Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Fred Stoeker
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR000016
00:10 Welcome to Celebrating Life In Recovery and I am
00:12 Cheri your host and today is going to be a little
00:13 intense because I'm so proud of God and the fact that
00:19 He heals us, so come join us and you will love this show.
00:50 Well a lot of people talk about recovery and they talk
00:53 about recovery from drugs, alcohol and those things.
00:56 Cigarettes, some kind of chemical thing, but when I talk
00:59 about recovery, I talk about recovery from everything.
01:02 Sometimes people need recovery, we had a guy on the show
01:06 that was in 8 foster homes, he had Cerebral Palsy as a kid,
01:09 his mother was alcoholic. His recovery with
01:12 recovery from all that never been loved or not knowing who he
01:15 was, not knowing how he fit in, or how his disease was.
01:18 So when I talk about recovery, I talk about recovery in
01:21 every aspect, mentally, spiritually,
01:23 and physically, all those things.
01:25 When somebody told me one time that addiction is like
01:30 cancer, in cancer one cell is out of control, right?
01:35 All cancers have this one cell out of control, whether it
01:39 is breast Cancer, or colon cancer, or lymphoma or skin
01:43 cancers, any of that stuff it is one cell out of control.
01:47 Addiction it is the same way, regardless of what the
01:49 addiction is it is usually one thing out of control.
01:53 Some of us are lucky enough to have many addictions.
01:56 So that is a lot of things out of control, but it is the
01:59 same kind of thing when you get into recovery.
02:02 It's the same thing because recovery is recovery.
02:04 What works for one addiction is the same for another
02:07 addiction, when you go to a 12 step group or an addiction
02:10 group or a recovery group they will tell you
02:12 one day at a time.
02:15 It doesn't matter what the addiction is, one day at a
02:16 time, do this, do the right thing.
02:18 When I started exercising and eating right because
02:21 I am a heroine addict in recovery and so somebody said
02:23 drink a lot of water, take some showers make sure that
02:26 you eat right and all those things.
02:28 So my physical addiction from a heroine started to feel
02:31 better right? But so did my depression.
02:33 I'm thinking I can't believe this I am actually feeling
02:38 better psychologically.
02:39 When I started working on being honest with myself, my
02:42 relationships improved and I'm thinking how fun is that?
02:45 So one thing will lead to another and all addiction is
02:48 is the same and recovery is the same.
02:50 Were going to interview Fred Stoeker again today.
02:53 Fred I love you, the last time we were on the show we
02:56 had e-mails from everyone on the planet I think.
02:59 And most emails were from people that wanted help
03:02 so that was incredible.
03:04 We have Pastor Richard, Pastor Richard keeps me in line
03:07 on every one of the shows and I appreciate that.
03:09 We have Dan Somers, I always call you curly just
03:11 because, and in the show just look at his face and try
03:16 to figure out why I call him that.
03:17 And Valerie, you are new in recovery. Angie thank you
03:21 for coming and I love you from Oklahoma and Sam you have
03:24 a testimony that you are going to cover on another show,
03:28 but in the café we have a number of
03:29 people from different places.
03:31 What is funny about that, is most of them will have
03:34 their own recovery stories and we are not going to cover
03:37 them all today, but every single person on this show has
03:40 recovery stories and every person you see on the show
03:43 if you get connected with them at all pray for them.
03:46 We are all dealing with something.
03:48 I want to give a demonstration and it is my favorite
03:50 demonstration, it is so much my favorite demonstration
03:53 that I have to do it.
03:54 Every time I say I'm going to do that the whole staff here says
03:56 oh please don't do it, it's terrible, it's gross and it
04:01 really is but bear with me.
04:04 There is a message that you will love.
04:07 I have $100 bill, can you see that?
04:10 It is fairly new, I have wrinkled it a little bit
04:13 carrying it around, but it is $100 bill right?
04:16 Does everybody see it? I want to ask, does anybody
04:18 want this hundred dollar bill, just raise your hand?
04:21 Oh Val come on be honest just raise your hand.
04:26 So I've got this hundred dollar bill.
04:28 What if I take this $100 bill and just crinkle it up?
04:33 And I'm going to try to crinkle it up as much as I can.
04:37 Because it doesn't really look like $100 bill anymore.
04:41 But does anybody want it still? umhumm.
04:43 What if I, if I dunk it in your water, throw it on the
04:50 floor, step on it and smash it into the ground?
04:54 You know I have horses and I wear these shoes out
04:58 sometimes to deal with my horses and so I probably have
05:00 a little horse stuff on my foot.
05:01 Do you still want this? Yes! Alright.
05:05 Okay now I'm going to open it up just to see if it is
05:08 still $100 bill, man it still is.
05:12 Okay now I'm going to spit on it, does anybody, I was
05:17 trying to get Angie to do that for me but she was like
05:22 no way I'm not hocking" a huge on a $100 bill.
05:25 But now it is dripping and wet and it's disgusting,
05:28 does anybody still want this hundred dollar bill?
05:31 Sure! Yep. Why is that?
05:35 The value, it's still $100 bill, right?
05:39 What I want to say it is when God looks at us we could
05:43 be a mess, we could be trashed, we can be twisted, we
05:46 could be abused from the time we came out of the womb.
05:49 But when God looks at us we are still His children.
05:51 Just like this hundred dollar bill is still $100 bill.
05:54 We do not lose value to God no matter what we have been
05:57 through and I don't care what it is.
05:59 You can look at somebody and say, even that guy or that
06:03 girl if you are breathing you are of value to God and
06:06 at that value has never changed and will never change.
06:10 Trust Him, turn it over to Him and let Him so fill
06:14 you up that you are for ever in recovery.
06:19 With all your stuff because in God's eyes nothing has
06:23 ever changed with Him.
06:24 We are going to do something a little bit different in
06:27 this show, instead of having the introductions we
06:30 usually do and having the teaching like we usually do
06:32 we are going to break and come back and do the interview
06:34 sooner because I want to give Fred as much time as
06:37 you need to cover the issues he wants to cover.
06:39 So stay with us, we will be right back and this is going
06:43 to be absolutely amazing, it is absolutely too cool
06:46 so hang in there.
06:52 Think you've seen it all? Think again.
06:55 Cheri Peters is back for a second season of
06:59 Celebrating Life In Recovery with more lives
07:03 more stories and more miracles.
07:06 Watch the shocking, inspiring, and the incredible.
07:10 Check your local listings to find out when
07:12 Celebrating Life In Recovery comes to you and get
07:16 ready for another dose of reality, Cheri style.
07:35 I am so excited to do this show, the last time Fred was
07:37 on, Fred first of all I have to say thank you for
07:40 coming back. - it's great to be here.
