Participants:
Series Code: AFH
Program Code: AFH000024A
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00:01 A good father takes time to play.
00:05 He has strong integrity. 00:08 He is someone that is truly dedicated. 00:12 He is not afraid to show his love. 00:15 He is a caring provider. 00:19 And he's a kind spiritual leader. 00:23 These are just a few ways to describe a father's heart. 00:35 Hi, welcome to A Father's Heart. 00:36 I'm your host Xavier. 00:38 And today we're going to be talking 00:39 about temper, how to deal with it, 00:41 how to control your temper, 00:43 and basically how to teach your kids self-control 00:45 at times of stress. 00:47 And to talk about that today are my two friends, 00:49 Gordon and Paul. 00:50 How are you guys doing? We're doing good. 00:52 All right, good to see you again. 00:53 Yes, you know, temper, 00:55 that's a, that's a reality, that's an issue. 00:59 We all have it, 01:00 we all have to deal with it in some level. 01:03 How do we teach our kids? 01:04 How do we, you know, for me, it's like, 01:06 I'm passive until something irks me. 01:09 And then I'm like, ready to lose it. 01:12 You know, and I just want to know, 01:14 how do you guys deal as fathers with your tempers? 01:18 You have to model self-control. 01:21 As a parent, you can't teach what you don't have. 01:24 So you got to be able to, 01:26 you know, teach your children by modeling it, 01:28 even when you feel emotionally charged, 01:31 and you want to, 01:32 you know, just go off fly off the handle, 01:34 be able to always be in control of yourself, 01:37 be able to pull back. 01:39 One of the games that we used to play, 01:41 I don't know if you guys remember, 01:42 this is 1, 2, 3 red light. 01:45 And socio-psychologist says that, 01:47 you know that one game is one of most effective games 01:50 to teach your children self-control. 01:52 And I didn't even know that, 01:54 you know, it was a very way by you can learn self-control, 01:57 because what it teaches you, you know, 1, 2, 3, 02:00 well, it teaches you to freeze. 02:02 And so by that, 02:03 that is one of the effective way 02:05 to teach our child self-control, 02:06 but you got to model it for your child. 02:09 Agreed, agreed. 02:11 Songwriter said were it not for grace, right? 02:13 This is another one of those areas 02:16 within parenting or fathering where let's all face it, 02:20 we've all sinned and fallen short, 02:23 terribly in some cases. 02:24 I shared at some time earlier 02:27 that even as a trained professional, 02:31 as an educator of others, 02:33 teaching them the proper effective ways 02:35 to parent and to communicate with their children. 02:39 I have myself failed at times, lost it. 02:45 So the application of grace 02:49 is essential to help us through the consistency. 02:52 Don't feel because you have messed up 02:55 at some point 02:57 that you can't maintain this proper example 03:01 or this proper relationship 03:03 with your child or your children. 03:06 We are near 100% responsible in some sense 03:12 for their behavior, 03:13 because we're modeling, you're modeling daily, 03:17 and you have to be self-aware at all times 03:23 of how it is you're presenting yourself 03:24 before your kids. 03:26 Right. 03:27 Even if it's a conversation in a car, 03:29 you know, driving somewhere, 03:31 be ready and be aware and be conscious 03:34 of how you present yourself in front of your kids. 03:37 You know, and that's good, because it is true, 03:40 we got to model, we got to be self-conscious. 03:42 But you know, what about the times that you, 03:44 that you're sick, that you feel ill? 03:47 Or the times that you know, it might be hot, 03:51 you know, where the temperature is hot? 03:54 I know it might be something, 03:56 it might not mean a big deal to some 03:58 but you know when you're ill, when you don't feel well, 04:02 when you're tired or when it's hot, 04:06 you know, the last thing you want to do 04:07 is be bothered by anything or anyone 04:11 you know and that goes for, 04:12 doesn't matter if you're a pastor, 04:13 if you're a doctor, whomever, 04:16 you know, if you're a father, and you feel this way, 04:19 what do you do to be, 04:20 I mean, you can be subconscious, 04:22 but what do you do? 04:23 What exactly do you do? 04:24 Self-control. 