Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Cheri Elledge, Joleen Neighboro, Misti Brockin
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR000046A
|
00:12 Have you ever felt like your problems were just
00:14 too big, there was no way you were going to get out of them? 00:16 It's not true. God can help you so come in and join us, 00:20 you are going to be blessed. 00:49 I am working with this girl that said to me one time, 00:52 you know Cheri you need to tell people a little bit 00:56 more when they talk about recovery. 00:58 I thought well what do you mean? 00:59 She said you just need to tell them a little bit more 01:02 because you make it sound like it's easy. 01:03 If I have ever done that I just want to apologize for 01:06 right away because it is not easy, it is just the 01:08 coolest thing you could ever do. 01:10 I ended up coming from a lot of different places, I'm 01:13 strung out on drugs, angry, manipulative, I lied all 01:20 the time and all that kind of stuff. 01:21 God had to walk me out of all those kind of things, 01:23 and none of it was easy, but being on the other side of 01:25 each one of them I felt like, hey this is so cool 01:30 because I actually feel healthier. 01:31 So when we talk about recovery, we are talking about 01:34 a process that some days you are going to say, 01:37 you know what I don't become going to make it through 01:39 this day, I'm not going to make it through this issue, 01:41 but God is really faithful and know that it is 01:44 not like a doctor. 01:46 God can walk up and say, just take 2 aspirin and call me 01:49 in the morning and you'll be totally well. 01:51 Sometimes I wish He would do that, and probably He 01:55 could but none of us would learn what we need 01:59 to learn from that. 02:00 So now I am going to introduce you to a friend of mine. 02:02 Misti was on the second season, on a program called Girls 02:05 Night Out, and I got e- mails from everybody that 02:08 just said I love her. 02:10 I have to tell you I do too. 02:11 So Misti wanted to say thank you for coming back on. 02:14 You are welcome. 02:15 When you first came on you talk about your journey 02:19 as far as really being able to surrender it to God 02:22 through the Holy Spirit. 02:23 So I want you to catch us up on that, tell us a 02:26 little bit about that and then update us on what 02:29 has happened since then. 02:30 Well last year when I was here we were talking about, 02:34 really God had just started the healing process with me. 02:37 I have been in church since I was about 4 years old. 02:39 Really, for most of my life, I searched for that 02:42 relationship with God and would hear other people talk 02:45 about this close relationship with Him. 02:47 I wondered how come I don't have that? 02:49 Including you, I heard you talk about that and wondered 02:52 well I don't know Him that way. 02:54 I'm ridiculous because I actually have a 02:56 crush on God, you know what I mean. 02:58 Well I wanted that too and I did not have it. 03:01 I knew doctrine, I knew the Bible, I knew what we 03:04 believed, all of that, but I did not have that 03:07 close walk with God. 03:08 I wondered why and it was through you, through the Holy 03:12 Spirit, but it was you who pointed out to me that some 03:14 of the issues I were struggling with, and had struggled 03:17 with for years, was inside of me. 03:19 Can we just remind them what happened? 03:21 Yes we can, I struggled for years. 03:23 I married into a family that were very wealthy. 03:26 Three brothers and the father, they own an oil company 03:31 and some trucking companies. 03:33 They really, were for years, what I perceived never 03:39 would accept me, I want to say arrogant, but that 03:42 is the way I perceived them. 03:43 When you are damaged you can perceive all kinds of stuff. 03:47 Through my rejection, through my damage, through my stuff. 03:51 What is really interesting for a lot of people is that 03:55 when you start talking about them, not in a bad way 03:59 but just trying to explain to me what was going on. 04:01 What I saw was this incredible, confident beautiful 04:04 woman that was entrapped by your own rejection issues. 04:09 I wanted to shake you and say, oh stop you have to get 04:12 rid of that, you have to stop that. 04:14 Yes, yes and I was pointing the finger at them. 04:16 Through all these years I am the one that has tried 04:19 to make this relationship work. 04:21 I have been a nice one. 04:22 And they are just mean to me. 04:23 Yeah really I felt like, and at that point I felt like 04:26 I'm just done, I was bitter. 04:27 We do, as Christians we think we can't feel that way. 04:31 Okay God help me not to feel that way, help me 04:33 not to feel that way. 04:34 I would come home every time from being with them 04:36 and say that to the Lord. 04:37 For a time I think I would feel a little bit better, 04:40 but it was all still there. 