Participants:
Series Code: AFH
Program Code: AFH000025A
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00:01 A good father takes time to play.
00:05 He has strong integrity. 00:08 He is someone that is truly dedicated. 00:12 He is not afraid to show his love. 00:15 He is a caring provider. 00:19 And he is a kind spiritual leader. 00:23 These are just a few ways to describe a father's heart. 00:33 Hi and welcome to A Father's Heart. 00:34 I'm your host Xavier. 00:36 And today, we're going to be discussing 00:38 how to restore deadbeat fathers. 00:40 What does that even look like? 00:41 Who is that and how is it defined? 00:43 And with me to talk about that are my two good friends, 00:45 Paul and Denry. 00:47 How are you guys today? 00:48 Great. Great to be here again, man. 00:50 Can't complain. Can't complain. 00:51 So deadbeat fathers, 00:54 how is that defined 00:56 and how do you restore something 00:59 that sounds so negative? 01:01 The thing is a good that you acts, let's define it first 01:05 'cause there are so much interpretations 01:07 of what a deadbeat father is. 01:09 The word view mostly is the person 01:11 that's not financing a child or necessarily not there. 01:17 But a deadbeat father can be there physically, 01:22 but just still absent in a child's life. 01:24 So basically, my interpretation of what a deadbeat father 01:27 is you're not involved, 01:29 actively involved in the growth 01:32 and the development of your child, 01:34 whether emotional, physical, 01:36 your idea, you don't care, there is no communication, 01:39 just like you can't talk to the dead, 01:41 you can't talk to your father. 01:44 You know, that's my interpretation. 01:45 I think that's a great definition. 01:47 My years working with the courts, 01:49 we actually made a great effort to not use the term. 01:54 So in my communication with the friend of the court 01:57 and being involved in custody, 02:01 you know, cases, and this kind of stuff, 02:03 the labeling was a problem 02:05 because there are many fathers 02:07 who are placed under the label 02:10 that are not really guilty of the definition. 02:14 So for example, 02:16 as it pertains to child payment... 02:20 Sorry, I forgot the term. 02:22 But basically... 02:23 Yeah, when you owe money for child support 02:26 and you could owe money for child support for, 02:31 you know, more than one reason. 02:32 This is not always a direct neglect. 02:34 Yes. 02:35 And there are fathers 02:36 who are making a conscious effort 02:38 to meet that need, 02:39 and handle arrears, and owe payments, 02:42 and so on, and so forth, 02:43 and they are involved in their children's lives 02:46 as the financial, you know, glitch or set back. 02:50 Yeah. 02:52 And they are not fairly receiving that label. 02:57 So this definition I think is a good one, 03:00 and it's very important that we identify 03:02 those who are deadbeat 03:04 as those who are not making contributions to their child's, 03:08 not just financial welfare, but on cognitive development. 03:13 Now you could be at home and still be a deadbeat. 03:16 Exactly. I believe that. 03:17 You know, your only involvement is financially, 03:20 your child wants to go see the world, 03:22 you know, go ahead and pay for that, 03:24 that kind of relationship compared to, 03:26 "Hey, let's get involved. 03:28 Let's get involved." 03:29 I'm glad you mentioned the court 03:32 because I was labeled as a deadbeat dad. 03:36 You know, and I refused 03:38 to be like that in the sense of... 03:40 I fought back the court's system. 03:43 I said, "I'm going to show you what a deadbeat dad I am. 03:44 I'm going to go tooth and nail with you guys 03:47 till you see how involved I am in my daughter's life. 03:50 You know, that's the key 03:52 because I've been part of groups 03:54 and I'm still part of groups for fatherless homes, 03:57 meaning that, now that the dads aren't there, 04:00 but the kids are going through parental alienation. 