04:26 Self-control means to stop and think before you act. 04:31 For example, I was one Saturday came home from church, I was, 04:36 you know, kind of agitated of a few things. 04:39 And my son was, 04:41 I don't remember how old he was. 04:43 He did something that was 04:45 I felt out of the Sabbath character, 04:48 you know, and I lost it. 04:51 I lost it. 04:53 And I start to spank him, to mean it, 04:57 to me a great degree 04:58 even when he kind of scratch his feet on the rail of the bed 05:03 and he started to bleed. 05:04 I didn't even stop because I lost it. 05:08 I should have stopped and think before I act. 05:12 And in that way 05:13 I mean, I've been, I felt so bad after. 05:17 But at the moment, as a parent, 05:19 when you feel enraged, when you feel frustrated, 05:22 maybe just being able to pull back 05:24 or take a walk 05:25 or just to pull off instead of reacting, 05:29 it is the best way to control yourself. 05:31 And when you do that, you're modeling to that child. 05:34 You know how to behave, 05:36 you're modeling self-control to that child, 05:37 so it is, I say walk away. 05:41 Some of us, we have to break cycles. 05:43 Some of us, let's speak the truth 05:45 much of that was nurtured. 05:47 So this is the way our parents 05:48 and our grandparents disciplined us, 05:50 it became the norm. 05:53 The norm for my culture, 05:55 you know, before I came to the US was, 05:57 you got a flogging 05:59 and you got a verbal reprimand at the same type, 06:03 intermittent of the strokes. 06:05 I told you, don't you ever try to testify. 06:08 Do it again, you know. 06:11 He's testifying. 06:12 I'm testifying. Okay, so. 06:15 Yeah, yeah, be angry and sin not even the Word of God says, 06:19 you know, we have to break those cycles. 06:21 And we have to demonstrate the meekness of Christ. 06:25 How do you present yourself as an authority figure, 06:28 as a parent without being overbearing, 06:31 intimidating, abusive, etc, etc. 06:35 Some of us can do much as fathers 06:38 in learning parental principle, proper parental principles, 06:43 or proper principles of discipline. 06:46 One that I like to share with former clients 06:49 is what we call in parenting, democratic parenting. 06:52 This involves giving your child options 06:56 as opposed to shutting them down 06:58 with a specific command. 07:00 So instead of saying to your child, 07:03 you better stop that boy, you better stop that right now, 07:06 I swear, if you put one, 07:07 if you drop that toy one more time, 07:10 so then that's it, 07:11 you've established 07:13 a zero-tolerance environment immediately. 07:16 So if that child drops it by accident, he's done. 07:19 What would be a better option would be to say to the child 07:24 in presenting an option would be to say to the child, 07:28 either you stop playing with your toys 07:30 in that manner, 07:32 or you put them away, what's it going to be? 07:35 This way, 07:36 you're giving the child an option. 07:38 Of course, we're now talking about children, maybe age, 07:41 toddlerhood to about age 10 or 12, 07:43 or something like that, 07:44 you know, giving them options, 07:45 it helps to defuse the situation, 07:48 it removes you from that face to face standoff 07:53 where you have given the child, no ultimatum, 07:55 and you've basically said, 07:57 push the button, I'm ready to go. 07:59 You see, don't want to do that. 08:01 You know, you don't want to do that. 08:02 I remember that because it's, like you said, 08:04 it's learned behavior. 08:05 You know, for me, it's like, 08:07 I remember my mom had a different way 08:09 of my dad doing it. 08:10 Anytime I did something wrong, 08:13 I would see my dad just walk away silently 08:15 and I hear, I would hear the belt buckle 08:18 coming off the hanger, 08:20 because that leather belt were of cowboys and Indians 08:22 and I stir my brain, that would anoint me. 08:26 And you know, it would hurt. 08:29 You know, yes, it got the point across 08:31 but like you said, you know, breaking the cycle, 08:33 and finding that balance because my mom was, 08:37 she terrified me more than my dad. 08:39 Because she gave me the look, she just gave me a few words. 