Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Christian Berdahl
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR000045A
00:10 If you feel like you are totally a mess and there
00:13 there is no hope, I've been damaged, you don't even know.
00:16 This program is for you and I know that
00:18 you are going to be blessed. So come in!
00:48 Did you ever grow up in a home where you never measured
00:51 up, where you were mistreated, where you were maligned?
00:53 As a result you felt that God could never
00:56 approve of you?
00:57 Have you committed some hidden sin, harbored hatred,
01:00 and I mean hatred.
01:01 There are times in my own recovery and my own life
01:04 that I just felt like, you know what
01:07 I am just angry at everyone.
01:09 I remember when I first got into recovery, I am thinking
01:13 I just think I'm crazy, I think I have so much junk.
01:17 My parents are addicts, most of you know that already
01:20 and my mom was 14 years old when she had me.
01:24 I grew up in all that kind of stuff, and I get into a
01:27 Christian life and every has, or appears to have,
01:30 this normal background.
01:31 I'm just filled with rage, I'm filled with anger.
01:35 I don't even know it yet.
01:37 First time I went to a counselor he sat there and said,
01:39 you have a lot of stuff in your background, have you
01:42 ever been angry?
01:43 I said, No I don't think so. He's like, Oh my goodness.
01:46 Because obviously I am in denial.
01:49 So have you ever felt like you have so much junk, so
01:52 much anger, so much hatred, so much unforgiveness,
01:56 that even God can't forgive you.
01:58 You are fully persuaded that God is going to somehow
02:02 reject you because of all this kind of stuff.
02:06 Oh man, I felt like that more than anything.
02:10 I was really afraid that if God really knew my stuff, if
02:14 He really knew what I was thinking, if He really knew the
02:17 things that I thought about.
02:19 My dad molested me from 3 months old on, I don't know
02:23 what it feels like to be normal, in a normal relationship.
02:26 My dad dies in a crack house, strung out sexually.
02:28 The more I was surrounded by normal people, that wanted
02:33 me to be normal desperately, you know what I mean?
02:36 I came in and they just said, sit down and be normal.
02:40 The more that anger stuff came up and that wanted
02:43 someone to pay and all those kind of things.
02:46 I just felt like I got more and more twisted in that.
02:51 As God started to love me, and I love in John 4:8,
02:56 is one of my favorite text.
02:58 It is tiny, it says, "God is love".
03:00 So as revealed Himself, not that He made it up, not that
03:05 all of a sudden He came up and said, Cheri I'm going to
03:08 muster up love for you.
03:10 It's like it's who I am, let me show you who I Am
03:12 because in that you are going to start to heal.
03:15 As He started doing that for me,
03:17 it was absolutely unbelievable.
03:19 I watch Him over and over and over again
03:21 doing that for other people.
03:22 I want to tell you one story that just to talk about
03:26 the love of God that I saw recently that was amazing.
03:28 I am working with this kid and
03:30 he is a really damaged kid.
03:33 I met him the first time he is like, I don't know 13.
03:36 Then I met him at 15, and then I met him at 17.
03:39 He is smoking weed and angry, parents are druggies,
03:45 and he is just not the nicest kid.
03:48 But he adores me, do you know what I mean, I just know
03:52 it, I knew it when we first met him it was like for some
03:54 reason, I think it was the God in me.
03:56 You know what I mean, for some reason I trust you and I
03:59 really want a life and I think that maybe you are saying
04:02 that I can have a life.
04:03 So every time I met him, every time I traveled through
04:06 California, that is where he is at.
04:08 Every time I traveled through, I was just couldn't wait,
04:11 I couldn't wait to sit down and hang out.
04:13 See how are you doing and you know I love you.
04:16 The first thing he would say to me is something like,
04:18 you know I am still smoking weed?
04:20 I still love you and somebody may say, you know Cheri,
04:23 can you love somebody smoking weed? Absolutely!
04:25 You know what I mean, that God does or else
04:28 we would be in trouble.
04:29 But anyhow so I invited him here not long ago.
04:33 I said, I am doing some things at 3ABN, would you come?
04:35 Somebody that is smoking weed that is really trashed,
04:39 they look at you like is that allowed?
04:42 I'm thinking, just sneak in the back, you know!
04:45 Yes I want you to come, I want you to be my guest.
04:48 So he comes and I'm thinking that for him to come was
04:52 a big deal, he came with a group of foster kids and
04:54 all that kind of stuff.
04:55 The foster kids and the foster families were having a
04:58 great time about being here.
04:59 We are at the church, we are having an event and he
05:03 sneaks in the back.
05:04 Sits in the very back row.
05:06 He is sitting there and he doesn't want to be seen by
05:10 anyone because he is still smoking weed.
05:12 He is in the back row and he is just adorable kid,
05:16 adorable kid.
