Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Cheri Elledge, Joleen Neighboro, Misti Brockin
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR000046B
00:13 Welcome back!
00:14 I want to introduce you to some other folks who were
00:17 all the same program and when that wasn't.
00:19 We are going to talk a little bit about healing and
00:24 is it hard or not hard, like you talked with Misti.
00:26 You could see there are times that she dealt with her
00:29 father and those wounds that she got from her father,
00:32 were God Himself just said I have to show you this
00:35 because you are so stuck there.
00:36 This is so hurting every relationship and I want
00:39 to heal you to move beyond that.
00:40 You could see the pain of that, even talking about
00:43 it up here you can see the pain in that, but you could
00:47 also see the joy when God said okay you are done.
00:49 You're done, so if anybody is wondering if it is worth
00:52 the pain of having to look at some of that stuff,
00:56 I say absolutely yes.
00:58 And I say that even during times that I felt crazy,
01:01 having to look at rejection, having to look at
01:02 all that kind of stuff.
01:04 If you don't have to, God bless you, but if you do
01:06 don't be afraid because God is there and real
01:08 present, He is real faithful and Man healing is good.
01:12 It's really good.
01:14 Okay I want to introduce you to Cheri E., Cheri E.
01:16 was here on the last program we talked about some
01:19 of your own father wounds.
01:22 Cheri E. we talked about your past and how the Holy
01:25 Spirit kind of brought you out of that.
01:26 So remind us a little bit of that and then talk
01:29 about what you are doing today because you are in
01:30 ministry today which is fun.
01:32 Yeah I love it, and well my story was that Misti
01:36 was on this new kick of finding your healing and stuff
01:39 and I thought I knew what all my problems were.
01:41 So when I went to the Lord and asked Him, show me
01:44 where my damage is, He showed me something that
01:49 I didn't expect either.
01:50 It was really good to go back there and to see and
01:54 ask the Lord, He showed me that I was a little girl,
01:57 a precious little girl, that like she said could
02:01 dance for her daddy and stuff and I never had that.
02:03 He showed me that that was how He saw me still,
02:05 and it had just lifted all the things I had done
02:08 all my whole life try and fill that hole.
02:11 You know the sex, the drugs, the alcohol, everything,
02:14 He did not blame me for all that because I was still
02:18 that little precious little girl to Him.
02:20 You was trying to get somebody to love you.
02:22 Yes anything for somebody to love me.
02:23 Cheri: You know all we talk about these kind of
02:25 things what's really interesting to me is,
02:27 that it may sound a little crazy to people
02:30 who haven't experienced that.
02:32 One time God gives me this image, my family
02:35 are addicts, dysfunctional and He gave me an
02:38 image of myself 3 years old walking through all
02:40 this dysfunction and everybody so wrapped up in
02:43 their own pain, their own addiction's that
02:46 no one could even say to this child hi,
02:49 hi come over and sit by me.
02:51 I remember Him showing me that and He said to me
02:54 through the Holy Spirit, does she look normal,
02:56 yeah she just wants someone to hold her
02:58 and she still does.
03:00 I want to hold her and as soon as He said that,
03:02 I cried, Misti and just said I so want You to hold me.
03:08 It was the first time I think that I would go to God
03:10 with all that hurt and say, I have been waiting my
03:14 whole life to be held.
03:15 In the same with you, I've been waiting my
03:18 whole life to be adored.
03:19 Yes I have been and He just showed me that I was
03:22 innocent because His blood cleansed me.
03:26 It wasn't anything I have done, it was because
03:28 He loved me so much I was totally innocent,
03:30 it wasn't my fault what happened to me in all
03:33 the things that I had done,
03:34 I wasn't held accountable for it,
03:36 He took all of that on.
03:37 And He loves you into health and now at the same time
03:41 finding that incredible healing does that mean
03:44 everything in your life went well after that?
03:46 No not really, I am still a work in progress,
03:49 but what I have learned to do is I have learned
03:51 that when something hits me for triggers me
03:54 I've learned to go to God about.
03:55 For instant's, we have talked about my son Matthew.
03:58 We are from a small town
04:03 and we were going to go to a school
04:05 function at that school.
04:06 I was scared to death because we had kicked him
04:09 out because he was using, and he was just a wreck,
04:12 but he said I'm going to come to this football game.
04:14 I was like oh Lord, I was so nervous because the stress
04:18 out how is he going to come, is he going to be clean,
04:20 is he going to be strung out, is he going to bring dope
04:23 and try to sell it at the school or whatever.
04:25 And he has done almost all that - yes.
04:27 Some people listening know that they have kids like
04:31 that so they know what you are saying.