07:42 The last time you were on we did a show on sexual
07:45 addictions, we did a show on recovery from that and
07:48 we did a show with your wife Brenda, about her take on
07:51 healing when you find out that your spouse is lost in
07:55 sexual stuff and I got e-mails from
07:58 everybody on the planet.
07:59 I get e-mails from pastors that were saying, you have
08:03 given me the courage to get out of this addiction and
08:07 to step into recovery which I immediately called and
08:11 left a message. I can't even believe this.
08:14 When I got that, and if the pastor is watching I just
08:18 want to say you blessed me, you so blessed me because
08:21 shows about that, listening up and getting courage to
08:24 step out of your addiction, and what ever it is, sex,
08:28 drugs, rock 'n roll just to be able to step out of that.
08:31 We had responses from everyone.
08:33 This time we want you to come back, you did another
08:36 book called, 'Tactics'.
08:37 Explain that book and let's get into all that other stuff.
08:41 Well when I wrote my first book 'Every Man's Battle' I
08:45 had been talking about the physical side of the
08:48 addictions to some extent the chemical reactions in the
08:52 brain when we are looking at porn and
08:54 sensual things in our environments.
08:56 I had talked about defending ourselves from more of a
08:59 physical standpoint, guarding in our eyes, guarding our
09:02 mind and keeping our hearts pure so that we can cut
09:06 off the addictive part of sin in our life.
09:10 You said even making a covenant with your eyes,
09:12 I think about that now when I see something that draws
09:15 me or any part of my addiction I think of
09:17 a covenant with your eyes.
09:19 That was such a cool thing to learn.
09:20 Well the eyes are really the gateway into your soul and
09:23 one of the things we need to make sure of is that our
09:25 eyes are really being kept pure.
09:27 One of things I find my own recovery process is that
09:31 guarding my eyes and mind took me about 80 to 85% of
09:35 the way home in terms of getting completely broken free
09:39 and a total victory.
09:40 But the other thing that I found was really necessary
09:43 was for me to move from a position of conforming
09:46 to the truth to actually being transformed,
09:49 thinking more like Christ when it comes to my sexuality
09:51 and how I treat women.
09:53 What I wanted to do is to teach guys how to take that next step
09:58 and get really intimate with the Heavenly Father
10:00 really intimate with Christ, with your brothers in Christ
10:02 as an army together you can fight this battle.
10:06 What I found in my own particular case is that as the
10:11 intimacy with the Father grew, my own desire for sexual
10:15 sin dissipated completely almost.
10:17 And over time it is gotten to the point where that whole
10:20 temptation battle where you are first fighting
10:24 this battle is always this oh should I do that
10:27 or shouldn't I, temptation pops up and its oh no.
10:30 There is a place in God where you can get where those
10:34 temptations aren't like that anymore.
10:36 You can walk through your life in peace and you don't
10:38 have to worry that something is going to pop up
10:40 and scare you anymore.
10:42 I have to say and I noticed this on the last show that
10:45 we had done a radio show together and my background
10:47 is that I was homeless and strung out and all that so
10:50 when I came into the church, even coming to the church
10:53 I didn't find a lot of men that had
10:55 that kind of integrity.
10:57 In fact every once in a while I would see somebody
10:59 looking at me in a certain way or whatever and I never
11:03 felt completely safe, I still checked on people's motives.
11:06 There was one time you said that a woman walked into
11:08 your office and she was kind of cute, she was dealing
11:11 with her issues and at one point you realized that
11:14 you are safe with her.
11:16 When you said that, it was almost like you said that and
11:19 I want to stop and say God thank you because I didn't
11:22 think You were going to get me here.
11:23 Well see, I really feel like as a Christian man I need to
11:28 be heroic in the way that I treat other people.
11:31 And I think heroic, you think back to the knights in
11:36 shining armor, or the sheriff that saves
11:40 the town and you are always thinking in terms of that
11:44 guy is protecting everyone.
11:47 It is his job to be a protector.
11:49 I feel like as the men we should be heroic in the way we
11:52 treat women, and children in that women and children
11:55 should be completely safe around us.
11:56 They don't have to worry about us looking them up and
11:59 down and stealing from them for our own pleasure.
12:02 Kids should never have to worry about, if they are
12:04 bouncing on our knees, what we might be thinking inside
12:07 our heads, and it is one thing to say that and another
12:09 thing to become that.
12:10 My whole goal in my ministry is to help men not to just
12:13 seem to be Christians, because they go to church and
12:16 they look good and they bounce kids on their knees.
12:18 I want men to actually be Christians through and through
12:21 so the kids are safe, women are safe, and they are
12:23 actually living free as they go through their lives.
12:26 - but as a damaged woman coming into the church,
12:29 I so thought everybody was going to be that way.
12:32 Do you know what I mean? In my heart I felt like this
12:35 was going to be a safe place and I can let down all this
12:38 guard and now I see more and more, and hopefully with
12:41 books like 'Every Man's Battle', more men and women
12:45 both saying we really can get victory over this.
12:48 It's such a hopeful thing, I don't have to be
12:52 locked in this for ever.
12:53 There are a lot of people that take Paul's words that say
12:57 I do what I don't want to do, and the things I do want
13:01 to do I don't do and a lot of people take those
13:03 scriptures and say look because of that we know we can
13:06 never really be free of sexual sin and it's always going
13:09 to be something like a parrot on your shoulder speaking
13:12 in your ear and drawing you.
13:13 But what I found in my own life is that
13:15 is simply not true.
13:17 If you look at the rest of Paul's words
13:19 - does anyone want to say Amen?
13:21 I think it is important for people
13:24 - to know that you're not going to struggle the rest of
13:27 your life, that God will give you victory.
13:28 - well you see I didn't know that there was that kind
13:31 of freedom, when I began to fight the battle for freedom
13:33 I have one thing in mind.
13:34 My heart was so broken over the distance that I had from
13:38 God at the time but I just wanted to be able to look
13:41 Him in the eye again.
13:42 You know when you go to God some 400 times and say
13:45 I'm going to stop this and you don't, after a while
13:49 you can't hardly lookup when you go to prayer,
13:52 you are just broken.
13:54 Here He is my Father and He loves me and I can't even
13:57 look Him in the eye and so I wasn't trying to improve my
14:02 sex life with my wife or really to do any thing for myself
14:06 or any of that, I was just looking to just be able to sit
14:09 in His lap again and to look in His face.
14:11 The thing is there was so much more than what I was
14:16 expecting, I thought I could get in there and get connected
14:20 with Him and feel free just from that feeling of guilt.