04:41 When you told me the first time you were telling 04:44 me that, I said, Misti I think it is your stuff. 04:46 The look on your face was, all of a sudden, 04:48 you just stopped and you looked at me like, 04:51 are you not hearing me? 04:52 Is that not what I just said? 04:54 I was thinking, did you not, I was just in shock. 04:58 Your words were well you know that is inside of you don't you. 05:01 It's all your stuff. 05:02 No, I don't think so, but before that night was over, 05:06 you really convinced me to take a look at myself. 05:09 At least explore the possibility. 05:11 At least explore the possibility, right I had no 05:12 idea what God was going to reveal to me. 05:14 It wasn't even then that I got serious with God, 05:17 it took awhile before I really decided I didn't 05:21 want to deal with this anymore. 05:22 I'm tired of carrying this burden around. 05:24 So I changed my prayers, through the books that 05:28 you gave me, the 5 on the a Holy Spirit. 05:32 Which I wondered when you gave me those books, 05:33 I didn't get it, well what does that have to 05:36 do with what we talked about. 05:38 So I didn't pick them up. 05:39 There was really one book in particular, that I was 05:42 so frustrated and hurt over the things that had 05:44 happened that I just flipped it open. 05:46 the middle of the book, I just flipped it open in 05:48 and it was the chapter, Experiencing God's Love. 05:50 It's so spoke to me, and it was his experience of 05:54 asking God, is there anything between you and I? 05:57 Is there anything that I need to be healed of, 05:59 is there anything there? 06:00 God had revealed to him things that he didn't even 06:02 know was there in his heart. 06:04 Because I just have to stop you there because 06:09 for most of us when we are dealing with so much pain, 06:11 and so much anger and all the things that 06:14 come from being hurt. 06:15 Even if it is just perceived hurt, real hurt what 06:18 ever when we are dealing with all that. 06:19 What is really is amazing to me is that we are seeing 06:22 the entire world through this emotional garbage. 06:24 It is like I can't even see it. 06:27 If I keep it every time somebody says something more, 06:30 raises a more I am always in this kind of Mire, 06:34 and God is just say it allow Me to love you and you 06:37 can step out of that and not continue to be injured. 06:41 Very much so. 06:42 And injuring other people. 06:43 Because don't you want to get back at them when 06:45 they hurt you so badly? 06:46 Yeah, by that time I was so bitter I didn't, 06:49 yeah I was not in any way capable of behaving as 06:53 what I thought was good Christian behavior by trying 06:56 to make everything work, I couldn't even do that anymore. 06:58 Call the newspaper, frontline and THEY ARE MEAN! 07:00 I want someone else to know it. 07:03 Do you know what I mean because you feel so attacked, 07:06 I'm under attack all the time. 07:08 I completely felt that way, but when I did start 07:11 praying, why do I feel that way when I'm with them? 07:14 Why does what they say have such an effect on me 07:17 and so much power over me? 07:19 That is when He began this deeper healing process. 07:23 I think I told you that night that my father was so 07:25 abusive and this is what everybody says, 07:27 oh no I have forgiven them. 07:29 I've forgiven them and everybody says that, 07:32 and probably to some degree you have. 07:34 I had obviously made strides from hating him, 07:37 wanting to kill him, to were I was when I was sitting 07:41 there talking to you that day. 07:42 Having your whole body cringe up. 07:44 Yes just I felt like I had been freed from that, 07:48 but the damage that was done through the abuse had 07:50 not even begun to be touched yet by God. 07:53 So I'm going to ask you something because people 07:55 will ask me over and over. 07:58 We have a very, kind of, anti-psychology thing, 08:02 that as Christians should we just not go to God 08:05 and let the Holy Spirit heal? 08:07 What would you say to them? 08:09 Well I would say that if the wounds are there you 08:13 have to go visit the wounds, you have to let Jesus 08:15 touch the wounds and heal them. 08:17 When He walked this earth and you went to Him and 08:20 asked for healing, He always healed. 08:22 Our hearts are wounded and cut open, we try to 08:26 build walls and protective measures around that wound, 08:30 we don't really know what is there. 08:32 What is at the core that wound, but it is not going 08:34 to go away unless you let Jesus touch it. 08:37 It is not about going back and revisiting suppressed 08:39 memories or anything like that. 08:41 So what is really, and I love that because what is 08:44 really interesting to me is that I ended up coming 08:48 into my own healing and not realizing, I thought I'm 08:51 a heroine addict so I just have to stop doing heroin. 