04:03 You know, kids are being kept from the fathers 04:05 for whatever reason, it could be the courts, 04:06 it could be the moms, whatever the reason maybe. 04:09 And these fathers, I remember recently, 04:14 as of last year 23... 04:17 Excuse me, 23 fathers committed suicide 04:21 because they couldn't see their kids. 04:22 And they were all called deadbeat dads. 04:24 Mercy. You know what I mean? 04:27 What society looks at father's 04:29 that aren't able to pay child support 04:32 for whatever reason, maybe it's a system issue. 04:34 You know, fathers are crumbling left and right 04:38 because they're being called deadbeat dads even though 04:41 that's not their real title, 04:43 it's a system issue. 04:44 And I think, I'm glad you made it clear 04:46 because deadbeat fathers... 04:49 I agree, there are ones that really don't care, 04:52 the ones that chose not to want to be there 04:56 even when odds are against them 05:00 'cause the odds were against me. 05:02 The odds were against me 05:03 and my daughter was a few months old. 05:07 But I fought. 05:08 I cried, and I cried, and I literally cried, 05:11 not like this metaphorical weeping. 05:14 You know, I cried... 05:15 You will. 05:16 I was agonizing over that. 05:19 And I said, "God, help me. 05:21 I'm fighting this. 05:22 Take all my money, I don't care." 05:24 Yeah. 05:25 You know, because I have built a good relationship 05:29 with the case investigator, with the court, everybody, 05:33 they know my name 05:35 like to the point where now if I switch a job, 05:37 I don't even have to write anything into the court, 05:40 the case investigator will call, 05:41 "Hey, Xavier, how are you doing?" 05:43 "How are you doing?" 05:44 "Yeah, here's the number, here's the name." 05:46 "Okay, don't worry about writing anything else 05:47 I'll switch it for you." 05:48 I don't lift a finger. 05:50 And that's what God does 05:51 when you are truly not a deadbeat father. 05:54 He goes ahead and changes 05:56 everybody else's minds around you. 05:57 But have you experienced deadbeat... 06:00 Have you dealt with any deadbeat fathers? 06:02 The real, you know, 06:03 what we just talked about the ones 06:04 that did not want to be there. 06:06 Have you dealt with them? 06:07 I have dealt with many. You wanna go first? 06:08 You go first. 06:10 I have dealt with many. 06:11 And from our own conversations and our sharing, 06:13 I think we're kind of both in some sense experienced that. 06:21 If we should talk about that first off. 06:24 So I met my dad at about age 15... 06:26 I mean, I was on date. 06:28 Oh, mercy. 06:29 I met my dad at about age 15. 06:31 I shared before. 06:34 My father was present in my life as a toddler. 06:38 But I don't really have a memory 06:41 of a father-son type relationship 06:44 because we went to live with my grandma, 06:47 and my mom migrated to the US, and they were after... 06:51 My grandma raised me, not my father. 06:53 So I met my father at 15 in Brooklyn. 06:56 And at that time, 06:57 I was very much running the streets 07:00 and gang violence and all that stuff. 07:04 And I remember telling my father 07:05 when I met him 07:07 because he needed to stay at our residence, 07:09 our apartment for about two months 07:12 in transition of getting his own place. 07:13 And my mom was courteous enough to let him know that. 07:17 "So you haven't been in these children's lives, 07:20 you can't just walk in here. 07:22 So at least give me time to talk to them." 07:24 And we had a little family meeting, 07:26 and my mom was basically acts as, 07:27 you know, "Your dad wants to stay here for two months. 07:29 How do you guys feel about that?" 07:31 I was like, "I don't care, man." 07:32 So then when I met him, I told him, I said, 07:34 "Look, if she wants you to stay here, 07:37 personally, I don't know if I will let you, 07:38 but this is her place, so. 07:40 And if she wants too, man, 07:42 you know, I don't care, it's all right, 07:43 just don't touch my mom," you know? 07:45 And I also told him, 07:47 "I hope you're not coming here now to try to be like a father 07:50 and give me a bunch of rules and all of that 07:52 'cause I'm already a man." 07:53 That's what I said to my dad. 07:57 It's important to understand, 07:59 there maybe someone watching this program 08:03 who has been guilty of not being present 08:06 in their child's life. 08:07 It is never too late to start and to be a parent. 