14:23 If I was freed just from the feeling of guilt I was going
14:26 to be happy, but what it has turned out to be is that
14:30 I can go now traveling in hotel rooms and not have
14:33 a single temptation all night.
14:35 I can walk through the halls of a business and see
14:39 beautiful women and not have a temptation, I don't even
14:42 care if I look at them or even think about it.
14:45 I can raise my children to be free and I don't have to,
14:48 I used to look at my son, he just got married, he's 23.
14:51 When he was two I used to look into his eyes and
14:53 he would paddle up to me on his little legs and have
14:56 a pacifier hanging out of his mouth.
14:57 And when he would look in my eyes I knew what he was
15:00 saying, he was saying daddy you are my hero and
15:02 I'm going to be just like you when I grow up.
15:04 I used to look back into his eyes sometimes and actually
15:08 burst out crying because I knew that I did not know
15:11 how to keep him from getting into the same trap that my
15:14 grandfathers were in and I was in and my dad, all of us
15:18 were hooked on porn.
15:19 And I knew as I looked him in the eye there was no way
15:21 I could save you from this.
15:22 I don't not help myself and I can't help you son.
15:25 I am not your hero and it would kill me but what
15:29 I've found is that once you learn and you teach
15:33 those principles to your son early he can go
15:36 through his whole life free.
15:37 My son just got married at the age of 23 and he had his
15:42 first kiss with the woman at the altar.
15:44 So you're saying genera- tional things can be broken.
15:50 People will tell you know, they really can't.
15:53 You can manage them but they can't be broken.
15:55 What I have seen is something completely different.
15:59 At one time I had four girlfriends and was sleeping
16:02 with three of them and I was engaged to be married
16:05 to two of them.
16:06 You go from there in just one generation to a guy that
16:10 had his first kiss on his wedding day,
16:13 God can do anything.
16:15 Didn't you just weep? Well not really.
16:17 - because you're a man, did your wife just weep?
16:21 You know we have come to believe so strongly in what God
16:25 can do in this area that it was more of a celebration
16:29 for us, it was like there is our beloved son in whom
16:33 we are well pleased kind of a thing.
16:35 All we could do was just clap with everyone else,
16:38 it was an exciting day.
16:39 Can I ask you something? What I found in my own recovery
16:42 is that I really struggled with trying to do the right
16:46 thing and not fall into temptation and to learn
16:48 something else, to go to another Bible study, or whatever.
16:51 Until I found the Holy Spirit, until I found that part
16:55 of recovery I didn't realize that I could have recovery
16:58 without the struggle and I think there is a change.
17:02 The big change, I know for me and this will sound real
17:05 simple but, I really believe the Scriptures are simple.
17:09 I don't believe that God wanted this whole thing to be
17:12 all that hard, it was hard for Him because He had to
17:15 send His Son to die, but He wanted it easier for us.
17:19 He wanted us to be able to accept Christ, move in and
17:22 He was the who put the Holy Spirit in us so that
17:25 we could walk in the divine nature
17:26 as it says in 1 Peter.
17:28 He wanted to give us life and the power we needed to
17:33 walk like this and I guess for me what that entailed was
17:37 getting tightly connected and it was as simple as this.
17:42 I heard on the radio one day, it was a pastor and he was
17:45 saying he never goes in to prayer without first going
17:49 into worship, I had never heard that before.
17:52 I thought I guess if he could do that I can do that,
17:56 I didn't know really what to expect but it was something
18:00 that he said that made his prayer life more exciting.
18:03 Like more then that he gave him a deeper intimacy with
18:06 God and it was something I really felt I needed.
18:08 So I got a boom box and took it down in the basement that
18:12 first day and took my music down and it was really hard
18:16 at first, I know people laugh and say it's a guy thing
18:19 but for me it really felt goofy.
18:21 To be singing out loud, by myself in the basement walking
18:25 back and forth singing out loud to no one,
18:28 for all intents and purposes of people looking in.
18:31 I remember I would look out the basement window to see
18:34 if anybody was looking in to see what this crazy guy was
18:37 doing and I would look up the stairs to see if my kids
18:40 were looking around because it just felt funny at first.
18:44 I kept saying to myself, I know God has to love this.
18:48 I know I like it, it feels funny but I know it is right.
18:53 The strangest thing was after about three weeks the Lord
18:58 began to show up in ways that He hadn't been.
19:01 We began to have some tremendously romantic times,
19:06 not in the sense we think sexual obviously,
19:08 but just these intimate times where we so having
19:12 such a good time together.
19:14 I began to really understand more and more about who
19:18 He is and what He is made of.
19:20 But for people who never felt that connection with God
19:24 in the sense of He is so present, He is so with me and
19:28 right now understanding exactly where I am and letting me know
19:31 exactly where He is.
19:33 Explain to them how important that is in recovery?
19:38 The reason why it is so in important, it is really hard
19:41 to describe, you have been through it so you know what
19:45 is hard to describe - but it changes everything.
19:48 It does change everything and I can try to use a few
19:50 stories to help explain.
19:52 If you are sitting next to a computer and something
19:57 pops up on the screen, you instantly turn it off and
20:01 go your way because the Lord is so real to you and has
20:06 become so connected to you that it feels like
20:08 adultery to do that.
20:10 Let's say you are walking down and somebody has left
20:13 a Playboy magazine on the top of an ice machine in a
20:17 motel and what happens is you, in the old days, before
20:21 you had that connection with the Lord, you would be
20:24 thinking should I look at this or not look at it.
20:27 Should I save it for later?
20:29 Now you just look at it and go well I have been bought
20:33 at a price, I know who my Lord is and I am connected to
20:38 Him and I will see Him tomorrow morning bright and
20:41 early singing, I don't have a right to look at this.
20:45 The question should I or shouldn't
20:46 I doesn't even make sense anymore.
20:48 There's a transformation of the mind where you are so
20:52 submitted to the Lord once you become connected that
20:55 intimately with Him there is just a mindset that
20:58 changes more than almost anything else.
21:01 At least that's how it feels like to me.
21:03 When I read in the Bible that you're very desires will
21:06 change, I would sit there and think what does He mean by
21:10 that, how is He going to do that?
21:11 Does that mean He is going to change my very desires,
21:14 because I'm so twisted, my background I'm twisted.
21:17 God says one day you will laugh at that because the things
21:20 you get excited about you won't get excited about anymore.
21:24 That is what you are saying, get into an intimate
21:26 relationship to where they don't even draw me anymore.
21:29 The Bible talks about transformation.
21:31 The Bible talks about conforming to the word and it also talks
21:34 about being transformed by the word and really those are
21:38 connected obviously but they are also two different things.