05:17 There was a little girl, a little tiny girl and
05:21 she is sitting here and he is sitting and she is in
05:22 front of him.
05:24 She turns around and looks at him.
05:30 And then turns around and starts playing with toys,
05:34 she is like 7.
05:36 He is stop looking at me.
05:38 She is doing something and she turns around an
05:43 looks at him, then she turns around and starts
05:47 playing again, coloring and stuff.
05:49 He is like stop looking at me and by this time
05:52 he can't hardly concentrate on the concert and
05:54 things going on stage because this little girl
05:56 would keep looking at him.
05:57 As he is thinking don't look at me, his palms start
06:01 sweating, and he doesn't know why his palms are
06:04 sweating, it's just a little kid.
06:05 I don't even know her.
06:06 She turns around and she looks at him again,
06:08 and he is like stop looking at me.
06:10 She is drawing on this piece of paper and pretty soon
06:13 she drops the paper on the ground.
06:15 She takes her toe and she scoots it
06:18 all the way across to him.
06:21 Right by his toe.
06:22 She looks at him, and he is like, I don't want to
06:25 look down, I don't want to even look down.
06:27 She just has her toe there, and she is looking
06:31 right at him, and he is looking at her,
06:33 and his palms are sweating.
06:35 He says the entire room feels like he is just,
06:38 what is going on and he grabs the paper.
06:41 It is a picture of him sitting in a chair.
06:44 Underneath it, it says, God loves you no matter what.
06:47 He said, I felt myself heal.
06:51 I felt myself heal.
06:54 This little girl had no idea, but God used her to say to
06:57 this kid smoking weed, in rebellion, is that I love you.
07:02 I don't love you because I have to, I love you because
07:05 it is my nature.
07:06 It is who I AM!
07:07 I wanted to say, I had just finished this book.
07:09 It's kind of a fictional book, but in this book it has a
07:14 description of God talking to somebody about their pain.
07:17 He said, you know a blue bird flies in the window,
07:21 and they are looking at this blue bird.
07:23 He said it is the nature of that blue bird to fly.
07:26 The guy is looking at the blue bird absolutely,
07:31 and when a bird is injured, most birds.
07:34 When they are injured and they don't fly,
07:36 they are handicapped.
07:39 It is their nature, they will always have something in
07:42 their nature that says, hey I am suppose to fly.
07:44 When they see other birds fly by, it is like, I am
07:46 suppose to be flying.
07:48 Just like that bird, it is our nature to be loved.
07:53 It is absolutely our nature.
07:55 So we are born in situations where and places where
07:58 all of a sudden people who are in our lives do
08:00 not know how to do that.
08:01 We will never forget that part of our nature because
08:05 it is our nature to be loved.
08:06 It is our nature to soar that way, it's in our nature to
08:09 be unfolded in that way by love.
08:12 So when we get damaged, when something comes into our
08:17 life and we are mistreated, abused in anyway, we have
08:23 parents that were never loved themselves so they don't
08:25 know how to speak that into us.
08:26 We are handicapped, severely handicapped.
08:31 God said, because I AM God, I know that about you.
08:34 I know that in this area you need to heal.
08:38 Not in all the addictive stuff, in the area you are able
08:43 to bring in and receive love into your life, because all
08:46 the other stuff will fall when you get there.
08:49 So because I know it is your nature, I know that
08:51 I need to heal that part.
08:54 What is amazing to me is that analogy as I am thinking
08:57 about that, I'm thinking I have trust issues.
09:01 So what if God one day decides He doesn't love me?
09:06 Because I am not lovable, and He says, His nature can't
09:09 do that, He is love!
09:11 So it is not that someday He is going to see too much of
09:14 us, or that He is going to understand too much about us,
09:16 or that we are going to be too much for Him and He is
09:18 going to stop loving.
09:19 God is LOVE!
09:21 He is not reliant on us to muster that up, it's His nature.
09:24 The only thing He says to us is that do you trust Me
09:27 enough, and if you don't let me deal with that even.
09:30 Just walk this direction, just come towards Me and I
09:34 will promise you that I will unfold for you all the
09:36 different things in your life.
09:38 I will get you into a place where you can stand in
09:40 front of Me and just be blessed.
09:44 Just for maybe the first time, open up and feel what
09:49 it feels like to actually walk in your true nature which
09:52 is to be loved, and adored, and accepted, spoke into and
09:58 all that kind of stuff.
10:00 We are going to talk, on this program, to a gentleman
10:03 you are going to love.
10:04 About his life and where he came to a place where he
10:07 could say to God, Okay God I am done, I don't even know
10:10 what else to do, please help me.
10:12 I think all of heaven celebrates, all of heaven turns
10:15 around and says you know what, I was hoping you would
10:18 ask that today.
10:19 I am hoping you will ask that today.
10:21 We'll be right back, stay with us!