08:12 Children are extremely forgiving. 08:15 Children are extremely forgiving. 08:17 Yes, there are some, who I guess, 08:19 never get over the hurt and pain. 08:21 But I had to use the comparison 08:24 they are almost sometimes like the love cohesion 08:27 between a pet and a person, dogs especially. 08:32 You can show them a bunch of neglect, 08:35 but once you start treating them with love again, 08:38 they will try to bond that relationship. 08:41 Children are somewhat the same, 08:42 especially when it pertains to father. 08:44 So I want that viewer to understand, 08:47 it's never too late to pray and get yourself involved. 08:52 I mean, as terrible as it looks. 08:54 I'll give you a short memory reference. 08:59 I am about 15, 09:02 in the street with my friends, 09:04 and my dad call to me at some point, 09:07 well, I came up into the apartment. 09:09 He said, "Hey, son, do me a favor, man. 09:11 Run down over to the botique out there 09:15 and I need a New York Post, and two cans of tuna fish, 09:19 and something else. 09:21 You know, if can you get these things?" 09:22 And I said, "Yeah." 09:23 He gives me like $10 or whatever. 09:25 And I take off. 09:26 I pretty much forgot about my dad's requests. 09:29 I was hanging with my friends, doing what I usually do. 09:32 And then I remembered at some point 09:34 that I promised to get him this stuff. 09:36 So I run to the store, I get the stuff. 09:38 And it's like on my way back, 09:41 a neighborhood conflict erupts, gang fight. 09:45 So now I'm more concerned about getting a knife, 09:49 or a pistol, or whatever and joining my friends 09:51 and dealing with this, 09:53 whoever is trying to intrude our territory or whatever. 09:55 We were just getting ready to have it out. 09:57 And that's where my mind is. 10:00 But I remember, I got his stuff. 10:01 I run up stairs, get up to the top, 10:03 you know, 5th floor or whatever, 10:04 where we were living, 10:06 bust the door open, went up to my father and said, 10:08 "Hey, here is the newspaper." 10:09 I throw his newspaper down on the table. 10:11 "I put your tuna fish on the table 10:13 and here's your change." 10:14 And just plopped the change, tucked my hand in my pocket, 10:16 pull out of whatever money and coins, 10:18 plopped it in his hand, started to run back for them. 10:21 My father said, "Hey, hey, hey, Hold on. 10:22 Hold on, man. Wait. Wait. Hold on. Hold on. 10:24 Come here. Come here." 10:26 And I thought he was calling me back to tell me, 10:28 "My change is short 50 cents. 10:30 Where is my money?" 10:32 You know, I thought he was calling me 10:33 for some ridiculous nonsense. 10:35 My father says, "This is mine, the quarter. 10:38 This is mine, dollar, two dollars. 10:40 This is mine, 10 cents. 10:42 This is yours." 10:43 And he holds up ganja spliff. 10:46 You guys will say, a joint, is that right? 10:48 He holds up a joint and says, "That's yours." 10:52 So immediately, of course, I tried... 10:54 You know, my mind... 10:56 "Your what? 10:57 Where you got that from? 10:58 That ain't even," you know? 11:00 But then he cut me off. 11:02 He disarmed me. 11:04 All he said was in a very calm tone 11:06 while I was trying to say it's not mine. 11:08 He says, "Son, look, listen, it's your business. 11:12 I'm not trying to tell you 11:13 what to do and what not to do in that sense, 11:15 but you mess around with that stuff too much, 11:18 it's going to hurt you." 11:19 He gave it to me. 11:20 That was it, turned around and continued watching 11:22 whatever TV program he was watching. 11:24 I put it in my pocket, and went back out, 11:26 and got involved with whatever violence 11:28 I was waiting to get involved. 