21:41 And I can conform to the word and spent all my life just
21:44 white knuckling it and go into why I don't want to sin
21:47 today - and without the Holy Spirit I think you do that.
21:50 But with the Holy Spirit, as you get intimately involved and
21:53 that comes not just through worship but it comes through
21:56 reading the Bible, comes through the prayer times and
21:59 all the things we normally associate with devotions.
22:03 As that happens, and as that connection deepens that
22:06 transformation of the mind begins to happen and
22:09 you begin to actually have the mind of Christ where
22:11 you actually think like He does.
22:13 Not just because you trained yourself to,
22:17 it just becomes part of who you are.
22:20 That is the part of recovery, that is why if you go to
22:25 let's say more of a secular psychology University or
22:29 whatever, they will teach that you cannot do anything
22:33 but manage your addictions.
22:36 They will say that all away to the bank, but what I found
22:40 is that Christianity has a higher level of what would you
22:44 say, psychology in the sense that God takes your mind and
22:48 just puts a new one in there.
22:50 He transforms it to be like Christ and then you are no
22:54 longer the same person in a sense.
22:56 I don't want to sound too overly mystical or spooky
23:00 about that, you just are.
23:01 What's interesting to me is that unless you experience
23:07 that you don't know how cool it is.
23:09 Like I can while about recovery now and I love to take
23:12 a breath, I love to look around and I love to laugh.
23:15 It is that connection with God and the freedom that
23:19 He gives you it is so cool and I think without the
23:23 Holy Spirit, without the intimacy with Christ
23:26 it's almost like people believe it is going
23:28 to be a dreaded thing.
23:29 Oh I'm going to give up one more thing.
23:31 Do you know what I mean?
23:33 Oh I do understand because I was there.
23:35 When you first decide to fight the battle you're saying
23:39 to yourself - I'm never going to enjoy life again.
23:43 Well yeah, but you find that you hate the results of the
23:46 sin enough that you are willing to make that big brutal
23:49 sacrifice, but fact is once you get into it and you start
23:53 seeing things like things happening you didn't expect.
23:56 Like blessings in a marriage bed with your wife.
23:59 The blessings with your children where you don't have
24:02 to worry about them falling into the same curse of sin.
24:06 Then it's just ridiculous to think about there is some
24:09 kind of sacrifice, because it was no sacrifice at all.
24:13 It's a funny feeling to be able to walk out of a hotel
24:17 room in the morning for me, and to be totally rested by not
24:21 having fought off temptations, or looking at R-rated
24:23 movies all night, it is just a wonderful, wonderful
24:26 freedom. - and even blessings.
24:28 You so blessed me even without knowing it just that you
24:31 were safe if you know what I mean?
24:33 Women just being blessed that I can have a friendship
24:35 with you and not have to worry that it is going to go
24:38 somewhere else so that I have to watch how I say this or
24:41 what I do, I can know that you as a man of God and as
24:44 Brenda's husband, you are just a man of God.
24:47 And it works both ways because for me, what I like is
24:52 being able to go into a group of mixed of men and women
24:56 and they are all the same to me.
24:58 I don't have to worry about she's hot and I better not
25:02 look at her, she is just a person, a fellow heir to
25:06 the kingdom of Christ.
25:07 And again I don't want people to think I'm suddenly
25:12 weird, actually what I all of a sudden am is normal.
25:17 Normal in the way that Christ was normal, the Lord
25:21 would say, the Father would say He was the most normal
25:25 man that ever walked the face of the earth.
25:26 The way that He treated people, the way He moved, the way
25:30 He thought and for us as Christians really our goal,
25:34 we call it sanctification but in some ways, I don't want
25:38 to take this too far, but in some ways what
25:40 sanctification is becoming normal like Christ was.
25:43 Moving towards being more like Him, working out our
25:46 salvation so that we look and practice like we say we are.
25:50 Like the Bible says we should be.
25:53 So 'Tactics', is that basically what 'Tactics' is about?
25:56 Well 'Tactics' is about really helping people connect with
26:00 the Father, first of all I really want to let people
26:04 understand His heart for us.
26:06 Your example of $100 bill is a perfect example.
26:10 I don't use $100 bill, you can put one in my book.
26:14 But I would buy it if you did. - I bet you would.
26:18 I'd buy that hundred dollars for 15 bucks.
26:21 What I want them to understand is that when we fail,
26:25 which a lot of times early in the process when we are
26:29 recovering and walking again in those ways,
26:31 and affirming the word and moving towards transformation,
26:34 and we fail sometimes and we will stumble or trip.
26:37 The first thing I want to do in this book was really help
26:41 people understand His heart towards us, He is not going
26:44 anywhere, He just is not going anywhere.
26:47 Not because He has to not go, He wants to stay with you.
26:51 He's just part of the deal, He loves us that much.
26:54 Then the second part is where it talks about here is His heart
26:58 for us now how do you connect with that heart?
27:00 How do you connect with His heart so that you can have
27:02 that freedom that I talk about?
27:05 Amen, you know I think once I got a clearer picture of
27:10 who God is and what He thinks about me,
27:12 it changed my whole life.
27:14 And not that I knew what to do with the junk,
27:17 the Holy Spirit had to guide me in that.
27:18 It's so changed my life because I thought He really is
27:22 crazy about me, He really does want my best.
27:24 I have another son and his name is Michael and he is 15.
27:27 He is a football player and a couple years ago he came
27:31 to me and said dad - where does he get that from?
27:33 Who knows right! So he comes to me and says dad can you
27:38 teach me how to lift weights?
27:39 Well I had been waiting for that question of course my
27:42 whole life and I said you bet.
27:44 So we began to lift weights together and we began to work
27:48 out and this is actually when he was 13 and in 8th grade.
27:52 So we get to the football season and the first night,
27:57 just before that first game, I told him look there
28:01 is something I need to tell you.
28:03 When you get into this game you are not going to be
28:05 playing against B team players like you do in practice.
28:08 These are going to be A team guys and you should have
28:10 seen the look on his face, like hahhhh.
28:13 Like I hadn't thought of that dad.
28:15 I said don't worry about it because you have everything
28:18 you need inside you and I patted him on the chest.
28:21 You have worked hard, you have lifted weights, and they
28:23 can't take that away from you now you have everything
28:26 you need inside you to own the field to do a good job.
28:29 Well we get out to the game that first night and my wife
28:32 looks across at the other team and says, oh man they are
28:35 bigger than us and she sees this guy number 99.
28:37 I said awe pads will make anyone look big.
28:39 She said no you better go check, I want you to make
28:41 sure they are okay.
28:43 So I went over and this guy was bigger, he's in eighth
28:45 grade and taller than I was.