08:43 And she'd sleep with one eye open. 08:46 I tell you, man, I was like, okay, yes, ma'am. 08:49 No, ma'am. 08:50 You know, and that's one thing I learned 08:52 what to have that balance 08:53 like for my five-year-old daughter, 08:55 my wife and I, 08:56 we got tired of her wetting the bed. 08:58 She was like, three and a half, four years old, 09:00 we got tired of it. 09:02 And instead of resorting 09:04 to any measures that would amplify, 09:07 you know, or basically make her feel bad 09:12 for that, 09:13 you know, guilty 09:15 or anything for something that some 09:16 you know, some children do. 09:17 We opted to have her be responsible. 09:20 So she knew 09:22 she was supposed to get up in the morning 09:23 if she wet the bed and wash her own clothes, 09:26 we're not touching those clothes. 09:27 And that she learned responsibility 09:30 for her own actions to the point that 09:31 shortly thereafter she stopped wetting the bed altogether, 09:33 because she got tired of washing her clothes, 09:35 no spanking, no timeouts, no nothing. 09:37 And I think that's also critical 09:39 in teaching our children, 09:41 but one question I had for you. 09:44 We talked about us, you know, and our children, 09:48 but what about when somebody from outside 09:52 you have to deal with them 09:54 because of something they did, maybe to you, 09:57 to somebody else 09:58 that got under your skin to the point 10:01 where you are about to lose your mind? 10:04 How do you model that for your kids to learn 10:06 how you deal with situations? 10:08 I think you have to even be more careful 10:10 when it's somebody outside of your family, 10:13 you still need to be able to pull back 10:16 and take a timeout, give yourself a timeout, 10:20 before you can solidly deal with whatever it is. 10:24 You can deal with a situation better 10:27 by being, having clear thoughts. 10:29 So you can dialogue better because when you're angry, 10:31 another person's angry, nothing gets done, 10:34 nothing gets accomplished. 10:36 You're going, you know, you going at them, 10:38 they going at, nothing gets accomplished. 10:40 You can better get something accomplished 10:43 if you can pull back, collect your thoughts, 10:46 and then deal with the issue, 10:48 then you can get something out of it. 10:50 So I think that's what you do 10:51 as a parent or as an individual, pull back. 10:55 A counselor once shared with me at a younger age, 10:58 even within my own challenges with anger, 11:00 that each time I am engaging, my spouse, 11:04 this was to minimize conflict between my spouse and I, 11:07 each time you're engaging your spouse, 11:09 imagine that you're speaking to a CEO, 11:13 a superior within your organization, 11:15 Your vice president, your president, 11:17 your CEO, your FEO, whatever, 11:20 you know, imagine that person did 11:22 something wrong, 11:24 that person did something 11:25 that bothered you to some extent 11:26 that you're now standing in the office of the president. 11:30 Just opened the door and he said, 11:32 come on in Paul, have a seat, 11:34 you know, how are you going to engage 11:36 this disgruntled matter, you know. 11:39 Regardless of how angry you are, 11:41 you're going to try to engage it with poise. 11:43 Well, you need to do the same thing within the home, 11:46 you need to be able to convey your words, 11:50 and say how you feel 11:52 as opposed to what we often do wrongly, 11:55 act how we feel. 11:57 So don't act how you feel, say how you feel. 12:00 And another thing I look how I view it sometimes, 12:03 and I share this with my members in my family. 12:07 If I'm going at you, I'm going at the child of God. 12:12 And so whatever I'm going to do to you 12:17 is the Jesus in you that I'm eventually attacking. 12:23 So when you look at it that way, 12:24 from my perspective, 12:26 I think twice before 12:28 because I know that I'm, 12:29 it's not just, it's not just the person, 12:32 not just Paul, it's not just Xavier, 12:34 is the Jesus that is in you that I am, 12:37 because you are a child of God, you are a child of the King. 12:39 So you don't mess with God's children. 12:41 To be honest with you, 12:43 you know, I still struggle with my temper daily. 