08:54 I think that God must've just moaned because that was 08:58 not anywhere close to my injury. 08:59 I was doing heroin to avoid the injury. 09:02 I think that God just says I would love to heal you 09:05 instantly, right now; however, because of where 09:10 you have hidden all the pain, were you have protected 09:13 it, is I will walk you through however long it 09:17 takes to walk you through. 09:18 In saying that though I want to say the Holy Spirit and 09:22 God can come up and heal was instantly if we had any 09:26 brains, do you know what I mean? 09:28 Honestly, as I was going through this healing process, 09:31 it was intense, He was showing me things that 09:33 had deeply hurt me. 09:35 I did not even realize that there was still hurt there. 09:39 That my behavior came out of that. 09:42 Take for instance with your mom. 09:44 Okay but first I want to say this, I want to say this. 09:48 If He did not take me through, if He had just healed me 09:51 instantly, I would not know Him like I know Him now. 09:53 When these traumatic things happen to us as children, 09:57 we do not perceive He is there. 09:59 We don't know it, we build a wall between 10:02 Him and us too, because where was He, 10:06 we hear Him being this loving God, but yet these bad 10:09 things are happening to us. 10:11 He has to take you back there and show you that 10:14 I was there so that the wall comes down and 10:15 you can trust Him. 10:17 And know that that was not His will, it was not His 10:20 plan, were you can completely trust Him and know Him. 10:23 It is a process that He walked you through, but if He 10:27 just instantly healed you and took all that baggage 10:30 away, you wouldn't know Him like He wants to know you. 10:32 He wants you to know that He is going to take a way 10:35 all that, and that He was there, and that He loves you 10:37 and there is hope. 10:38 And not just instantly be gone. 10:40 I just think that is His plan. 10:43 That is a good point, just saying that there is a 10:45 process that we want it to be instant. 10:50 because He's so gentle, you weep because He is so 10:53 good and He is lifting that off a you, lifting the 10:56 baggage, changing the way that you perceive yourself, 10:58 and perceive others, anger all that. 11:01 So it is a process that I while a was going 11:05 through it I would say I don't want to go through this, 11:07 but since I'm not in that in tense part of it anymore, 11:12 and He has taken me so far. 11:14 I am so thankful that I did go through that. 11:16 My feeling is this, and I still have to go back as 11:20 I think most people on the planet have to walk that 11:23 process out, but I think that God is capable of coming 11:27 in and healing in an instant. 11:28 If we could even do that. 11:30 I will meet somebody that actually comes into the 11:34 building, comes into their Christianity, sits down. 11:38 I understand forgiveness I understand the Bible I accept 11:40 all that and sits down and doesn't look at any of their 11:43 wounds until they keep getting in their way. 11:44 Their anger keeps getting in their way, their depression 11:47 what ever and eventually they have to ask God, 11:49 What is up? Why am I still a mess? 11:51 God then shows them some of those hurts. 11:54 Right, and it is when you are finally frustrated with, 11:56 How come I can't overcome this? How come 11:58 I still feel this way? 12:00 You start searching God out may be in a different way. 12:02 Like why am I doing this? 12:04 Just help me, which is a good thing to pray but it 12:06 doesn't always free you. 12:08 So sanctification is what all a lot of people call it, 12:11 that whole sanctification process. 12:13 I will grow in Christ and learn to trust Him. 12:16 So the first program that we did as your understanding 12:23 of the Holy Spirit and leaning on Him, 12:25 for and having Him abide in you. 12:27 I want to walk with His abiding of the Holy Spirit, 12:29 Christ in me. 12:31 Well the first time that I've really feel that God 12:34 reached in and healed me, healed a part of me, was what 12:38 we talked on the last show that was over my mother. 12:41 It wasn't about blaming my mother at all, that is not 12:44 what God does, He takes the whole thing and makes it right. 12:48 You see your mother as what was going on with her, 12:50 or what was going on with your father, who ever wounded 12:53 you, you can see their wounds and so 12:55 you don't blame them. 12:57 But He showed me, when I begin to pray this, 12:59 He showed me that my father was being very, 13:01 very abusive with me one day. 13:03 I was probably 4 years old and I turned to my mother to 13:06 help me, and she was laughing. 13:09 Now I don't know that she was laughing at me, but in my 13:12 4- year-old mind that was what I perceived. 