28:47 This was a big mess, well anyway the game starts and
28:50 guess who lines up against my son Michael, number 99.
28:53 And the whole first quarter they are hitting each other
28:56 like the Discovery channel, grizzly bears in slow motion.
28:59 This is like oh man it's like the war of the worlds.
29:02 Well after the first quarter the other kid number 99,
29:05 was starting to get tired of Michael and you could
29:09 tell his will to win had fallen and Michael stepped up even
29:12 though he was shorter and not as big, he controlled that spot.
29:16 Every game was like that because Michael was late getting
29:19 to puberty and by the fourth game it was getting
29:22 ridiculous, this guy head hairs sprouting out everywhere.
29:25 Guy 99- no this was a different number but he was
29:28 a guerrilla and in that game it was Michael got kicked
29:34 all over the field the first half of the game.
29:36 I can see Brenda saying that is my child.
29:39 He was getting kicked around and as he came off the field
29:43 at the end of the second half he glanced up into the
29:47 stands and I knew what he was wanting to know.
29:50 My dad has been working out with me, my dad has been
29:53 helping me and telling me everything he knows.
29:55 I just got kicked all over the field,
29:57 what does my father think of me?
29:59 He glanced up at me and do you know what I did?
30:01 because you know what he did get kicked
30:08 around the field that night, but you know what?
30:10 Eighth grade is eighth grade, ninth grade is ninth-grade
30:13 any good father knows that and what was my reaction?
30:16 Son you are commitment and that is the important thing.
30:19 You are fighting with everything you have, the next game
30:23 I will tell you some more and we will get out
30:24 there and fight again.
30:26 You see that is our Heavenly Father.
30:28 He is not looking down and going or scowling at you.
30:32 He isn't going to go to someone else to work with from
30:36 then on, no He is with you and smiling.
30:38 It is not that you missed the mark again, but come on
30:41 I'm going to teach you some more and we will win this
30:44 thing by the time you are a senior you will win.
30:47 Like I would say to my son, by the time you are a senior
30:50 you may be all state, but right now you got kicked around
30:53 but you are still my son and I'm not going anywhere.
30:56 If we don't understand that first about the Father,
31:00 He is in this for the long haul.
31:02 He is in is to transform us, He doesn't just want to
31:06 forgive us, that's not where He stops,
31:09 He wants to restore us. -A lot of people stop right there.
31:12 It hurts them in two ways, one of the biggest reason it is
31:15 we just don't get to go fully into full restoration
31:19 because they stop, He's going to forgive me anyway so
31:22 I can keep sinning so everything is fine because
31:25 the blood covers it all.
31:26 Well that is not where God stops, and if you stop there
31:29 you don't get to go to where He wants to take you which
31:31 is into full restoration.
31:33 He didn't come here so that we can limp safely home into
31:37 heaven, no He came here so He can make us Olympic
31:40 champions, He talks about sports in the Bible and being
31:44 like Olympic champions and just lining up to Scripture
31:48 with everything in us and being heroic
31:51 as we talked about earlier.
31:53 If we don't get that picture, we don't get to step into
31:56 that. - because we are the light of the world.
31:58 We are the light of the world and He says we are
32:00 supposed to be shining stars in our dark universe.
32:02 Was Jesus Christ a shining star in His dark universe of
32:06 that day with that culture? Yes!
32:08 If we are walking like Him we will be a shining star
32:12 in this dark universe.
32:13 We are going to break for questions because I know people
32:16 have questions, but Fred I know that you know this.
32:20 I had no idea that it was so cool to be free.
32:23 I had no idea that it is just so cool, that God does not
32:28 want us, like you said stumbling around.
32:30 He does not want us to fight so hard and to work so hard
32:34 at this because He said I won this battle is over.
32:38 I just want to pour that into you and let you bring
32:41 comfort to someone else.
32:43 So we are going to take a break and come back for
32:44 questions and I hope you've been blessed because I have.
32:48 We will be right back.
32:53 Cheri Peters uses the book, 'Coming Of The Comforter'
32:56 as a guide for the second season of Celebrating Life In
33:00 Recovery, written by Lee Roy E. Froom is a 320 page book
33:04 that offers every sinner the knowledge that the
33:06 Holy Spirit is available to all.
33:08 3ABN now offers this book to you for a suggested donation
33:12 of only $13 postpaid within the US.
33:15 Call 3ABN at 618-627-4651 or go online to 3ABN.org.
33:36 You know I just want to say for one thing thank you for
33:39 coming back and we have covered a lot of things.
33:42 Some of them are sensitive issues, and I say sensitive
33:45 but Fred you know what?
33:47 I get so excited about God and who He is and what He is
33:50 capable of doing in our lives that I want to stand on
33:53 the tallest building and say you know what, I don't care
33:56 what your addiction is, God doesn't care what it is.
33:59 He just wants you well and laughing out loud.
34:01 Loving on each other, to jump into this family of God
34:04 and just enjoy life, so that is what I am hoping for you.
34:08 Right now we are going to open it up for questions.
34:10 Does anybody have a question or comment.
34:13 When you ask it just say your name and ask away.
34:19 My name is Sam Tani I would like to ask you Fred,
34:23 or make a comment anyway.
34:27 From my own experience for years of addiction to
34:33 pornographic materials, first thing I had to do was to
34:39 get rid of all the materials from the house.
34:43 If I didn't do that I didn't feel that God could hear me.
34:49 Second, when I was recovering I'm praying to God and
34:58 asking Him to help me get over this feeling.
35:04 You know, even though I was asking God to help me get
35:10 over, someplace in the corner of my heart I was wishing
35:17 to hang on to it.
35:18 Now do you see that as a common thing.
35:23 Do you see my grin? It is a very common thing.
35:27 There is a duality in us as people and we are afraid
35:32 sometimes to give up that thing that we have been leaning
35:36 on and if you really look at what's behind sexual sin,
35:39 you'll see that it is not trust a physical addiction.
35:43 Where we are looking at something and having a chemical
35:46 reaction in our brain that feels good so we want it again.
35:50 There is also some emotional addictions to it where if we
35:54 are under stress we will run to porn to feel that quick
35:58 vacation from the stress.
36:00 If we are really angry, maybe our girlfriend broke up
36:04 with us we will run to porn to show we have control over
36:09 our lives and we are real men.
36:10 There is a lot of issues with that and if we don't have a
36:14 real trust built up in the Lord yet, where it is really
36:17 strong, there is going to be some of that pullback and
36:21 parts of us are going to be saying, not so sure I want
36:25 to get rid of that.
36:26 But the fact of the matter is as we push forward,
36:30 just like my son when I said you had everything inside
36:33 you that you need, you have that strength inside of you.
