Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Kevin and Tara Hart
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR000019
00:11 Welcome to Celebrating Life In Recovery,
00:12 I'm Cheri your host and today were going to look at five
00:15 things about early recovery, especially if you get this
00:18 your recovery will be a blast.
00:20 If you get this you can teach someone else.
00:22 Come join us!
00:50 In an earlier show we talked about a guy named Tim.
00:53 And Tim, a sales man, comes home late at night only
00:56 because he did not want to spend the night in another
00:59 city, and in another hotel.
01:00 He drives home gets in his car accident on the way.
01:02 His car flips, he's on the side of the road thinking
01:05 he's okay, thinking I'm fine, nothing is wrong.
01:09 He realizes when he tries to move that he cannot move.
01:13 He can't do anything so he lays there.
01:15 Now he is coming in and out of consciousness.
01:17 An older couple was driving across the state and their
01:21 headlights happened to hit the metal on his car.
01:23 So they come back and stop.
01:25 They see the car had just happened to see this guy
01:28 laying there, and they walked up and when they looked
01:31 at him, he knew that he was seriously hurt.
01:34 The color drained from their face and they knew this
01:37 guy was dying and they ended up getting him to the
01:40 hospital as quick as they could.
01:41 He was almost dead, he was bleeding to death on the
01:44 side of the road.
01:45 His leg was broken in a number places and it was so
01:47 swollen they couldn't even cast him up.
01:49 His head was cut open they had to do stitches
01:52 and shave his head.
01:53 His healing process, I love this, his healing process
01:57 took time, he ended up going home from the hospital
02:01 with his wife and with all the care of the doctors
02:04 they ended up when the swelling went down they could
02:07 put the cast on.
02:08 He said he didn't know for was harder for him limping
02:11 all over the place, or when he looked in the mirror
02:14 and had this goofy haircut.
02:16 Had this normal haircut on one side and then shaved
02:18 on the other side.
02:20 Time went by and the cast came off, he strengthen the
02:24 muscles in his leg, and the limp went away.
02:27 Of course he got his hair cut and had a normal haircut.
02:29 After a while the only thing that shows on him
02:33 is a few scars, right?
02:34 He said the scars were hardly noticeable.
02:37 As I was reading this, I read it in a book called,
02:40 'The Search For Significance' by Robert McGee.
02:43 An incredible book, but as I'm reading that
02:46 I'm thinking about my own recovery.
02:47 I'm a heroine addict, strung out on the bed in a drug
02:52 house trying to kill myself when I meet God.
02:54 I had no idea how damaged I was, even physically.
02:57 The first time I met the person that helped me
03:01 in recovery, her name was Donna.
03:03 An incredible Adventist woman, she was just amazing.
03:06 A thousand years old, a vegan vegetarian and I'm
03:08 withdrawing from heroine and looking for anything.
03:11 She would let me stay at her house and I was looking
03:13 for coffee, tea, do you have any chocolate?
03:16 Do you have any heroine somewhere in a drawer?
03:19 I was just withdrawing and this woman's husband was a
03:22 dentist and I had been beaten by some motorcycle gang
03:25 and had some teeth knocked out the front of my mouth.
03:28 So I needed some teeth.
03:29 As he is looking at my teeth he realizes that my face
03:32 is rotted, right? So he has to literally cut into my
03:35 face and scraped my jawbone to get the infection out
03:39 of my face before he could deal with the teeth
03:41 I didn't have and hope that I could hold the teeth
03:43 that I will have.
03:45 The whole time I'm thinking God, you are so cool and
03:48 this is so amazing that You work with folks like this.
03:51 So this recovered was one step at a time, just like
03:54 the guy in the accident one step at a time.
03:57 Most of my stuff was emotional recovery.
04:00 I didn't have to wait for cast go off, but I
04:03 definitely had no idea how to interact with folks.
04:06 I had no idea, the first time I got invited to sit
04:09 with somebody at potluck at a church.
04:12 I was so scared. My palms were sweating
04:14 I sat down and they were talking about normal stuff.
04:18 My heart started beating because I knew the conversation
04:21 was coming to me and I thought I do not know how to talk.
04:24 And you look so normal, I can't do this and it kept
04:29 coming to me and I'm thinking oh don't, don't come to me.
04:32 I wanted to push the conversation away but
04:35 it came to me.
04:36 The only thing I could think of to say, hi my first
04:39 suicide attempt was when I was eight.
04:41 Nobody was even talking suicide, but that was the only
04:45 thing I can think of to say.
04:46 So in my recovery I even had to learn to talk,
04:49 to socialize, not to just bleed all of the place.
04:52 I don't mean physically bleed, I mean emotionally
04:55 bleed because it was just where I was at.
04:57 That took years, and so we are going to talk about
05:01 some things in recovery that you just need to know.
05:05 You need to know in order to just do it.
05:10 And if you don't get this, it is really tough to get
05:14 the rest and so pay attention, write it down.
05:17 As I'm introducing the guest grab a paper and a pencil
05:21 or a pen and write some of this stuff down because
05:24 it is good stuff.
05:25 We have a number of the people at the café today.
05:27 We have Tara and Kevin and we are going to hear your
05:30 whole story today and I love that.
05:31 We have some folks that are just coming in because
05:34 we grabbed them off the streets.
05:36 As we go on the show hopefully you'll see they're smiling
05:41 faces and I want to say I'm so glad you're here.
05:45 I want to just talk about the five things that you need
05:49 in recovery, and some people try to skip stages.
05:53 One of the things you need in recovery is honesty.
05:56 Honesty is important because we can't even apply any of
06:01 our healing to ourselves until I know I need healing.
06:05 Have you ever met someone, raise your hand if you know
06:08 I'm telling the truth, have you ever met somebody so
06:12 angry and have this range disorder, out to lunch and
06:15 you will ask them if they have any issues?
06:17 They're like no, why do you ask?
06:19 And they're mad at you because you asked, they don't even
06:22 think they have anger so until a person understands that
06:25 they have anger issues, they won't even get any help.
06:28 So until I understand I need help, I don't even reach
06:31 for help, so it's not honesty is I need to learn how to
06:35 be honest which for me was a big thing.
06:39 I lied my head off, I don't know if anybody does that.
06:42 On the street you play everybody.
06:45 I was homeless for 10 years so I played everybody.
06:48 When I came into the church I figured out who you wanted
06:51 to sit next to you, and I was that person.
06:54 I would lie or what ever to convince you I was
06:56 that person because I didn't know who I was,
06:59 do you know what I mean?
07:01 I'm not talking about that kind of honesty, I'm talking
07:03 about honesty in my own self.
07:06 What do I need to deal with? What are my issues?
07:08 I had manipulation, relationships issues,
07:11 addiction issues, I didn't know how to allow anyone
07:15 to even touch me.
07:17 Somebody would sweep by an accidentally touch me and
07:19 I would think what's up? What do you want?
07:21 It could have been a male or female because it didn't
07:24 matter, I was homeless by 13 years old so I had been
07:27 abused in many ways by both sexes so it didn't matter
07:29 I couldn't even be touched.