11:29 But I mean I remember that. 11:31 And I think it was a good effort 11:34 on his part 11:35 to demonstrate parenting to the ability 11:37 that he knew in spite of being absent 11:41 from my life for all those years. 11:44 Mercy, man. 11:46 So did yours call you son? 11:47 He called you son? 11:49 Yeah. Yeah. 11:50 He called me son. Most times, he called me boy. 11:51 Unfortunately, I never got that. 11:54 And I never got that. 11:56 This is very, very touching 11:58 because, you know, last time we did this, 12:01 you know, my father was alive and we spoke about, 12:05 you know, him contacting me, 12:07 you know, calling me, 12:09 and, you know, me trying to reach out to him, 12:11 but at times, it would made me upset 12:14 because the only conversation was about money. 12:17 So he became my dependent, you know? 12:21 Here I am trying to take care of my wife, 12:23 my three children, 12:24 and I also have another child which is my father now. 12:27 And so... 12:29 Yeah. Yeah. 12:30 You know, which I didn't mind, but I was looking for more. 12:34 You know, I wanted more. 12:36 I wanted to have some conversation. 12:37 I really wanted to know who he was as a father, 12:40 you know, what did he do as a child, 12:42 what did he do as a teenager, blah, blah, blah, and so forth. 12:45 The only thing I know about my father 12:47 is he love women, 12:49 and he love alcohol, and once in a while he smoke. 12:52 That's the only thing. 12:55 And then unfortunately, 12:56 between the time last time we talked, 12:59 last year or whatever, and now my father's deceased. 13:05 And what makes it painful is that, 13:09 you know, I stopped answering his calls. 13:14 I stopped answering calls. 13:16 I know we're talking about restoration here. 13:19 But instead of me trying to reach out 13:24 and trying to restore something, 13:26 I stopped answering his call 13:28 because I always saw his calls 13:30 as he needed something from me. 13:32 Was he sick? 13:33 Yeah, he was sick. 13:34 And I had a conversation with my mother, 13:36 and she basically... 13:37 You know, I was very upset with my mother, 13:39 about this point because she was like, 13:40 she got involved and she said, "Stop doing that, 13:42 you know, he has never given you a dime in your life, 13:45 you know, whatever, just stop, you know, stop doing it." 13:48 And I guess being a good son, 13:50 I tried to listen to my mom. 13:52 And I stopped, you know, supporting my dad. 13:56 And then six to eight months later, 14:01 my dad dies. 14:02 But what makes it worse 14:03 is the month prior was my birthday. 14:06 And on my birthday, 14:07 the last voicemail I heard of my dad. 14:12 He called me and he said, 14:15 "I don't understand why you're ignoring my calls, 14:17 you know, I just want to call you 14:19 and tell you happy birthday." 14:20 That's the last time I heard voice of my dad. 14:26 Next thing I know he's dying. 14:29 I got that call and then they said, 14:31 "Hey, he's going to be on dialysis..." 14:33 Three days later, 14:35 I got a call on my anniversary that my dad is dead. 14:40 I mean, I didn't think 14:42 I had emotions pertaining to my dad. 14:45 I didn't. 14:47 I didn't think. I mean, he didn't raise me. 14:50 Was he involved? 14:51 No. 14:53 Could I go see him when I went to Jamaica, 14:55 whatever the case may be? 14:56 Yes. 14:57 Can I speak to him on the phone, on a call? 14:59 But like I said, 15:01 it was very, very simple conversation, 15:04 "Can I have some money," or something of that nature. 15:07 And when my dad died, 15:11 our way to Jamaica, 15:13 my wife and I driving, I was irritated. 15:17 And then I had almost 15:18 pulled over to the side of the road 15:21 and I started bawling, I started weeping. 15:24 I started crying. 15:27 And I'm shocked because I'm like, "Hold on, 15:29 I don't know this guy for real." 15:31 I really don't know him. 15:33 I was crying for two parts. 15:35 I wanted to get to know him and I felt guilty. 15:39 I thought I was the deadbeat son. 15:42 I felt like a deadbeat son. 15:44 I feel guilty for my dad's death. 