12:46 You know, it's gotten easier with my family, 12:49 and I don't worry about as much, 12:50 but I'm not going to lie, man, 12:52 there's certain times I still, to this day, 12:55 I feel like the unconverted Peter. 12:57 Mercy. 12:58 You know, just, I'm ready to go out 13:00 and launches out there, 13:02 somebody that just irks me, 13:04 especially if I'm driving on the road, 13:06 somebody, you know, is, 13:08 has a bad relationship with the gas pedal. 13:11 And they love the brake pedal. 13:13 I'm like, you know, I'm just ready, 13:15 ready to rumble. 13:17 And it's something that I've learned recently, 13:21 was the concept of patience. 13:23 Patience transcends so many different things. 13:26 And it looks many different ways. 13:28 And in the Bible is described in many different ways 13:30 such as steadfast, long-suffering, 13:34 you know, patience goes a long way. 13:36 And there are times where I still get very upset, 13:40 very angry. 13:41 But one thing I've learned to do, 13:43 because of my dad, 13:44 my dad was always very temperamental. 13:46 But he said, you know, "Son, don't let it take you 13:48 as long as I did to figure it out." 13:50 They were, from now and I see my kids 13:53 and it's kind of like a genetic trait, 13:55 that, way to go. 13:57 So I'm learning, putting myself in check, 14:00 because of my kids, 14:02 because I don't want them to go through the struggles 14:03 I went through. 14:05 And that's one thing, you know, in the seminary, 14:08 almost got in a couple fights in there. 14:10 Because I just didn't like 14:12 the way they were talking to me. 14:13 You know, and I'm still in that mode of, 14:15 you know, we handled things differently on the street. 14:19 We're going to do some street justice, 14:21 you can't talk to me like that. 14:22 We want to handle that outside. 14:24 You know, but God showed me 14:25 that one thing that I really love, 14:28 love, love about God 14:30 is that He doesn't need you to have it figured out. 14:35 He don't need you to have figured out 14:37 and I've taken refuge 14:38 in the conversion process of Peter, James and John, 14:43 the three angriest individuals in the disciple group, 14:47 yet the ones that were closest to Jesus, 14:49 you know, and that's one thing 14:51 I always try to teach my girls is like, don't... 14:54 when you're angry, call out to Jesus. 14:58 It may not make sense to anybody else, 15:00 but it doesn't need to make sense to them, 15:01 it needs to make sense to you. 15:03 And you know, yeah, and it's by the grace of God, 15:06 I've gotten to be more patient 15:09 with circumstances that before 15:11 would have just made me angry, now I'm like, hey, whatever, 15:14 and how do you, what do you do with it? 15:17 I think there's two texts that I want to share. 15:19 Proverbs 29:11, 15:22 a fool gives vent to his anger 15:25 but a wise man keeps himself on the control, 15:29 that's a New International Version. 15:30 So that's one and another text is Paul puts in Galatians 5, 15:34 we notice what? 15:35 Fruits of the Spirit, love, joy, peace, long-suffering, 15:39 patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 15:41 gentleness, self-control. 15:44 It's there that we have to have the self-control. 15:48 We cannot be foolish to just give vent our anger, 15:53 we must exercise this attitude of self-control. 15:57 So we've got to pray for this for the fruits of the Spirit. 16:01 We have to pray for peace. We have to pray for patience. 16:04 We have to pray for self-control 16:05 and I believe that if we pray for these things, 16:09 Jesus will give it to us, because that's what He's about. 16:13 Look how many things He suffered, 16:16 but yet was able to keep Himself together. 16:19 And I do believe that with His righteousness, 16:22 with Him inside of us we can exercise these virtues. 16:27 Absolutely. 16:29 Amen. Amen. Well said. 16:31 I think also, one of our areas of failure 16:37 happens when we assume 16:39 there's comprehension or understanding 16:41 of a particular matter that we don't agree with. 16:43 It's both within parenting, 16:46 you know, the way we interact with our children, 16:48 as well as our general community. 16:51 Most of us as parents at time tend to treat our children, 16:54 especially toddlers, as little adults. 