04:32 I was totally strung out, I wasn't having any joy
04:34 whatsoever so I said I have to stop by have
04:37 to pray and ask God.
04:38 He just showed me that first of all He said Cheri E.,
04:42 his problems are not yours, he's 19 years old.
04:45 You did a good job, you don't have to carry
04:49 around the shame of what he is doing, it's him.
04:51 He said besides he is going to have to go lower before
04:54 I can really reached him.
04:56 He showed me him sitting in a prison and I was
05:01 immediately like Lord no, no, I can't deal with that.
05:04 But I am so thankful that He showed me that because
05:07 right now he is sitting in jail and had He not showed
05:11 me that, and had I not gone and seeked the Holy Spirit
05:15 on this, I don't know where I would be right now.
05:18 I would probably be in some depression, there is no telling.
05:23 There was no one to talk to right then - yes - That He
05:25 did it in such a gentle way, you didn't want it to happen
05:27 but anticipated the happening of it.
05:29 Well it was within a week of that, that he was arrested.
05:33 It is just amazing but what it is showing me, that first
05:39 of all God loves him so much, God doesn't
05:41 hold him accountable either.
05:43 You know he has been wounded and damaged and we were the
05:45 best parents we knew how, but we still are not
05:48 perfect parents and so something has hurt him and that
05:53 is what led him to all these things,
05:55 but he will come out of this.
05:56 God is so in control - and so faithful
06:00 yes and He loves him.
06:01 You know to me what I love about you is that God
06:06 has opened up your vision to at risk kids,
06:08 to youth that are in prison.
06:10 You ended up going down to a
06:15 prison and started working with them?
06:16 When we started going through this, my husband said
06:19 we have got to get out and get to where we are not
06:22 thinking about ourselves anymore and to start
06:25 ministering to others.
06:26 We were watching 3ABN one night and there was a
06:30 guy talking about doing a prison ministry and he
06:32 was from the church locally.
06:33 Larry said tomorrow we are going to that church
06:36 and find that guy.
06:37 I was like oh let me be depressed, just let me
06:40 and he said no we are going to do this.
06:42 So we went, we didn't find him but God let us a
06:46 different places and we found another one and we start working
06:49 with boys it's a prison outside Waco Texas.
06:51 They are anywhere from 10 to 19 years old and they
06:55 are in prison and it's a real prison and we just love
06:58 them, because I don't judge them, I see them as just
07:02 - you don't see them as these are horrible people,
07:06 these are someone sons - yes - yeah most of them
07:09 don't even have parents.
07:11 They have been in CPS their whole life - Child
07:13 protective services.
07:14 The boy that I'm in for he is 18 and he is been
07:18 in CPS since he has been 8.
07:20 His dad has been incarcerated since he was born.
07:21 His mother is in a and out of jail, he has two brothers
07:24 that are incarcerated and he has nobody.
07:27 He has not had one visit, he's been in there for 2
07:30 years and not one visitor his whole time there.
07:33 I just sat there and looked at that child, he is a child.
07:37 Society just wants to throw him away and say somebody
07:41 else deal with these kids, but they are just hurt
07:44 little people, they are just broken.
07:46 - because you talk about you and Misti and the
07:49 father wound, that this guy has no father and has
07:54 been wounded over and over by probably many men
07:56 and people in his life.
07:58 Nobody has ever done what they said they would do.
08:01 Nobody has ever been just a loving
08:05 example, he has no idea.
08:06 He tries to read his Bible but he doesn't know what a
08:09 father is, he doesn't know.
08:11 One day I was reading some letters that he had wrote.
08:15 He said he had found his mother, she had wrote him a
08:19 letter and he was going to write her back,
08:21 he was so excited about it.
08:22 He wrote on there that he was the captain of a
08:25 basketball team, that he was all these wonderful things
08:29 about him - not sitting in jail - know she knows
08:32 he's in jail, but it was like how good I'm doing here.
08:34 He is none of those things, he is not on the basketball
08:38 team, because his behavior won't allow him too, he is a
08:41 good athlete, but his behavior won't let him
08:43 because he's so angry.
08:44 So I said, this is not the truth, I can't say his name
08:48 but this is not the truth.
08:50 But he said this is how I see myself,
08:52 what I said this is not it.
08:54 I say what you are trying to do with the few little
08:57 crumbs that your mother is throwing at you, you are
09:00 trying to be somebody that she will take at least that
09:02 away from you.
09:04 He just cried, I just told him it's okay to be somebody
09:10 who has been dumped on, who has been totally abandoned.
09:15 It's okay to be sad, it's okay to be angry, it is okay
09:17 to be who you are.