13:14 I'm being traumatized and it crushed me. 13:17 Jesus took me back there and said look what happened 13:20 that day, and I remembered this already, 13:23 it wasn't anything suppressed or anything like that, 13:26 but I remembered it differently. 13:27 I would have told the whole story as my father would 13:30 have told it and it would have been, well your father 13:32 is not a very nice person, is he? 13:34 But it was my mother that day that did the wounding, 13:37 because she didn't mean to. 13:38 But that day it was in my mind that my own mother 13:42 doesn't love me enough to protect me from this kind of 13:44 abuse, I just must not be worth, I came to believe 13:46 Satan took that and he convinced me that 13:49 I was not worth very much. 13:50 So when I would be around other people - but you live 13:54 that out every day- every day, everything, I lived it. 13:58 That was so heavy that when He showed me that, 14:00 He showed me what I really believed about myself. 14:02 First I grieved over that and it deep, I just cried. 14:06 I cried and cried and then He begin to show me that 14:09 believing that about myself affected everything that 14:12 I had done up until that day. 14:14 The way I felt around my in-laws, the way I felt around 14:17 other people, around even friends. 14:19 I was constantly trying to feel like 14:20 I was worth something. 14:22 I was be in a people pleaser, I had to have everybody 14:25 happy with me because as someone wasn't happy 14:26 with me it would take away the little bit of self worth 14:30 I could get from that. 14:31 It would take it away and that was so painful that I, 14:33 it just drove me to do this. 14:35 That was huge! 14:37 Don't you want to say because I know you know that 14:39 God is healing in those areas. 14:42 I know that you know He loves you and that is all 14:45 healing, isn't don't you want to look at the camera and 14:47 to say please trust Him? 14:49 You know there is a part of me that I just want to say 14:51 please trust Him because all those wounds, all that 14:55 injury, all that stuff God just saying, I will promise 14:58 you, I will come in and love you. 15:01 Because we were created to be loved, it is who we are. 15:04 Not feeling love for my father or my mother, which I 15:07 knew she loved me but, that day forward I can look back now. 15:10 She passed when I was 21. 15:13 But I can look back now and see that wall that was built 15:15 between her and I. 15:17 I would never share my heart with her, from that day 15:20 on, from that day forward, He showed me that. 15:22 I didn't know why, my sister had a close relationship 15:24 with her, she would tell her everything. 15:26 She would tell her about who she was dating, and in my 15:28 mind I was thinking, why would you ever tell her that? 15:31 When God showed me this it was from that day on a wall 15:36 was built between her and I, but also between myself and God. 15:40 So that was the first thing He showed me. 15:42 The injury just compounds itself day and day and day out. 15:47 Every other relationship just makes it worse. 15:51 Yes, you feel like nothing that is so painful that you 15:56 will try, we try everything. 15:58 We try drugs, we try everything, we try workaholism, 16:02 what ever it is to make us feel like we can accomplish, 16:05 we want to know we are worth something. 16:07 When you get sent that message, which is what Satan 16:12 wants, but when you're sent that message then you spend 16:14 your life seeking after ways to get some self worth. 16:18 So we're really not even a threat to Satan 16:21 or his kingdom because we are so busy trying 16:23 to feel okay about ourselves. 16:24 We are not going to accomplish what God 16:26 has for us to accomplish. 16:27 And I love when the Bible says this, Satan sets up 16:29 schemes in our lives and then he takes off and he 16:32 doesn't even have to mess with you anymore. 16:33 I felt so bad about myself although I didn't know it, 16:36 I did know that in the conscious mind until the 16:39 Holy Spirit showed me that. 16:40 But he didn't have to worry about me, I was never going 16:42 to overcome the way people treated me in a way that it 16:45 hurt me so I would spend my time being wounded over that 16:48 and wondering how come people treat me that way? I'm nice! 16:51 All these things and we are stuck right there. 16:55 But He says I want to take that away, let Me show you 16:58 what is the real truth. 16:59 As I watched God step into your life through the Holy 17:04 Spirit and take some of that away, I watch this joy that 17:06 just came up in you. 17:07 It was amazing, so talk about that year. 17:11 He did that and I felt literally I felt like a thousand 17:16 pounds had been lifted off of me. 17:18 I felt like I could breathe, the sky was bluer, the 17:21 birds sang louder, I mean I really felt that way that my 17:24 walk with God was better than it ever has been. 17:25 I was passionate about it, I wanted everybody to get it. 17:28 For about a year was that way we would even joke, I'm 17:31 healed on not taking that on, you know you would joke. 17:33 One day I was in a car with a friend of mine and we were 17:38 on the cell phone with her husband, he was on speaker. 