Celebrating Life in Recovery

Lost Innocence

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Alta Austin


Series Code: CLR

Program Code: CLR000047A

00:10 Welcome to Celebrating Life in Recovery!
00:11 I'm Cheri your host.
00:12 Have you ever felt like what you have done in your past,
00:15 what you have done in your life, that you don't even
00:17 want to bring up to God?
00:18 You know that nobody is going to accept that,
00:20 not even God Himself.
00:21 You are going to be blessed by this program because
00:24 God can heal anything, come join us!
00:53 Welcome back!
00:54 You know my first journey with God just cracked me up,
00:56 I was such a mess and I'm coming out of all that.
01:01 I'm trying to figure out how to do the right things,
01:04 say the right thing, be the right thing and I couldn't.
01:07 I just didn't get it and God was really gentle.
01:12 He would teach me, like when I was manipulating
01:16 somebody, or lying about something, and He would say,
01:18 you know what hon, how about don't lie.
01:22 I would think, oh come on!
01:24 I'm not really lying, I'm just trying to get
01:27 them to do this.
01:28 He says, that is manipulating,
01:29 how about not manipulating them?
01:31 I'm like what?
01:33 I couldn't get it, so somebody led me to the Bible which
01:39 is a good place to be led to.
01:41 It is really funny for somebody that is a mess, we don't
01:45 even know how to hold the Bible right.
01:46 If you are out there watching this, then you understand
01:49 this, it's like holding the Bible and you think this is
01:51 way too holy, do you know what I mean?
01:54 I'm way too much of a mess, so you hold it carefully.
01:57 I had a friend and I love this, this friend used to
01:59 smoke weed all the time and somebody talked him into
02:02 opening the Bible.
02:03 So he is opening up the Bible and doing this Bible
02:06 study, and he is smoking and says, "Man this is good
02:09 stuff", when all of a sudden and ash from the joint
02:12 fell and hit the Bible and burned the page.
02:15 When a book is holy He was like,
02:18 "oh! I can't believe I did that. "
02:20 I said what did you do?
02:22 He said, "well I switched to a pipe right away. "
02:24 And you know what is funny I don't want to sound like
02:28 I am somehow putting down the process, but God starts
02:33 us out when we don't even know anything.
02:35 We are not smart enough to even know that you shouldn't
02:38 do a line of Meth and study the Bible, or smoke weed
02:42 and study the Bible.
02:43 God says, you know what? open the book where-ever
02:46 you're at, what ever place you are at where you can
02:48 finally start looking at what is right.
02:50 What is not right, what is going to bring you
02:52 out of all this stuff, just open the book.
02:54 That is where I was at, so I opened the book and I'm
02:57 thinking I will go right to the Ten Commandments.
03:01 Because that is where God took me.
03:03 I'm thinking how funny is that!
03:05 Because the Ten Commandments for people who are coming
03:10 out of addiction, we just do not like authority.
03:13 I don't want somebody to tell me what to do.
03:16 God says I am not really trying to tell you what to do,
03:18 I'm trying to show you how to get victory in your life.
03:21 I just want you to stay with Me on this, because I have
03:24 a crush on God right now and I have been say that a lot
03:27 lately, but I just love the way He says, you are in
03:30 bondage to all your junk.
03:32 You are in bondage to your lies and your drugs and
03:35 addictions and you don't even know that it is twisting
03:38 around your throat.
03:39 We don't even know that until we are not breathing,
03:41 you know what I mean it is taken us down and we are
03:43 actually defining death from it and God is saying,
03:46 He wants to get that all untwisted for you.
03:48 For the first Commandment is what you guys?
03:51 Yeah, I'm the Lord your God, right?
03:57 The first one starts out I am the Lord your God who
03:59 took you out of all that stuff.
04:02 Out of heroine addiction, and sexual addiction, and
04:05 relationship addiction and all that kind of junk.