36:36 The apostle Peter told us we have everything we need
36:39 inside through the power of the Holy Spirit to walk in
36:43 the supernatural divine nature and to escape
36:45 the corruptions of this world.
36:47 We really can do that, but there will be some battles
36:52 first because the flesh is fighting the spirit,
36:54 but I will say it is something that we have the strength
36:58 inside to win if we will simply set our minds and not
37:02 worry so much that that pull is still coming.
37:05 Still press into God and press into the victory.
37:08 Does that help? What I think about just now is that
37:12 I think about when I was smoking.
37:14 I tried to quit smoking and I was dying because I love
37:18 to smoke, but it hurts my lungs.
37:20 It trashes my throat and those things and I think there
37:23 is a real sense in coming out of porn and a lot of our
37:27 addictions is to say God I beg you to let me see the
37:31 destructiveness of this addiction because I know the
37:35 pleasure and the draw.
37:37 I know it creates in me the sense that I need that,
37:39 but give me some insight into the other part of it because
37:43 it is not balanced yet.
37:44 I think the Lord will answer that and give us some of
37:48 that insight, but I know for me really what He wanted me
37:52 to understand is that this is not good for you because
37:58 I say so and for me the reason why He was saying that
38:04 was not so much like our dads would say.
38:06 You're going to do what I say because I said so.
38:09 He was saying that because He made us,
38:11 He knows what's good for us.
38:12 He says look you need to trust Me in this, this is going
38:15 to hurt you and this is hurting you and you need to stop.
38:19 That is really the basis of where we need to get to is
38:23 that we trust Him enough that we understand and the
38:26 second side of that is we understand that sin separates.
38:30 We don't want to be separate from God, like I said
38:33 earlier I don't want to be separate from Him,
38:34 I want to be close to Him and so that aspect of it
38:37 we need to understand as well.
38:39 Does that answer it for you Sam? - yes, perfectly.
38:43 Anything else? - I have another comment.
38:44 Fred says that when he goes to ice machine, if he happens
38:49 to see a Playboy magazine or something he will wonder
38:54 whether he should look at it or leave it alone.
38:57 I got to the point where if I see anything like that,
39:02 I don't want someone else to be tempted so I go and
39:07 throw it away. - Amen, I love that.
39:10 So you have to walk in front of Fred.
39:14 Boy, I'm right with you.
39:17 But isn't that incredible saying I know what a hard
39:20 struggle that is so I don't want anyone else to have to
39:23 struggle with that. That is way cool.
39:26 That just shows your heart.
39:28 Any other comments or questions?
39:30 I have a question, I married a Methodist minister who just
39:37 happen to have problems.
39:39 I met this Methodist minister's son and I am worried
39:47 about my son ever, hereditary like picking up any of those
39:54 habits or becoming sick with this type of disease.
40:01 I can tell you that from my own experience that there is a
40:07 spiritual component to this.
40:09 I can just tell you a quick story, sometimes I would find
40:14 myself in the very act of lusting and looking at these
40:18 things, even masturbating.
40:20 It would be early on Sunday mornings where I would be
40:23 looking at lingerie ads in the Sunday morning ad inserts.
40:26 There were many times where my wife would suddenly awake
40:30 upstairs and I would hear her rush out of bed and rush
40:34 downstairs and I would quick put everything away.
40:37 She would come in, Fred, Fred I had the worst nightmare
40:42 I was in this room and it was dark and Satan was there
40:45 and I was running down all the hallways and looking
40:48 into every room looking for you to protect me and
40:51 I couldn't find you. I couldn't find you!
40:53 Where were you? And she would fall down into
40:55 my arms crying hysterically.
40:58 I knew where I had been I had been nowhere near her.
41:03 One of the things I learned through that was that as I'm
41:07 in involved in sexual sin I am compromising my spiritual
41:11 authority over my home.
41:12 I knew that was going on and it was one of the things
41:16 that really drove me in the other direction.
41:19 One of the things we know is that with the enemy involved,
41:23 as he captures the one that is in charge, he has also
41:31 a foothold into that home.
41:33 What I found in my life was that until I stood up and
41:37 said no, this far and no farther.
41:40 Until I stood up and I drove the stake in the ground and
41:44 said this far and no farther, before this the name
41:47 Stoeker meant corruption, pornography, drunkenness,
41:50 alcoholism or what ever, but from this day forward
41:53 the name Stoeker is going to mean purity.
41:56 Holiness, heroism, and until I made that decision
42:00 Satan really had his way in my home.
42:03 - he had permission to come in.
42:05 - he had permission to come in and once I took all
42:07 that permission away he couldn't do that.
42:11 One of the things I found, which has been an amazing
42:14 thing to me, I never expected this.
42:17 I should have expected it from reading the Bible but I
42:20 didn't, what I found is that my children have grown in
42:25 purity in my home, and that generational curse snapped
42:28 when I stood up and drove that stake in the ground.
42:31 They have naturally grown in purity in spite of the fact
42:35 that they go to public school, they live in America which
42:39 is a very sensual culture, and somehow because we broke
42:43 that curse and my wife and I teamed up to teach these
42:46 principles to our kids, they have grown up holy.
42:49 You know when you say that I want to say ow not somehow,
42:52 God honored your choice and I love that.
42:54 And I know that you met that and I just want to say,
42:57 God honored your choice and for anybody listening because
43:02 I know because of the show before there are a lot of
43:04 people listening that God will break generational curses
43:07 and all that generational stuff when you make the
43:11 choice and say no more, no more.
43:13 That's exactly it, but amazing thing for me was that
43:17 there was a time during that time I was deciding am I
43:20 going to fight this battle or not?
43:22 Am I going to drive a stake into the ground or not,
43:24 that the Lord spoken to my heart, it wasn't audible or
43:27 anything, but He spoke very clearly into my heart.
43:29 He said something that I had to respond to.
43:32 He said, are you going to be the one that drives this
43:36 stake into the ground, or are you going to leave it for
43:40 a better man than you somewhere down the line?
43:42 He didn't say it in a mean way, He didn't say it in
43:46 a challenging way, He just asked me a question.
43:51 I couldn't face having to leave that to my sons or my
43:55 grandsons, I have to do this and that is when
44:00 I stood up and it was at that point okay I'm in Father,
44:05 I'm going to be about your business in this deal.
44:08 That's when everything began to break and there was a
44:12 time shortly, it had to be a few years down the line,
44:16 when my son was in junior high and I talked
44:18 to him about porn and the dangers of it and how
44:20 it affects you like cocaine.