17:41 I don't remember what we were talking about but they 17:44 knew us well, had heard me talk about my dad. 17:46 I hadn't even recognize I had a wound with my dad 17:49 because he was so awful that I never felt the need 17:53 to have a daddy in my life. 17:55 I was repulsed by him for as long as I can remember. 17:58 He really made sure that you guys, because I talk to 18:02 you and your sister and he would make sure that he said 18:04 and did things that were repulsive. 18:06 Yes I hated him - around you in front of your friends. 18:09 Absolutely, yes he was very abusive, horribly abusive. 18:14 I really hated him and by the time was a teenager I 18:17 despised him, hate is the word. 18:20 It was like a demonic type were rage, 18:22 I would shake with rage. 18:23 One day we were fighting and he was saying all these 18:26 mean things and there was a pair scissors laying beside 18:28 me and I picked them up and threw them as hard, 18:30 I mean I was aiming for his heart. 18:31 There was nothing they could have stopped be the hatred, 18:33 this rage was so deep in me for him. 18:35 Luckily it flew right past him and hit the wall, 18:38 but that is how deep it was. 18:40 I'd just, oh he was so unkind and would just call you 18:44 names and just say the things that would so provoke you. 18:48 He just knew how to push those buttons and 18:51 I just hated him. 18:52 So for as long as I can remember I had feelings like 18:57 that toward him, so I never felt like I ever needed a daddy. 19:01 I would look at my girlfriends sitting on their dads 19:04 lap and I would think, no way. 19:06 I would never I didn't want it. 19:08 I wasn't even I wish that - wall was so thick, 19:11 he had done the damage so early on that I did not want that. 19:16 I would never want it I would never need it, 19:18 I would never need a man, I would never be, 19:20 not controlled but would never be dependent, 19:23 especially emotionally. 19:25 I would never be dependent on a man and that 19:28 is just the way I was. 19:29 We were driving in the car and people knew how I felt 19:33 about my dad, although I felt like I had forgiven him 19:35 so I didn't talk about a way that I hated him. 19:37 I still didn't have nice things didn't come out of 19:40 my mouth about my dad. 19:41 So he says to me on the phone, you know you and your 19:46 sister are going to have to deal with your dad? 19:48 And this is a year after feeling I'm so free, I'm so 19:51 great, God's so good and it just hit me. 19:54 It was like something that hit. 19:56 We were going on a business trip and ended up going to 20:01 dinner the next night. 20:02 I knew something was hitting me, I knew that. 20:05 So we went to dinner and we ordered our food and we 20:11 were sitting there and I just began to cry. 20:13 I cried for like an hour, the waiter sat down beside 20:18 me and put his arm round me and said are you okay? 20:20 But it was coming out, some of it, this was the 20:23 beginning of what God was starting to do. 20:25 That day I was grieving over not having anybody 20:30 that ever loved me. 20:31 My grandmother's love was conditional, everything was 20:34 so conditional that I never grieved. 20:36 Sorry, I never grieved not having a family. 20:40 That was just the beginning so that comes out and He 20:44 has just lifted that of a you, but He has more that 20:47 He wanted to do. 20:48 Because what is really interesting is your asking for 20:51 help, you're asking for healing - I was. 20:53 So God is saying, I'll give it to you and let you just 20:56 relax and celebrate and then I'll show you the rest 20:59 of it, but I had been so freed from the first one that 21:01 I wanted complete freedom. 21:03 He began to show me there was more. 21:04 I was on a path and not stopping, even though it is like 21:08 heart surgery that He lances it open and He takes it 21:14 away but I wanted complete freedom. 21:16 He did lots of healing over the next few months. 21:20 I really think He was getting me down to the father 21:24 wound, because we so desperately need our fathers blessing. 21:28 And we don't have that father, I can reject I can do 21:33 whatever but God says you were created to be loved by a father. 21:37 Yes and little girls they are created to dance in front 21:42 of their daddies, and have them delight in them, 21:46 and be proud of them. 21:47 God himself would have stood before me and said you are 21:51 my daughter, I love you and I am proud of you. 21:52 I could have never received it until He started in on the other 21:59 healing, He had to take all those other walls down 22:01 before I could receive that. 22:02 One day I was praying, I knew that there was something 22:07 there that I needed to ask the Lord what this was about. 