15:47 I felt to the point of "I killed my dad" 15:50 because I could have helped him. 15:53 All he was asking was for help. Mercy. 15:55 And because I was angry with him 15:57 for not being my father, right, 15:59 reaching out to me... 16:02 At least, he is reaching out to me. 16:04 At least, he is reaching out to me. 16:06 So if I can just talk to sons, deadbeat sons, 16:11 those who do not want to get involved in their father's life 16:14 because you're in your 40s or your 30s 16:16 or whatever the case may be, 16:18 I mean let's think about how Christ took his time 16:21 and waited on us. 16:23 Be involved, give them a chance. 16:25 I mean they may not be able to play with you, 16:27 basketball or whatever, 16:28 just hear them out, give them a chance. 16:30 We're all humans. 16:31 So if I can just appeal to sons and even daughters, 16:36 give your fathers a chance 16:37 no matter how late it is in their life. 16:40 Absolutely. Absolutely. 16:41 I can say quickly too. 16:44 The population... 16:46 Interacting with that population 16:48 through the court system, 16:49 I heard a lot of their stories. 16:51 And there were those who were clearly negligent 16:55 and they didn't care, 16:57 you know, they were very insensitive 17:00 relative to their whole predicament. 17:01 And there were those who were guilty 17:03 but were guilty with fair explanation. 17:08 Even for some of us who had a prior marriage, 17:13 you know, not all marriage relationships 17:16 are a wife comfortable with the husband's interaction 17:22 with a child that was born before their marriage. 17:25 Some wives are even upset enough 17:28 that they will not allow husband to have much contact, 17:33 you know, very limited. 17:35 And the end result of that is the appearance 17:39 or the outcome for the child 17:41 is that you are a deadbeat dad 17:43 while you were at home on your knees crying, 17:45 praying, pleading, 17:47 you know, and then there is the reverse 17:49 where you may have a spouse or you may be by yourself 17:52 and there is no restriction on your side, 17:55 but the mother of that child 17:58 who is not in the home with you, 17:59 she says, "You're going to give me child support 18:02 till he reach 23 18:03 or you ain't going to never see him." 18:05 You know, whatever. 18:06 I don't care what the court says this, you know? 18:07 And she will find a story every time. 18:10 We hear some fantastic stories. 18:12 They will keep coming up with stories to make the court 18:15 not force proper supervision or interaction. 18:19 Some people just learn ways 18:20 to get away with things, you know? 18:22 So there is always two sides to it. 18:24 And yes, I concur 100%. 18:28 Give your father a chance. 18:31 If you were that person, if you were that son, 18:34 if you were that daughter, 18:35 and you have a father that was not in your life 18:38 or has not been, 18:40 and he is now making that effort 18:42 or even if it is that you are reaching out to him, 18:45 make the effort, give him the chance. 18:48 It's important. 18:49 I mean, it truly is. 18:52 How do you restore... 18:55 I don't even know how to word it. 18:58 How do you restore these fathers? 19:02 How do you even begin because you have on one hand, 19:05 you have the ones that are, 19:06 as we talked about today, deadbeat fathers. 19:09 They don't want to do anything to do with their kids 19:11 just because they don't. 19:12 Then you have the other ones that do and are trying, 19:16 but all the odds are stacked against them. 19:19 And those are the ones that are committing suicide. 19:23 So how do you merge the two? 19:26 How do you begin to work 19:27 with both populations of fathers? 19:29 So I had another father and that was my stepfather. 19:34 And the first 10 years or so, 19:37 it was misery for me 19:39 because here I am, nine years old, 19:43 he comes into our life, into my life, 19:46 basically forced to call him daddy. 