04:08 I took you out of all that stuff.
04:10 I'm the Lord your God so you know what,
04:12 don't put any other gods before Me.
04:14 I was so in love with God because He, I meet Him in
04:18 a drug house trying to kill myself, teeth missing,
04:21 illiterate and just a mess.
04:23 He put His hand on me and said,
04:26 "I love you and I will keep you safe. "
04:28 I felt that with everything in me so I thought okay
04:31 that's good, I can do that one.
04:34 The second one was not to bad either,
04:36 the second one is what?
04:37 Don't have any graven images.
04:39 Don't have any graven images and I'm thinking,
04:42 you know what I don't even have any as I'm looking
04:44 around my house, I'm thinking there's no little idols
04:46 set up, there's no Buddha's or whatever.
04:49 I don't have any of that kind of stuff so I'm okay
04:51 with that and the Holy Spirit says,
04:53 well images can be anything.
04:55 And I'm, what?
04:57 Anything and then through the Holy Spirit I saw them
05:00 everywhere, I did have some stuff to work on that one.
05:04 The third one was don't say the Lord's name in vain.
05:09 Don't lightly, and I know everybody knows what I'm
05:12 talking about when I said that so I don't have to
05:14 repeat it, in fact I would probably get fired if
05:16 I gave you some examples.
05:18 Don't say the Lord's name in vain, don't use God and
05:22 Christ to joke about.
05:24 I did that every other sentence and not even realizing
05:29 it, I would just like oh, and thinking ouch, was that one?
05:34 I've would feel like all the angels would say yes that
05:39 was one, but it was so gentle.
05:42 The fourth Commandment is the Sabbath day.
05:45 That was a cool one for me because it said every week,
05:48 put a day aside, and just hang out with Me.
05:52 I am very relational and didn't have a lot of that
05:55 growing up, so for me, for God to say I want to
05:57 hang out with you, I thought how cool are You.
06:00 I thought how are we going to hang out and He said,
06:03 you love to be outside, you love to be with friends,
06:06 so hang out with your family and hang out outside.
06:08 So that was an easy one and the next one.
06:11 I don't even want to say, I wanted to say, I can't do
06:16 the next one are you kidding me?
06:19 And the next one is what?
06:20 Jordan, Jordan: honor your father and your mother.
06:23 Cheri: honor your father and mother.
06:25 Are you kidding me?
06:27 I don't know if anybody has a father and mother that
06:30 just wasn't there for you.
06:33 My mom tried to self abort and she was a mess herself.
06:36 The more I get into healing the more I understand she
06:39 was a mess herself, but still how do you honor that.
06:42 My dad molested me most of my life and left really
06:45 early, and the other dad is a bartender
06:48 that was an alcoholic.
06:50 I'm thinking God, God what are You talking about?
06:54 That one was a tough one for me.
06:57 It was really interesting because when I got to that
06:59 one I had to say God, You are going to have to do that
07:02 for me, right, because I don't know how to do it.
07:04 I don't know what to do, I don't know what it means to
07:07 honor someone, what does it mean, honor?
07:10 I really had to pay attention, what does it mean?
07:14 God was so cool, He even said, for a while can you
07:18 picture your mom as a little tiny girl?
07:19 I did I pictured her as a 3- year-old, because I had a
07:22 little picture of a 3- year-old and that was the only
07:25 time my mom ever looked normal to me.
07:27 He said, can you honor her then and forgive her for
07:32 everything that will happen to her in her life that will
07:35 call certain not to be able to love her children?
07:37 I thought, oh man, oh man okay.
07:40 So He's teaching me how to honor your parents and how you do that
07:43 I even called them up, it was just amazing I really feel
07:47 like asking God how to do it and He started doing that.
07:52 If anybody has ever felt twisted, you are just inside.
07:56 You know that I can dress it up.
07:57 I can look normal.