16:57 So we assume they have our level of comprehension 17:01 of a particular subject matter or practice that's routine. 17:06 What we have to realize is, 17:07 it's been routine a lot longer for us. 17:10 So it's very elementary for us. 17:12 It may still be a factor that's a developing skill 17:16 within a toddler or even a young child. 17:19 So we need to dismiss the young adult principle. 17:21 Stop assuming that children are little adults 17:24 that they have the same level of cognitive awareness 17:28 or understanding that you do, and the same for your neighbor. 17:32 It's often when we have conflict socially, 17:35 is because the first thing that registers in our mind 17:37 with our spouse, child, 17:39 or the individual on the outside is 17:41 this person should know better. 17:43 And it's the fact that they don't know better 17:45 that frustrates us, 17:47 then we get into a conflict situation. 17:51 However, most conflict situations 17:53 or rather many conflict situations 17:56 actually are situations that we cannot win. 18:00 We think so in our mind, by how we define winning, 18:03 but in actuality, you lose 18:06 even when you think you have won. 18:08 So which one of us would be walking 18:10 into Walmart one day. 18:11 Let's take you for example, you walked me into Walmart, 18:14 and a 10-year-old boy, 18:17 who happens to be very tall for his age. 18:19 He's taller than you were, these phrases I don't know, 18:22 whatever, you know, Gordan's height. 18:23 Just walks up to you and he starts eyeballing you 18:25 and he says, "Man, yeah, I wish you would, 18:27 I wish you would even try it man, of course. 18:29 Yeah, you is the one 18:30 that walked in front of me in a line last week 18:32 when I was out in mall. 18:33 You want to try something now, man." 18:34 You know, he turns around, turning his fist, 18:37 "Yo, yo, hold on that, hold my jacket." 18:39 Takes off his jacket, takes off his hat and say, 18:42 "Come on, man, was up, you want to try this now?" 18:44 There you are. 18:45 And you are 30-year-old individual 18:48 walking into Walmart. 18:49 Would you stop and fight this kid? 18:51 Yes or no? 18:53 Probably not. Probably not. 18:54 What I think about it. 18:55 Where I think about taking off my belt, 18:58 whopping him right then in the middle of parking lot. 18:59 Okay, we're talking about, 19:01 again, we're talking about winning or losing, right? 19:03 So let's say even gets as far as he pokes you, 19:06 you know, gives a little poke in your shoulder 19:07 or something like that. 19:09 Would you fight the kid then? 19:10 More, most of us, of course, the answer is no. 19:13 And because we're talking about winning that battle. 19:15 If you fight the kid, 19:17 you say how dare this kid disrespect me 19:18 and then you turn and you jump on him. 19:20 Put your foot behind him, 19:22 do your little law enforcement trick 19:23 that you learned, put him flat in his back. 19:25 He starts to fumble or whatever. 19:27 You have lost the battle, 19:28 because people surround you are going to say, 19:30 look at you beat whooping on that 10-year-old kid. 19:33 What's wrong with you? 19:34 Now worse to that 19:36 if you challenged the kid to the fight, 19:37 you hit him back, 19:39 the two of you on the ground tumbling, 19:40 kid flips you over and gets the better of you. 19:43 Look at you letting that 10-year old kid whip you. 19:45 You should be 19:47 you know, it's a no-win situation. 19:49 If you win, you get up, 19:50 police puts you in handcuffs and they carry away. 19:52 The same thing happens in our home often. 19:55 Our children don't have the physical strength 19:59 and for sure, they don't have the intellectual, 20:02 sometimes I wonder. 20:03 But what they do know is how to push your button. 20:07 They know how to bring you down 20:09 to their level. 20:11 Babies as well, 20:12 they know the most powerful tool 20:13 they have is that scream, that cry, 20:15 you can't handle their crying. 20:16 They're going to cry until they get you to do 20:18 what it is that they want you to do. 20:20 Spouses do the same thing at times. 20:22 And neighbors do the same thing at times. 20:24 People know how to push your button. 