22:09 He shows me, literally were the Holy Spirit talks to 22:14 you, He shows me that it was a bedroom I had when I was 22:19 a teenager, and I would come home from school and go 22:22 straight to my room and shut the door because I didn't 22:23 want to deal with what was going on at the house. 22:25 I did want to do with my mom and dads fighting or him screaming 22:29 or any of that. 22:30 So I would go home and shut the door and He showed 22:33 me this day I was in this room and on the phone, 22:36 I had my own phone. 22:38 Always had lots of friends that's how I escaped. 22:39 I guess he had called for me and I didn't respond to him. 22:44 I don't know if I didn't hear it or what, but he comes 22:46 bursting through the door, he is cursing me 22:48 and calling me names. 22:49 He yanks the phone out of a wall, and of course as 22:52 a teenager you are embarrassed, your friends have just 22:54 heard your father screaming and calling you names. 22:57 He picks me up, I'm on the edge of the bed, he picks me 23:00 up shaking me, I had remembered this already, but that 23:03 day I'm praying with God and He took me back there. 23:06 He is just shaking me, and my husband was praying with 23:10 me at this time because I knew there was something there. 23:13 He was kind of facilitating that can be just between you 23:17 and God but he can pray with me that day. 23:19 I was just being shaken and I thought that I could 23:26 feel all that anger and hurt that my dad had done. 23:28 You are right back there - right back there, yes right 23:31 back there and so I was, okay God what's going on, 23:35 where were You? 23:36 Because the way God took me through this healing 23:39 process, I could always say, He would take me back to 23:41 that spot, and I would say, where were you? 23:42 And I could see Him, He would show me what He was doing, 23:45 He totally brings down the walls between you and Him. 23:47 You know how He feels about you and He was there. 23:50 So I kept saying, where are you, where are you? 23:52 And literally I could see, and when I say I can 23:55 see Jesus I still couldn't tell you what He looked like, 23:57 but He was there. 23:58 But He was sitting in chair in my room and 24:01 He's not doing anything. 24:02 I thought, why are You not helping me? 24:04 I'm like over here asking for help and then I knew I 24:09 had done something that I am in control of and not Him. 24:12 So I said okay God what have I done? 24:14 You know what is between You and I? 24:16 This is through a process of learning to pray this way. 24:19 He showed me, immediately He told me well you made vow, 24:23 and I did, I made a vow that day that no one is going to 24:27 treat me that way. 24:28 No man is ever is going to have power over me that way. 24:31 Now I have made my self God there and I am in charge 24:34 of that and not Him. 24:35 And I repented of that and said okay God I do not want 24:38 to be in charge because I have made a mess out of that. 24:40 I want you to be in charge of that. 24:42 That is like a child saying you know I'm not going to 24:45 trust anybody ever again, so any of those kind of things 24:47 is nobody is ever get close to me again. 24:50 And I didn't, I would have never known that literally 24:53 puts you as God of your own life in that area. 24:56 Now you are in control of it, we'll always mess it up. 24:59 When we are in control of that - exactly! 25:01 When we are trying to protect ourselves, we'll mess it up. 25:04 So when I repented of that literally, and this is where 25:08 the Holy Spirit talks to you. 25:10 I could literally see Jesus stood up and it was my dad, 25:13 he was shaking me literally like he became the evil 25:15 being, which my father probably have demonic spirits, 25:18 for sure. 25:20 And he just shrunk away. 25:22 And I looked at Cole and I the word nobody came to my 25:25 mind, and I said nobody, not that he was a nobody in 25:28 God's sight, but God spoke to me, the Holy Spirit said to me, 25:32 in the scheme of life your father let evil control 25:35 him his entire life. 25:36 In the scheme of eternity he is a no one, not that God 25:40 isn't sad about that. 25:42 Immediately He took me to another scene where my 25:46 grandmother, which my dad was an only child, 25:48 and he did no wrong in her eyes. 25:49 Never did he do any wrong and she came out of surgery 25:53 one day, and my sister and I have been taking care of her. 25:55 We had been the ones that constantly try to get my 25:57 grandmothers love too, and she came out of surgery 26:00 and she opened her eyes and she didn't say a word, 26:03 literally before she died, to me 26:04 my brother, Larry Sherry's husband was standing there 26:07 also, she didn't say a word, she didn't acknowledge, 26:09 and my dad walked up, in my eyes this evil person, 26:13 and she said now there's somebody. 