19:49 This is new to him also. 19:51 So we didn't get along 19:53 for the first 10 years, really didn't. 19:54 I mean we had some face to face, 19:56 we just didn't get along. 19:58 I saw him as a neglectful father. 20:00 And he saw me probably as a pest 20:02 or whatever the case may be. 20:04 I mean, we were having some problems in the home, 20:07 this is in the home. 20:09 So he could have been like a deadbeat in the home. 20:13 But what happened is, after a while, 20:16 I started listening to him, 20:19 asking him about his story. 20:22 And he would tell me about his childhood 20:24 and how his father was in his life. 20:27 And when he told me 20:28 about how his biological father was not in his life, 20:32 involved in his life, 20:33 and then comparison 20:35 to what he was trying to do with us, 20:37 I look back and said, "Well, hold on, 20:39 this guy took me out to basketball games. 20:41 We've played basketball together. 20:43 We had celebrated birthdays together." 20:46 I had a list of things. 20:49 I'm just, "He did this, he did this, he did this." 20:52 And I started to realize, "Hold on, 20:54 I never really gave him a chance." 20:57 He was trying to do his best from what he got, 21:03 he which was nothing. 21:04 But he was trying to make the situation best. 21:07 And so the restoration part for me 21:10 was by just simply giving him the opportunity. 21:14 Now that's my dad. 21:16 If I have a problem as an adult 21:19 concerned with my marriage or children, I call him. 21:22 If I just want to talk, I call him. 21:25 That's my dad. 21:26 That's my dad. And so that's restoration. 21:29 Give the person a chance, forgive and forget. 21:30 We're not perfect. 21:32 We're not. 21:33 Right. Absolutely. 21:35 And I mean 21:36 we may have even within our own church population, 21:38 our congregation fathers who satisfy that definition. 21:43 Pastors themselves have to be very careful 21:46 of not being absent or present in terms of material support. 21:53 But absence as terms of that intimate relationship 21:58 and bonding that 22:00 you need to have with your child 22:01 because we were always gone, 22:03 we were always somewhere else, 22:04 we always got a greater crisis, 22:06 we always got a life and death situation 22:08 somewhere else, 22:10 you know, and so on and so forth, 22:11 and so we too have to be careful 22:13 that we not make ourselves void 22:17 of that necessary contribution of parenting. 22:20 But once again, 22:21 the men's ministry group within your church... 22:24 If you don't have one, try to start one, 22:27 you know, because that male bonding 22:29 and that sharing 22:31 and that support is crucial, you know? 22:35 For another man to sit with you and hold hand and pray 22:38 and say you know, "I'm a friend 22:40 and I'm going to help see you through this. 22:42 I'm going to help pray you through this," 22:45 that is very helpful. 22:46 And I learned the hard way, brother. 22:48 I have confessed 22:50 I've had a lot of fights in my life, right? 22:53 Most of my fights, I lost, 22:55 but the thing was I stood up and I fought, you know? 22:59 Then in adulthood, 23:01 I adopted this same fighting principle 23:04 even in the professional sense, 23:06 would be argument and all this kind of stuff. 23:08 And I learned the hard way 23:11 that there are a lot of situations 23:13 I can't win by my brawn, my intellect, my cunningness, 23:18 my determination, my peruse, and all that kind of stuff. 23:21 Only way I can get through this 23:23 is to get on my knees and pray, you know? 23:26 Give it over to God, 23:28 those things that are bigger than you. 23:29 I'm talking about the situations 23:31 where, you know, 23:32 let's say the brother is innocent 23:34 so to speak is. 23:35 It's his ex that won't let him see the child 23:37 or it's his current wife 23:39 that won't let him see the child, you know, 23:40 or whatever other limitations they may be, 23:42 you have got to pray, 23:44 you've got to get on your knees 23:46 and stay on your knees and pray. 23:48 Get even another brother in the faith 23:51 or the family to pray with you. 23:55 But prayer changes things, 23:56 and if the prayer doesn't change the situation, 23:59 certainly it will change us. 24:01 They're so critical, you know? 24:03 I remember my cousins. 