07:59 I can look healthy, but inside I'm a mess, I'm a mess.
08:02 As God started teaching me I felt like the inside was
08:07 becoming untwisted.
08:08 Next Commandment, we had honor father and mother,
08:10 what is the next one?
08:11 Thou shalt not kill!
08:12 Thou shall not kill that was easy for me.
08:14 I thought about killing people but I never actually
08:16 killed people so I thought that was an easy one.
08:19 Then Jesus messed me up because in the New Testament it
08:23 says, I don't even want you to be angry with someone.
08:28 Oh stop, have You lived down here, and He was like yes.
08:33 And I was like oh yeah, alright so we got that.
08:35 Not only being angry but deal with your what you allow
08:39 your head to experience.
08:41 It says you can be angry about a situation that comes
08:44 up, but don't let anger or rage or definitely murder
08:47 enter the picture.
08:49 I was like, that is a hard one for me.
08:51 It took me years of letting God deal with my anger
08:55 stuff because I didn't realize if I could kill a few
08:59 people, I would.
09:01 You know I would have and I want to say that in
09:04 a way, that I do not know if I acknowledged that when I was
09:08 first in recovery, but God showed my heart in me and
09:11 there was a few, you know what I mean because
09:14 I had this horrible life.
09:16 I had to deal with that when, the next one is what?
09:18 Not commit adultery.
09:20 Oh man not commit adultery and I wasn't even married
09:23 so I was easy on that one, but He said don't even
09:26 sleep with your neighbor and I'm, like what?
09:29 So okay and I'm thinking don't even, and Christ took it
09:35 even further and He said don't even lust for someone.
09:37 Don't even watch somebody walked by and think
09:40 about their body parts as if they are not
09:44 connected to a person.
09:45 I'm thinking this is impossible.
09:49 I remember looking at the Ten Commandments one time
09:52 and said, you know, this is impossible, you know God.
09:54 And I wanted somehow for Him to explain to me,
09:58 how do you do that?
09:59 How do you do that, how do you get to a place where
10:03 you are so far out.
10:05 Jeremiah talks about we are so far out in our lust
10:08 in our junk and our sin that we don't even know
10:11 how to blush anymore.
10:12 We don't even know if it's right or wrong anymore.
10:14 I feel like I was right there, I didn't know
10:17 how to be pure.
10:21 Even because of where I came from that word was
10:25 looked at as lame, that's lame, that's not cool.
10:30 If you look at any movie, video game, if you look at
10:34 what's been joked about in comic books.
10:36 When you look at somebody that is pure, that person
10:40 just looks lame, so to me and my mind I looked at
10:44 purity, or Holiness, or going in that direction as
10:48 not cool and being out here and being this or that
10:52 was hipper, or more enlightened.
10:54 God just said that is killing you.
10:56 I wanted to say that out loud over and over as many
11:00 times as I can say, as a society, as a people, as my
11:03 friends, IT IS KILLING US.
11:05 We need to allow God to take us back to a place where
11:09 I can say okay, but I am so far from that place that
11:13 You have to teach me.
11:15 I promise you I can't even, there is nothing I can pull up
11:18 in myself to even let me know what that means.
11:21 This is an example, I was feeling like I was not
11:24 attractive and I had been married for while.
11:27 I was like God you know I just want someone
11:30 to flirt with me.
11:31 God is like hello! I can't do that for you.
11:36 I remember thinking that it was my birthday and I'm
11:39 getting older and I know my husband loves me,
11:42 but I just want someone to flirt with me a little so
11:46 I know that I'm still cute [and you can send me an
11:49 e- mail if you, no I'm kidding].
11:50 I'm driving down the street one day and I look up and
11:54 I see a billboard that is huge, it's huge.
11:56 There is an insurance guy and he is kind of cutie,
11:59 and he is smiling, looks like he is smiling at
12:02 all the cars going by.
12:03 I looked up and the Holy Spirit said, is that good?