07:30 I had to honestly look at some of that stuff.
07:33 Some people's issues are lighter than that,
07:36 do you know what I mean?
07:37 When I say lighter, some people's issues are being
07:41 perfectionists, or they are hypochondriac.
07:45 Do you know anybody like that?
07:46 Everything is wrong with them all the time and
07:48 they don't even know that.
07:50 In an earlier show you saw one of my good friends,
07:54 Misty, Misty was ragging about her step parents,
07:58 and not step parents but her in-laws.
08:00 And they weren't treating her right by her issue was
08:05 she was so insecure and she had so much stuff
08:07 that no matter what someone did around her
08:09 it could hurt her feelings.
08:11 Finally I said Misty this is your stuff, this is not
08:15 their stuff and she looked at me like what?
08:17 What are you talking about? She was almost mad at me.
08:21 She was almost mad at me. Did I tell you what they said to me?
08:24 I'm thinking Hon, it's your stuff and it really
08:27 affects you so deeply that you cannot let it go.
08:31 It has to be something from your past.
08:33 So honestly being able to look at that is a huge deal.
08:36 I met another woman, she is married to a Vietnam vet.
08:40 On the first season we covered their story.
08:43 A Vietnam vet, with rage disorder, murdered someone when
08:45 he was 17, this guy was crazy.
08:48 I love him so, if you're watching the show
08:51 you know I love you.
08:52 By love him and he is just nuts, he went through this
08:56 whole rage thing and she would say something to him and
08:59 he could go off on a rage for three or four months.
09:02 She said I just have to leave him.
09:04 I would bring them over to my house, stay at my house
09:07 for awhile because we really do need to get some
09:09 serious one to one counseling and stuff.
09:12 So they came over to my house and I find out that she
09:16 is so codependent that she really enables his rage.
09:19 So I said to her at one point, I said his problem is
09:23 maybe 30% of the issue, you are 70% of the problem.
09:26 If she had a knife I think I would have been stabbed.
09:29 She was so mad at me that she started screaming.
09:31 You know I didn't come over here for you to tell me that,
09:34 I didn't come over here for you to say it's my fault.
09:37 I tried everything. I try to do the right thing.
09:40 I try to be right, there is nothing, nothing I haven't
09:43 done to make his life better.
09:45 When he gets angry I try to smile and just
09:47 be a good Christian wife.
09:48 She is going on and on and on as saying Hon, slow down.
09:52 We find out after talking that she's tried everything
09:56 since she was two years old, she's try to make it right
09:59 that she was two years old.
10:00 She had tried everything with her family, she tried
10:02 everything with her children, she tried everything with
10:04 her husband, but she never learned to be herself and she
10:06 never learned to be real.
10:08 So honesty is about being able to look at who am I?
10:11 Who am I? What are the issues?
10:14 What does my dysfunction look like?
10:16 For 14 years I prayed for my husband.
10:18 I married this guy that was normal, right?
10:20 I'm from this crazy background and he was a Boy Scout
10:23 until he was 18 years old, Eagle Scout.
10:26 His father was an ambassador for the United States,
10:29 but he has issues, right?
10:31 But the whole time I married I'm telling God to fix him.
10:34 Finally God says, fix yourself.
10:36 Soon as I got that and honestly look back some of my
10:39 real issues about intimacy and relationships
10:43 he got fixed right away, I was so in his way.
10:46 Okay so honesty is the first thing, the next thing,
10:49 once you can honestly look at yourself and start to
10:52 bring some of the junk to the surface.
10:55 Some of the junk, molest issues, depression, anger,
10:58 insecurities, not being able to love our be loved,
11:02 trusting someone, all those things that are so core.
11:05 The next thing is finding an affirming relationship.
11:08 I mean an affirming.
11:11 I want someone to set next to me and say you know
11:13 Cheri, I absolutely love you.
11:14 I absolutely love you, you are so cool, you are a good
11:18 friend, but you know when you lie like that it makes me
11:22 mad because I just don't feel like I can connect.
11:24 I don't know what to say because I know you are lying.
11:26 Do you know what I mean?
11:27 I can turn around to that friend and say
11:29 what do you mean lying?
11:30 If she is a good friend, she will not back down, right?
11:34 Because she is going to affirm whom I am,
11:37 but be honest about my junk.
11:39 If I'm spending too much, anybody is spend-a-holic?
11:45 When you get stressed go out to the mall.
11:47 Oh you guys come on, anybody raise your hand.
11:50 And I love that because I look cute but my bills at the
11:54 end of the month are horrible if you know what I mean.
11:57 Those are addictions so I need someone that loves me
12:00 that says you know what, every time you get stressed
12:04 you get a new wardrobe but then you complain
12:06 about being broke, right?
12:09 There is a book that I loved, one of my favorite books
12:11 early on in recovery called,' Caring Enough To Confront'
12:14 do I care about the person standing next to me
12:17 to confront them? Not to confront them by grabbing
12:20 them by the collar and saying hey buddy
12:22 what's wrong with you?
12:24 But confronting them as a friend, you are my brother
12:27 or sister in Christ, my brother and sister in recovery,
12:30 I don't want to see you relapse, I don't want to see
12:32 you dysfunctional so deal with your stuff.
12:36 With my husband, I wanted chaos, I'm an addict,
12:40 I want chaos and I want some noise in my house.
12:44 I'm a very abnormal person so I have to pretty much
12:48 trip him walking down the hall to get a reaction.
12:51 And I am willing to do that, but there were times that
12:55 I would be so ahh and he would say Cheri I think that
12:59 your stuff. Oh shut up!
13:02 I would want to grant him and say I don't want to hear
13:05 that, I'm PMS-ing I want some chaos and I don't care
13:08 if it's my stuff. But he would so honestly
13:11 say, it's your stuff. I love you.
13:12 I'm just so do not know where to go with that when you
13:16 go there, and after a year or two,
13:18 he might even say five.
13:20 But after a year or two I finally got it.
13:22 He cared enough to confront me on my stuff and not go there
13:27 with me, not interact and all that stuff with me.
13:29 That is such a cool thing.
13:31 Sometimes if you don't have a personal relationship
13:34 you can grab somebody is a friend that can
13:36 just hang out with you.
13:37 AA is an incredible place, I didn't do recovery there
13:41 but the incredible thing about AA is that you get an
13:44 accountability partner, you get a sponsor.
13:47 Someone that actually you can call anytime, and if you
13:50 call them and you are whining about something and
13:53 it is not healthy, that person tells you.
13:56 It's such a gift, so getting an affirming relationship
13:59 where someone can honestly tell you where you are at,
14:02 and where you are not at.
14:03 I had a person were finally had to say you know what?
14:06 I'm starting to see your phone number on my cell phone,
14:09 and I don't want to answer the phone.
14:11 She was like, why not? Because you are always negative.
14:16 Your always whining, you know.