20:26 So it's about not letting an individual 20:28 draw us down to their level, 20:31 we have to remain cognizant of what he just shared 20:34 in terms of 20:35 what is the character of Christ, 20:37 how Christ would act 20:38 and relate to this matter of conflict 20:40 and try our best to emulate that. 20:42 Otherwise, we end up in no-win situations, 20:44 even when we think we are winning. 20:46 Because you know, we can only control ourselves, 20:48 you can't control, 20:49 we can't control someone else's actions. 20:51 So however, that an individual is behaving, 20:54 you can't control that. 20:56 But you can always control yourself 20:58 and how you behave and how you react. 21:00 I think it's critical too because even on a medical, 21:04 from medical standpoint, you know, as they call it, 21:07 type A personalities. 21:09 Type A personalities, 21:10 you know, they can lead to a heart attack, 21:13 they can lead to a lot of health issues 21:16 for no reason. 21:18 For no reason and getting angry 21:20 over situations you can't control nor change. 21:23 You know, I've learned a couple key facts is that 21:26 is not how the situation affects you, 21:29 it's how you respond. 21:31 You know, and it's not, and one of my friends, 21:33 colleagues from seminary, he pulled me aside, 21:37 he's a retired Marine. 21:39 And I'm like, best advice in the world right there. 21:42 He said to me, he gave me the lowdown 21:45 on how he overcame aside from, 21:48 you know, being a Christian and clinging on to God, 21:51 he learned that, 21:52 you know, temper is like a pot of boiling water. 21:55 Don't let it start getting to the bubbling phase. 21:58 When it starts bubbling, then it can boil over. 22:01 And that's when issues happen. 22:02 So there's a lot of different techniques. 22:06 And it's important that we teach our kids 22:08 and we model for our kids that as well. 22:11 I don't know what else do you guys do? 22:13 What else do you recommend? What? 22:14 Go ahead. Sorry. 22:17 I like to share with my child my own learning lessons. 22:20 One of them that I remember clearly, 22:23 I maybe was about 18 or 19. 22:25 Driving in Brooklyn, 22:26 I share with you all my challenges 22:28 with law enforcement as a teen. 22:30 And they were ones that were bitterly terrible. 22:32 And they were ones 22:33 that I really learned something from, 22:35 this was one of them. 22:36 I ran a red light. 22:38 I'm approaching an intersection. 22:41 And the light was yellow, not red. 22:46 And so I stepped on the gas 22:49 and proceeded to get through light 22:51 before it turned red. 22:53 What I didn't know 22:54 there were some officers in a lot 22:56 somewhere across observing this. 22:57 Now, I didn't go through the red light, 23:00 but the problem was I had a little sports car, 23:02 was playing my music, 23:04 and I put some horsepower to that pedal 23:07 when I went through the intersection. 23:09 Policeman came on and started pursuing me. 23:11 I was playing my music so loud, couldn't see it, 23:14 I didn't even know I was being followed. 23:16 They were following me or chasing me for a good 23:19 maybe five minutes before I stopped for a light. 23:23 And when I stopped for the light 23:24 that's when they were finally able to maneuver 23:26 traffic and capture. 23:27 Okay, they're upset at this point. 23:29 And I remember another civilian car over 23:31 was laughing at the cop 23:32 when he came out the car, that boy, 23:34 y'all would have never caught that boy 23:35 if it wasn't for that red light. 23:36 Oh man. He was gone. 23:38 He was gone. Yeah, that was my intent. 23:39 The officer was angry. 23:41 Roll on window, officer grabbed me, 23:42 started pulling me through the window, 23:44 even with my seatbelt still on 23:46 punching me, elbowing me, all this kind of stuff. 23:49 And then a sergeant came, an older officer. 23:52 And once the sergeant came, he stopped. 23:54 He started to be a little different, 23:55 but this sergeant who looked like 23:58 he was about maybe in the 60s, 24:00 came in, he leaned on the window, 24:01 and I was complaining him 24:02 about how the other officer treated me and all of this. 24:04 And I told him 24:06 I wasn't trying to get away from y'all, 24:07 I didn't even know y'all was following me, man. 24:09 You don't tell the officer this. 24:10 Officer said, "Yes, but we were following you 24:12 because you must have hit about 80 24:15 when you went through that that light." 