44:22 Three weeks later his friends brought porn to school
44:25 for the first time, he told me that much of the story
44:29 and I was just petrified, thinking what did he do?
44:32 Will he be like every other Stoeker, so what did you do?
44:37 He said well I walked away like you said dad.
44:39 I say could the cracks before forming in this wall?
44:45 Will this generational wall fall? It has! It has!
44:50 I love that, I really love that.
44:52 Pastor Richard do you have a question?
44:54 Yes I do, I actually have two of them.
44:56 One is that I have two children, a nine-year-old daughter,
44:59 and a 7-year-old son.
45:01 You spoke up about the generational, how safe is it
45:06 for us to start educating when it comes to sexual correctness
45:10 if I could use that term?
45:12 I guess that would be the best way I can put it, how safe
45:18 is it for us to already start him at seven or nine?
45:21 If he saw that stuff.
45:22 Yeah that's what I'm referring to.
45:23 Yeah well what I've found is that first of all statistics
45:27 show 50% of American boys see their first pornography
45:31 before the age of 11.
45:33 So one thing we need to understand is that we need to
45:36 get to this issue fairly early in their lives.
45:40 I really started with my girls and boys
45:42 at around 10 or 11, but a lot of people ask if they can
45:46 go earlier and I think if we go on a factual basis,
45:50 a simple basis on their age I think that's a good thing.
45:53 Somebody says if they're asking a question answer it
45:57 factually not so much with sensuality in it but
46:01 just factually, when they are asking about where
46:05 baby comes from tell them.
46:07 We know from brain development anyway that kids have
46:11 a tough time doing any abstract thinking until
46:13 the ages of 11 or 12 anyhow.
46:15 It is really during that time frame that they really
46:18 start understanding themselves in relation to others
46:20 sexually, in any way that they can comprehend
46:24 and processed properly.
46:26 I'm not saying they can't have sex earlier than that
46:28 because they can, that is a warping time for them
46:31 to go through that at that time.
46:33 You told a story one time on one of your previous
46:36 interviews about your son and Victoria Secrets.
46:39 Talk about that, because we really need to educate
46:42 our kids because they are going to see stuff.
46:45 And that is exactly why we need to start earlier.
46:47 I was working on book deadline so my wife was getting
46:51 tired of all that and she was just wanting to get the
46:53 kids out and went to a mall with my two daughters and
46:56 son Michael that I talked about earlier.
46:58 He was 11 at the time, maybe 10.
47:00 They got home that night and I heard all the packages
47:05 clunk on the floor, I was in the basement and I knew
47:09 they all had a great time.
47:10 What I came to find out later is that as the two girls
47:15 ran upstairs to play, Michael hugged my wife from behind.
47:19 She turned around and said Michael I love you too.
47:22 She really didn't know where it was coming from.
47:25 He looked her in the eye and asked her this question.
47:28 Mom how do you get pictures of women in their underwear
47:31 out of your head?
47:32 Of course she answered like any woman would, that's
47:36 a good question for your dad. - ask your dad.
47:40 Before you go tell me what kind of pictures
47:43 are you talking about?
47:44 She was completely confused, he was a boy that really
47:47 didn't know a girl from a bale of hay at the time.
47:49 He wasn't interested in girls on that level and
47:52 he certainly wasn't out looking to lust.
47:55 So what he said was this, we were walking down the Mall
47:59 today and walking by that secret store, he called it.
48:04 We all know that means Victoria Secrets.
48:06 He said I glanced into that window and I haven't been
48:09 able to get those pictures out of my mind all day.
48:12 Meaning those views of those women in their underwear.
48:16 The fact is that we know from research that when a man
48:20 looks at something sensual, there is a chemical reaction
48:24 I spoke of earlier and it locks that image into
48:26 his brain forever and he was for the first time
48:29 experiencing that in a way that
48:31 he can articulate to someone else.
48:33 It was just a natural thing, now one of the things
48:36 I like to say about that is this.
48:38 If it is true we are built this way, we cannot afford to
48:41 attach shame to this whole issue.
48:43 This was a young guy, he is a spiritual young guy and
48:47 was walking down the Mall not paying attention glanced
48:50 up and boom that happens.
48:52 We need to understand if we don't teach our son's early
48:55 about this - and our daughters. - and our daughters.
48:57 But if we don't teach them early about this they are
49:00 going to just by naturally walking through a central
49:02 society they are going to get hooked on these things,
49:04 so two things I would say.
49:07 First of all we cannot attach shame to this, all young
49:10 men, all young women as they grow they have to learn to
49:14 get their sexuality under control.
49:17 They have to learn to own their sexuality as opposed to
49:20 their sexuality owning them, that's just a natural part
49:23 of growing up, no shame to that just some they have to do.
49:25 So with your son you literally sat down and
49:28 taught him some things.
49:29 I taught him about the eyes and how the eyes work.
49:32 That's exactly what happens son, you glanced up and the
49:35 chemical reaction hit and you couldn't get it out of your mind
49:37 and I taught him how to guard his eyes
49:38 and talk to him about a few of those principles.
49:41 So what I would say it is not only do we need to not
49:44 attach shame to it but to recognize it as a part of
49:47 growing up as a Christian boy to learn how to guard his
49:50 eyes, but he needs to have a father and a mother,
49:53 and the girl needs to have a father and a mother talking
49:56 to them and showing them, if somebody doesn't teach them
49:59 they are going to naturally look, and naturally have that
50:02 reaction and naturally get hooked.
50:04 It's like falling off a log it won't be hard and
50:06 they will be doing it on purpose and
50:07 little by little get ensnared.
50:09 That is why we need to start early.
50:12 To me another thing that's interesting about that if nobody
50:17 teaches me a standard or what is right, then I'll
50:20 never know when I am deviating from that standard.
50:23 So I think it really equips us when somebody says this
50:27 is how cool it is, this is the gift that God has given
50:31 us and this is who we are and how to guard yourself.
50:35 I think the earlier, I was bad because with my past
50:39 Jackie is like six months old and I said Hon,
50:42 so you really do want to be age-appropriate.
50:46 I think should not be ashamed or afraid or shame
50:49 someone but do it as early as that child can and as
50:53 they are asking questions.
50:54 Exactly, and of course he was asking a question,
50:56 how do you get those pictures out of your head?
50:58 Well okay let's talk about that I think it is important
51:01 like you said standards are important to be set.
51:05 Really the word of God has given to us for that purpose.
51:08 Paul told us that if the word hadn't been given to us none
51:11 of us would know what was right or wrong.
51:12 And God first of all needed to help us know what was
51:15 right or wrong so we can understand what not to do
51:18 to fall into these kinds of traps.