24:07 They share with me. 24:08 You know, they were a great support to me 24:10 when I was going through my custody issues. 24:14 And they told me, you know, 24:16 "Xavier, you know, our dad, your uncle, 24:19 if he just called us, 24:22 we don't want anything extravagant from him. 24:27 We just want a phone call. 24:28 Just to call us and see how we're doing. 24:31 He doesn't have to come visit. 24:33 You doesn't even have to come for Christmas. 24:36 It's like, you know, if he just call us and..." 24:40 A lot of times, we forget about that 24:42 a phone call can go a long way, 24:45 just simple contact, you know? 24:47 I'm blessed to be part of a group 24:49 called Fathers Rights Movement. 24:52 You know, advocating the family court system 24:55 for equal rights because... 25:00 I can't even begin to describe it, 25:02 you know, the emotional trauma that you suffer, 25:06 and people think, 25:07 "You're bringing back as your father, but it hurts. 25:11 And is there anything else you guys would like to add? 25:15 Any other wisdom from your experiences? 25:18 Yeah, just one last thing real quick. 25:21 I just really want to thank those fathers in the church 25:25 and my uncles for stepping in the gap. 25:31 I just want to thank the pastors 25:33 that came to my church, 25:35 the elders, and my uncles, they really saved my life, 25:40 you know, they really saved my life. 25:41 They helped. 25:43 God snatched me out of darkness. 25:46 So I just want to thank them, you know? 25:47 And that's what we need to do, be father figures, 25:52 you know, righteous father figures to those young men 25:54 and young ladies 25:56 in our churches, in our communities. 25:57 Yeah. 25:59 And our fellow brethren, 26:00 who are fathers that are not meeting the mark 26:03 so to speak, mentorship goes a far way. 26:06 It's not just for those who are younger, 26:08 but for the at-risk population of fathers 26:12 that are dysfunctional. 26:16 Sharing the big picture does help. 26:19 When I sit down with that person, 26:21 whether this is someone incarcerated 26:24 or someone that was recently released from jail 26:27 or such, the big picture helps, 26:30 and that is to let them know, 26:32 look at what your absence is contributing to. 26:36 So I show them the plight of society in general, 26:38 I show them the plight of our race, 26:40 the plight of our culture, the plight of community. 26:44 And say, "All these deficits that you can identify, 26:48 this is what you're contributing to 26:49 and you can make that change." 26:51 I appreciate you guys sharing with us. 26:53 I wish we had more time, but we don't. 26:56 For the viewers out there, 26:58 you know, if you're, let's say, a deadbeat father 27:01 because you chose not to be in your child's life, 27:04 well, guess what, even on your tombstone, 27:06 you'll still be a father. 27:08 We'll be still labeled as a father 27:10 and your children will walk a wreckage 27:12 because you were not there. 27:14 So do yourself a favor, step up, 27:16 even if it's just a phone call. 27:18 And for those fathers that are not deadbeats 27:22 but you're struggling through the system, 27:24 maybe you're struggling spiritually, emotionally, 27:28 you know, it's okay, don't give up. 27:31 Something that my wife told me is to pray for my ex, 27:34 didn't make sense. 27:35 But I spend many years, by the grace of God 27:38 we're having a great co-parenting relationship, 27:41 and I see my daughter whenever I want. 27:43 But that's only by the grace of God. 27:46 So don't give up hope, they need you. 27:48 Don't commit suicide because you'll be gone eternally. 27:53 I get choked up thinking about it. 27:55 Please just hang in there. 27:58 Do yourself a favor. Become a father. 28:00 And god bless you. Thank you for watching. |
Revised 2018-10-29