26:15 So God took me to that place and showed me that you felt 26:18 like nobody, but I am the God of the universe and I just 26:21 stood up to defend you and to send that away, and to 26:27 tell you that you are worth something to Me. 26:28 That was huge, I wept and wept and wept and wept. 26:32 I felt like that's where God was giving me, wanting to 26:34 get me down to deal with my dad. 26:36 But there was one more, I was still on a slippery slope. 26:39 You were at our house in February, you knew I was on a 26:42 slippery slope and I could sink into a depression easily. 26:45 I didn't know why, I didn't understand why. 26:47 I know that the healing process goes on for ever, but I 26:51 believe that God was getting me to this next step with 26:55 all the healing that He had done. 26:56 I knew that something was not right and so I was asking 27:00 God what else is it Lord? 27:01 Lord I want to be free from this. 27:03 He took me back to the same bedroom, I thought why am 27:06 I back here, what did we not take care of when we were 27:09 there before in January? 27:11 This time there is no furniture in the room and I can 27:15 literally see, what I perceive to be Satan stomping 27:19 on me and just walking all over me. 27:21 I knew that God was showing me that emotionally my dad's 27:25 abuse, I was dead because of the abuse. 27:27 The emotional part of me was killed a long time ago by 27:30 my dad - you felt that - I felt it. 27:32 When you are feeling that again, all of that heaviness, 27:35 all the things he had done to you, I felt the weight of that. 27:41 I can dress it up, I can walk it out, I can work, 27:43 I can do what ever but I feel dead inside. 27:46 Everybody pleased with me, I would try to over accomplish. 27:49 What ever it is that you try to do to feel better 27:51 He was showing me I was dead. 27:52 It is so painful when He is showing you that, I'm crying 27:56 I do not want to feel this anymore, where were you God? 27:59 I want this to be turned around where you tell me the 28:02 truth about myself and so I asked where were You? 28:05 He's not there and all the healing processes before, 28:08 He was there, Jesus was there to show me 28:11 what really went on. 28:13 To set right the things that were wrong by the abuse of 28:16 the things you believed. 28:17 He doesn't come and I'm feeling that pain, I'm literally 28:22 feeling desperate because I can't fight Satan, he has 28:25 already shown he has flattened me. 28:27 So I get so desperate that I finally say okay, 28:31 Where is the Father? 28:32 I would have never said that, because of my damage 28:35 of my dad, and immediately it made me cry. 28:39 Immediately, I knew it was the Father, I can't see 28:44 Him but I knew it was Him. 28:45 I mean I can't see what He looks like, He walks in the 28:47 room and immediately Satan is gone. 28:49 And I'm laying, and it's not I'm laying there, 28:52 but I knew that my emotions were dead on the floor in 28:55 front of the Father, and I realized He is going to raise 29:00 me from the dead like He did Jesus - and He loves you. 29:03 I had just started doing Exalting His Word, reciting the 29:08 Scriptures - I had left it at your house - you did. 29:10 And I didn't give it back, I kept it. 29:13 I have just started this one that week, it didn't even 29:16 register to me really, anything that week I just wanted 29:18 to speak the Scriptures over my life. 29:20 I maybe Shelly Quinn will be glad to hear this, 29:22 but the one that talks about, there is a scripture 29:27 there that talks about, it literally says arise from 29:31 the depression and prostration that you have been in, 29:35 your light has come. 29:36 And while I'm, I can see the Father standing there, 29:40 He told me get that book, and I hadn't even remembered 29:45 that that is what I had said over my life that week. 29:47 But I flipped it open to the one I knew He wanted me to 29:49 go to, I knew He confirmed that He is getting ready to 29:52 resurrect me, and He does, He calls me from my 29:55 emotional, He calls me forward. 29:59 The next thing I see is that I am taking a walk with 30:03 Him, and I am a little girl, and have got on this frilly dress. 30:06 I dressed up and He is just speaking these words into my 30:10 heart that I could have never received had He not done 30:12 all the other work before that. 30:14 He says I love you - he says I love you, 30:17 you are mine, I am so proud of you, 30:18 like I'm His only daughter in the world. 30:20 You are lovely to me - and it is like being, like what 30:24 you are saying is that I'm so wounded by my father that 30:28 I don't even know that my heart cries, longs for a father. 