24:17 I said, "But I didn't run the light. 24:18 I didn't run the light. 24:19 I know it was yellow when I went on under it, 24:22 it wasn't red. 24:23 I swear it wasn't red." 24:25 He says, "That's not the point." 24:26 The point I'm trying to tell you 24:27 and he used this word, son. 24:30 He said, "Son, 24:31 the point I'm trying to get you to understand 24:33 is why did you need to go through the light? 24:36 I mean, why did it matter to that extent? 24:38 Are you going to see someone 24:39 in the hospital that that's dying? 24:41 Or are you late for work or whatever it is. 24:45 The question I have to ask you is 24:47 why is three minutes worth losing your life?" 24:52 You know, that's the question the cop asked me. 24:55 He said why is three minutes and he said, 24:57 I doubt that light wasn't even three. 24:59 I don't even think that's a three minute light. 25:01 But I know we have some three minutes lights 25:02 in New York here. 25:04 But why is three minutes worth losing your life, 25:08 going through it and being hit by another vehicle 25:10 or hitting somebody, 25:11 losing control of your vehicle or whatever having, 25:13 so think about that. 25:15 So we have to think often 25:17 about what is propelling us in that sense to be, 25:21 so, you know, eager to prove our point, 25:25 you know, is it worth 25:27 losing a lifetime of relationship with someone. 25:30 I also think that for our children, 25:33 we need to encourage and foster the good habits 25:36 when they show self-control reward them. 25:40 I think that is a good way of helping them. 25:44 Just have them to foster self-control, 25:47 is give them a reward for the positive things. 25:49 I think that is one way 25:51 that we can help our children along. 25:53 Also, just, you know, 25:55 teach them that patience is all. 25:57 You can walk away from any situation. 26:00 You don't have to win. 26:03 I think sometimes they feel that we must win. 26:05 And you know, they need to know limits, 26:08 they need to know limitations, and you can walk away, 26:11 it's better to walk away and live than to try to, 26:16 you know, get an argument and die. 26:19 I think walking away is another good way. 26:22 Teach them to hit the pause button. 26:24 You know, I'm getting angry, I'm getting, I'm boiling, 26:29 pause, walk out of the room, come back, stop. 26:33 Think about the actions, 26:34 think about the repercussions of their actions. 26:37 These are things as far as we need to foster 26:39 in our children, 26:40 and teach them how to control themselves. 26:44 I agree, and you guys brought up 26:45 a lot of great points, 26:46 because it's so critical 26:48 is not just for the sake of being peaceful. 26:52 But is for preservation for, for being a good role model, 26:57 you know, for helping to end the violence as well, 27:01 at least in our sphere, 27:03 in our little nucleus of our home. 27:05 You know, it's so critical that we understand that 27:07 and I appreciate you guys talking to me 27:09 and discussing this with me 27:11 and for the viewers out there, 27:13 again, it's not an easy thing to do. 27:17 Especially away as a father you are protector, 27:19 supposed to protect. 27:21 You're supposed to be there, 27:22 you're supposed to be the disciplinarian, 27:23 whatever you want to call it, however you want to define it, 27:26 you're not supposed to let that temper overpower you. 27:31 Everybody has a temper, we all have issues. 27:34 We all have hot buttons in which we lose it, 27:37 you know, or we might lose it. 27:38 The point is, 27:40 what are you doing with those emotions? 27:42 You know, learn to control it, 27:44 learn to give yourself up to God. 27:45 It's not saying that just to be cliche, 27:48 but literally give it up to God, I'm serious. 27:52 That's what's helped me all this time. 27:54 I should have been in jail three times over 27:56 because of my temper but here I am today. 27:58 And I'm telling you, when you give it to God, 28:00 you can be the best father in the world 28:02 and teach your kids to have patience. 28:04 Thank you for watching. |
Revised 2020-10-20