12:06 because that's the best I can do?
12:08 I just wanted to crack up that even God knows,
12:12 even in our healing that we still has those draws that
12:17 are pulling in stuff that is not healthy for us.
12:20 For me, even asking God, can You arrange this for me?
12:25 Because I am feeling insecure.
12:26 God is just saying if you can get this one,
12:28 I promise you that I will bring you to a place
12:31 where you can stand in integrity as a woman and
12:35 just be at rest, at peace in your own skin.
12:38 So I am thinking okay, that when I do not understand
12:41 at all, and to this day, He is still walking me through
12:44 that one, but initially coming into recovery,
12:46 I didn't know anything, I really didn't know what
12:49 God was asking me.
12:50 What is really fun about the Commandments, as I was
12:54 learning the Commandments, is that He was just saying,
12:56 every single time that you get any part of this,
12:58 every time you figure out any of this,
13:00 you are going to get some victory.
13:01 Okay the next one, so we have adultery,
13:03 and the next one is?
13:04 Do not steal, don't even let me go in your bathroom if
13:08 I'm a guest because I will be looking at your stuff.
13:12 I hate that, and raise your hand if you know what
13:16 I am saying and be honest.
13:17 Okay so what really is interesting with do not steal,
13:21 I have since I was a little kid, stole.
13:26 My parents were addicts and my friends were thieves.
13:29 When I was homeless we were taught to do that and the
13:32 better you did that the better you were.
13:35 I was groomed for that and taught that and
13:38 I thought normal people weren't.
13:41 You just watch anybody do their taxes, no I'm kidding,
13:45 no I am not kidding, we all have that stuff at different
13:49 levels and God is saying let me teach you about being
13:53 honest and not stealing, and not taking.
13:56 Let the offering plate go by without trying to take
13:59 something from it and all that kind of stuff.
14:01 I'm like okay, but I don't know how to do that one either.
14:05 It was real interesting because my first reaction to
14:08 God was, I'm not a thief, I don't steal.
14:11 He started to just pointing out when I had the urge,
14:14 when in I wanted to, when I actually looked at something
14:18 as if I could I would have it.
14:20 When I cheated on my taxes, when I lied to Brad about,
14:25 my husband, what I spent money on and all that kind
14:28 of stuff, so He just said let Me show you that kind of thing.
14:32 I promise you that you will get freedom stepping away
14:36 from that, what is the next one?
14:37 Steal - false witness.
14:39 Oh man, false witness and don't talk about people
14:44 in a false way, don't lie and I'm like, oh man.
14:48 I wish I could say to the entire world, to anybody
14:52 watching us, have you ever lied?
14:55 And just have our hands go up and God just saying,
14:59 I am going to teach you to be honest.
15:02 To be trustworthy, to have your word mean something.
15:05 I thought, just kill me because I will never get that
15:09 one and God is so funny because, He just so lovingly
15:13 He grabbed me on the face and said, you'll get this one.
15:16 I will be faithful to help you get there.
15:18 I'm like, but God and God is saying I promise you.
15:24 What is the last one there is one more?
15:27 Don't covet - don't covet.
15:29 Don't envy things that other people have.
15:31 Don't covet their house, their property, their wives,
15:36 their husbands, their children, their pets and all
15:40 that kind of stuff don't covet it.
15:41 I just started saying, God You're going to have to do that.
15:45 My journey was that I came into the church all messed
15:48 up and God said let Me show you a standard, not that
15:51 you are going to feel ever in your life that you will
15:54 meet this standard, but that you and I are going to start
15:57 working on you and you will be blessed.
16:00 And man I have been.
16:02 We are going to be talking through this program about
16:05 God bringing us out of one place, showing us something
16:08 so we can actually move on to another place and I want
16:11 to be praying for you too!
16:12 To let Him show you that and we will be right back.
16:15 Stay with us!


Revised 2014-12-17