09:19 Somebody who is desperately searching for love and
09:23 acceptance - to say that truth out loud - yeah.
09:27 It is okay to be that person and I said, I know you for
09:29 who you are and I love you just the way God loves you.
09:33 God loves you and He knows way more about you than I do
09:36 - I bet he just wept - oh he cried, he cried
09:39 because he cannot even imagine that somebody can
09:42 love him in the state he is in.
09:43 That to me is so sad, and if I could say anything to
09:49 anybody it would be that these kids need people down
09:53 there, and they need people to love them.
09:55 Do you know I just thought when you said that?
09:56 Tell me if you hear this, is that I think heaven
10:00 looks down and says that about us.
10:02 If I could say this to anybody, they need someone to
10:06 love them, because we don't know what it is, most of us.
10:08 Even in the healthiest home, sometimes I feel like we
10:12 don't know what it is and God is saying not only those
10:15 damaged kids, but Misti and Cheri E. and Cheri, Joleen,
10:20 we all need someone to just unveil,
10:25 this is what loves looks like.
10:27 It's not hurtful, it's not prideful and it is not
10:30 self-seeking, not all those kind of things that we
10:34 have seen over and over and over generationally.
10:36 God is saying, like what you are trying to do with
10:38 this boy, you're saying let me show you some way out and
10:42 God is saying that to us, let Me show you some way out.
10:45 What is really fun as I am watching God open up Ministry
10:49 opportunities for you, as I'm watching Him grow you as a
10:51 woman of God, you look good.
10:53 Oh thanks I'm very happy, even in my circumstances.
10:57 My son is in jail, but he is doing well.
11:00 When I talked to you on the phone one day, he was
11:02 almost going to jail, you didn't think you was going to
11:04 survive it - yeah I had been on my knees and you just
11:09 can't believe, but I am surviving it.
11:11 That is a miracle because there was a day or would not have.
11:14 I suicide thoughts and all the things.
11:18 The fact that I am standing here - your friends -
11:21 right - yeah, and I believe had I not got that picture
11:26 of myself as a little girl as God sees me, I would not
11:29 be standing here today.
11:30 And it was to see how He adores me and how He loves
11:35 every one of us and even those boys in prison.
11:37 HE LOVES THEM!
11:39 I want to go and tell them about it and they need more
11:43 people to tell them about Him.
11:44 So do we - yeah we do.
11:47 Okay I want to introduce you to Joleen.
11:49 I remember when we first started the series on the first
11:53 program and talked about God is love.
11:55 It is not something that He musters up, it is not
11:58 something He tries to do for us, He is love and He is
12:01 telling us over and over that we are wounded to the very
12:04 core of who we are because someone forgot to love us.
12:07 God is saying that if you open yourself up to Me I will
12:11 bring healing into your life.
12:13 Not by giving up drugs or cigarettes and all those kind
12:15 of things, which all are good, but I will bring healing
12:18 into your life because I love you and you will heal from
12:21 that and all those other things will fall away.
12:22 Joleen you weren't on the previous program with Misti
12:26 and the Girls Night Out and the whole thing and you have heard
12:28 what they said and you guys have been friends for ever.
12:30 I also know that you can relate to all this because of
12:33 your own childhood.
12:34 So tell us a little bit about who you are, and more than
12:37 that, what God has done as far as healing in your life.
12:40 I grew up in a very large home, I had 4 brothers and 3
12:45 sisters and we grew up Catholic which meant I went and
12:48 did my time on Sunday, did the Church aerobics.
12:52 I went from there and God was up there kind of with a hammer.
12:57 I believed in God but I didn't know Him personally,
13:01 I didn't have the relationship.
13:03 It wasn't until years later after I had gotten married,
13:07 as I said my childhood was awful.
13:11 We had a very abusive dad to the point where he would beat
13:16 my mom to the point where they had to admit her to a
13:19 hospital in another state and say she was in a car accident.
13:21 He was extremely emotionally abusive sexually, physically and
13:27 really hard part for us was came if we tried to intervene.
13:33 My four brothers they tried to intervene a lot,
13:36 especially as I got older and.
13:38 She would just beg them please do not do anything
13:42 because it made it worse, it made it worse yes.
13:44 In fact when there were 7 of us kids and my mother
13:50 was pregnant with my little sister Susie, he did not
13:54 want us, we were so rejected almost from day one.
13:57 Just did not want to have us kids, he was embarrassed at 8
13:59 kids and didn't hesitate to say you wanted these
14:03 8 kids, not me.
14:04 Especially for the boys, never affirmed none of that,
14:09 us girls either we never got the nurturing,
14:11 the love, any of that.