51:20 The word can help and tell us in a lot of ways,
51:23 as I mentioned earlier about the Scripture in 1 Peter
51:26 talking about the fact that we have everything inside of us
51:30 that we need to win.
51:31 I think it is really important for us to understand that
51:34 truth, one thing I want to be clear of is that I am not
51:38 talking about anything magical here, mystical or
51:41 anything like that, but fact is the Lord has simply
51:44 given us the Holy Spirit that will speak to us,
51:47 guide us and we need to under stand that we have what we need.
51:51 The only reason I bring that up is that we don't have to
51:55 fear, we don't have to fear like my son did that I don't
51:58 have the strengths to block this number 99.
52:00 We have all we need to block off the enemy, to put the
52:05 principles in place and to follow the rules to walk in
52:08 God's ways, we can do it that it's all God is saying.
52:12 The Bible is so fun when it says resist the devil and
52:16 he will flee from you, he has to run from you.
52:18 So as I got that understanding is that with the Holy
52:22 Spirit, with God, all the power and the victory is here and
52:26 I just have to say okay what do I do right now because
52:29 right now I feel like I'm going to fall and God can
52:31 educate me in the devil flees.
52:33 I have victory again in every victory gives me a little
52:37 bit stronger legs. - yes it really does.
52:39 How cool is that?
52:40 I've seen it over and over again, I've been amazed at how
52:43 true the Scripture is and we really need to see Scripture
52:47 as truth because the more we believe it, that the more we can
52:51 expand our minds in understanding what is possible.
52:53 - and live free. - yes.
52:55 You have one more question. - yes I do.
52:57 This one I do get quite a bit, I have a lot of youth
53:00 leaders that are calling me asking me how do we address
53:03 this issue in their youth study group's.
53:06 The youths are saying listen the psychologists are
53:11 telling us that this practice of self stimulating is
53:16 safe for us and we can do this at night and it is
53:20 actually good for us.
53:21 How do we really approach this situation, especially
53:25 within the youth context when we have an authority like
53:29 that saying that it is good and we know beyond a shadow
53:32 of a doubt that it is not.
53:34 Even psychology books and those kind of things is that
53:37 people from all over are staying it is no big deal.
53:41 And that is true and if you want to do this sort of
53:44 thing with the self stimulation you are going to look
53:47 for the authorities that will give the okay.
53:49 A lot of times they are going to want to look at them
53:52 but the fact of the matter is when we look at
53:55 the research and what is going on with it these days,
53:58 I don't think you can clearly say that it is good at all.
54:01 As a matter of fact I talk about that a lot of my book,
54:05 'Tactics' what I'm finding as I looking around that
54:08 self stimulation does becomes very habitual.
54:12 It starts to happen more and more often and what tends
54:16 to happen is that it changes your sexuality over time
54:20 where your focus begins to be more upon the intensity of
54:24 the experience sexually as opposed to the passage of
54:28 intimacy and what God designed it to be for.
54:31 So yes you can say that today maybe it is not going to
54:36 hurt you in a visible way and people are going to go ahh
54:40 I know what you just did or whatever else.
54:43 You may not notice it as it happens over time but there
54:47 is a very clear change in male sexuality when they get
54:51 involved in these practices and it completely changes the
54:55 way they view women and the way they view their sexuality,
55:00 and how they view their partners experience, pleasure.
55:05 And women too because as a woman I can say the things that
55:09 we think about, but things that go through your mind when
55:12 you are self stimulating are usually a little twisted.
55:15 They are about other people, they are about other
55:18 situations you or someone else and who you disassociate
55:21 from what is real and you become addicted to the event or
55:24 the pleasure that you are getting and Satan will get you.
55:27 Satan will get you in a way that it doesn't feel like it is
55:30 harmful and pretty soon you're locked in to an addiction.
55:33 Exactly and 'Every Young Man's Battle', we actually do
55:36 six whole chapters on this topic.
55:38 The whole point is the Lord said that when we even
55:42 look at a woman with lust it is sin and we know that
55:45 sin corrupts and it breaks us down over time.
55:48 She is right too from the standpoint of what you are
55:51 thinking about, it is a corrupting thing obviously and
55:54 changes again the way we look at women.
55:56 We don't look to them as fellow heirs of the kingdom
55:59 of grace anymore, we look at them as an interesting
56:01 collection of body parts. - for our pleasure.
56:05 That's right. - that's for men or women.
56:06 Absolutely it goes both ways, in fact it is going more
56:09 and more both ways these days.
56:10 I've seen some things I never thought I would see.
56:13 I was at Bible school, not too long ago when
56:14 they did a survey of the student body before I came
56:17 in to speak for a weekend.
56:19 They found that 100% of the guys were looking at porn
56:22 regularly now was involved in self stimulation.
56:25 87% of the girls on that campus, it was a Bible school,
56:29 were involved in looking at porn regularly.
56:32 I couldn't believe my ears.
56:34 I want to say first of all we are at the close of the show
56:38 and I think you for joining us, but I want to say that
56:42 a lot of times we are so afraid of saying these things
56:46 out loud and I think that is the devil himself.
56:49 When we say them out loud it gives us the ability for
56:52 maybe the first time to look at what is right, what is
56:56 normal, what actually is good for us and what is going
56:59 to bring us to a right relationship with each other and
57:02 especially with people we love.
57:04 But the devil has us quiet and I'm thinking don't be quiet.
57:08 When you talk about a school, a Bible school and 100%
57:11 of the males and 87% of the women have been involved in
57:15 some kind of sexual thing, I think somebody
57:17 needs to talk to them.
57:18 I want to say the next time you go, I want to go with you
57:20 I'll talk to the guys, I'll talk with the girls,
57:24 you talk to the guys.
57:25 We have covered a lot of things on this show.
57:29 We have covered sexual addiction and coming out of that
57:31 impurity and the fact that God wants us to be free.
57:34 If you are struggling with this I'm telling you there is
57:38 so much hope and there is a way out.
57:42 There is a direction out and if you have to get a hold
57:45 of Fred, get his book 'Tactics',
57:47 get 'Every Young Man's Battle' and 'Every Woman's Battle'
57:50 by another author, get something.
57:52 Get people around you to keep you accountable and don't be
57:56 locked in this junk, because it never ever will bring you
57:59 to a place of laughing out loud.
58:01 It will never bring you to a place where you will feel
58:03 good about yourself or the people around you.
58:05 God says I want you to have life, I want you to have joy,
58:08 I wanted to be abundant and I want you laughing out loud.
58:11 So that is it for this show, always remember that God is
58:15 crazy about you and know too that we are crazy about you.
58:19 I'm crazy about you and we will see you next time on
58:21 Celebrating Life In Recovery.