14:18 I think she wanted to cuss me out actually, but it was
14:22 the truth and everybody looks at their cell and doesn't
14:25 answer the phone for her anymore, doesn't want to talk
14:28 with her anymore, but somebody has to love her enough to
14:31 say, you are always whining, what's up with that?
14:35 If she is honest with herself, going back to that first
14:38 step she can look at that and turn it over to God and
14:41 ask for some wisdom with that and move on.
14:44 Or even ask her friend, how can we get together
14:47 and not have me whine?
14:49 I have a friend that says that she can call me anytime
14:52 she wants to day or night, I don't care what time.
14:55 I will talk with her as long as she wants to talk as
14:57 long as it is not negative.
14:59 I have another friend that I would talk to as long
15:02 as she wants as long, as she's not gossiping
15:05 about someone else, because gossip trashes us.
15:08 Raise your hand if you know what I'm saying, it trashes
15:11 us and we don't even think that it trashes us.
15:14 And she is the funniest gossip ever, she is fun.
15:18 She'll say Cheri, guess what? I so want to say what
15:21 because she is so fun and when she rags on somebody,
15:25 oh Man she has a great sense of humor.
15:27 She gets every single detail just right but it's funny.
15:31 We laugh our head off, we can laugh about one person
15:34 stuff for an hour.
15:36 But one time when I left there, I just felt ugly.
15:39 Do you know what I mean? I felt like this is not good
15:43 for me and I had to break the friendship off for awhile
15:47 before I could go back to her and tell her you cannot talk
15:50 about anybody around me because it is not good for me.
15:54 And I didn't want to tell her, you're not allowed to
15:57 gossip anymore, but when you and I are together in this
16:01 friendship, please it's just ugly.
16:03 So it is that honesty in an affirming relationship with
16:06 someone and it is not always easy to do that.
16:09 Sometimes we just walk away from people rather than tell
16:11 them the truth about themselves.
16:13 Don't walk away, tell them the truth, or listen to some
16:17 body that tells you the truth.
16:18 Ask people, be honest with me. Not when you are PMS-ing.
16:22 But be honest with me and tell me what you see?
16:26 What is up? That is incredible.
16:29 Affirming relationships can be one to one friendships.
16:32 They can be groups, a lot of people go to AA and
16:35 celebrate recovery, and they go to church groups.
16:38 Anywhere they can get someone to be honest with them.
16:41 Anywhere, so just find that.
16:43 So the other one is right- thinking, many of us have no
16:46 idea how twisted we are, absolutely no idea.
16:50 I thought I was thinking right, and even today there are
16:54 things that come up I wish I could tell you.
16:56 I can't even tell you one of them because it's so bad.
16:59 But my daughter is 10 years old and she wants to play a
17:02 game and we are supposed to say something bad about each
17:06 other, you are so ugly you look like a guppy head fish.
17:10 So she is a little kid and she is saying that.
17:12 You wouldn't believe what I told her you looked like.
17:15 She said you win. I'm not playing with you anymore.
17:19 I mean it was something awful, it was wrong, so wrong.
17:23 So right-thinking, the only way we are going to find
17:26 right-thinking is if we actually get into the Word of
17:29 God and some people when they first come to church the
17:31 Word of God sounds crazy to them.
17:34 Get into the Word of God because it will teach you how
17:37 to think right, it will teach you especially Proverbs,
17:41 any of those where it says don't lie, think about this
17:44 and all that stuff, there are all kinds of places where
17:48 it will teach you what is right and wrong.
17:49 I didn't know, the 10 Commandments, when I learned the
17:52 10 Commandments I was thinking oh man, I think
17:55 I broke all those today.
17:57 It was just like I would look at those kind of things
18:00 about lying and stealing or whatever and I couldn't let
18:04 the offering plate go by in church, it will go by packed
18:07 with money, I need that money.
18:09 I couldn't let go by and I'm thinking maybe it's in the back
18:13 and I can sneak in there while the guys are doing the
18:16 sermon and the pastor would say something funny
18:19 that could be a little off colored and
18:21 I would start busting up.
18:22 I would try not to laugh and then I would look at
18:24 everybody real serious with their Bible, and they would
18:27 not be laughing, and I would laugh harder.
18:29 Like I would think am I ever going to get through this?
18:31 I have gotten through this, not 100%,
18:35 if you asked my daughter, my husband they will say no
18:36 don't lie because I am working on that.
18:39 It is like God will teach you to untwist and that is
18:43 just the right-thinking.
18:44 The last one, there are two more I want to talk about.
18:47 I'm going to talk about them at the end of the show.
18:50 But right now we're going to break for the
18:51 interview, it is incredible, recovery is incredible.
18:55 It is so nice to stand up and know that I am who God
18:58 created me to be, all the twisted stuff that is
19:01 obvious to me now when it comes up and I actually
19:04 get to laugh out loud.
19:06 What is really funny, is that I love who I am.
19:09 I don't mean to sound in a vain way about that,
19:12 I just love who I am, I love who my husband is, I love
19:15 who my child is, I love who my friends are and I can start to
19:19 really appreciate other people.
19:20 I can appreciate their gifts and what they offer.
19:22 I can now appreciate myself and what I can offer.
19:25 I definitely appreciate God and what He offers.
19:27 Stay with us, we will be right back!
19:34 Think you've seen it all? Think again.
19:37 Cheri Peters is back for a second season of
19:41 Celebrating Life In Recovery with more lives
19:44 more stories and more miracles.
19:47 Watch the shocking, inspiring, and the incredible.
19:51 Check your local listings to find out when
19:54 Celebrating Life In Recovery comes to you and get
19:57 ready for another dose of reality, Cheri style.
20:16 You know we are talking about different things,
20:18 Hebrews 4:12-13 says.
20:35 The first time I saw that I was thinking oh man.
20:37 Don't be judging my heart right now.
20:39 What was cool about that is that as I got to know God
20:42 as I got to know who He is, who I am, what this whole
20:46 thing is about I realized when God judges our hearts,
20:50 when God looks at all that stuff is not in the
20:52 same way we judge each other.
20:54 It is a way that the more He can reveal about us,
20:57 the more I can step into recovery, so He loves me.
20:59 When He brings something to the surface, He is bringing
21:02 it to the surface like Hon, don't be afraid of this.
21:05 Trust Me because when we get rid of this you will be
21:07 able to be a little bit lighter.
21:09 Your shoulders are going to come down,
21:11 you are going to be able to laugh with people more
21:12 honestly those kind of things.
21:14 When God says I knew everything about you,
21:16 don't be afraid because He is the safest person ever.
21:21 Universe, Cosmos, all universes and all that stuff.
21:26 So I'm going to introduce you to the guests,
21:27 Tara and Kevin, thank you so much for coming on the show.
21:30 Thanks for having us.
21:32 Kevin you are a camera guy here, so you work on
21:37 Celebrating Life In Recovery - yeah.
21:39 - Your favorite show obviously. - oh totally!
21:42 I don't know if that's true or not.
21:46 He's got to say it because I'm here.
21:49 - no, it is my favorite show actually.