14:13 Anyway when mom was pregnant with Susie, my youngest
14:16 sister, he actually one day just wound up and kicked her
14:20 as hard as he could in the stomach, literally trying to
14:22 kill the baby.
14:24 She was like, stop it you are going to hurt it, and he
14:27 was like what do you think I am trying to do?
14:29 It was just such a sad ordeal because he was literally
14:35 schizophrenic and it was very much a love-hate
14:39 relationship, you never knew who was going to walk
14:41 in the door that day.
14:42 What's he going to be dad who could be normal or was it
14:44 going to be this evil monster that was going to destroy
14:47 the house and beat your mom.
14:50 He made you guys watch the beating so it was not just
14:54 that he beat her, he paraded you guys right in.
14:57 He would make us watch, wake us up at two o'clock the
15:01 morning and he would beat her and make us clean the house.
15:05 It is what we are talking about on this program,
15:07 we were talking about father wounds, is that all of
15:09 a sudden being enabled to say, when somebody said that
15:12 God is my father; for a lot of people around the world,
15:16 that is just frightening, it's frightening it's like
15:19 what do you mean, because God can't be my father,
15:21 you don't know my father.
15:22 I really even believe that some people that listened to
15:25 that I've had a dysfunctional childhood sometimes that is
15:28 said so lightly, they don't know what it feels like to
15:31 be a child and yanked out of bed to watch your father
15:33 beat your mother.
15:35 What you are saying is that you had nothing normal.
15:38 You know we had nothing normal, there was zero normalcy.
15:42 I grew up not having the nurturing, not having the love,
15:47 not having any affirmation from your dad at all.
15:50 You grow up and as a girl you are looking for that and
15:55 you yearn in for that and go looking for it in the wrong
15:57 places that are not healthy.
15:58 You are not where God would have you be, you are not
16:00 looking for a healthy mate, you aren't looking to be
16:05 just loved, held.
16:06 To be rescued in taking care of which is not healthy.
16:09 You are not looking to be a partner, someone needs to
16:12 rescue me - yeah please save me.
16:15 We were just in survivor mode for ever, you know it was
16:18 just survive from day to day.
16:19 So my first marriage, I married someone very much like my dad.
16:23 I swore I will never marry anyone like my dad and would
16:28 ask my mom why would you ever marry him?
16:31 She was he wasn't like that when we married and I just
16:33 judged her it for so long.
16:35 Well I grew up and of course I married a guy very much
16:39 like my dad is far as adultery and affairs and all that.
16:43 I turned him into my God, I did know who God was
16:47 and he became my all.
16:49 I was very codependent, and he went out and found other
16:52 goddesses and it was like ah!
16:55 My mom had sent me the footprints prayer, I had never
17:01 heard that before I had never read it.
17:02 For people who have never read it, not that you have to recite
17:07 it but what does it say basically?
17:09 Basically you are walking along the beach in the sand
17:13 and there is two sets of footprints going along.
17:17 During the hardest parts of the person's life, it is
17:22 basically conversation with God and the person and He's saying
17:25 there's two sets of footprints and we go along and
17:29 during the roughest times of my life there is one set.
17:32 Kind of like where were you?
17:33 And God says that's where I carried you, and I read that.
17:38 Something just clicked in me and I was just done.
17:43 I was at work and I got up and shut my office door and
17:47 got on my knees and just said I give, you have to carry
17:50 me, I'm done I can't do this anymore.
17:54 If you're there and you are real, it wasn't some
17:56 scripted prayer, it just was my hearts cry.
18:01 I just said you have to carry me I am so done,
18:04 I have messed this up so bad, help me.
18:07 Was He faithful - He was extremely so.
18:10 Unfortunately we are out of time but I would just, I
18:13 know that He was and I know your life and I wish we
18:16 could just follow it to find out what He did next.
18:18 But we are going to take a little break and then come
18:22 back, but I want you to know that those wounds are
18:25 intense, mother wounds, father wounds, childhood wounds,
18:28 your parents sometimes were wounded horribly and God is
18:32 saying bring those wounds to Me.
18:34 It doesn't have to be scripted like Joleen was saying,
18:36 it wasn't scripted I don't know what I was doing I just
18:38 got my knees and said I'm done.
18:40 And God is faithful and what is really fun is He is
18:43 faithful and all of a sudden one step happens in another
18:47 step happens and you start feeling loved and healthy and
18:51 like you want to laugh out loud.
18:52 You know what I wouldn't share with my life or trade my
18:55 life with anyone because I am happy with who I am.
18:57 I like being in my own skin and I like that.
18:59 We'll be right back, stay with us!