
28:30 What has He done for you?
28:31 Charlie I think one of the things that God has showed
28:34 me through this - can I jump in and just say something
28:36 before you answer him?
28:37 You know Charlie as you are asking the question,
28:40 I saw this almost hurt child, because you have
28:44 been through a lot of pain with all of this stuff in your life.
28:46 With the disclosure that somebody gave you that
28:49 you didn't have the upbringing, the start that
28:54 you thought you had.
28:55 You know I almost saw this hurt child saying please
29:00 tell me that you can change.
29:01 Please tell me that this is real and that people do
29:05 surrender to God and change.
29:08 So when you answer him even answer that child.
29:11 Alta: what God showed me through all this is that I do
29:17 not need to look to anybody else, to anybody else.
29:20 My husband, not my parents, not anybody for that
29:24 affirmation of love.
29:26 I only need to go to Him - and He is safe
29:30 - and He is safe.
29:31 He brings other people into your life to love you,
29:33 to be His arms and to embrace you and all that.
29:36 But it is His love, and He even showed me
29:39 He was my husband and that He has all the
29:42 characteristics of a husband.
29:44 That He wants to nurture me, and that works for both
29:48 men and women, not just a husband and a sense of one
29:51 that will take care of you, that nurtures you, that
29:53 is there for you, that picks you up and dusts you off.
29:54 I think the neatest thing is, this little child that
29:58 was hurting, how that morning when He showed me that,
30:01 He took me in His arms, I felt His presence so close
30:06 around me and He does that.
30:08 What He showed me is in my life to is that you have
30:14 trigger points that I am very careful now when I am in
30:19 the company of other men that aren't my husband.
30:22 You half to be on your guard - so explain for people
30:25 who do not know what trigger points are.
30:27 Well I don't try to find myself flirting with other men.
30:30 I try not to be in relationships where you get talking
30:35 intimately and things like that.
30:37 I try to keep, there is a guard, you have to
30:41 put a guard up. - appropriate boundaries!
30:42 It is not like I can't go up to Charlie and give
30:44 him a hug, it's not like you become this
30:47 cold stone wall either.
30:49 Because I am a natural affectionately loving person.
30:52 But it also means that I am careful of my surroundings.
30:56 - I love the way you say there was a time I was working
30:59 in the hospital doing a group with a bunch of doctors.
31:04 We were trying to look at patients coming in and when
31:07 they came in and all that kind of stuff.
31:08 I found myself at lunch with one of the doctors and we
31:11 were laughing our heads off.
31:12 I laugh a lot so that wasn't that, but it was different,
31:16 it was more intimate and I looked up and realized what
31:20 just happened here.
31:21 I knew and went home and immediately confessed to Brad,
31:26 and he's like you are laughing and a big deal for what?
31:28 Brad you don't even understand, it was like all of a sudden,
31:32 and I remembered setting the boundaries and pulling myself
31:35 out of that team just so, and it was easy to do.
31:39 I don't want to have private lunches with this
31:42 person anymore, I want to make sure that there is
31:45 a lot of people around and I limit our moving
31:48 closer in our relationship.
31:50 But it was just a matter of hearing myself laugh a certain
31:53 way knowing that that was, for me, more intimate.
31:56 So you are saying, God said beware of those triggers?
32:00 Right and also - when you are feeling lonely
32:03 - when I am feeling lonely don't call a male friend,
32:04 call your girlfriend, call her and tell her,
32:07 spent time in the word, talk to your husband.
32:11 I tell my husband that I in feeling a little unloved
32:14 right now, a little neglected.
32:16 I think for men too, if I can address that, men need
32:20 to be careful that, it's not wrong to tell a woman she
32:25 looks nice and stuff but don't leave the hand on the
32:29 arm longer, because women read into that totally
32:33 different than you think they are.
32:35 You know they are thinking wow, he likes me.
32:39 Your mind starts playing tricks on you, it's not a
32:44 good thing - we do that with each other a lot, so it's
32:46 just being able to say, and that is what we talked
32:49 about the Commandments moving us into a place where
32:51 God says let Me teach you appropriate behavior.
32:53 Not out of fear, but just not helping each other
32:57 to heal from all this stuff.
32:59 We have gotten so mixed up in this junk that we don't
33:02 even know that we are setting off each other's triggers.
33:04 God says ask the Holy Spirit, ask the Holy Spirit to
33:08 make you, help you to become a woman of integrity or a man of
33:13 integrity and it is the coolest thing ever.
33:15 but you have to lean on God's understanding not yours
33:18 right now because you do not know.
33:19 I have to say to that one of the things my husband
33:23 and we did is that I am accountable to him for
33:27 the first year or so.
33:29 He doesn't do it so much anymore because he trusts me,
33:33 I built that trust up again.
33:34 But that was another thing again have an accountable
33:37 person if you're in affair or getting out of it, that
33:42 your husband or a friend that you can say no I'm not
33:46 seeing that person, or no I haven't had any contact.
33:50 For the first year he would come to me and say,
33:52 you're acting a little strange, have you had
33:55 contact with so-and-so? And I said no, no,
33:57 or maybe I did, and I would say yes.
33:59 It kind of reminds me of the disciples, they could sin
34:03 when they were behind Jesus back when Jesus wasn't looking
34:06 right at them, they could get around and talk about who was
34:09 the greatest and who was going to be the greatest.
34:11 But when Jesus turned around and said what are you
34:13 talking about, they go, Oh nothing!- I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
34:15 So I think that is so important to have somebody that
34:21 is accountable and that you are accountable to.
34:23 What is really difficult in this situation is being
34:28 accountable to somebody and being straight up with kind
34:31 of the stuff most people don't like talking about.
34:33 It's like I need an accountability partner, I need
34:37 somebody that I can hang out with and call on,
34:40 those kind of things.
34:42 Charley was that an answer, - yeah okay.
34:46 So you know what is really important to me is that
34:49 all the damage all way around is that God steps in
34:52 and says I'm going to heal, I come in heal in every
34:55 single area and every single life.
34:58 Because damage started at 3 years old, that is amazing
35:01 how Satan uses that to just snow ball through your life.
35:05 Exactly, I want to say God bless you and I'm going to be
35:08 praying for you and love you and thank you for
35:10 being on the program.
35:11 Thank you for having me.
35:13 You know I just want to say to anyone that is
35:16 struggling in these areas, is ask the Holy Spirit,
35:19 what do I need to know about this.
35:21 What is really interesting is that God wants us to know.
35:24 He is not trying to hide from us.
35:25 He's not trying to hide our stuff from us.
35:27 He's not trying, if we are stuck somewhere and we
35:30 keep falling in the same thing, is ask Him.
35:33 God, not help me, which help me is good, but show me
35:38 where I am stuck at.
35:40 Show me what I need to know and then trust Him.
35:43 Shut your eyes and just allow Him to speak to you.
35:46 Give you verses and walk you right out of that.
35:50 We are going to be right back, stay with us!


Revised 2014-12-17