21:52 He definitely likes it because he comes home
21:54 and tells me all the stories and I'm like, wow!
21:57 So the first time we met was here while I was filming
22:00 something and I heard your testimony.
22:02 I felt like your testimony so clearly showed how God
22:06 leads us and the stuff we get into and how He takes us
22:10 into recovery so I begged you to please come and tell everyone.
22:15 He said yes and I want to thank you for that.
22:17 Tell them what you told me.
22:20 Well I grew up in an Adventist home with my mom, my dad,
22:26 and my brother, and my parents divorced
22:29 when I was about eight.
22:30 My dad was remarried within six months after that.
22:33 My mom got remarried six months after that so within one
22:37 year my parents are split up and both
22:40 remarried to separate people.
22:42 But my mom married a wonderful guy,
22:44 Jim and he is my stepfather today.
22:46 My dad however was married four times so there was never
22:50 any stability in any of his relationships, in an out of
22:54 stepmothers and that kind of thing.
22:56 That was really hard, step brothers, and different
22:58 stepsisters so it was really hard.
23:02 Growing up in that I became kind of rebellious, my dad
23:06 wasn't really around.
23:08 So I was with my mom and I didn't like her at the moment
23:11 I would run away to my dad's house.
23:13 If I was with my dad I would run away from him and moved in
23:17 with my mom again, so I did that frequently until one
23:22 I got into high school.
23:23 Eventually I ran away for good, I stayed with other
23:25 families, there was like two different families.
23:28 - when you finally ran away for good old were you?
23:30 How is a junior in high school, actually I was probably
23:34 my senior year, probably 17, 18.
23:38 So I ran away and lived with the family for my senior
23:42 year and then when I did get into college I would stay
23:46 with a different family, it was pretty hard moving around.
23:53 I think a lot of people don't realize that all of a
23:57 sudden, especially Christian homes, I see this all the time
23:59 where everything is stable, everything is perfect, and
24:02 you are in church and all that and then your whole world
24:05 changes and for a child nothing is real any more.
24:09 Nothing to be trusted, nobody's going to actually be
24:13 there for me anymore, really.
24:14 So they are acting now, not that you knew and of that,
24:18 the acting out I see all the time.
24:20 It is like all of a sudden everybody is crazy,
24:21 the kids are crazy they think okay.
24:24 I was really rebellious and did not want to be
24:26 controlled by anybody, my parents.
24:28 I didn't want to be told what to do.
24:30 So that caused me a lot of trouble, it did because when
24:35 I got into college. - did you get into drugs or alcohol
24:40 or any of that kind of stuff?
24:42 When I got into college I got into alcohol and smoking
24:45 the legal stuff called the stuff we are allowed to do
24:48 but it is not really good for us anyway.
24:50 I got into that but my main thing was that I got into a
24:53 lot of relationships, a lot of different relationships,
24:56 different guys, jumping around, getting intimate with
24:59 a lot of them.
25:01 And that really burned me. - trying to fill that up
25:05 I was just so empty and when I was 21 I got pregnant
25:09 with my first child and I had a daughter.
25:11 But it was while because I was 21 and I thought hey I'm
25:15 doing good because there is some people they get pregnant
25:19 at 13, or 12 and I was 21 so I'm doing so much better.
25:24 And I wasn't really seeing that I was really deep in sin.
25:28 I was so far from God and doing my own thing.
25:30 So I got pregnant and had my daughter and I thought to
25:35 myself, if I'm going to have this child I need to take
25:39 care of her and I need to go back to school.
25:41 So I went back to school and did nursing and I graduated.
25:45 After I graduated, she was about 18 months old, we moved
25:49 to Maryland where my dad was because I wanted to rekindle
25:53 a relationship with him.
25:55 So we move down there, and at the time he was single.
25:59 - so where you still in your relationship addictions were
26:03 you still doing all that stuff?
26:04 Well actually I couldn't because nursing was so intense.
26:08 So I couldn't at that point in my life I did need a man
26:12 anyway, too much for me anyway.
26:15 But one I'm moved to Maryland and got my first job it came
26:19 back, I started dating around in the hospital and there
26:23 was there was one guy I dated that was married and
26:25 I didn't care, I didn't care.
26:27 Fooling around with them outside in the parking lot,
26:31 in the car, that kind of thing.
26:33 There was a guy that I dated that was twice my age.
26:37 I just what to say Tara, because sometimes when somebody
26:43 says that there will be a feeling that someone is going
26:49 to judge you, right? - absolutely.
26:51 Absolutely so it is hard to say, but I want to say out
26:54 loud, because I've been through that, I was that girl
26:59 and worse and I want to say that it is so sad for me now
27:03 when I look at behaviors like that.
27:04 I know that that person is so lost, so lost, trying to
27:08 find love anywhere and I think in God's eyes, God is
27:12 never judging, God is just saying Hon find it in Me,
27:15 find it in Me.
27:17 But you were out of control still? - right!
27:20 And what is really sad is with people not staying and it
27:24 happened over and over and over so the search and the
27:27 desperation for a relationship gets more and more intense.
27:30 Right, the only thing that was getting me through this
27:33 interview is knowing that I might be helping
27:35 somebody come to Christ.
27:37 Going through all that, and Kevin works here 3ABN so I.
27:42 - You don't what to say all this.
27:45 No surprises here.
27:47 Absolutely there is someone out there that is going
27:51 through what I went through, they can know that they can
27:54 find peace in Christ.
27:56 - and God loves you, absolutely. And I love you.
28:00 So that is why a lot of people do not realize that some
28:05 of the stuff is hard to say.
28:06 One time when I asked God, I said what do I cover when
28:10 I cover interviews on my story?
28:12 God said if you're not going to cover it all, don't cover
28:14 any, and I thought why is that?
28:16 Because I don't want to tell anybody all the stuff I did.
28:18 He said, it's like the demoniac in the Bible, the guy
28:21 foaming at the mouth, filled with a thousand demons,
28:23 angry and cutting on himself and beating people up.
28:26 If he would have went back to town after Jesus said go
28:29 tell them what happened, tell them what I did for you.
28:31 If he went back to town and said you know I had a little
28:34 problem with anger, get out, he was a mess.
28:38 God had to intervene for this guy to survive or he would
28:42 have killed and injured more people.
28:44 So you were a mess, obviously a mess and emotionally
28:47 and empty trying to find some thing that was going to
28:51 stay with you, somebody that stay with you.
28:54 And it wasn't happening, but the funny thing is that I
28:59 grew up in the church so I should have known how I could
29:04 have turned to God. - did you just say that?
29:07 Let me just say one thing, the divorce you were how old?
29:12 I was eight. - 8 years old you should have been able to
29:16 process all that kind of stuff, the abandonment stuff.
29:19 If you watched a film about a little girl eight years old
29:22 going through all that, you would cry for her, yet for
29:26 ourselves we demand that we somehow we figure it out and
29:29 don't mess up, I should have known, I had all this truth.
29:32 You know what? Truth means nothing when you are in
29:35 emotional pain and have been trashed.