30:32 If you ask me I would say absolutely not, and God is 30:35 saying, Oh baby you need a daddy, 30:39 And it is okay - you will be okay. 30:42 So I knew that is what He had been getting me to, 30:45 It was being able to receive the Father's blessing 30:48 It is so important, we don't realize it but we are 30:52 meant, especially as little girls we are meant to be adored 30:55 by our daddies, to be loved unconditionally, 30:58 and we don't get that so often. 30:59 Because of our own damage and the generations before us 31:03 that are damaged. - Their damage. 31:04 Is just Satan one of his schemes to keep us from being free. 31:08 What is really amazing to me, is like watching your 31:11 healing and being apart my own healing, watching the 31:14 people around me, is that God says that literally we are 31:18 so damaged that you can look at us on the outside 31:21 and we look fine. 31:22 But we are so damaged that it is more miraculous to 31:25 bring us from a damaged emotional state, to standing up 31:28 as men and women of Christ, than it is to part the Red Sea. 31:31 And we're like ooing and awing about the parting of 31:34 the Red Sea and God says oh that was nothing compared 31:38 to actually raising you guys up and having you walk 31:41 away from all that damage and trust Me to 31:43 bring healing into your life. 31:45 It's not just a Band-Aid, healing. 31:47 Healing to where today when I realized I was going to 31:50 get more time to talk, He has healed it so much it 31:52 doesn't even feel like I was that abused. 31:56 I have to go back and try to recall some of that because 32:00 He has so removed it from my life that it is not even an 32:04 issue anymore, it's full of joy and peace, 32:07 it's love and happiness that He plans for us. 32:09 So let me further step into that so that you can respond 32:12 to this comment is that there was a point where all the 32:15 sudden I'm starting to remember some of the good stuff 32:19 about my childhood because the wounding is lifted. 32:22 Before I had said to my husband, before this I don't 32:26 have one good memory of my dad, not one. 32:28 And there's not a lot but I can actually see some of the 32:32 ones that there were, whereas before I could never see it. 32:35 And that is God's hope for us, can you go back and just 32:38 redeem what was right and heal from what was wrong. 32:43 And it is complete healing, it is not halfway, I 32:47 still have to deal with it, it is done. 32:49 When He does it is done. 32:51 That is absolutely amazing - it's the most 32:54 wonderful thing ever. 32:55 So when I started out when I talked about my friends and 32:58 saying you have to tell them that it is not so easy, 33:01 you would agree? - I would agree, there were times even 33:05 when you were there in February, you could tell my 33:07 faith was stretched further then I, but I think, 33:11 I don't know for sure because I'm not an expert in this 33:14 is just my testimony, but I think because I was seeking 33:17 so hard it was coming so fast. 33:19 It is like a heart surgery that gets messed up that mine 33:23 was coming so fast that I wasn't recovering in between each one 33:27 and having that rehabilitation time because I kept seeking 33:30 Lord, I wanted to be free, I want to be free 33:32 He was granting me that, He was lifting these things off 33:35 of me very quickly and it's stretched my faith further. 33:38 At times you wondered is this even from God, it is so 33:40 painful, am I crazy, is He really speaking these 33:45 things into my life. 33:46 Then you go back and see all the things that have been 33:48 lifted off, yes it's really, I mean it's all these 33:51 things that run through your mind. 33:52 It doesn't have to go that fast but I wanted free, I 33:55 didn't want to spend a lifetime dealing with anger that I had 33:59 and all these things that I had so long to be freed from. 34:02 I wanted free I didn't want to be 20 years from now. 34:05 So would you till somebody it is worth the fight? 34:09 Absolutely, absolutely! 34:11 When somebody says to me, I just have to say this is 34:14 hard, but I'm thinking the other side of that, freedom 34:19 and the health and the spiritual connection with God is huge. 34:22 This stuff is going to take you down, it is going to 34:25 kill you, you may look great you may be able to walk it out, 34:29 but it will kill you, you have to surrender it. 34:30 We are great to go ahead and take a break but I wanted 34:33 to say, for one Misti I love you and thank you for coming back on 34:37 I'm going to introduce people to the other folks at the 34:40 Café and I want you to think about surrender to God, 34:45 asking for the Holy Spirit, and saying to God, 34:47 am I stuck anywhere? 34:50 Can you fill me up, can you walk me out of this because 34:52 I am so done, I'm done and I want to be well. 34:56 I want to laugh out loud, I want to stand in the 34:58 presence of God and be just grateful to be there. 35:02 I don't want to bring this garbage with me. 35:04 We'll be right back, stay right with us. |
Revised 2014-12-17