29:36 So one thing I want you to get clear is that you don't
29:39 know anything at eight other than my whole world has
29:42 changed and nothing is real anymore.
29:46 Four marriages with your dad, so your dad obviously didn't
29:49 have a lot of time for you.
29:51 So the men in your life were not there and all that
29:53 stuff, I didn't mean shut up you know I didn't.
29:56 You know I love you. Right absolutely!
29:59 I should've known growing up in the church that
30:02 I should've gone to Christ, I should've gone to God to
30:06 help heal that, all that pain that I was feeling but
30:09 being at that point I didn't know.
30:11 I should have known, but I didn't know.
30:13 Your parents should have known and stayed together.
30:19 No I'm sorry, somebody should have known.
30:22 So you are in the hospital, you've had your first child,
30:26 you're in a relationship with a married guy, did that
30:30 last? - no, no it didn't last.
30:34 I don't know if you fell in love during that time or
30:37 you thought you had fallen in love.
30:39 I did, Lucy was about 2 and 1/2 and I met a guy.
30:42 I was working in hospital and he was a correctional
30:46 officer, one of my patients was an inmate.
30:49 So I met him that way and he asked me out on a date
30:53 and I felt woo hoo.
30:55 You scared me I thought you fell in love with the inmate
30:56 and I was oh no that's terrible.
30:59 No he was a correctional officer, and I really did,
31:03 I fell in love with him and he had asked me out.
31:07 I went out with this guy and within the first month
31:11 I got pregnant again, so here I am.
31:14 I'm still single, I'm not married and I have nobody
31:17 who has any kind of commitment to me.
31:19 This guy could have walked, which he did eventually.
31:23 But I had a 2 and 1/2 year old and I was pregnant.
31:28 This relationship just wasn't turning out the way
31:32 I thought it was going to be.
31:33 He said that he loved me and wanted to marry me and all
31:36 those good things I wanted to hear, right?
31:38 I wanted that hole to be filled so I wanted somebody
31:42 to love me and he was saying all those things.
31:44 So I thought it was going to happen and we were going
31:47 to get married, but he wanted to take me to Vegas to get
31:50 married, which I found out later the reason why.
31:52 So anyway I wanted to break up with him because I thought
31:56 he is not following through with anything he is saying.
31:59 It is hurting me, and my mom met him and she was saying
32:02 you really need to work things out with this guy because
32:05 you are pregnant and you have a little one and your
32:08 by yourself, you really need to work it out.
32:11 So I thought, okay we'll give him a chance.
32:13 I had an ultrasound planned, I was five months pregnant
32:16 at this point and I told him I have an ultrasound planned
32:20 would you want to go with me?
32:21 He said yeah absolutely I'll go with you.
32:23 Well at this time, and on this day and he was supposed
32:28 to meet me at my house and he didn't show up.
32:30 - did you wait? I was waiting, I was waiting for him.
32:33 You know, before I left I was thinking I have to cut this
32:37 off because it was hurting me too much.
32:38 So I called his cell phone and left this message.
32:41 I said you don't care about me and you don't care about
32:45 the baby, a so just leave us alone.
32:47 At that point my life was a mess because I was hurting.
32:51 I really loved this guy and I was pregnant again.
32:55 So I reached out to the Lord, like Lord I know I am
32:58 making a mess of my life and I don't know what
33:00 I'm supposed to do, what should I do,
33:02 tell me what I should do?
33:04 Talk to me, I really need to hear Your voice and tell me
33:07 what I should do this time.
33:08 Within two days of praying that prayer I came home from work
33:13 and there was a message on my answering machine.
33:15 It was a woman's voice whom I had never heard before.
33:18 She said that she was looking for Tara because she was
33:21 pregnant with her husband's child. - oh stop!
33:24 At this point I don't remember anything else that happened
33:28 on the message because at that point I was hysterical.
33:32 But the Lord answered my prayer.
33:35 That goes back to the honesty thing, God got you to a
33:39 place where you can finally look at your life and say man,
33:41 what am I doing?
33:43 The fact that he was married, I can hardly believe that
33:46 when you said that I'm thinking, oh stop, just stop!
33:49 So what happened with that?
33:51 Did you totally turn it over to God?
33:54 Did you just beg Him, don't even let me do
33:56 anything myself anymore?
33:58 At that point I broke it off, of course he told his wife
34:04 that I was a crazy girl and it only happened one time.
34:09 He said a whole bunch of things about me.
34:11 - she's stalking me. -and that's exactly what he said and
34:13 it was funny because I had met her.
34:16 She had come up to meet me she said you know you're not
34:19 even his type, he doesn't like white girls.
34:22 He was Hispanic and made me feel pretty good, because if
34:26 he's not going to like white girl at least he liked me.
34:30 Right? - right!
34:32 After that I broke up with him and here I am still with
34:37 a 2 and 1/2 year old daughter, five months pregnant and
34:40 I got evicted from my apartment because at that point
34:44 I was having financial problems and I got evicted.
34:48 My dad had got remarried for the fourth time and his wife
34:55 didn't want me living there with children.
34:57 I bumped up with a friend, well not really even a friend.
35:02 She was more of an acquaintance from work.
35:04 I stayed there for a couple of weeks and finally the Lord
35:09 was impressing me you need to go home to your mom.
35:13 Were you praying? During that couple of weeks were you
35:16 just saying what's going on? - yeah.
35:18 My life is totally a mess and I didn't know what to do.
35:21 I think Lord will can I do? What shall I do?
35:24 I wanted to stay at my job because I felt like I was
35:27 doing good, so I didn't want to quit.
35:29 - somewhere I'm doing the right thing.
35:31 I didn't want to quit and I thought if I quit then
35:35 I would be a quitter all my life, but the Lord was
35:38 really impressing me to go home.
35:40 That was where my security was with my mom and my
35:43 stepfather and I did.
35:45 I moved back home and I had my son Garrett in May.
35:49 For some crazy reason after I had him I felt that
35:53 I needed to inform the father that he was born.
35:57 So I called him and said I had the baby, and then it started
36:02 all over, I love you, I'm going to come see the baby.
36:06 I'm so vulnerable at this point.
36:08 I'm single and I had two kids now, but I wanted him
36:13 back, I'm so crazy.
36:15 The guy was married and I knew it and all the things
36:18 he said about me and yet he told me he loved me so
36:21 I wanted to have him back.
36:23 Let me just bring a break-in because the lot of people
36:25 will say why do women go back?
36:27 Why do we continuously get abused?
36:29 The only person I can say that it's somebody that
36:32 doesn't realize how empty and alone and abandoned
36:35 child feels and that is the only person that can say
36:38 why did you want him back.
36:39 Because for me I couldn't believe the different people
36:42 I had in my life, and as long as you said I love you,
36:44 you could do anything, you could abuse me in anyway
36:47 because I so needed to be loved.
36:49 I didn't know what love felt like because I had never met
36:52 God and so right now you are saying, I just need to be
36:55 loved and I'm scared, I'm alone and I had these babies.
36:59 He did, he told me everything that I wanted to hear.
37:03 He promised he was going to come up and visit.
37:06 Here we go again I'm waiting, he is coming to see me and the baby
37:14 and he didn't show up.
37:15 Okay so I forgave him again, well you know something
37:20 happened and he would find really elaborate things to tell
37:23 me come like why he couldn't come.
37:25 Why he didn't show up, so okay I forgave him again.
37:31 Two months after that, in July when he was
37:34 supposed to come up again to a girlfriend's wedding with me.
37:37 You know he just did not show up again.
37:40 It was again and my mom finally said, Tara you need to
37:44 dust your feet and walk on.
37:45 And that was the Lord, I feel that the Lord uses people
37:49 to like to say things to us, that was the Lord saying
37:52 that through my mom.
37:54 When you go back to affirm a relationship should have to
37:56 have somebody around you to be honest and say you know
37:58 you are acting like nut, don't do it.
38:01 Don't wait for him, this guy is not a good guy.
38:04 As much as that hurts somebody that has put all their
38:08 hopes on a relationship, is you have to somehow shake
38:11 them, I love you, dust your feet.
38:14 She told me Tara, he doesn't love you.
38:16 When she said that I was like Man, you know he doesn't.
38:19 If he did he would be here.
38:21 So okay I go on with my life, my son is three months old
38:25 and I go back to work.
38:26 I think Garret was maybe 7 or 9 months around that time period.
38:33 And the guy calls me at work. - no!
38:35 Just out of the blue. - somebody has to shoot this guy.
38:39 No I'm sorry, is that recovery? Alright I'm sorry.
38:43 So he calls me at work and he was like Hi Tara, and
38:47 I knew right off the bat who it was.
38:50 He said do you know who this is, and I said yeah.
38:52 He goes who? I go Hector.
38:55 He said yes, how are you?
38:57 And I'm thinking shut up, are you kidding?
39:00 - what did you say, you probably said fine.
39:02 No, I actually said at this point what do you want?
39:07 What do you want, so he wanted to see how I was doing.
39:11 He wanted to see how the baby was and it was ironic that
39:14 he knew I worked there, he had called my home first.
39:17 At that point I had gotten my own apartment and my mom
39:21 was home watching the kids and she talked to him.
39:23 So he had went through her first, and she said you haven't
39:26 sent a dime Dah, Dah, and these children, blah, blah, blah.
39:29 She put him through the ringer, - everything that moms
39:32 are supposed to say.
39:33 - absolutely and he still calls me at work, for what
39:36 reason I don't know.
39:38 Anyway he was going to come up again and at this point
39:42 I knew he wasn't going to come, so when he called to
39:45 tell me I'm not coming, or you know my mom is in the
39:48 hospital, that was the excuse this time, my
39:50 mom was in the hospital.
39:52 I said, you know I don't want you in my life,
39:55 and Garret doesn't want you in his life, we don't need you.
39:58 But what I really should have said was you need Jesus
40:00 because he needed something.
40:04 I don't know what he was looking for, but I wasn't at
40:08 that point, I was at the point where
40:09 you're not going to hurt me.
40:11 - what I would like to find out is when did you get to
40:13 that point? Because I'm done with Hector.
40:15 I am so done with that guy, so when did you get to that
40:21 point, when did you finally say God I need some insight.
40:27 I need some change, I cannot do this?
40:30 When did you get back to church, any of that.
40:34 Well I was, when I moved back to Massachusetts I was
40:37 going back to church. - with your mom?
40:38 With my family yes, my mom and my stepfather.
40:40 I think the first time I reached out to the Lord was when
40:44 he didn't show up for the ultrasound, like the first time.
40:48 Then after I had Garret the first few times he was going
40:52 to come up and then he gave me a time where the Lord was
40:57 really working it out for me.
40:59 You know time heals, so that time being away from him,
41:03 it started to heal me.
41:06 So the third time when he called me I knew at that point,
41:10 I knew he is not going to be anything that I need him to
41:14 be or want him to be.
41:16 It was really changing for me, but the Lord really was
41:21 working it out for me.
41:22 When I was at work too, it was the devil tempting me
41:26 or the Lord testing me because I had guys asking me out
41:30 from work, and at that point I said hey I'm a single mom
41:33 and I've got two kids and I need to be selective this time.
41:36 Okay Tara get your act together, you need a guy,
41:39 you need a man to bring Christ into your life.
41:43 - so I'm looking for a Christian man, somebody that
41:48 actually has it together more than the people
41:51 I have been choosing?
41:52 Exactly, and there was a doctor at the hospital.
41:55 He didn't wear a ring or anything and he said to me one
41:59 day we should really go out for a drink.
42:02 I didn't drink but I thought to myself, I'm trying to
42:05 make excuses, so I thought maybe I should go out with him
42:08 and find out who he is.
42:10 I felt like the Lord impressed me to ask him
42:15 if he was married?
42:16 Now why would a married man ask someone out?
42:20 So I said to him, are you married?
42:22 Said, ahh yeah. I said what? I can't go out with you.
42:26 He was like oh no, no, no, just friends.
42:29 It was like I was an idiot, so for the first time I was
42:34 able to stand up for myself. - good thought! - yeah.
42:39 - it's about time.
42:41 But then he says to me, oh no just friends so I felt
42:44 like an idiot, but I was like no I'm not going to get
42:48 played again, I'm not.
42:49 You know we talk about as God steps us, it is really
42:53 so subtle but God steps us to give us skills and you
42:57 really needed to learn how to say no to somebody.
43:01 Even though you wanted to be loved.
43:04 I want a man in my life, I want my kids to have a father.
43:07 All that kind of stuff but this guy, as good as he looked,
43:10 it was the devil in disguise, he was Hector's interview.
43:14 Yeah exactly. At this point I was done.
43:19 I was done with the bad guys and I was done messing
43:22 around and I decided that I was going to keep going
43:24 to church for my children and for myself.
43:27 I needed that relationship with the Lord and I dedicated
43:31 myself at that point to my children and to bring them up
43:35 in our faith so I kept going to church.
43:38 I was hoping that the Lord was going to send somebody
43:42 to me, but I didn't know.
43:44 But I just kept going and hoping and trusting that He
43:47 would bring somebody to me.
43:49 So one Sabbath I was sitting in the back row with the kids
43:53 because sometimes they get a little rowdy and
43:55 I can slip out the back door.
43:57 So I was sitting there in the service had started.
44:00 In comes a latecomer into the back door and so.
44:03 - is that you late again?
44:05 I'm always on time.
44:06 I turned around and I saw him and we had gone to AUC
44:10 together, Atlantic Union College, up in Massachusetts.
44:14 We knew of each other - so that was years ago?
44:18 - It was like five years earlier.
44:19 Yeah it was five years earlier.
44:21 We weren't friends, we just knew of each other.
44:25 I thought to myself, hey I know him.
44:28 I always thought she was cute, because I remember
44:30 she was in my English class.
44:33 So I remember that part.
44:35 So after the service he came over to talk to me and
44:40 I went and talked to him and I felt like it was the Holy
44:43 Spirit because I didn't know him and his name rolled off
44:47 my tongue, oh you are Kevin right?
44:48 He knew my name, he said oh, you are Tara right?
44:51 - that's too funny, so even though he was late you really
44:55 were right on time? - perfect timing.
44:57 God's timing, it was awesome.
45:00 So you guys obviously fell in love?
45:03 Well I didn't know if it was going to happen because at that
45:07 point, we start talking and I said to myself I like him.
45:10 I like talking to him, he seems like he has his head on
45:13 his shoulders and he came to church so that's a good
45:16 point, but all of a sudden he bolted and said,
45:19 I got to go and he goes out the door.
45:21 I thought all man nothings going to happen.
45:23 So the next week I was having trouble with my three-year-
45:27 old, you know they say terrible twos, it's not really
45:30 twos it's threes because at that point they are talking,
45:33 they know what they want, and they want to be independent
45:36 and not do what you say.
45:38 I was having trouble with this child and I was on the bed
45:42 and pleading with the Lord and I was crying because I had
45:46 been a single mom for almost 4 years, and I said
45:49 Lord I want to be a good mom, can you send somebody into
45:53 my life to help me with this child?
45:55 Can you send somebody that's going to love me and love
45:57 them and that will help bring Christ into our lives,
46:01 can You send somebody?
46:02 I'm crying to read Child guidance you know.
46:06 - sent me some help will You?
46:08 I'm saying I can't do that, I don't know what to do.
46:12 Can You just explain it or write it out
46:14 ABC, you need to do this.
46:16 That book is awesome but it was generalized.
46:20 But I said I need instruction.
46:23 I need to know what I have to do with this child.
46:25 That day, since I didn't go to church.
46:28 - it's actually an interesting story.
46:31 The week before she said I kind of bolted in the middle
46:34 the conversation, I had been done looking for
46:36 relationships at that point.
46:37 I have been with a girl, a great girl for five years.
46:41 We just couldn't work out certain issues in our
46:43 relationship, so we ended that and that was a five year
46:46 relationship, it is a long time.
46:48 It had been quite a while after that, and of course I got
46:51 to the point again where wanted to be with someone but
46:54 I got so tired of the whole looking for the right woman
46:56 thing, it was sickening me.
46:58 I said you know God, every time I look I end up with the
47:01 wrong woman, every time I don't look people are telling me
47:04 you need to go out and look so I finally left it to God.
47:06 If You're going to bring somebody into my life,
47:08 it's going to be all You.
47:09 So when we were in the middle of a conversation it
47:11 occurred to me that once again it was the same looking.
47:15 So I chopped conversation off, and said I you know what?
47:18 I'll leave now because if you're going to work it out Lord,
47:21 it will be all You.
47:22 So that is why I cut the conversation off, it was like
47:24 was nice seeing you bye and I took off.
47:26 - that is too funny.
47:28 I wanted it to be the Lord, I did want it to be of my
47:30 making, so any way a week later on Sabbath,
47:33 I have usually gone to New York on occasions on the
47:37 weekend because my family is in New York.
47:39 So I was driving my BMW to New York but I decided
47:43 to leave real early in the morning
47:45 so I can get to New York on time.
47:46 I couldn't pack early on Friday night so I was going
47:49 to get there on time to make it to church
47:50 all the way into New York.
47:51 So I'm cruising and almost ready to get on the highway
47:54 and I get pulled over by this cop.
47:55 Now I have gone to Southern College in Tennessee for a
47:57 while and I still have my Tennessee license.
47:59 Of course I had for so long that you can barely read the
48:02 numbers on it, so after the cop finally figured out the
48:05 numbers on the license plate he ran it and apparently
48:07 my license had expired like the year before.
48:09 Oops, and the other problem was apparently my BMW
48:13 inspection sticker was bad which I well knew.
48:16 But I was driving it anyway and apparently the
48:19 registration for the car had expired also.
48:22 And apparently I had some other tickets up in Vermont.
48:26 - apparently you must've just escaped from prison and
48:29 they are looking for me.
48:30 It's like man, you have a lot of apparentley's.
48:33 So this whole thing comes crashing down and the cop
48:35 basically ended up on the side of the highway, right
48:37 before you get on the highway with my luggage and they
48:40 towed the car and impounded the car and I'm sitting along
48:42 the side of the highway. - praise the Lord!
48:44 God was working this whole thing out and I was angry.
48:46 I thought this Sabbath is going to be absolutely ruined.
48:49 But the cop let me use his phone so I called my friend
48:52 Ross, and he picked me up and brought me back home.
48:55 When he was dropping me off I thought I'm not going to
48:57 let this run my Sabbath, I'm not going to ruin the
48:59 Lord's day so I said just drop me off at church and I'll
49:02 let the Lord figure out how I get home.
49:03 So I go to church and I sit down next to this lady I kind of
49:06 recognize and I wasn't really sure who she was.
49:08 Turn out it was Tara's mom.
49:09 So we are sitting in service and church is over and I'm
49:13 trying to figure out how I'm going to get home.
49:14 So I felt impressed to ask her.
49:16 She said you know who I am right?
49:18 I said no don't remember you.
49:20 She said on the financial aid director at AUC and it
49:23 all came back, but I still didn't know was Tara's mom.
49:26 So said would you be able to give me a ride back to my
49:29 apartment today? I didn't want to explain what happened.
49:32 I was like I was just dropped off at church.
49:35 - police just towed my car and my license.
49:38 So she dropped me off and on the way home she says you
49:43 know that I'm Tara's mom right?
49:45 I said oh wow, I didn't know you were Tara's mom.
49:48 Yeah you should call her. - she said that?
49:50 She said yeah you should call her.
49:52 Oh that is too funny.
49:53 And I'm thinking here we go again someone is going to
49:55 try to push relationship and I was like okay.
49:57 So she gave me her number, or she said her number was
49:59 in the phone book.
50:01 So I look it up and said I'm not going to call her.
50:04 But God keeps impressing me that whole day to give her
50:07 a call, and so was like at the same exact time she was
50:10 pleading for God to send someone into her life.
50:13 Of course the phone rings and it's me on the other end.
50:15 We start talking -while you were going through Child guidance?
50:18 Oh I love God, people don't think that He's that
50:22 personal, I tell them that He's that personal.
50:26 He wants to help us in every part.
50:28 So now with the answer to your prayer, but He actually
50:32 wanted to have a woman of God and to have a relationship
50:35 that is God centered so He answers everybody's prayer.
50:38 Not that that wasn't obvious, but I had to say it.
50:41 It wasn't my ideal to date a girl that had children because
50:45 I had that opportunity before and it seemed complicated.
50:48 I don't mean to be harsh, but you have children of every
50:53 color? Yeah. - so what's funny is when you see that.
50:57 We have a well rounded family. It represents the whole world.
51:01 For someone that would actually kick in a judgment thing?
51:04 So you really had to look at a lot of stuff.
51:07 Yeah, but that didn't bother me, the different
51:10 backgrounds didn't bother me at all.
51:12 It was the simple fact that she had kids and
51:14 I know that was kind of complicated but
51:17 I have been working for five years at a place
51:19 called Perkins in Massachusetts.
51:21 I was doing behavioral management with kids from
51:24 grade school all with high school, so like for five
51:27 years I have been managing kids with behavioral problems,
51:29 acting out. I will put them in holds and all this.
51:31 - No way. So I was burnt out.
51:33 I was totally burned out, but when I look back, God had
51:37 actually been preparing me for the trouble she was having
51:40 with her children, not that I'm going to rough them up or
51:43 nothing but that wasn't where God was leading me.
51:46 Growing up my father lacked very much in discipline,
51:50 looking back on my life I realize that some of the things
51:52 I struggle with today are because my dad didn't discipline
51:55 me enough, most sons or daughters say that but only when
51:58 they get older in life.
51:59 Discipline as far as setting boundaries.
52:02 Got really prepared me for life with her, though I was
52:06 ready to be a disciplinarian father, a loving father.
52:10 So God really led and so we ended up going for a walk
52:13 that day in the woods, I had actually brought her to a
52:15 state park and did not realize it was hunting season.
52:18 We're in the middle of the park and was walking in the
52:21 snow and I turn around and looked on a tree and it said
52:25 hunting during the dah, dah, dah.
52:27 I thought oh not going to mention that.
52:29 Figure out being in the forest with kids during a
52:32 hunting season going on.
52:33 It was awesome because God loved me so much that He fulfilled
52:37 everything that I needed, but it was when I gave
52:42 everything to Him and I said I'm not going to do it my
52:45 way anymore I need You to find somebody and
52:47 sent him to me.
52:49 And at that point He gave me everything I wanted.
52:51 - first step to recover is that I can't do it.
52:53 I'm out of control, I need a God that loves me and can
52:57 change things, that is so cool.
52:58 So you guys actually grew spiritually and in love?
53:03 That was one of the first things we started doing when we
53:07 dated, we started going through 'The Desire of Ages'.
53:10 Actually being brought up in an Adventist home.
53:14 - for people that don't know The Desire of Ages is a book
53:17 about Christ that leads you through the life of Christ.
53:19 It leads you right to the Bible to tell you how incredible
53:22 God is, how much He loves you, what forgiveness is about.
53:24 What justification by faith is about.
53:27 How He wants to grow us and change us and our thinking.
53:30 It covers all of that.
53:32 My car was in the impound lot so she had to pick me up from work
53:35 and make me dinner at night. - you didn't have a car.
53:38 Right, it was good. Oh yeah it was great.
53:39 This was the first time I had read this book though.
53:43 - so it's a romantic story. - it is.
53:45 It's about how God loves us and then it brought us to
53:48 love each other and it was awesome.
53:52 God really worked it out and now we have a beautiful child
53:55 of our own too, he is one year old. - he's adorable.
53:58 We love our kids to death.
54:00 And I have met all your kids and each one is so
54:04 incredible and God has blessed.
54:07 We have one minute to end this interview.
54:11 The show is about recovery and we have covered that
54:14 through the different steps of recovery and being honest,
54:16 looking at yourself, and turning it over to God.
54:19 But this show is also about the Holy Spirit, has the
54:21 Holy Spirit been a part of your journey at all?
54:23 Absolutely, absolutely, our lives became a mess every time
54:26 we didn't rely on the Lord.
54:27 We all struggle with that, we are born in sin so our
54:30 hearts are constantly have a tendency to fall away from
54:32 God and if we don't put the Holy Spirit first in our lives
54:35 our families start having issues. - kids act out.
54:38 Without the Holy Spirit we can't work those issues out.
54:40 Without the Holy Spirit were nothing here
54:42 I want to say thank you so much for joining us.
54:44 I'm crazy about you guys, it is way fun.
54:48 I thank God for the way He works with us in recovery.
54:51 All of the things that we have to learn about ourselves,
54:55 we think it's just the guys, even with Tara the guys are
54:59 a problem, but it was her own lack, her own abandonment
55:04 issues, going from person to person and God saying let
55:08 Me love you, let Me fill you up so much that when
55:11 you get a partner it's going to add to you and not
55:15 because you have a lack.
55:16 We saw Him do that in her testimony and her life and with
55:19 her kids, so if you have any of those issues, know that there
55:23 are steps to go in recovery, but the most important step
55:26 is to trust God.
55:28 He knows exactly who you are and has known who you are
55:30 from the womb and He loves you.
55:32 We'll be right back stay tuned!
55:38 Cheri Peters uses the book, 'Coming Of The Comforter'
55:41 as a guide for the second season of Celebrating Life In
55:45 Recovery, written by Lee Roy E. Froom is a 320 page book
55:48 that offers every sinner the knowledge that the
55:50 Holy Spirit is available to all.
55:53 3ABN now offers this book to you for a suggested donation
55:56 of only $13 postpaid within the US.
56:00 Call 3ABN at 618-627-4651 or go online to 3ABN.org.
56:21 I love testimonies, what I love about them is you can see
56:25 so clearly how God takes us and all of our damage, and
56:29 all of our junk even when we think we are doing the right
56:33 thing and He will work as long as He has to just to show
56:37 us how it has been injuring us.
56:39 Then He just gently shows us the right way to act.
56:41 I love that and I'm going to read some Scripture.
56:44 Can I use your Bible real quick?
56:46 The scripture for this season is in Psalms.
56:48 I'm going to read Psalms 51:7 and Psalms 51:7 says,
56:52 "Purify me with Hyssop and clean me up, and I shall
56:57 "be clean, wash me and I shall be whiter than snow. "
57:02 I love that because we are such a mess and trashed He says
57:06 He will clean you up. "Make me hear joy and gladness and
57:09 "be satisfied, let these bones that were once broken,
57:13 "let them be healed. " Let them dance.
57:16 I love that stuff and God says I will so come into your
57:19 life and bring healing that you won't even know it.
57:22 So we talked about being honest with our stuff.
57:25 Finding good relationships, get yourself in a group
57:28 in a church and have a friend.
57:30 Use the Bible for instruction, the Holy Spirit for
57:33 teaching and the Holy Spirit will show you things
57:36 that you will say I don't even want to see that.
57:39 Don't be afraid of what you see because God wouldn't show
57:42 you anything that it is not going to benefit you.
57:46 The other thing that Tara talked about is time, all this
57:50 takes time, time for Tim to heal, if there is broken
57:53 stuff it is going to take time for you to heal with your
57:56 broken relationships and spiritual stuff and emotional
57:59 stuff, it takes time.
58:00 You know what, it is amazing, it's absolutely amazing.
58:04 Until next week always remember that God is crazy about
58:07 you, and you know what?
58:08 Remember that we are too because if we don't support each
58:11 other in that way, then we will not get it in recovery.
58:14 See you next time and God bless.